Explore a collection of amusing and relatable stories, showcasing those unforgettable and often comically challenging moments parents face in their child-rearing journey.
In this entertaining compilation, individuals from diverse backgrounds come together to recount the unexpected, wild, and occasionally mischievous behavior of their young ones, providing a humorous glimpse into the trials and tribulations of parenting.
These narratives serve as a reminder that within the most exasperating moments, the love and laughter shared in a family can transform even the most 'monstrous' experiences into cherished memories.
1. Guilt Free
I firmly believe my oldest is a sociopath. Numerous reasons lead me to believe this, but since there isn't exactly a black-and-white test, there's no way to prove it.
He has no conscience, and it seems like he hasn't had one since he was old enough to feel guilt, as far as I can tell. He is 30, having been divorced twice for abusing his wives, and he completely ignores his daughters while providing everything possible for his son.
Friend: That sounds like an incredibly challenging situation. But please remember, it may not be your fault. Your younger two are so different from your oldest, which suggests it might not be due to your parenting.
Parent: Thank you for saying that. I've blamed myself for years, and it's been so hard to understand what went wrong. Sometimes, I wonder if I missed something while he was growing up.
Friend: It's natural to have those concerns, but sometimes these things are beyond our control. Have you considered seeking professional help or therapy for him? It might make a difference.
cpbaby1968
2. Socially Horrible
My son was about 9 at the time, he is a aspie and horrible at anything social. We go to a wedding and at the reception there is of course bit of drinking.
There is a beautiful cascade marble stairs leading to the golf course behind the country club(yeh they were that kind of people) and as we are sitting on some benches a lady just face plants coming up the stairs. Before any of us could get up my son calmly walks to her and asks if she is ok.....
Her response in a heavy southern accent "OH I am just fine honey this happens all the time when I drink"
My son's response "Ma'am if you keep falling maybe you should stop drinking you don't seem very good at it" and he calmly walks back over to get some more finger foods.... leaving the lush blushing and gobsmacked.
I loved every second of it and revealed that he is definitely a evil one!
HKFukIt
3. Baby Sheep
I fed lamb to my 8-year-old daughter, and she loved it. Then I told her it was a baby sheep she had just eaten.
She looked at me, all concerned, and said, "Daddy, did you kill it?"
I then explained to her how grocery stores work, and she thought for a minute and said, "Well, can you tell them to kill more baby sheep because this is yummy."
[deleted]
4. Probing Questions
My five-year-old was eating some chocolate, and I told him not to get any on the floor because Sadie, my family's dog, would eat it.
Him: Then she'll die?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Mommy, I thought you didn't like Sadie.
Me: Well, yeah, I don't.
Him: And you don't want her to die???
Me: Well... you can dislike someone, but that doesn't mean you hate them enough to want them to die.
Him: Oh. So it's okay if you don't like someone... you don't have to kill them or anything, right?
Me: ... Right.
Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks, Mommy.
Had he just been going around expecting to kill people he didn't like all that time? I'll never know.
Ohaisaelis
5. The Yell
When my son decided, in the grocery store parking lot, that it would be "fun" to shout, "You're not my mommy! Where's my mommy? You're not my real mom!" He had this mischievous grin on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that.
He started yelling it louder.
Editor's note: Thank you for the update, and it's great to hear that things are going well. Parenting can be quite an adventure!
Iceicemickey
6. Blood Turns White
My daughter shouted that at me once, just once. Technically, she's adopted, so biologically, she isn't mine.
Another parent came up to her and told her that if anyone who didn't know us heard her, she would never see me again, and she would go back to "the others" (her biological donors that don't deserve to be called parents).
She instantly stopped, and the color drained from her face.
She's never said it again.
Tigergirl1975
7. Mix N’ Match
I was helping my ex-wife move and I found shoe boxes under my daughter's bed as I pulled them out. I dropped one of the boxes that's when the Barbie legs fell out on the floor.
So I opened all the boxes my daughter age 9 had the Barbie bits all well organized and each body part by type in their own box one with heads, legs, and so on.
It turns out she was mixing up the parts for different looks.
She said there was no other way. Mostly the face. Well, she's 28 now I'm helping her pack, and no body parts.....yet.
altanmore1
8. Savage Girl
When I was playing arguing with my 7-year-old, I never in my life expected to hear what she just told me.
She said she wished she was dead like my miscarried baby.
Freaking savage and a brat.
markusmas
9. Fear No One
My 5-year-old brother called my mother a "fat witch" and got a timeout. I told him he got what he deserved, and he got this crazed look on his face and told me "Now you're going to get what you deserve!", pulled out a pocketknife and started chasing me with it.
My parents took him to the cop shop to try to scare him straight (a town of 800 people, so the sheriff was always free). The sheriff walked up to my little brother to talk to him, but when he hunched over to get closer, my brother just socked him square in the mouth. He has since outgrown his rage, thank god.
mtflyer05
10. Scary Laugh
Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying.
I'm left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our daughter looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy's crying" and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.
PallidaCulus
11. Brother Or Not
My mom found out her lack of parenting with my brother went wrong when he tried to choke me out for accidentally kicking him.
I don’t even remember being choked, but apparently, it was so bad he had to go to anger management and therapy for 3 years.
YesBunny
12. The Steak Knife
Not the parent, but my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, my half-brother tried to convince her to swallow a steak knife so that it would cut me up, and she would have an abortion.
Then, when I was around seven years old, he turned on the shower, put on a movie for my sister, and snuck out while he was supposed to be babysitting to pick up his girlfriend in my dad's car, which he then wrecked.
In his adult years, he beat a Jack Russell terrier puppy to death and, at one point, tried to end his life by downing a bottle of melatonin.
There's more, but I don't think anyone will believe me as it is.
MysticJoJo
13. The Actor
My 11-year-old son recently called 911 and claimed that I slapped him. CPS (Child Protective Services) came, and it was a chaotic situation. It was so well orchestrated that he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face.
I didn't slap him, and it was eventually debunked, although he still won't admit it.
A couple of months later, he told his dad that I forced him to make the 'ol' dirty two-finger licking gesture,' take a picture, and send it to him.
He now lives with his dad and isn't allowed here until I can afford a camera system.
The motive is still unclear.
bluedyou
14. Anger Danger
My dad told me when we were driving once, I was in the back and was trying to climb through to the front, he pushed me back to my seat.
That time he said I stated the most horrible thing that a dad would hear from his child. I was maybe 6-7, and said, ‘When you’re all old and weak I’m going to chuck you about!’
jon332
15. Too Much Punishment
So a bit of back story: my friend grew up with 2 brothers and a sister an awesome dad and an INSANE mom.
The youngest brother (let’s call him Bill) is a bit insane, he has sharp teeth and a really bad attitude.
So one day I was at my friend's house and his mom went out with some other parents (thank god) and the kid started biting me and I had multiple bite marks on my arm.
The dad got pissed at him and sent him to his room. Later that night we went to the local country club we both belonged to and we ate there.
After we finished, Bill ran up to some nice lady who was friends with my mother and said “Hey you’re that witch that didn’t like staying at our house” and bit her, the woman freaked out and when the dad showed up he was PISSED!!! he no crap grabbed Bill and dragged him out of the place, carried him down the set of 30 stairs and locked Bill In their car.
He apologized to the lady and she said it was okay because he was so young (he was four and had the aggressiveness of a twelve-year-old) and we went our separate ways.
We got back to the car and Bill smashed my friend smart phone and bit a chunk out of the car seat and pissed everywhere.
The dad lost it and the kid had to be put on a leash in public areas and couldn’t hang out with any of his friends.
I think the punishment could have been a bit less embarrassing for the parents but the kid needed help.
Normie_Dawg
16. Naughty Boy
Not me but my parents. My brother was always the naughty one. Shoplifting as a kid, mouthing off at school, etc. But I think when they realized he was a genuinely bad person was when he stole a bunch of stuff out of some old guy's cabin and then burned it down so he wouldn't get caught.
Spoiler alert: He got caught anyway because he pawned it all at our local pawn shop and they had his name and caught him on camera.
guntergunthergoonter
17. Tie A Knot
This chilling conversation with my then 4.5-year-old daughter…
Her: Mommy, do you love me?
Me: Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!
Her: Even after I kill _(little brother’s name)?
Sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye... At the time she had recently learned to tie knots and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck pretending he was her horsie!
ETA: As to an update many wanted: They’re now 11 & 8, so clearly he’s survived being her younger brother this far. She does love him dearly, but sibling rivalry and frustration occur sometimes.
At that age, she loved to question me about everything, so I don’t think she was formulating a plan to kill him so much as to ask me just how much I loved her. Certainly, I took away all jump ropes/sashes/etc for a year or two til she got over the knot-tying obsession.
My response to her during that conversation was, “I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too & I would be so sad every day if he wasn’t here with us.” I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older.
It ended up being a more positive conversation despite the chilling start.
dancinginside
18. Duck Mystery
I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7-year-old is...special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning he came up to me, out of the blue, and said:
Him: Dad, how do ducks work?"
I was all
Me: How to what? What? Ducks? Huh
In a half-sleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said, "I guess if I open one up, I'll find out?" and walked away.
Honestly spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils.
GaryGronk
19. Incredible Hulk
I got my son into superheroes pretty early and he's currently 4. He's seen most of the Marvel movies (about a third of all the films, usually the big fights) and loves Thanos and Hulk.
He likes to play fight but he's a tall, tall boy. 99th percentile for his age. He's quite strong too. So one day my 3-year-old was fighting with me which usually involved him hitting and tickling me while I tried to tickle him back or pin him down. Just roughhousing.
This day made me realize the error of my ways. My son ran behind while I was laying on my stomach which usually meant he would hop on my back and try to tickle me.
I didn't realize he had climbed onto the couch until he yelled "HUUUUUULK, SMAAAAASH" and leaped from it, landing on top of me and smashing his fists down onto my spine.
[deleted]
20. Unsolicited Statement
Okay, this is not my kid. but my mom found out she was raising a monster when we were out baby clothes shopping with my pregnant aunt, whose first baby had died a few days after birth a year or two earlier, and my brother says
"What are you buying clothes for when you don't even know it's going to live?"
K1cked92
21. The Eye Roll
My three-year-old was given a small Fisher-Price trampoline for his birthday. It's like three feet in diameter. A few months later, we got invited to take him to Sky Zone, which is a giant indoor warehouse that is wall-to-wall trampolines.
It's freaking awesome. So my wife turns to my son and says, "Hey buddy, do you want to go to the trampoline place?"
Without missing a beat, my kid rolls his eyes at her, jerks his thumb towards the Fisher Price one, and says, in the most condescending tone a three-year-old could muster, "I have one."
somberleaves
22. Human Body
My 6-year-old has always had weird interests. She asked me to show her pictures of what's in our bodies. I showed her diagrams on Google, and she said, "No, I mean inside of a REAL body. Like a dead person.". I showed her some random picture of an arm surgery and she was begging for more.
Also, she always asks me to stop so she can look at dead animals on the road. When my childhood dog died, she tried to sneak and look inside the bag while I was bawling.
We're pushing for the medical field and not a serial killer field.
monsterisincorrect
23. Criminal Minded
Not me but a buddy of mine. He is the most criminal-minded dude I have ever met, but I have always just chalked that up to a rough upbringing (growing up eating dry cat food and raw potatoes from a neighborhood garden, negligent alcoholic mother, and constantly moving from place to place).
This dude always saw all the angles. He would casually identify and point out criminal acts other people were committing in broad daylight that escaped everyone else's notice. He could see malevolent motives in the most banal activities. He sold drugs for years but would also work his ass off to mask his income behind a plausible veneer of legitimacy.
Anyway, he and his girlfriend (another friend of mine) ended up having a set of Irish triplets who were super intelligent. I was back home visiting once and he showed me this video from his home security cameras.
It showed these three budding ne'er-do-wells (ages 2-4) coordinating an escape from their bedroom, piling up pillows, and assisting one another over the baby gate. They wandered around silently, peaking around corners before making their way to the kitchen to retrieve a butter knife.
They then proceeded to the hall closet where their toys were kept and used the butter knife to pry open the latch and get some toys, which they absconded with back to their room.
They played around for about an hour, before doing this all in reverse, covering up their tracks. But because his girlfriend was waking up from her nap they didn't replace the butter knife.
My buddy said after he saw the video, he checked under the eldest's bed and found four other knives.
dreamrock
24. Kid Mutant
Before my son could crawl he learned how to climb the extra tall baby gate.
Before he could walk he climbed the window sill
Before he could run he climbed the bunk bed
Before he could open an applesauce container he learned how to unlock the front door
I’m not sure what moment made me think “Yep. He’s a monster”
It might have been when I almost witnessed Harambe 2.
I ducked down for ten seconds to tie his sister’s shoe and when I looked up he had one leg over the barrier ready to go say hello. He’s 2 by the way.
Or it might have been when I resigned myself to the leash.
I brought it home, prepared for the protests. Instead, he declared himself a puppy dog, made his siblings play police with him for two hours while he “sniffed out the bad guys” and then gleefully showed me how easy it was for him to take the damn thing off.
I give up guys.
Auntie_Ahem
25. Description Queen
Lovely little girl: "Daddy, you're fat"
Me: "Yes I do have a big tummy"
Lovely little girl: "Daddy, you're ugly".
How does one respond to that from a 4, nearly 5-year-old? Also told my wife she wanted to put her in the garbage bin and never see her again. We're English and garbage isn't a word we use! All this while we enjoyed a family holiday last week.
Ska_wars
26. Cool Kid Wannabe
My 8-year-old son had gotten a plastic baseball bat from me, my wife, this plastic baseball bat wasn’t just some weak plastic it was pretty hard.
Well one day I walked outside to see my younger 5-year-old daughter screaming and running from my 8-year-old son who was holding the baseball bat and whacking her wherever he could, he was wearing my jeans and had a bandana on, and a baseball cap on backward.
He kept calling himself a cool kid and wouldn’t stop smacking her. I ran over and stopped him and my Wife took our daughter inside to get an ice pack. I took the bat away and asked him why he was hitting her, and I repeated exactly what he said: “Because I’m a cool kid and cool kids show their siblings who’s the leader, Daddy”.
He got grounded for a week and after he was done with the grounding he told me he was very sorry, he wasn’t finished... A month later I find him running around with a plastic sword in a ninja costume from last Halloween and whacking my daughter again! I ran over, stopped him, my daughter ran off, and when I asked him why he hit her this time he said “Because it’s fun”.
He got grounded for a very long time, and I realized then he needed counseling. He is now 20 and my daughter is 17, my son had come over for dinner one night and somehow that was brought up, he denied the entire thing even though before that he said he remembered counseling!
I just hope he doesn’t raise his newborn son to be a karate master or a gunslinger....
AdUdEiNaMoOoD
27. The Odd One
In Boy Scouts, one kid named Robbie was a bit odd. He always was dead behind the eyes and had a creepy smile. He would give you the chills as he watched and would stare unblinking at people. He also made his goal to be obsessed with one thing at a time until mastering. Archery, carving, first aid, knots, etc.
On an unsupervised 3-day camping trip he was with 4 other 13-year-olds. When the scoutmaster came to check Day 1 at 7:00 AM Robbie claimed the others were still sleeping and he was making breakfast (not allowed to make fires so they were eating provided energy bars and freeze-dried food/packaged snacks).
The scoutmaster saw nothing unusual and the campsite was quiet. He told them he would be back on day 3 at 2:00 PM, and gave them a list of things to accomplish. He told them where he was camping with another Eagle Scout, a 5-minute walk away.
When the scoutmaster returned on day 3 he could not find any of the boys outside. He went into the bunk to find a horrific smell and 4 boys crying and moaning.
He found them all tied to bunks looking half dead and covered and crap. It was learned Robbie had started feeding them chocolate laxatives an hour before they arrived at the campsite and was also putting these in their food. During the night before or early morning on Day 1, he continued to feed them more laxative-laced food and also gave them unidentified vitamins which turned out to be muscle relaxants.
He convinced the boys later that day that they were paralyzed and sick. He also stated he was good at first aid and would take care of them until the scout master returned in a few hours. He maintained for the duration that he had notified the scoutmaster who was getting an ambulance. One of the boys told the police that Robbie was constantly asking them if he could amputate part of their body he claimed had been injured and wanted one to allow him to perform a tracheostomy.
I remember my parents pulling me out of the scouts immediately and how much attention that story got. Robbie had planned that series of events and even detailed in his journal how he would execute it. 3 of the 4 were okay after brief hospital stays, 1 needed over a month in hospital to fully recover as he had kidney damage.
mouseratempire
28. Too Much Curiosity
My son is obsessed with the wiggles as people. He wants to know where they grew up, whether are they married, who are they married to, do they have kids, and their entire freaking biographies.
Even the wiggles who retired. I'm like, you're freaking 3. Put your hands in the air, rock your bear, and go play with toys or something!
[deleted]
29. Kid Sarcasm
My 6-year-old daughter punched my 4-year-old son in the face and gave him a bloody nose.
When I asked her why she punched him in the face, she looked at me and said. 'I didn't punch him in the face, I punched him in the nose'.
What an unusual kid.
KsizzleM
30. Determined Two Year Old
My older sister was not happy when I was born. The day they brought me home she squeezed my arm so hard her nails broke the skin. Three days later she threw a book at my head and nearly put out my eye.
A few months later she fed me a bunch of Tylenol. I'm not sure how Mom managed to keep me alive, she was a very determined two-year-old.
Toktobis
31. The Hug
I was picking my son up from daycare the other day. I've always known he's a bit of a flirt, but I got to see it in full action. One of his teachers came to hug him, and he brushed her off at first then gave her a big hug after she worked for it a bit.
She was all happy about getting her hug and escalated it into swinging him around and tickling him. He was going for just that though, I could tell. He knew exactly how to get what he wanted from her.
He's 3.
I was watching and just realized this kid knows he's cute, likes attention from girls, and isn't afraid to use his looks to get it. I'm in trouble when he hits his teen years. . .
Orcas_are_badass
32. Crying Spell
When my son was 6 months old he had a nasty virus that he gave to me. It was night number two of no sleep and he was crying inconsolably while I tried to rock him to sleep.
I was so exhausted and miserable that I started sobbing too. He stopped crying, looked at me, and laughed. My first thought was “Oh good, I’m raising a maniac”. At least he stopped crying.
b-muff
33. A Vampire
It's relatively normal for a toddler to bite, right? Then you teach him it's bad and he doesn't do it anymore.
Well when my sister was 11, my mother was called at our school because she was biting all the boys in her class. Hard.
Also, she was saying she was a vampire, that she loved them all, and was going to turn them into her zombie army. Of course, she was joking, but what kind of joke is biting people?
onions_cutting_ninja
34. Selfish Motives
My two-year-old daughter would see a kid in a store playing with something she wanted and say, "Your Mom's looking for you." Every time, the other kid would walk away from the toys and she would get to play with them.
At 3, we were at a pool with older kids. She told me she wanted the pool to herself.
She walked over and asked who was the tallest because the tallest was in charge. The kids jumped out of the pool to measure each other and fight. She got the pool to herself.
She's 9 and sweet now, or she has me believing that anyway.
AleredEgo
35. Problem Child
Many years ago I started working for a guy who was a single dad with two boys, then aged about 11 and 13. The older one was a nice kid, the younger one was a problem. Shoplifting, truancy, lying, etc. My boss warned me to keep my wallet on my person when he was around.
One day he told me that when the boys were 2 and 4 he and his then-wife were delivering a couple of cars to a city that was a couple of days' drive. They had pulled off the highway into the scrub to sleep for the night.
In the morning I found that "someone" had turned on the headlights of one car during the night and the battery was flat. He went out to the highway and eventually flagged down someone who had jumper leads and was willing to drive off into the scrub with a rough-looking stranger.
Got the car started and the guy drove off. He left the car to take a leak and the younger son reached over and turned off the key. He said that was the moment when he realized that he had a problem child.
I worked for him for a couple of years and moved on. About ten years later met him in the street and while we were talking asked about the boys. Told me that they were both living in one of his houses and hadn't paid rent in months. Because they were jobless and heroin addicts.
He was convinced that the younger one had led the older one into that lifestyle, and I had to agree with him.
Partly_Dave
36. For a Puppy
Oh god. My niece. My sister is such a toxic woman - no one wants to be around her anyway because she can't keep a man and she can't stop having kids (at least, at the time).
My niece is now a 29-year-old woman. She ran away from home at 16 because she was caught stripping at a local joint at 15. And she did this because my sister through her father out of the house for - get this - not getting her tickets to see Phantom of the Opera like he promised at Christmas that year.
My niece is a complete sociopath. She was caught at age 13 doing malicious acts at a local pet shop owner because she wanted a puppy. And she decided to try to move in with him. When she got the puppy, she turned the guy in for doing her unauthorized malicious acts and she will still say that she got what she wanted and he got punished (which I agree with because you don't sleep with a kid for freak's sake, but she initiated it and will tell you that - so she could get the puppy).
She ran away to Florida to get naked for cash until she was about 24. She is back in town now, and she is too messed up to be a "dancer" as she calls it. She will tell you she works in entertainment, but she is just sleeping with people for money.
The moment I knew she was a monster was when she was 12 and my sister got divorced.
Leah said "I'll fix that stupid witch for making my daddy go away." - because it sounded like it was right out of that Star Trek episode with the kids who hated adults or "Groups".
The moment it was confirmed was when my niece broke up with her last "boyfriend". That guy was a solid man. Military veteran, had his crap together, had a career, and loved my grand-niece (nieces daughter). You could tell he loved them and went out of his way for them. I talked to him once at Christmas and he was all in - he thought they were meant to be because they went to high school together and they found each other years later.
Poor guy got taken for 5 grand because she was cheating on him the entire time with a 19-year-old drug dealer, whom she married about a month after the breakup with the good dude she was with for 5 years. That marriage lasted 11 months and my niece is back living with my sister. Her reaction to all of this?
"Nothing good ever happens to me! It's like god hates me and wants me to suffer! What the freak did I do to deserve such a crap life?!?!?"
So my niece Leah is a freaking sociopath monster. Well done.
BlackIsWonderful
37. Liquor Store
The day before Thanksgiving I’m at the grocery store with my kids who are then 6, 3, and 1. Everyone is ready to be done for the day and we have 1 more stop to make; I need rum to make a cake.
The scene: the canned foods aisle where everyone and their dog is jostling for green bean casserole supplies.
My oldest: Can we go home after this?
Me: Almost. After this, we have to go to the liquor store.
My oldest: The liquor store? What’s that?!
Me (as every judgmental biddy turns and looks at the too-young woman with way too many kids): It’s a place we need to go and please don’t say that so loud.
My oldest smiles, I can see the wheels turning in her head as she looks me dead in the eye and screams: LIQUOR STORE!! My middle kid follows her lead and yells: LIQUOR STORE!
So I just ran with it. “Yep! The liquor store!”
My kids are assholes and I love them.
Justme_allthetime
38. Squirrely One
I have one for the good friend of mine. His stepson burned down their home, killing their pet dogs and youngest child in the process. almost murdered the entire family but everyone else managed to get out alive.
It’s a long sad story.
He was always a squirrely one, but no one thought he'd do anything like this, but since it happened it's only gotten worse and worse, at this point everyone (family, doctors, cops) all agree on one thing - either he's going to find an opportunity to kill someone again, or he's going to get locked up before it happens.
Since then he's become severely violent and says he likes/wants to / will kill everyone in his family eventually. Been caught doing various things that I won't share cause not sure if the family would want them talked about
He is now bouncing in and out of mental asylums until he's 18 because something about the laws here means he's not allowed to stay in them, I don't know all the details. Everyone's just trying to do damage control and prevent him from doing anything terrible until he hits 18 and can be put away.
He has been labeled a severe risk to everyone around him and top psychologists have flown in to work with him, one of them said something along the lines of "I've never seen such a young person display EVERY sign of a sociopath"
I think he's like 15 now, I knew him before anyone knew anything was wrong, it's disturbing and sad.
Dragnskull
39. Golden Boy
We noticed things missing from our home: coin collection, and jewelry, but were told by the Boss Hog sheriff nothing could be done. Then our house was broken into and more property taken. Again, we were told, "A legal resident can't break into his own home." Shortly after, my dad told me his change jar was gone, roughly $300, and one of his cars. I told him to do whatever he would do if a stranger did it.
He knew it was our son. Sobbing, his heart breaking over his first grandchild and golden boy, he turned him in. I told him it would either teach him a lesson or be the first of a series of arrests. Sadly, the latter proved to be the case, but his grandpa lived to see him clean and sober and graduate from university.
He stayed clean until a couple of hours years ago when he started back smoking pot, but potheads don't steal and crap.
I'm fine with that.
Im2bizzy2
40. Blinded By Hope
I never felt like I raised a monster. No matter how many times I told him that stealing was wrong, he still stole. No matter how many times I told him that he had shoes, he didn't need another pair (let alone 200 bucks!), he kept asking. No matter how many hours I spent working fundraisers for a good expensive competition matching band, he still called me a freaking asshole and threw punches.
Even when he, at 17, jimmied the biometric lock on my bedroom door and stole $400 from me, I didn't press charges. I should have. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Two weeks later when things got physical... I, a broken 40-year-old parent, dialed 911 and BEGGED for help.
Me: I can't do this anymore! No matter what I do for him or what help I try to get him, he just gets worse. I can't be afraid in my own home. Please, you have to help me!
My son hasn't been in my house without a police escort since. I hope he can get the help he needs. If I can be there for him without sacrificing my well-being, I will (and have).
I've been happier since I'm no longer afraid of coming home. And I deserve to be happy. It's taken a long time and a lot of therapy to be able to say that.
Thank you to whoever reads this buried down in the comments. I appreciate you.
Edit: after the last time I called the cops, my son was arrested for assaulting me. Other parents blamed me. They accused me of abusing my kid. Even though I'd had the cops at my place 6 times in two weeks because I called them, I must be the one with the problem. It couldn't be the kids who were diagnosed with what amounts to pre-18 anti-social disorder.
Did good parents at the school bail the kid out while I was trying to arrange for intensive, in-patient therapy? I seriously considered a lot of terrible things. I'm better than that. I'm better than them. I'm loving the best life I can. I wish I didn't think about those terrible people as often as I do.
simoriah
41. Wise Words
On a serious note, I was out for a nice twilight stroll with my wife and 17-month-old daughter yesterday along the Hudson River when we were accosted by 3 teens on Citibikes who were being loud and raucous and otherwise seemed as if they wanted to pick a fight.
As they were passing my family on their bikes one of them turned to us and said bluntly that he “wouldn’t hesitate to throw my baby in the river.” I believed him. I stepped in between him and my daughter and he sped off.
I knew then that somebody else had raised a true monster.
thecountsnackula
42. Wise Words
My dad found out he was raising a moron on a road trip once. He was trying to teach me the value of money by telling me that "If you look after the cents, the dollars will look after themselves".
When we stopped at a beachside cafe for lunch, he gave me some money to get some snacks. I came out and proudly told him "I did what you said Dad, I spent all my dollars, now I only have cents!".
His face palmed.
RocketQ
43. Great Liar
I was at the bank and I heard the guy at the other teller say, “That kid just kicked me.” I looked around and I was the only person who had a kid in there. Turns out, my four-year-old daughter kicked him because he was a stranger and “strangers are bad.”
Another time we were riding the train at Disneyland (I think she was 6 or 7) back to the main gate to go back to our hotel because she was cranky and needed a nap.
Her revenge for this was to cower under one of the benches and say, “Don’t hit me, Mommy!” I never hit her in her life.
We were only leaving the Toontown station when she did it, so I had quite a long ride while the lady across from me sat with her three kids and stared daggers at me the whole way.
She’s 22 and going to graduate magna cum laude in a few weeks. But childhood was rough.
Shaydie
44. Competitive One
My daughter is competitive. I raised her the best way I could, so she was a rough-and-tumble kinda kid. She suddenly took to softball as a teen and asked to play. She didn't just play. She dominated. And as she got older, she grew stronger. At 16, she was built, and strong. Stronger than I.
During her sophomore year, in high school. They're playing a league rival. It's a close game. My kid Is behind the plate. Late innings, we're down a run. My kid squirts a single into left field. The next batter lines a shot over the second baseman. My kid gets to second.
There's 1 out.
Next better pops a skyrocket out to right field. The moment I saw it go up I knew what was going to happen. My kid readies herself for the tag-up. The catch is made, and my kid takes off. The right fielder doesn't get good footing and takes an extra step before throwing to third.
It's off-target.
The third baseman hops over to get the ball when I see that my kid hasn't slid. She was cornering. She rounded that base, and the catcher dropped her mask, and screamed for "Home!". The throw was way ahead. My daughter was at full velocity when she shoulder rushed that poor, skinny catcher. The impact made the entire group of spectators gasp.
I mean she freaking decimated this girl. Just, folded her like some warm laundry. The rag doll just crushed, as my kid (legally, with arms tucked) drove her back a solid 10 feet. The ball was in her glove. Unfortunately, the glove had landed several feet off the on-deck circle. Silence. I was completely sure I had just witnessed a murder. And my kid was a real psychopath.
Until…
My kid hops up, and immediately cradles the catcher and starts screaming for help. She was completely hysterical, and bawling. The coaches rushed to the field and tended to the girl.
She was gasping but was okay. Just had the wind knocked out. She would leave the game. My kid was safe. And not considered in the wrong. But she refused to re-enter the game. They won that game. In spectacular fashion.
So I'm told.
We left.
She took some time away from softball.
But went back.
I think she'll make an amazing coach someday.
instant_ramen_chef
45. The Destroyer
My youngest, let's call him Gregory, is now 4. His big brother, let's call him Al, is turning 7 soon. From the time Gregory could move under his power, he would actively seek out whatever Al was playing with and destroy it. He was a tiny meat missile that fired itself, without fail, every time he spotted a valid target.
Al's building a city with Mega Bloks? Greg is there to destroy. Al's racing hotwheels on his tracks? Greg is there to destroy. Al is making dirt mounds in the yard with his construction toys. You get the idea. The kid was hell-freaking-bent on ruining everything his brother was interested in.
Al, a very sweet kid who's on the spectrum, usually just looked at my wife and me every time, with this defeated, but accepting, look on his face.
It was like something out of a comic strip or TV show. Al christened him "Destruction Gregory".
I was an only child, so I usually had no idea how to deal with it, so I mostly deferred to my wife, who is the oldest of 4 kids.
I guess she's done okay in that regard, thankfully, because now that he's older, he's stopped being super destructive, albeit still a bit of a cheeky prankster. I dread when "Destruction Gregory" reaches the teen years. He's going to be the first (and hopefully only) one of my kids that I get a call at 3 a.m. about some prank he pulled or property he destroyed, no doubt.
I'd bet my life savings on it.
Legionx37