1. Caught In The Trap
I was representing a plaintiff in a hit and run case. Plaintiff is testifying and is, despite me preparing them for several hours the previous day, an absolutely terrible witness for her own case. Like, she couldn’t even identify the street she was crossing when she was hit by the car.
It was a major highway and we had gone through the sequence of events countless times the day before the hearing. The “oh crap” moment came during cross examination. Defense counsel pulled out a picture of my client dressed up and ready to hit the club which was posted to Facebook the day after the alleged accident. I, thinking quickly, object because the timestamp refers to when it was posted, not when it was taken.
Defense counsel showed the picture to my client and asked her when the picture was taken. Sure enough, they say it was taken the day after the accident when she was supposedly in unbearable pain.
Oh. Crap.
DoctorTargaryen
2. Wrong Form
I was a baby lawyer in my first year representing the 19 year old child of some rich people in San Mateo County CA. My client had gone on a bit of a shoplifting spree and we were cleaning all her cases up with a global plea (meaning we handled them all at once).
Being new, I filled out the plea form wrong swapping the counts she was charged with for the counts she was pleading to. It’s an easy mistake to make. Every court has their own unique form and I was unfamiliar with San Mateo’s.
The judge calls my line, starts reading off the plea form, notices the mistake and then starts screaming at the top of his lungs “Counsel! What is this? What is this? Is this your first day on the job? This is a court of law and we do not accept mistakes! Fill this plea form correctly or I will have you taken into custody for contempt!”
I did not expect a reaction like that. My client, who had clearly just taken a huge bong rip at 8 AM and who was wearing an all-pink velvet tracksuit, was looking at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world.
I corrected the plea form. The judge made me wait until the very end of the calendar to take my plea. Afterward, he called me up to the bench. In private he told me, “Sorry to ream you like that. Everyone messes the plea form up so I always pick the youngest lawyer to yell at. The older guys will grumble and complain, but if you noticed they all fixed their own forms and we didn’t have any more problems. Keeps the calendar running smooth. Where did you go to law school?”
After that he invited me into his office for coffee and gave me some really good life/work advice. Turns out he likes talking to new lawyers.
dangerousgift
3. Almost Fell Off A Cliff
I represented a woman charged with multiple very serious felonies. She insisted that in the months before the offense, she’d been seriously dating one of the detectives who ultimately wound up investigating and testifying in her case.
For a variety of reasons, I trusted this client and believed her, even though the detective never disclosed the relationship in his report.
So, during his testimony, I ask “Detective Smith, you had a romantic relationship with Ms. Defendant, correct?” He goes “What? No!” and was visibly offended. The judge Iooks at me like I’ve lost my mind, the commonwealth attorney audibly says “What?”, I’m freaking out because a large part of my cross and argument was focused on the bias formed by the prior relationship, and now I’ve got nothing and I’ve lost all credibility.
I tried again, “Detective Smith, have you had a relationship with Ms. Defendant?” As the Commonwealth rises to object and the Judge starts to scold me, the detective goes “Oh, yea. We’ve had intercourse, it just wasn’t very...romantic.”
The jury acquitted my client of the relatively minor charge that the detective in my story was involved with, but convicted of the other, much more serious charges that detective had nothing to do with.
There was a confession and video on the serious charges, so it was kind of a no-brainer.
Fictional_Idolatry
4. Playing The Long Game
I was in court listening to the most boring old defense lawyer you’ve ever seen, he was questioning the arresting officer in the case. It was drugs or something like that.
Anyway, he’s droning on about every little detail and the magistrate was constantly telling him to hurry along. The arresting officer was getting noticeably annoyed and the room became empty pretty quick.
Everyone was very bored and annoyed. He was droning about details that I’m not sure anyone was really listening to or cared about.
Anyway, he went over arrest times and the likes with the officer, time he admitted the suspect and released him. He had bored the officer to the point where he was barely paying attention.
“So he was admitted in at 21:45 on the night in question...?”
“Yes”
“...and released the night after...”
“yes”
“...and that was what? Just after 10pm?...”
“Yes”
“What time after 10?”
“I don’t know, quarter past 10 maybe”
“...so my client was detained for more than 24 hours”
“Erm...wait”
The penny dropped. The officer let his guard down and had revealed he kept the defendant for more than 24 hours, which is the max time for detention in the UK. The defense rested and the magistrate threw the case out immediately. Well played sir, well played.
War_King_123
5. Jury Duty
I was interning for a judge, we were in the middle of voir dire, for what was frankly not that exciting of a criminal case — half day trial expected, not salacious details or violence or anything. 75 potential jurors in the room, and when my judge didn't let a guy out of jury duty "because he'd have to pick up his kids" that guy proceeded to say in front of everyone that if he was made to show up next week he'd make it the shortest trial ever and find him guilty right out of the gate.
My judge was an incredibly even-keel guy. Nothing shook him or got a rise out of him, and he was an expert at figuring out what he wanted to say in the most neutral fashion possible before he said it (conversations with him took forever because there was a pause before every sentence).
But then. BUT THEN. This guy poisons an entire jury pool of 75 people. We had to individually question each person to see if that little outburst was going to affect their impartiality, etc. 75 in-camera interviews later, the judge pulls the guy back in front of everybody and begins to SCREAM at him about disrespecting him, the courts, and every other juror's time.
Me, the attorneys, and the court reporter go white faced because we didn't know this was coming.
The guy didn't have to sit for jury duty, but I still don't know if he got to pick his kids up, since he spent a couple days in jail for contempt.
[deleted]
6. Yes, I Do
I was involved in a pretty messy custody case. The other party was a mess and had kept the child from my client for a few weeks. OP was playing lots of stupid games and kept requesting continuations. I requested a drug test, which the judge ordered. However, the OP didn’t show up for it (to clarify, he did show up, he just stood in front of the toilet for literally 2 hours and claimed he couldn’t pee).
I was representing the plaintiff so the burden was on me. I called multiple witnesses that testified to the defendant’s drug use.
So, opposing counsel decides to call their client for direct examination and asks, “You don’t use those drugs, right?” That is, for the non-lawyers, a very stupid question for many reasons. Especially considering his client didn’t show up for his drug test.
However, I fully expected the defendant to just lie and say he was clean. After the question was asked, there was a really long pause and the defendant said, “yes, I do both of those drugs.” My head almost exploded. I didn’t ask any questions on cross examination because I didn’t want to muddy the waters. I won, and the child is doing great.
TurkeyOfJive
7. The Janitor
Mine actually happened while I was sitting in the jury pool during voir dire. The case was a double homicide, and the jury pool filled the entire courtroom. If you're not familiar with voir dire it is when the lawyers ask the potential jurors questions to determine who they want to sit on the jury and who they want to exclude. It is a long and boring process for almost everyone involved, but 9/10 it's the most important stage in a case.
So the lawyers are asking us questions and if that question applied to you, you raised your hand and they handed you a microphone to answer the question.
The question asked was "Do you or anyone you know have prior knowledge of this case?"
So this older gentleman raised his hand, handed the mic, and proceeded to say "Yeah I work at the police station as a janitor, and I heard two detectives talking about him pointing to the defendant and they were saying he was about as guilty as sin."
We all kind of stared open-mouthed at this guy, and I started chuckling because I couldn't believe what I was seeing!!
Naturally, the defense attorney asked to approach the bench followed quickly by the state prosecutor. After some quick and energetic whispering, the judge addressed the man.
"Do you realize what you just did? You potentially poisoned this entire jury pool. I will be calling your boss and you will be hearing about this. You can count on that. You are dismissed sir, but this isn't over."
The man was escorted out and then the judge addressed the remaining jury pool which was still in a mostly packed room.
"Now I want you all to disregard what that man just said. I'm sure if any of you were ever accused of a crime like this you would want a fair trial, and not be condemned based on the words of one old man."
I have been in court many times since, but never have I seen that level of downright jaw-dropping absurdity again.
ColdStare
8. Lady Cane
In a pre-mediation meeting once for an uninsured motorist claim, an insured had alleged that she couldn't walk without the aid of a cane and had a pronounced limp after an accident due to a low back injury and a shooting pain in her right leg.
The doctor notes did not support anything but a subjective injury after a few weeks, but she was still treating 2 years later and going to new physicians. So, we had her followed covertly to see if she was really using the cane and had a limp, etc.
We got footage of her carrying like 4 grocery bags in each arm to her car in a Walmart parking lot, walking perfectly fine. When she got to her car she even opened the trunk of her SUV without putting any bags down and lifted the gate with her knee part way.
Her elderly mother was with her using a particularly decorative purple cane with a flower pattern on it.
They followed her to a doctor appointment an hour later and she's on video using her mother's cane and walking with a limp that would give Forrest Gump a run for his money.
Never did follow up on how that played in the mediation, but I can only imagine it gave some attorney an "Oh crap" moment.
Luthalis
9. Too Much Pressure
As a law student we were allowed to make court appearances under the supervision of an assistant district attorney. I was doing arraignments and my ADA said "Don't talk to the judge unless he asks you a specific question."
So the judge and the defense attorney were going back and forth about when the next court date would be. The judge wanted a specific date, let's say 4/20. The defense attorney was adamant that she couldn't do that date. In my file, I had a calendar with a big X over 4/20 saying "Do Not Schedule".
The judge and defense attorney go back and forth for several minutes, the judge wanted 4/20 and the defense attorney saying no. I was keeping my mouth shut because the judge hadn't asked me directly.
Finally, the defense attorney relents and agrees to 4/20. The judge turns to me and says "Do the People agree with 4/20?" At which point I say "Sorry your honor, but we cannot schedule for 4/20."
The judge looked at me for a second and then just ripped into me "Mr. Jones1, you just heard me and the defense go back and forth for several minutes about a date you knew the People couldn't do? Do you like wasting the court's time?"
It went on like that for a few minutes, him just berating me in front of about 200 people in a court in Brooklyn. Finally after me apologizing profusely and him giving me a withering glare, we moved on and went to the next case.
At the next break, the judge said "Mr. Jones1, please approach the bench." I thought I was really in for it then. I walked up beside the bench, the judge came down to talk to me and said with a big smile, "Don't worry about it, I was just giving you a hard time. Welcome to Brooklyn Criminal Court."
[deleted]
10. The Truth
I sat in on a personal injury case where the plaintiff broke their leg in an accident and had a doctor on the stand as an expert. The woman's lawyer begins questioning the doctor about their experience with leg injuries (he was a well known orthopedic surgeon in the area).
She asks if he's ever treated a tibula fracture (the leg bones are tibia and fibula) to which he only answers "no '' then she starts grilling him with questions about the tibula. After about 6-7 questions she asks "how did you get a medical license and have been able to practice medicine this long if you've never treated a tibula fracture?" And begins a small rant about going after his credentials and those that gave it to him, to which he simply responds "there is no bone named the tibula".
The lawyer became beet red and everyone in the room tried their best to keep from laughing including the judge.
bang-a-rang47
11. Holding My Seat Tight
I was in court for driving while suspended in a county and in front of a judge that was notorious for putting people who did that in jail. My license wasn't supposed to be suspended, a pencil pusher forgot to press a button or something and it never got un-suspended after the time was up. I had proof of this, but I was still really nervous.
The guy who went up to the judge before me walked to the table where we were supposed to stand, sat down, and put his feet up on the table. The judge asked him what he was doing and he gave a flippant answer and basically told the judge to get fudged. This seriously ticked the judge off.
The judge went off on this guy and the guy gave everything right back to him, ticking him off more and more. The judge ended up jailing him for contempt and had the bailiff cuff the guy and put him in a chair off to the side to await the marshals who would transport him to the jail.
My name gets called. The judge is looking at me like I'm fresh meat and he is a Great White shark. I'm already thinking to myself "OK, if this judge puts you in jail, run over and beat the crap out of the guy that ticked the judge off so badly. He's why you're going to jail."
The judge looks down at his paperwork and back at me and says "You're Mr my last name"? I said "Yes sir."
He said "Yeah, we were talking about you earlier, I'm going to void your arrest and dismiss this case, your license was supposed to be valid and you shouldn't be here."
I let out a huge sigh. The judge asked me if I was OK and I said I had been a bit worried, especially given the guy that was right before me in line. The judge said "Don't worry about him, he won't be seeing anything that isn't behind bars for about 90 days." and laughed.
Northsidebill1
12. I’m So Sorry
I hit something in the road and had a tire blow out while driving home from MEPS, hit a concrete divider and wound up rolling my car. No injuries and no other vehicles involved. I received a reckless driving ticket that the officer told me was just procedure and not to be concerned with.
Fast forward a month and I'm in court with my lawyer who plans on pointing out this ticket could prevent my hardship enlistment. He's not expecting it to take more than a minute because the issuing officer and prosecutor are on board.
Queue group oh crap moment. I'm fourth on the docket and the judge has just handed out maximum sentences for all three prior defendants. People are getting 6 to 12 months, having licenses revoked, for little stuff.
Prosecutor gets screamed at the instant he opens his mouth, the police officer is told to shut up while answering a question the judge asked, my lawyer is told he's about to be held in contempt.
I'm starting to think I'm gonna get 3 squares and a cot, just not where I planned on getting them. The judge told me to step forward while shuffling my case paperwork and my lawyer just gave me a look that said, I'm so sorry.
Case dismissed in the interest of justice and if any more idiots waste his time with nonsense like this again everyone is spending the night in the county.
kakamouth78
13. Credible or Not
Medical malpractice defense lawyer here representing hospitals/doctors. This was not my oh crap moment but the plaintiff's oh crap moment. For context, usually at trial, both plaintiff and defendant will have an expert physician testify as to their opinion as to whether the doctor/hospital performed everything correctly.
I thoroughly researched the plaintiff's expert, who was an ob/gyn (baby delivery) and found out he had been suspended a number of times for his own botched deliveries and giving incorrect medical testimony to help the plaintiff's cases.
During the actual day of trial, it turns out he was not licensed to practice medicine independently without supervision from another physician and he was one year into his three year suspension.
Plaintiff's lawyers had no idea about their own expert background and they just sat there with a blank look on their face. Needless to say, during cross examination, we destroyed his credibility and won at trial.
mclarenf1boi
14. Argument Holds No Water
I was prosecuting a contempt action in family court (something that basically never works) and everyone in the room could tell I was winning. The other side was unprepared (out of arrogance) and I was basically ripping this guy to shreds on cross examination (which his lawyer didn't even think would happen, because he expected the case to be dismissed.)
At the end of the trial, the judge ruled for me and stated that she found the defendant's testimony to be untrustworthy.
I was shocked at winning a contempt trial to begin with, but then this exchange happened:
Defendant's attorney: "Your honor, now that you have found my client's testimony to be untrustworthy, I am requesting a continuance in order to prepare further witnesses." (This concept is shocking in an of itself, because to even think you can bring more witnesses after you rest your case is laughable)
Judge: "You had your shot and you missed, counsel."
Defendant's attorney: "Your honor, there was no way I could have anticipated that you'd find my client's testimony untrustworthy and as such, I didn't have the opportunity to prepare other witnesses in support of his position".
Judge: "That may be an argument for your carrier, counsel, but it holds no water with me. See you this afternoon for sentencing."
For those who didn't pick up on it, the judge basically told the lawyer ON THE RECORD IN FRONT OF HIS CLIENT that she expects him to get sued for malpractice because he messed up so royally.
That crap was mindblowing on multiple levels.
Thedurtysanchez
15. The Outburst
New Judge with a chip on his shoulder. Plaintiff called me to get an adjournment on a Summary Judgment Motion I had made — they wanted more time to submit opposition. I don't have a problem with this, but the Court refuses to accept the adjournment request over the phone and says we have to appear in Court the next day.
So I go and Plaintiff doesn't show up. When our case gets called, I request the adjournment and the Judge explodes on me — demands to know why, insists he doesn't grant adjournments, just yells for no reason in front of a courtroom full of attorneys.
I tell him it's Plaintiff's request, and they are not there, they want more time... but he doesn't want to hear it and just says "request denied, call Plaintiff and tell them to get here by second call.
So my "oh crap" moment is that I just won my case because the Judge decided to be an a-hole. I call the Plaintiff and let them know what happened and they panic. They are about to lose their case. The Judge has to grant my motion, it's unopposed. There is no way they can get an attorney to Court in time.
So the case is called again, and again I'm the only attorney on the case. I go up to the defendant's table with the biggest crap eating grin on my face and say "Your honor, I'm here on behalf of defendants with an unopposed summary judgment motion."
Everyone that saw me get yelled at suddenly realizes what I was doing (getting yelled at for trying to be helpful), and what Judge's outburst meant (I win, suck it). The Judge has no choice but to soften and re-hear my request for an adjournment, and grant it.
Follow-up: Plaintiff's client died and the motion was never opposed or heard. When they tried to reactivate the case with an administrator, I reminded them that my motion was the first thing to get heard once the case was restarted. They actually read it, knew they had no chance of beating it, and discontinued against my client without ever having to argue the motion.
Iamalawyerkid
16. The Ex Wife
I witnessed my ex wife try to argue with the judge that she couldn't be accused of kidnapping our daughter because our daughter was legally emancipated (not a spoiler: she wasn't) at the time of the kidnapping.
My ex had legal statutes written on small sheets of paper she had torn out of books in the jail library, and she kept arguing with the judge after being told that none of it mattered.
After the fifth time my ex interrupted the judge with her nonsense, the judge slammed her hands down, stood up, leaned over her bench, and told my ex that she had been a juvenile court judge for 20 years and was well aware of the statutes.
If she interrupted one more time then she would be held in contempt and spend several months more in jail.
My lawyer held up his folder in front of his face to hide his grin during this exchange. I walked out with full legal and physical custody of my daughter, court supervised visitation for my ex, and a full restraining order.
windstrider13
17. It Was Confusing
I was interning during law school prosecuting domestic violence cases. The Deputy DA asked me to talk for the first time during a guy's arraignment, for beating his wife. An arraignment is when the Defendant hears the charges against them and pleads guilty or not guilty basically.
When the judge calls on me to speak, I got insanely nervous. And told the Defendant that his charge carried a maximum penalty of 30 YEARS, when it was actually 30 DAYS.
He freaks out, the crowd (some in the gallery were his family and friends) gasps. The judge basically stops me and says "I think you mean 30 days counselor..." After which everyone, including the defendant, laughed at me...
theTALC
18. We Move In Packs
I did jury service back in the 90’s in the U.K., a four day trial where an estate manager (dude in charge of the farms on a big landowners estate) was on trial for growing and distributing cannabis.
The police had raided the greenhouses and surrounding land and found tonnes of weed in all stages of production. Dude claims that he is addicted to cannabis and because his tolerance is so high after smoking so much for so long that he can only get a buzz from the very tips of the plant, where the THC content is most intense.
Asks the court to believe that he just discards the rest of the plant, doesn’t sell it, doesn’t even give it away, just destroys the rest of the crop. So it’s the last day of evidence, where both sides sum up their case and remind the jury of the salient points of what’s been said.
Dude himself has been quiet and respectful throughout, smart suit, softly spoken, stuck to his answers. I’d say the jury is not buying his claim and as the judge reminds us, it’s not about whether we think it should be legalised, it’s not about whether we think he has even sold the remaining bits of his plants, all we need to find him guilty is to think that beyond reasonable doubt, he had at some point shared a single joint with a friend, and that that was enough to convict him for supply on the counts against him.
So the jury isn’t buying his story but we are also looking at him thinking he’s quite old, isn’t doing anyone any real harm etc, is unlikely to be running a massive dealing empire.
Then on that last day, the public gallery (which has been empty all week) is suddenly full of the most blatantly stoners you’ve seen in your life. One of them is even wearing an Adidas “adihash” t-shirt. The jury files in, we sit down, we look at the public gallery and I think it’s safe to say we STARE at them.
Defence barrister turns to see what we are looking at and visibly slumps, then glowers at the solicitor and hisses “REALLY???” Such an own goal.
Noogirl
19. Instant Regret
My ex-MIL was a crazy witch. Me and my wife at the time had cut her off almost completely. Every one in a whole she would give in and let her mom visit, which always turned out badly. Eventually we got divorced and I got full custody.
MIL went nuts and decided to sue me for custody. I looked over the law and for any form of visitation or custody you need to have had contact in the last 6 months and she hadn't seen them for over a year.
So we went to court. I can't afford a lawyer but the law was pretty clear. She goes through three lawyers, each of them quit in turn. So she finally winds up representing herself.
During the last hearing she was talking to the judge and said something to the effect of "I don't want to get custody of them, I just want to be able to visit". The judge then asked her point blank "this is a custody hearing.”
Are you telling me you no longer want to get custody?" She said yes and the judge dismissed the case immediately.
SgathTriallair
20. Not On My Watch
I’m a Staff attorney for a judge. We had a domestic hearing over some issue (final divorce hearing, custody mod., idk). The mother's attorney is a prolific jerk in the community. Puts on a big dog and pony show because clients like to pay for billboard, legal eagle crap. Pretty bad reputation in our legal community.
Father's attorney (young attorney, mom's attorney, old guy) stands up and is attempting to examine his witness. Mom's attorney stands up and objects to literally every sentence the Father's attorney starts.
Judge just kind of sits hoping it will calm down, tells mom's attorney to sit down. He continues, and just before the judge finds him in contempt, father's attorney turns and says, "You may think because you're older than me, you can treat me with disrespect. You can hoop and holler all you want but you won't do it at my expense.”
“If you want to put on a show, go join the freaking circus, [attorney's name]."
SkipFirstofHisName
21. Trying Too Hard
I got in enough trouble in my teens to know what a judge does/doesn't like. My uncles/father decide they're going to conserve my grandmother and put her in a secured perimeter memory facility.
In reality, they just wanted to waste away her $20m estate. We end up in court with our lawyers. One thing I know about most judges/courtrooms. They want to be revered like a church. No talk back, no talking out of turn, wear a suit, even if it's a $20 goodwill suit.
Father, uncles all show up. All of them spend about an hour badmouthing me. I'm keeping my mouth shut, looking at my feet. One of my uncles tries to examine me, I just keep my mouth shut until the judge tells him he's not a lawyer, and I'm not examined.
None of them are well dressed, sneakers, dirty sweatpants.
My uncle (who's the ringleader) decides to start talking over his own lawyers. My lawyer makes some comments, the judge starts talking to her and my uncle's lawyer says something like, "Now hold on ladies!" You can imagine what happened next.
All they had to do was keep their mouths shut, and not tell their lawyers how to do their job and they would have won. They pretty much handed grandma and I the win.
robert_cortese
22. Running In Circles
My wife is a court clerk. She told me a story a court clerk friend of hers told her. The DA has a shaky case at best against a defendant. Police were trying to pin a drug charge on a guy with literally zero evidence. The report read that a certain amount of weed and meth were found and recovered in the defendant's car, but the evidence was "lost".
Guy maintains his innocence and has no priors. The defense attorney is destroying the officers on the stand for inconsistencies between their accounts and poor documentation on the official police report.
The prosecution's ace in the hole was a part of the police report that read something to the effect that the police K-9 said there was marijuana and meth in the car.
Rather than saying something like the police K-9 alerted the officers to the presence of drugs, it left the defense attorney no choice but to call the police K-9 to the stand to confirm its testimony. The DA drops the case.
toughsh-t
23. Impeaching The Witness
I was the defendant, representing a nonprofit that I volunteered for. The plaintiff was a 60 something Grandma who was looking for a retirement settlement after falling out of her jacked up pick up truck in our parking lot.
The premise of her case was that our parking lot was in bad shape (it was) and that she fell into a pothole and broke her leg, which resulted in her having to take Coumadin and diminished her enjoyment of salads at the Friday night fish fry (no, really).
It was going along fine, until my lawyer put up a photo of the pothole, taken the day of the incident, filled to the brim with water, after a recent rain. He asked the lady if she had gotten her foot wet, to which she replied that she couldn’t recall.
He talked a little more about how perhaps if her foot wasn’t wet, it might have been because she fell out of the truck and didn’t really fall into the pothole. He asked again if her foot was wet, and she affirmed that yes, her foot was wet.
The “oh crap” moment came when he went back to his desk, flipped through her deposition and read the part where she was extremely adamant that her foot wasn’t wet. Then he did some fancy legal stuff, the case was thrown out and I went back to work.
StopDoingThisAgain
24. Who Did It?
I was on a jury once for a murder trial. Got selected and the trial started almost immediately.
Man was charged with murdering his neighbor. They made their opening statements, there was even a bloody note. It wasn't terribly long but they clearly put a lot of effort into their strategies and were ready for battle. First witness was called, it was the son of the man on trial. I forget the first question but it didn't matter, he immediately broke down crying and invoked his 5th amendment right.
Everyone freaks out. Judge and lawyers were like wtf. Jury had no clue what was going on but we were quickly ushered out immediately after that. Few minutes later it was explained to us what happened. The judge declared a mistrial.
The prosecutor must have suspected that the father was taking the fall for the son who actually murdered the neighbor. Rather than risk losing, there was a mistrial while they sorted out who to actually charge and try.
calsosta
25. She Slipped
I clipped someone and swerved off the road when I was 16. My car was totaled from the impact when I hit an embankment, the other car just lost their rear light. I went to the hospital, the other driver (also 16) declined any medical help from the paramedics. Accident was my fault, classes paid for my insurance etc.
3 years later, I'm being sued for $250,000 from the other driver and her mother for "years of physical therapy and medical bills." We're all meeting together with our lawyers and insurance companies before it goes to court. I'm there with my dad because I'm 19, but the plaintiff isn't there, only her mother is.
My lawyer: "Why isn't the plaintiff joining us?"
Her mother: "She's at school in California! She has a very important tennis match, and she couldn't miss it because she got into the school on a tennis scholarship!" Her lawyer looked like he wanted to kill her.
My dad just started laughing. Needless to say it never even went to trial, and they didn't get a penny.
Grass-is-dead
26. That Was A Big Oops
I’m a lawyer, I saw someone screw himself up.
I work as a public servant in a criminal law judge's office, and since I have a law degree I don't normally do administrative work, though I get to be with the judge in some of the hearings.
Last month we had a huge drug trafficking case (I'm talking about 20 or more people involved, months of investigation, undercover agents, videos, audio, the whole ordeal). Hearing lasted three days.
Anyway when it was time for one of the defendants to be on the stand so the prosecutor could read the charges he was accusing him of (He was pleading not guilty, as he very loudly started from the majority of the hearing, up until my boss — the judge — told him to shut up or he would be admonished, to which he replied, "What are you gonna do, arrest me?" which, to be honest, was actually a bit funny), the prosecutor, as part of the facts of his case, told him that "he was being accused of selling, trafficking and carrying x amount of x drugs, with the base of his operation being his house, where he lived with his partner".
Mind you, said partner wasn't even in the hearing, she wasn't arrested or anything as there was nothing tying her to the case. He said "wait up, I was the one selling the drugs, she didn't do anything".
His lawyer (a state assigned public lawyer) facepalmed so hard, it's actually recorded in the audio of the hearing.
He still pleaded not guilty.
mildepan
27. Pushed To The Limit
I am being sparse on details here due to confidentiality, but I had a client who was accused of a very nasty offense. He had an alibi — he was at work, where he was the boss. He had an employee who could absolutely vouch for his being there. I talked to the employee, and the employee confirmed this.
It gets closer to the trial, and around the time when I need to send in an "alibi notice", which is advance notice to the Crown so that they can investigate the alibi and determine whether or not it's true. But, I am being careful, so I call the employee up again.
Turns out my client fired him in the interim, and so the employee quite candidly tells me, "Oh, yeah, he was definitely at work. But that's not what I'll say in court. Screw that guy, he is going down."
I did not call him as a witness, or file the alibi notice. Still won the trial, but if I hadn't thought to call the guy, or if he'd been less candid, my client would have been screwed hard. Offender registry, jail time, the works. Completely innocent.
varsil
28. He Chose It
This was a case another prosecutor in my office had a few years back. 30 year old defendant was charged with attacking a child after he got his girlfriend’s 14 year old sister pregnant.
She actually kept the baby so the police just waited and got a paternity test. No surprise, the defendant was the father.
Defendant wanted probation; the prosecutor refused to offer it. He decided to plead guilty and have a jury trial on punishment (here in Texas, you can choose to have the jury set punishment).
Evidence mostly proceeded as expected. The victim testified to having consensual (aside from not being old enough to consent) intercourse with the defendant, getting pregnant, etc.. Paternity test introduced.
Defendant took the stand. His version of events was that he snuck into the victim's room at night, covered her mouth, and held her down while he forcibly had sex with her against her will. It seemed like his own lawyer had no idea that’s the story he settled on.
The jury deliberated about fifteen minutes before returning a verdict of 17 years (the maximum possible as charged was 20).
When interviewed by the attorneys afterwards, one of them said they decided on 17 years so the defendant would never forget the age of consent in Texas again.
Fuzzer
29. Way Too Sudden
Someone I knew had a pro-deo case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (don't know what, confidential and whatnot).
Even though the police and DA could pretty much pinpoint the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to the crime, circumstantial at best.
She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, as from experience the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly. She pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client, she feels that for once, a pro deo case is going her way.
After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client had something to add to the plea. Client looks at her, back at the judge, tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out: "I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again!"
She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict) apparently. She basically got screwed by her own client, who screwed himself even worse.
ILoveLactateAcid
30. Swallowing Hot Coals
My boss had a drunk-driver-kills-a-car-worth-of-people case at the time when they were a general practitioner. He was representing the family that got hit (one where the two kids and the wife had died, but the father had not) and wanted the college guy's drunk-driving skin to be mounted on a wall.
This was back before Facebook was commonly used in Court proceedings and before tons of people realized that crap is too great for any attorney worth their weight in salt to pass up.
So, the kid (drunk driving college kid) had managed to get the judge's sympathy during the first part of the hearing by saying he was sorry, haunted, never going to drink again, this was going to ruin his life, etc. The judge seemed to really be eating it up.
Then comes my boss and immediately burns this kid's remorse to the ground by showing numerous Facebook statuses and photos of them binge drinking, partying, and even joking about driving drunk from the date of the accident up until a night ago.
The kid looked like he was being forced to swallow hot coals and the judge was absolutely livid.
Needless to say, the kid had to do way more than just apologize and be remorseful after that.
rivlet
31. More Excuses
The case was my dad's. He was the equivalent of a Public Defender decades ago. There was this guy that would get caught for being drunk in public, public lewdness, etc. EVERY weekend.
He seemed to draw the same judges and was pretty well known to everyone in the courthouse as an absolute lost cause. One of the "regular" judges had him appear in his court again.
The judge is ready to give him a prison sentence because he was driving a car this time, but the guy starts crying that he finally got a job out of town and was trying to turn his life around. Judge tells him as long as he never makes a mistake "in my town again" he would just drop the charges.
Well sure as heck the guy shows up the following Monday. Same judge. Driving drunk AGAIN. My dad now has his case. The judge tells him he gave him his final chance, to which the guy sobs and replies "I was leaving town, your Honor.
But my friends decided to throw me a going-away party." The judge was not amused. My dad had to do everything he could to not laugh.
ZAWolfie
32. Less Than An Hour
My biological grandmother died 20 years ago of ovarian cancer, she left all her money, trusts, bonds to my grandfather to use (while alive) and disperse (after death). My grandfather remarried something like 15 years ago to my step-grandma. My grandfather ended up dying first a few years back.
My step aunt is a greedy witch who lives on the opposite side of the country, she's lived off of her mother and my grandfather for all of her life. She'd come over and take them on "vacation" where she'd use their money to buy herself things and get a free skiing trip about 8x a year.
After my grandfather passed, my step-grandma had to move where her children live to get care for dementia. My step-aunt has access to not only her own mother's estate but my grandfather's as well to take care of her needs.
That wasn't enough.
She decided to try and sue my dad and uncle for their dead biological mother's estate. My dad is bilaterally paralyzed and in a wheelchair. My uncle is a triple bypass survivor with a pacemaker and multiple stints.
Both are on fixed disability income. The court date came and I literally wheeled my dad in while my uncle walked with a cane. My step-aunt is entirely able bodied and rolling in the millions my step grandma and grandfather worked their whole lives to earn.
The judge took one look at the whole picture and she was absolutely denied access to my biological grandmother's estate. We were there for less than an hour.
soselections
33. Systematic Abuse
My husband’s kids asked us to fight for full custody after years of systematic harm from their mother.
My stepdaughter was attacked and the mom decided to marry a guy who was best friends with the guy who attacked her. Mom never told us what happened, never got her counseling. Never reported it to the police.
In mediation she brought up a conversation I had with her which she denied ever happening until then. She started saying lie after lie and all my husband had to say was “my wife had that conversation with you to explain how uncomfortable my daughter is living with this man because he is connected to her attack.”
The mediator was not amused. She said, “You have someone living in your house who is connected to your daughter's attack. Your relationship with your children is broken.”
She spent the rest of the session sobbing and signed away custody because this was just the tip of the iceberg that we had on her and she knew it. Hearing her sobbing made me so happy after all she put these kids through. I had to walk my step daughter into the police station to report her attack.
I usually don’t want people to suffer but after warning her this guy was coming between her and her kids and then lying about the context of that conversation I’ll make an exception.
I tried to stop her from the chain of events that lead us to court and she tried to use it against me.
phoenixrising8580
34. Missed Everything
This guy and his lawyer missed court appearances, sometimes one of them, sometimes both, with little or no warning and with suspect excuses. It started getting ridiculous and we kept pointing out holes in his story, like he said he left for another country without knowing about the appearance, but his lawyer stood in court and said he told him beforehand.
Or all of a sudden he was in a former Soviet Bloc country for fertility treatments and it would ruin everything if he came back now. Or when he was visiting dying relatives on another continent.
Or he was going to the airport when he had to rush to the hospital and showed us an admitting form in another language that we translated - it showed he was there but also that he was discharged.
He also tried firing his attorney and saying he needed more time to brief a new attorney - who at the next appearance would say he hasn't been able to talk to his client so he needs to adjourn. Or that he hasn't been paid and his client is basically a jerk and he needs to be relieved.
We kept saying to the judge he was doing it to stall but the judge kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. We even showed him other cases where he skipped appearances and the judges threatened sanctions.
Until finally he didn't show up for an appearance where the judge had specifically told him, I don't care if you're meeting with the Pope, I'm ordering you to be here. Boom, his answer was stricken, default judgment in full was granted to our side.
Neither he nor his lawyer showed up for the hearing where the judge determined exactly how much of a judgment we should get, and then had the nerve to file a motion that the judgment was unfair because he didn't get a chance to dispute anything.
carriegood
35. The Agreement
This wasn’t my case but I followed it closely because it was an acquaintance’s divorce proceedings. He and his now ex wife shared some commercial property that was worth some dough.
They were both on the paperwork/had access to the same info. Well some crap hit the fan and the property was in arrears and I think some lien was filed. The husband would try to talk to his then wife about the whole thing and she would blow him off. Not only would she ignore him and the finances, she started cheating on him.
Fast forward to divorce. It’s contentious and they get down to fighting for the primary residence whose market value (unencumbered) is much less than the commercial building.
She demanded the house and the husband effectively offered to give her the commercial building if he could keep the residence. She never paid attention to how bad off the commercial building was and for some strange reason her lawyer didn’t do any due diligence so they took the deal.
I don’t know if the asset allocation included any saving conditions or caveats for the ex wife, but I did like to see that her own disinterest may have led to bargaining for an underwater property instead of a paid off house.
TacoDoc
36. What A Judge
I remember when I was a kid my dad got a ticket for running a stop sign. He decided to fight it because the stop sign was buried in a bush and wasn't visible from the road.
He and the police officer that had issued the ticket both arrived at court at the appointed time but the judge wasn't there. After they waited for about 20 minutes the bailiff finally apologized and told them they could go home and things would be rescheduled.
Just after they had left the judge finally arrived and found both my dad AND the police officer in contempt for leaving and 'wasting her time'.
One $80 traffic ticket became two $500 contempt of court fines.
About five years later a friend of mine pulled the same judge for a DUI (prescription not booze, he didn't realize he shouldn't be driving on them). He just went without any council.
He said that she said if he was stupid enough to try to represent himself he could sit there and not say anything so he ended up just sitting there and not saying anything and lost his license for a first offense DUI.
There were more than one news article and letters to the editor about what a disaster of a judge she was, so I'm sure a lot of other people had similar issues with her.
varthalon
37. Uncovering The Truth
When I was 4, I had 3 older siblings. My brothers were 10 and 13, my sister was 7. My dad was fighting for custody of all of us as we currently only spent weekends at his - but during that time we would all complain about what bad things would happen during the week with our mother.
Ultimately the judge ruled that the kids were old enough to decide where they wanted to be (my sister would make my choice for me). My mum knew for a fact she would lose all of us this way, she was aware all of us preferred our dad.
It’s at this point she stands up in court and says “you can have all of them but (me) isn’t even yours, so you can’t have her”.
My entire family were there, nobody had any idea why she would say such a thing, a lot of people are crying and my dad is in a state of shock. Because of this, the judge orders a DNA test to be done, but either way, the kids still get to choose at the next court date as his name is present on all of our birth certificates - I guess she forgot that eh?
The judge gives this extra time due to the state my dad is in, just in case this changes anything for him, and whether he will still want custody of me under these new circumstances.
Now it should be noted that my mum was not fond of any of us, especially the boys, to which she already knew they were a lost cause. But she would no longer receive benefits or money from my dad, so she needed some kids around at least.
She took this time to convince my sister that with her brothers gone, she would be able to afford all of the things she wanted. Ice cream, toys, later bedtimes, you name it.
My brothers chose my dad, my sister chose my mum. I had a pretty rough upbringing because of her decision, and to this day she regrets it. She was never treated differently, no treats, no toys.
It turns out my mum wasn’t lying though, he wasn’t my biological father. According to my family this was a huge weight on him for a very long time. He remained an incredible father in my life but sometimes something would happen that would cause an odd or upsetting reaction out of him, and that’s the sole reason why.
It really changed his and my life.
yoodoll
38. Unexpected Recess
I was a jury foreman on a case about 5 years back. Guy was accused of attempting to kill his girlfriend. Various charges up and down the severity were filed. However, the victims testimony wasn't terribly convincing, especially after cross, and there was only evidence that something had happened in the house that night, but not necessarily that the BF had done it.
Anyway, defense’s turn to present, and they unexpectedly recess for the day. We come back the next day, and the defendant testifies. He puts himself at the scene, and admits to hitting her. We ended up convicting him of everything but attempted murder if I remember right...
Afterwards, the judge came into the jury room and told us that the unexpected recess the previous day was because the defendant insisted on testifying against his lawyer and the judge’s advice. If he hadn't testified, basically no chance we would have convicted him.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
etherag
39. The Oath
I have been in dispute with British Gas for around 10 years, every now and again they take me to court, every time I win and we go away for another few years.
The last time I lawyered up, it's in a Magistrate’s even though it's a civil matter. My solicitor waited for the British Gas guy to swear his oath to tell the truth, the whole truth etc., then asked him what he knew of the previous court cases.
When the guy said he didn't know anything about them my solicitor ripped into him saying he'd just claimed to tell the whole truth so clearly nothing he says can be trusted, it went on for a few minutes, it was kind of brutal. The Magistrates agreed and we walked away with £600 in costs.
It was a joy to watch this bloke who was all, "we're coming to make entry to your house and the police will help" before we went in and were told to sit down and not say anything else unless he was asked a question.
To fend off some of the questions, it's to do with a disconnected meter at my house (for electric to a closed shop) - I have written to the CEO, I've had my MP involved and been to court four times.
British Gas doesn't change, don't listen so I've given up. I'll just go to court every now and again and claim my £600.
A1acrity
40. Wrong Timing
I had a criminal jury trial for misdemeanor Criminal Mischief over 4 years ago. State filed charges and kept amending the Information to the point where they left the ACTUAL VICTIM out of the trial and proceeded with the two eyewitnesses.
Well, one of the witnesses was my client's ex and the other witness was the ex's new GF.
They claimed my client vandalized the ACTUAL VICTIM's car. Client denied everything. Well, apparently, the State and both Witnesses had no idea that the Ex had an outstanding warrant for not paying child support to MY CLIENT which created a motive for him to lie.
Asked him if he was aware that he had a warrant out for his arrest on the stand. He didn't know.
The Judge excused the jurors. The bailiffs arrested the Ex on the stand. State rested. Judge granted our Motion for Judgment of Acquittal because we had good case law for the victim not being there. Client walked away free and the Ex went to jail.
bobbydigital_ftw
41. Gender Stereotyping
One time, I saw an indigent defendant who was in custody tell the judge his public defender wasn't working hard enough and he wanted the judge to appoint different counsel.
The judge asked him what specifically was the problem and he said "I don't want a female lawyer. I need a man who can take charge and fight for me" or something very similar to that.
The judge (also female) said that's not how it works, then he started yelling and getting into specifics about his public defender, just mainly I don't like her, she won't visit me, etc.
The judge is annoyed and looks at him and is like fine, I'll appoint another attorney for you, but because you are not satisfied with your attorney and I need time to appoint you new counsel I am not going to hear any other issues today and will reset your case.
A few days later the judge sends the defendant notice of his new appointed attorney, who happens to also be female, and notice of the case reset for six weeks.
The case was originally set for a bond hearing and the DA and his PD had agreed to release him on an unsecured bond meaning he would have gotten out that day, if he hadn't thrown his temper tantrum. Instead he waited another six weeks in jail just to have another female attorney represent.
vayaconburgers
42. Made Things Worse
I am in Court for one of the first times after passing the bar exam and handling a routine child support case. The events that transpire do not involve my client from that day.
When one party is unrepresented in Family Court (in Massachusetts) there is a pre-trial meeting with the Probation Officers so they can assist the judge in framing the case. These Probation Officers are trained Social Workers who act as mediators in these instances, so nothing like criminal Probation Officers.
So these two parties are meeting. You can see the guy is just angry over everything but they are making progress working out the divorce.
Then all of sudden he stands up and throws his chair over and yells "Screw you Kim, you took my house, you took my kids, you even took my dog. I will kill you if you think you are keeping my name too you witch!"
Within seconds he is restrained by court guards and escorted to a private room. He ended up being arrested for threatening to kill her.
All because she wanted to keep his last name instead of going back to her maiden name to make it easier on the kids.
GenXStonerDad
43. The Odd One
Minor traffic cases can be the worst for this, believe it or not, because they are short and simple and oftentimes the client isn't there, so if you get blindsided by something critical there's often no chance to consult with them to turn things around.
I had a simple speeding case, 70mph in a 55. No big deal, if she does a driving improvement course the court will usually dismiss or reduce those, since her driving record wasn't bad.
When I showed up for her, I found out that she had been driving 70 up an unplowed snow lane, to get around all the other cars traveling in the lane that had been plowed because they were driving too slow.
I didn't know it was even possible to drive 70 on fresh snow. The officer stated he'd already cut her a break by not writing the ticket for reckless driving, and the judge politely agreed he didn't feel comfortable reducing it under those circumstances.
When I called her up after court to confirm, she claimed she'd just forgotten to mention it. Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the South, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident.
I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an 8 hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay for this one. I legitimately do that all the time during consults; give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail she harmed herself for no reason.
At least she took it well and didn't get defensive.
AmberWavesofFlame
44. That’s A No-No Thing
I had a client who claimed she was discriminated against by her employer due to disabilities she sustained after a car crash. She said her disabilities were so bad she couldn't drive or sit at her desk for any amount of time, and her company refused to accommodate her by letting her work remotely.
Needless to say, it was embarrassing when opposing counsel told me my client played in a full contact lingerie football league and had telecast videos of her on Youtube playing, running, getting tackled, and dancing in the end zone on the very date her doctor (who lost his license) gave her a note saying she was bed-bound.
I showed her the footage and she continued to lie despite having a freaking stat sheet for receiving yards when she was supposedly in the hospital. Never been angrier at a client.
epgenius
45. Just Stop It
Public defender, doing a felony case with a twist - victim claimed that the very unique incident happened twice, identically, two days in a row (so imagine she claimed he threatened her with an icicle and she called her sister and the sister told her to eat a fruit snack or whatever but two days in a row).
During the interview she was adamant that things happened this way twice, yes it sounds crazy, yes but it happened, yes she was so scared and he attacked her etc.
She sounds pretty believable and I'm starting to get worried.
Cross examination - I start asking questions to set her up for an impeachment. Finally I ask '(victim name here) are we supposed to believe that these unbelievable made up sounding things, happened to you not once but twice?
Then she quietly says 'yes' and I push 'yes, what?'
'yes I made it up'
This admission put me in such a shock I didn't even know what to say. I asked a few more questions and sat down and the DA futilly attempted to redirect the question as if I had intimidated her.
Client walked on the felonies but went down on a misdemeanor time served even after all of this. But I never again had a victim admit they were making things up on stand.
pullypeony
46. State trooper ruined my pregnancy, so I ruined his life
An Arkansas woman is suing a state trooper after she claims he performed a dangerous pursuit intervention technique (PIT) maneuver during a traffic stop, which caused her vehicle to flip on its top as she attempted to pull over.
Then he said, "Ma'am, you didn't stop soon enough.". It made her blood boil and she decided to take revenge.
The next day she filed a lawsuit against him,. The next day in court, he presented the dashcam footage as proof. That's what She wanted.
What she showed everyone shocked everyone and Tropper started sweating bullets.
She won the lawsuit and the tropper is now in jail.
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