Being misunderstood must be so annoying! In this article, you can read about how strong women stand up for themselves. Hear their stories of facing challenges and winning respect in a world that sometimes ignores them.
1. Watch Your Language
My scenario doesn’t quite fit the bill but I’m a female business owner with a male business partner. I’ve had a few customers born in the dark ages and reps that ask to “speak to my boss” but the worst was a guy who snapped his fingers and told me to “put the kettle on girly”.
Needless to say, he didn’t get his cuppa and he certainly didn’t get the discount he asked for.
Blondeinsideandout
2. Focusing On Her
So a while back, my wife and I were hitting up local dealerships trying to find a replacement car for her 2006 Nissan subcompact. The first thing I would tell each salesman was that we were shopping around for a daily for her to drive.
Honda dealership was a stereotypical car salesman "We can't even let her take a test drive unless she shows intent to buy". Ford dealership ignored her completely and tried to sell me a Mustang.
Toyota was like, "Oh you must want to look at our (insert soccer mom vehicle here)". But when we got to Mazda, I told the sales guy the same thing that we were looking for her next car, and he immediately nodded, turned to her, and asked "What do you look for in a car?"
And then he just listened to her. He didn't ask me anything for the rest of the time we were there, focused entirely on her and answering her questions. Never rushed her or pushed her towards a different model. So yeah we'll probably be getting her a soul-red Mazda3 because of that guy.
Raeshkae
3. Making Assumptions
We wanted a fence around our house. I have always worked from home, and my husband has always worked in a field where he cannot take time to meet with contractors, etc.
He and I agree on terms up front and then I make decisions from there. It doesn’t matter in life, but for this story, it does: I make more than my husband.
We had already agreed on this company based on various factors. A man came over to give an estimate during a workday, which ended up being less than we expected to pay.
I was ready to sign the papers and he said “I’d rather talk to your husband about the numbers and get his signature since he will be the one paying for it” I asked him to leave my property and never come back.
Diligent-Reaction-23
4. Not Right At All
When I was a baby for some reason I wouldn't "latch on" when my mother breastfed me, so I wasn't eating well.
The doctor completely ignored my mom and only talked to my dad because she was "too hysterical"... He was on the verge of finding out what that looked like.
TheHitListz
5. You Got It All Wrong
My husband and I took my daughter to urgent care for stitches. My husband is holding the kid, and I check her in at the front desk iPad. The front desk man looks at my husband and asks for the insurance card...
We’re on my insurance so I hand him the card. Next, he tells my husband the copay, looking at him, behind me, when I’m the one standing at the damn desk. I pull out my card with my name on it and pay. Jerk.
Fire-Kissed
6. She’s the boss
I took my colleague out to lunch. He wasn’t a subordinate he was at the same level, however, I was given a company card and he wasn’t, due to the nature of our jobs.
When the bill came around, the waitress gave it to him because she assumed he would be paying. He graciously grabbed the bill and gave it to me and said “She’s the boss”. Smart move: made me feel validated, and he got a free lunch.
leafypaq
7. Let Her Talk
I’ve been on the flip side of this. For years, I worked at bicycle shops and regularly sold some pretty expensive bikes. One day, a couple came in. The wife was interested in a bike, and it quickly became apparent that the husband was an overpowering, dominating type.
“She wants to do this, she doesn’t want to do that, she likes this, she doesn’t like that” etc.
When it became clear she wasn’t being allowed to do much speaking at all, I would let the husband ask the question, and I’d reply by physically turning and giving the answer to the wife, making eye contact with her only and pointedly ignoring the husband.
It was pretty blatant. She loved it. She lit up, engaged with me, and genuinely seemed to enjoy the process of learning more about riding and getting into a new sport/hobby.
Cessnateur
8. Don’t Talk To Me, Talk To Her
It’s not so much a particular story but when I was shopping for a car several years ago, the salesmen at every dealership kept talking to my husband instead of me, even though I was the one who contacted the dealerships and made sure to introduce myself first.
My husband got sick of it and started telling them “Don’t talk to me, it’s not my car. Talk to her.” I wound up buying from a saleswoman who treated us equally until she pretty quickly figured out my husband was not involved whatsoever in the decision.
Dakizo
9. I Can Make Decisions On My Own
For some context, my husband is a stay-at-home dad to our 2 little boys, and I'm very successful as a manager and fortunately able to provide well for my family as a result. My name is the sole name on our house and our car because he doesn't bring in any income.
My husband has always wanted a Jeep Wrangler and he's such a good dad, such a good man, and works so hard to keep our house nice, so I wanted to surprise him with one.
Last year while my husband was out of town, I was going to trade in our current SUV for a Wrangler. I went to the Jeep dealership and let them know my plan, had all of my paperwork and money ready, and told them what I was looking for.
The salesman I was talking to just kept saying he wasn't sure this was what my husband would want me doing, and told me that I needed to check with him, come back with him, and we'll figure something out.
He had the nerve to say that he needed to sign off on the trade-in anyway, despite the SUV being fully in my name. I walked out of there and never went back.
Loiseauquichante
10. High Class Shade
I’m the (female) breadwinner in the family. The salesman spoke to my husband about everything.
Then when I wrote down my monthly salary, said “Ma’am, this is monthly not yearly.” I said, “I know, that’s what I make each month.” I walked out.
cerasmiles
11. Beware Of Spiders
25 years ago, my husband and I were looking for our first house. He had just graduated and still had student debt. I had been practicing law and had 20k saved for the downpayment. The real estate agent only spoke to my husband, even if I asked the questions.
In one house, we went to look at the basement and the guy said "You don't want to go there. It has spiders." I told my husband I wouldn't ever buy a house from him.
Later, the guy ran for office and I told everyone the story including a woman who called me randomly to promote his candidacy. Turns out she was his mother. It's a small thing but indicative of his attitude toward " the fairer sex".
defenselaywer
12. Speaking With My Husband
I’m in the process of buying a house at the moment, I went to talk to a mortgage advisor (a woman) who kept addressing my partner and facing him, etc.
My partner eventually spoke up and told her to speak to me as he’s poor as hell and going to be paying me rent (his contribution for the bills etc) but the house is wholly in my name.
She still didn’t stop looking at him during the meeting but for everything else has been coming to me and dealing with me fine.
Sharpinthefang
13. No Thank You
My old teacher told me a story about a cold caller. A man phoned the house phone (this was around the 80s/90s when people still had house phones) asking for the man of the house to talk about changing supplier for something or other.
My teacher (a woman) told the man that her husband was away on a business trip and to call back the next day.
He called the next day, again asking for the man of the house, and she informed him that her husband had been delayed and to call back the next day.
He called the next day, and she informed him that due to bad weather, his flight had been delayed until later that night, so please call back the next day.
He called the next day, she put her husband on, and the man asked about changing to his company's service. The husband informed him that his wife dealt with all the bills and please talk to her. My teacher took the phone, said "No thank you" and hung up.
ireadvogonpoetry
14. Worth It
This August, I bought a new truck and took my boyfriend with me. He is white and I am Mexican, we arrived at the dealership and I asked about the explorer they had front and center.
The salesman comes over and is asking a bunch of questions to my boyfriend. He told him it was for me. I was ignored for the entire conversation. I got up and started looking at the truck. A Hispanic Salesman comes and asks me if I need help.
I was out of there within 1.5 hours keys in hand. Found my bf with the other salesman. I looked at my bf and said I bought the one I wanted Manny G got me squared away.
The look of utter disappointment and anger on the guy's face was worth it. My bf chuckled and said, "I told you she was the one buying." Manny, you were great.
messicanamerican
15. My Name Is On It
Trying to collect a parcel from the post office that was addressed to both me and my husband.
I was told that my husband had to come to collect it. I asked whether they meant both of us had to be there and the response was “No, just him”. Needless to say, I was not happy, and after a while arguing, they gave me the parcel.
CH9791
16. Fighting For A Normal Conversation
It happened to my mom when we went to look at colleges. The admissions guy opened by shaking my dad's hand, constantly directed questions at my dad and would look to him for confirmation whenever my mom said something.
My mom is defacto the money person of our family unit. She manages the family finances and investments and stuff and was way more qualified to comment on things like student loans or expected contributions.
When we left that meeting, she was absolutely furious that she had to basically fight the admissions person to have a normal conversation.
Rhodehouse93
17. I’m Buying It
I was trying to buy a TV about 10 years ago at Fry’s Electronics. Bf came along to help carry the big box. Every time I asked a question, the employee would answer by turning to my bf and talking to him.
Even when he said stuff like “I don’t know, it’s her TV” he still faced and made eye contact only with my bf. I was getting pretty irritated, the last straw was when I was handing him MY credit card and he turned to my bf to ask if he wanted the 2-year warranty.
Finally, I snapped at him “IT’S NOT HIS TV. I AM BUYING THIS TV! STOP TRYING TO SELL IT TO HIM!” I was pissed and it was the most irritating and sexist customer service I’ve ever experienced.
QueenBumbleBrii
18. SHE Is Looking For That
That's exactly where I experienced something similar! I was buying a printer and my platonic friend needed a digital camera (this was about 10 years ago). We went there together and the salesman would not even look at me. So, basically, this is how it would go---
Salesman: "What features are you looking for?"
Friend would turn to me: "What features are you looking for?"
I would answer, "I'm looking for a Wi-Fi-enabled color all-in-one with scanner and copier."
Friend would turn to the salesman, "SHE is looking at a Wi-fi enabled all-in-one with a scanner and copier."
And repeat this with every question that was asked.
We walked off after a while because of just how ridiculous it was. After we went over and he looked at the cameras, we returned to the printers, thinking we could avoid him.
Fortunately, I saw another salesman who just happened to be the little brother of an old friend of mine from HS, so I made sure he got the commission.
ShortNerdyOne
19. That Includes Me As Well
When I had my appendix taken out, I asked my doctor when physical intimacy would be OK again.
He turned to my husband and said “Whenever you feel ready, you can begin physical relations again”. I don’t know if he was uncomfortable talking to me about it, or was deferring to what my husband would prefer. Either way, it was strange.
DundieAwardWinner525
20. I’m Good On My Own
We were looking into replacing our roof and found a metal roof company that was running a promotion, so I gave them a call and scheduled someone to come out and give us a quote.
I was able to answer all of his questions, but he refused to give me a quote without my husband present (with some "sign before we leave for best price" excuse), and was intent on driving back over the following day (when my husband would be home).
I called their main office shortly after he left and said I wasn't interested in any high-pressure sales tactics, I just wanted a quote, and if they wouldn't give that to me, the one who would be paying for it, then not bother coming back out.
Didn't see them again. The three other roofing companies I contacted had no problem dealing solely with me.
chases_squirrels
21. I Can Do The Same Damn Thing
My husband and I had our backyard completely dug up and re-landscaped when we bought our house. The landscaper was an older guy, probably around my dad's age, and my husband and I are pretty young to be homeowners, so I could kinda understand this dude's condescending attitude.
When he came over the first time to do the estimate he almost exclusively addressed my husband even though I'd made it clear I was the one who was doing the designing and knew what I wanted done.
When the work was done and I paid him, he kept looking behind me for my husband and almost didn't give me the aftercare instructions for the new sod, saying he wanted to make sure it was done right so he'd email them to my husband.
I finally snapped, "Give me the damn piece of paper, Bruce! I'm the one who will be home during the day to do the damn thing!" (I worked nights at the time).
He reluctantly handed it over and called my husband the next day to make sure the lawn got watered. My husband told him, "You'd have to ask her, Bruce. She told you she'd do the damn thing" and hung up. I had, indeed, done the damn thing.
JazzberryJimJam
22. She Was Right
Auto Repair. Happens a lot. One time, I described the problem to the guy at the desk as clicking when I turned the key and asked if they'd check the timing belt.
They said I'd have to leave it so my husband arrived ten minutes later to pick me up. The mechanic came out and asked him what was going on with the car, never looking at me.
I finally asked if he'd checked the timing belts as I'd asked the guy at the desk to do. He had not. Gotta say mad turned to cocky when it turned out to be the timing belt.
moinatx
23. She Does It Way Better
I'm the husband, but when we have any kind of work done on our house, everyone constantly tries to make eye contact with me and pal around. My wife does all of that stuff.
I don't know anything about any of it. I literally spend the whole time redirecting people to deal with her. Sometimes I just excuse myself and have her fill me in on details (which I don't care about or need to know) later.
well_uh_yeah
24. She’s The Boss
I was invited to a weekend away with a supplier to launch their new range. My husband went with and on the 'order day', the Financial Manager of the supplier came up to my husband and asked him what he thought about the new range and what he was considering buying.
My husband replied very dryly that he was only the plus 1 and that he must speak to me seeing that I am the one with the chequebook.
celesteb4
25. You’re On My Property
Not a “client” per se, but a relevant story… I (38F) caught some hunters trespassing on my property. I wasn’t rude to them at all, just waved from the other side of the field.
The next day, they show up at my house and one gestures towards the police car in the driveway and asks to speak to my husband about hunting in our woods.
I was like “You can talk to him if you want, but that’s my cruiser and this is my land, not his.” They still insisted on getting permission from my husband.
Moleypeg
26. I’m “The Man”
I'm an army veteran. My debit card is with a military-affiliated bank. Every time I pay for dinner at a restaurant they bring it back, set it in front of my husband, and say "Thank you for your service."
My husband was never in the military. The card has my name on it, and sometimes they even watched me pull it out of my bag!
I have also been by myself somewhere, paid for something with the card, and had the person see the card, look at me, and say "Oh, was your husband or dad in the military?" Ummmmmm, no, no they were not. I was. Thank you.
TheLinkToYourZelda
27. Good On Her Own
Once, I was out with a crew and we all went to get dinner. One guy asks at the end of the meal if they do military discounts and the waitress says "We do! Are all y'all military?" He said yes (which we all were).
Came back with the checks and everyone (10 males) except me (the only female) received a discount. My favorite one is when I was getting a nursery gift for my pregnant friend who was with me.
Asked the floor salesman if they did a military discount (taking about $80 off). When I went to go pay for the item, I showed my ID to the cashier. The girl said they don't do spousal IDs. Politely informed her it was an active duty CAC.
CranberryKiss
28. Keeping Her Money
During my architecture internship, we had this couple client that wanted to do some renovation.
The paymaster was the wife but my senior at that time kept referring to the husband about everything, until one day, the wife snapped because the husband changed her design and told my senior that it was from her. He was trying to pocket some of the money for himself.
Lesson learned — always include both sides if your client is a couple.
servarus
29. Standing Her Ground
Not me but my mom (I'm not married anyway). My parents were looking to get solar panels and invited several people over to give their recommendations and get a quotation.
This one salesperson kept only looking at my dad, only responding to his questions and not hers and the quotation ended up being addressed only to my dad, not both of them.
My mom stood her ground and said that even if his offer was the lowest, they would not be choosing him. My mom is very anti-confrontational, so I was really proud of her.
Another time, I was helping my mom book plane tickets online for both my parents. Even though she filled her name in first, the online system suggested that my dad would be the 'main booker'. My mom booked her tickets elsewhere.
Worried-Smile
30. You’re Not Helping Us Anymore
My wife and I went to a dealership to look for a car for her when we first got married. The salesman comes up to us, looks me in the eye, and says, "How can I help you today?"
I replied, "My wife is looking for a car," nodding toward her.
The salesman continues looking me in the eye and says, "What sort of car would she like?" My wife says, "None of the kind you're selling," and we turn around and leave.
Graybeard
31. I’m Not A Woman!
So this one doesn't really involve any women but a coworker of mine, an Indian contractor, had a high-pitched voice when speaking English.
He was on the phone with his insurance to ask why they hadn't made the payment to the garage fixing his car and you could tell he was getting angrier and angrier at them when I all of a sudden heard him yell "I AM THE HUSBAND!".
Apparently, the guy on the other line thought it was a good move to tell my coworker "Can we talk with your husband about this? You don't seem to understand what we're saying". Our female coworkers were livid when they heard that and had a whole bunch of similar stories.
amalgamas
32. I Really Want That Car
I had been looking at a car online for about a month. I really wanted it. It was 350 miles away but near where 2 of my kids lived. We drove up to look at the car.
The salesmen kept talking to my husband. Finally, he says "Look, I HATE this car. I'm here to pay cash money on it but only if she's happy with the deal. I personally hope she doesn't get it."
THEN they started negotiating with me. I got it for a good price and when the title arrived it bore out the cliche - it really did belong to a little old man who rarely drove it: it had the death certificate stapled to it.
It was an 8-year-old car with less than 40k on it. And I got it for $4k - this was 16 years ago. Now WHY a little old man had a purple car with a sunroof, I don’t know.
apocawhat
33. My Opinion Matters
I was buying a new sports car. My husband and I walk into the dealership and the sales guy walks up holding his hand out to shake my husband's hand and asks how he can help.
Fine. No biggie. My husband says "She's buying, not me". The sales guy glances at me and says to my husband "Well, it's not just her decision, right?". We left and I bought my new sports car elsewhere. A damned idiot.
epi_introvert
34. Consequences
At work, I manage a few facility systems in our building (think air handlers, water purification, etc.) I was meeting a new vendor (let’s call him “Pat”) who was servicing one of the systems I was overseeing.
Pat had already met the facilities engineer (also a man), so this coworker Instead of talking directly to me, Pat turned to my coworker after shaking my hand and asked him, “And what does she do here?”
A few weeks later, he had the unpleasant opportunity to learn that I’m the one who calls him when his company falls through and doesn’t deliver. Needless to say, I was not overly polite about it when Pat failed to do his job.
mchla
35. All Mine
When I was buying my house, I took my boyfriend with me to the viewing and the realtor was talking mostly to him and even ended up calling him with bids on a house.
Yes, I purchased the house all on my own, and it’s mine. I don't take myself too seriously and I'm not easy to upset or embarrass, so I didn't really care, I was riding high on a wave of winning a bidding war.
CybermanCat
36. Misogynistic Realtor
My husband and I were selling our home and buying a new one. He is self-employed so everything with the ownership was only me and my income (same as our first time buying). The realtor kept referring to my husband for the whole process.
The realtor would ignore my texts, calls, and emails. I would call him with a question, leave it on his VM, and then he would call my husband with a response.
I was being completely ignored, so my husband ended up calling the realtor and VERY sternly letting him know that I was in charge of everything related to the buying, selling, qualifying, etc and that all questions, paperwork, and information should go solely to me.
For some reason, the dude couldn’t believe that I, as a female, was selling a home I had purchased on my own and was buying a new home on my own.
houseoftherisingfun
37. Not A “Pretty Little Thing”
I went into Home Depot to buy a hard hat for my mother... seemed simple enough. I was approached by a worker who seemed to be in his 50s. He took one look up and down and said “What’s a pretty thing like you doing here? You look a little lost”.
I told him what I was looking for and that I had found it, and then he continued to question what I needed it for, and if I really knew which one to pick out.... it was quite the experience. Thankfully only a one-time event though.
cocoacacoconut
38. I Matter Just As Much
No one ever spoke to me directly if me and my boyfriend were together. At a restaurant, we were clearly done with our meal and my boyfriend went to use the restroom.
I looked over at the female servers and made eye contact while trying to signal them. They just stared at me back. I piled plates together: nothing. A few minutes later my boyfriend comes back and they approach to ask him if he wants anything else or the check. Nothing to me.
Even when him and I tried the hotel spa, which usually is sexist in the other direction and cater towards women, they only asked “Mr. So-and-so, how was everything?” Not a word to me. It took away from the enjoyment.
imwearingredsocks
39. I Paid For It, Not Him
I have issues constantly when going out to eat with my boyfriend. They always put the bill down directly in front of him no matter what. Even when I reach across the table to grab it and put my card in, they almost always put the check back down in front of him after swiping the card.
They will often turn to him and thank him, or tell him to have a great evening or which copy to sign. It’s infuriating.
clittle24
40. Not Deserving Of A Good Tip
One weekend, I decided to treat my boyfriend to a nice dinner out. From the beginning, the waiter addressed him first and paid him more attention. He got my order wrong.
I bet my boyfriend that he would get the check. He took the bet and set about moving everything to his side of the table. Butter plates, glasses, everything.
His side was full and mine was nearly empty. The waiter came by and shoved it under my boyfriend's elbow. The waiter didn't get a great tip and my boyfriend was aghast.
Riodancer
41. Making Assumptions
One time, I bought my boyfriend and I some froyo at the mall, and the cashier handed the change to my boyfriend, despite the fact that I pulled the cash out of my wallet.
It felt so much more egregious than the restaurant check assumption because the cashier took the money from my hands and then turned around and handed the change to my boyfriend right in front of me!
KilgoreTrrout
42. How Dare You?
Buying a car. If anyone actually approached me I got to do a few test drives, then once I got to the negotiation stage they would ask me to take the offer home to my husband. I was single.
If they didn’t suggest taking it home to my husband, they’d then send me to the financing office - because how could a single woman possibly buy a brand-new vehicle in cash?
I finally found a great salesman who didn’t pull this sexist stuff on me and I bought a vehicle the same day.
ilyriaa
43. I Can Choose For Myself
Semi-related, my girlfriend and I were in a restaurant in Slovakia. The waiter, an older local man, comes over and directly addresses absolutely everything he has to say to me. Explains 15+ entrees in exquisite detail, etc.
Then turns to my girlfriend and says the only words he says to her all night: "And the ladies, they like this" *beckoning at one dish*. Based on my GF's face I could tell that:
A) It was bothering her immensely (rightly so); and B) Worse, that's exactly what she wanted on the menu before he came over.
kunderthunt
44. Humbling Experience
Car lot, of course. Kept talking to my boyfriend. Told the salesman, "Fine, keep trying to sell a car to the guy with bad credit. I'm going elsewhere." Good boyfriend though.
Next lot, the guy greeted him first, my bf told him “I'm gonna do you a favor and go outside before you lose your sale." I drive a hard bargain. Got the car for its exact value, financed it, and still didn't need gap insurance. They offered me a job, but I can't deal that way with a buyer.
MyAuraIsDumpsterFire
45. I Can Do It By Myself
All the time, every time we go out, to eat or shop. Restaurants, car dealerships, stores. Even when the items are obviously mine - like the shoes I bought today, the salesman went to the counter and stood around waiting for my husband, who was at the back of the store, to ring the items up, while I was standing right in front of him.
I had to tell him that I’m paying for my own damn shoes! And even when I pay, they hand the card or change and receipt to my husband who just stares at them with exasperation while he hands it over to me.
MimiDXB