Karma has seemingly caught up with Rep. Matt “Captain Venmo” Gaetz, and this time he won’t be able to send secret hush payments to make her go away like he did with his (alleged, but come on) teenage victims.
Matty Fivehead’s ex-girlfriend testified on Wednesday in the sex trafficking case against him in Florida, and aside from Twitter rejoicing over that (we’ll get to that momentarily), it’s clear time is running out for the Florida Man.The investigation into Gaetz has been going on for a while now with the full cooperation of his literal partner in crime, Joel Greenberg. Meanwhile, Gaetz quickly got married to the always-terrified Ginger Luckey, probably because he thought being legally wed to his human shield would protect him from her testifying for the prosecution (she can’t be compelled, Drunky, but she can and should testify voluntarily, and preferably on live television).
— Tara Dublin, Untapped Writing Goldmine #SignTara (@taradublinrocks) August 22, 2021
Also, as hard as I’ve tried, the MSM still hasn’t picked up on the fact that Matt Gaetz is such a small and scared excuse for a human male that he actually tried to use me as a scapegoat. After I did the inexcusable–I wrote a true story about Matt Gaetz doing and saying things I actually witnessed for myself in my own district–Gaetz did an entire segment of his “Firebrand” podcast about lil’ ol’ me. And then his followers took his words literally and found me, not just online, but where I actually live in real life. And literally no one has done a damn thing about it, because why protect women in the media who write the truth about an entire party looking to eliminate the press? I’m not a member of Congress, so it’s okay for him to do this to an American citizen from his official government Twitter account.
BREAKING: Hear the unhinged voicemail triggered by this tweet! @taradublinrocks
— Rep. Matt Gaetz (@RepMattGaetz) September 23, 2021
But ANYWAY, it seems like Rep. Butthead is heading for new digs, with the kind of bars he can’t stagger out of and then get a DUI for his dad to disappear for him. Twitter amped up the schadenfreude, because sharing is caring.
Bad news for Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL): An ex-girlfriend of the congressman has testified to a federal grand jury investigating his alleged sex crimes.
She is reportedly in talks for an immunity deal. pic.twitter.com/mVDjsD5qmP
— The Recount (@therecount) January 12, 2022
look, I may not agree with the way Matt Gaetz handles his personal life, but he is an elected official and I will defend to the death his right to be dragged from Congress in handcuffs, humiliated, disgraced, tried for his crimes and thrown straight the fuck into prison
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) January 12, 2022
BREAKING: Matt Gaetz is fucked.
— Mayo (@Mayoisstillspi1) January 12, 2022
If Matt Gaetz thinks he got effed by his 17-year-old girl, just wait until the grand jury is done with him!
— Agolf Twitler Slayer (@bblock29) January 12, 2022
Watch our pals at Meidas Touch gleefully share why Gaetz’s time freely breathing that cocaine-tinged Florida swamp air is rapidly coming to an end, just like his relationship with his ex-girlfriend did.