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Ted Cruz Whiningly Responds After Jimmy Kimmel Destroys Him in Monday Monologue

Prominent politicians are always a target for jokes, mockery and criticism. That’s why the vast majority of them tend to avoid checking their Twitter mentions or watching late night shows. But Ted Cruz is a different kind of animal altogether.

MISSION, TEXAS – MARCH 26: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) speaks to the media after a tour of part of the Rio Grande river on a Texas Department of Public Safety boat on March 26, 2021 in Mission, Texas. The senator is part of a Senate delegation visiting the Texas-Mexican border. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

The Texas senator voraciously searches his name and is quick to get into Twitter spats with anyone who insults him. Last night it was Jimmy Kimmel. After the late night host roasted Cruz on Monday night, the GOP lawmaker immediately began whining.

Kimmel took issue with Cruz’s recent comments about the United States’ “emasculated military.” He told his audience, “Ted Cruz, who four years ago took permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father, says this is emasculating. Primarily because Ted Cruz is not human. He is a moist, gelatinous tubeworm whose elastic-band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks.”

This remarks is enough to bother anyone. Cruz though the best way to respond would be talk about beating Kimmel in a game of basketball. “Jimmy Kimmel keeps talking crap. Really tough guy. Here’s a reminder, when we played one-on-one, I kicked his ass. He has to live with that…forever. Rematch, punk?”

Kimmel slyly responded, “Oh Ted… you get so sad after you masturbate.”



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