People Who Have Cheated Before Share Stories of Why They Did It

Dive into the confusing world of… relationships and betrayal. We have lots of real stories about people’s confessions of why they’ve cheated on their significant other. Brace yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions as these stories shed light on the human experience of love, temptation, and the decisions that shape our relationships. Everything has consequences!

1. Growing Older Hurts

Insecurity. I was always looking for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. Once I grew up emotionally, I realized how miserable I was & the hurt it caused. 

It’s hard to live with it, to be honest. I just wanna make it clear I was not a serial adulterer… It was a youthful lack of judgment.

Penfold_for_PM

I’m not proud to admit it, but I did it out of anger. I regret it every day and I wish I could take things back, it’s not worth it in the long run, I’m lucky enough that I’m still with the person I love but most aren’t that lucky realize what you have before it’s too late.

Take a long look at yourself and your actions and apologize to yourself and to your S/O. If you love someone, no matter what you’re going through, you treat them like you love them.

aloosmokes

I was young and insecure, and I had a lot of fights with my girlfriend back then. I cheated with a girl who had a boyfriend. I did know her boyfriend really well. Actually, he was a really good friend.

After I cheated it really hit me what an awful human I was. I got clear with everyone involved in this. I was single again, her boyfriend did actually forgive me and left her. I thought he is going to beat the hell out of me.

And this Girl I cheated with said it was all my fault and blocked me everywhere. This was a lesson for me and will never happen again.

scarr991

I was emotionally immature and had yet to understand trust in any non-self-serving way. I still feel shame about what I have done, but I am no longer ashamed of myself.

It is (and I hope will remain) one of the worst set of actions I’ve taken in life and I actively remind myself of the importance of being honest in my words, actions, and relationships — and of the pain that betrayal can cause. No one deserves trauma or to be manipulated.

Confronting yourself as you are is difficult, especially if you grew up in a household that repressed emotions. If you don’t have the language, tools, or experience to understand yourself, your feelings, or the feelings of others, it is alarmingly easy to compartmentalize and excuse your actions.

Pro tip: start therapy before you think you need to. There’s likely some part of yourself you still need to acknowledge, discover, explore, or tend to.

RowhammerBitflip

I’m just recently realizing how I didn’t receive enough attention and validation from my parents and how much it’s influenced my choices. Meeting someone and having them be into me physically is the easiest validation boost I can find.

People who grew up with parents actually interested in them and with an instilled sense of self-confidence don’t know how good they have it. I don’t inherently feel important or relevant so I’m always looking for someone to tell me otherwise.

tellitothemoon

My ex was done in the bedroom and even said they were no longer interested in me physically/intimately. I should have left at that point, but with kids and the financial hit of divorce, I just looked to fulfill that need. 

I later divorced and it was a big financial hit, but oh my God what a relief it was getting out. Getting out of a toxic relationship is where the true pleasure comes from.

loomdog1

My marriage had started to feel more like a roommate situation. Great mom and friend but the room had gotten a little cold. My wife is kind of an alpha personality. The times we were intimate were not really exciting. 

There were constant excuses to not make love. (Stomach is acting up, I'm backed up, it's too late, I'm tired) And when we were intimate, it almost felt obligatory like, hurry up and finish. Never anything new.

We have a drawer of toys that have never been used. She needed me to be more romantic and affectionate, and I needed more frequent and exciting physical intimacy. She said she'd be more willing to please if I was more affectionate. 

I told her I'd be more affectionate if she was more willing to please. Anyway, it happened with a much younger woman in her 20s, and the intimacy blew me away. And my lover made me feel important and masculine. She was very attentive to my needs.

changomaniaco

Not me, but a guy friend cheated and the reason he gave was that he loved his fiancée but they had very different s*x drives.

He also said that when he brought it up to her (the difference in their s*x drives and the problems it would cause) she begged him not to leave and insisted it wouldn’t be an issue.

He told her it already WAS an issue and, as a last resort, she said she would understand if SOME DAY he felt the need to look elsewhere…just as long as she never found out.

The girl admitted to saying all this but explained that she would have said anything for them to stay together in that moment, she didn’t think he’d actually be “messed up enough to cheat”, and she never imagined he would do it so soon.

Dramiotic

My partner cheated on me shortly after I had his baby. I wanted to leave but I convinced myself to stay. The logistics of having a baby and 24-hour care are challenging on your own. He refused to have intercourse with me. At some point, someone got me in a weak spot. 

Someone telling you that you are beautiful, talented, and special after being invisible can become addicting. I don’t expect sympathy from anyone for my actions. But I do have a lot of sympathy for others now.

throwawaythrowyellow

Because the relationship was done and I was already moving on emotionally. I just didn't care about her enough to care whether she was hurt or not. Honestly, in hindsight, I have zero idea why we were still together. It DID make the eventual breakup a lot messier.

I was young and it taught me an important lesson. If you're done, just be done and leave. There's no point in dragging it out. If you're ready to start looking for another relationship, start by ending the relationship you're already in.

codefyre

I think a lot of people do it out of insecurity. They want to feel desired. I will be honest, I have contemplated cheating in the past because I was no longer desired to the same extent he once showed me when we first started dating. 

I never have, but this was the biggest reason why I almost did. I realized I was just insecure in myself and wanted the same level of desire I was once given. It’s extremely sad.

ReadingHotTakes10

There was no intimacy anymore. I talked about it a lot but it didn’t change. I should have broken up earlier but I was threatened whenever I brought up the topic of breaking up. 

I am not proud of myself at all. First I found a new place so I didn’t have to take the threats this time and could properly break up. But yeah, in the meantime, I cheated on my ex and I am ashamed of it.

rutobemo

I cheated because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone whom I had convinced myself I was in love with and who loved me. 

Turns out that breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating.

dodongosbongos

I had a lot of fear of commitment and the finality of my decisions, but a lot of insecurity too. Wherever it stems from, my infidelity never felt ‘good’ or like being a player or anything. 

It always felt like a cushion for the fear of being left by myself, losing a person who I invested ‘everything’ of myself and my feelings into, and seeing them go. It’s like opening windows on the off-chance you need to crawl out of one someday. 

But so often, as I did, you realize too late that you invested so much of yourself into them anyway, and when you get tossed out of that window (partner ended it and kicked me out in my case) you realize you’re in a skyscraper. 

I hurt a lovely, wonderful person who I loved very much, wanted to build a life with, got a dog with, moved in with, moved to California with, and shared beautiful moments with, and who was just as afraid of abandonment as I was. 

The only difference is she chose me, and I couldn’t see why. But even if I didn’t like myself, I knew far too late that she was the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time, and she had to go even if it crushed me and I begged her to stay. 

I only hope that she’s happy, wherever she is, being the best thing to ever happen to somebody else who loves themselves enough to treat her the way she always deserved. 

We don’t decide how we get shaped by life and its traumas and tragedies, but the simple truth is that when you want all of somebody’s love, you need to give all of yours. It’s a crazy investment, a total leap of faith but when it’s real, it’s worth every moment.

Sinnaphon

I was the 'other' man - but she told me specifically why. They were an influencer-type power couple and they had a dead bedroom (no intimacy in 5 years) and then she found out he was cheating with a paralegal at his firm. 

They had a huge fight and he angrily told her that she should go find someone to sleep with, assuming she wouldn't.

I ran into her the next day and just talked with her and she broke down. 90% of it initially had to do with me simply being kind to her when she was at a really low point. 

But she said it morphed into the fact that I treated her like a vibrant and attractive woman and met her needs - she compared it to substance addiction (to which she had no actual frame of reference) because she had been missing that for so long.

They ultimately kinda/sorta worked things out, but every Saturday for 5 months she was at my house all afternoon, and sometimes on Sunday.

BombasticSimpleton

Because I have ADHD and need the dopamine rush. At the start, it is just there. Every little thing just has me excited. And yes, there are issues, especially with my abilities. But they don't matter right now because don't you know I am just so involved.

Then the constant rush wears off and I am not getting the dopamine hit. I am getting bored and the fact that I really suck is making it just so much worse. So I started looking for a new way to get my dopamine. I find a subreddit and join. 

I started hitting up Google to find just what I wanted. And I justify it by just "looking up tricks to make it better" and finding "loopholes". I tell myself that this time I won't actually cheat. 

I will just look and not cross that line. Sometimes along here I will "take a break" but I always come back, usually sooner rather than later.

But eventually, I really need the dopamine and I figure I can do this one little thing. It isn't a big deal, the only person I am hurting is myself. I won't go too far this time. And every time, it leads down the same slippery slope.

There I am, full-blown cheating. My desire to complete things and do it perfectly means I won't just give up despite it. So I tell myself that it doesn't matter. It's not a big deal. No one else will ever find out.

Except I am always found out. Usually by my kids, who have become heavily invested in it. And they always call me out on it and tell me I need to give it up. But I can't. I need the dopamine rush. 

So here I am, with a weapon that can one-shot even the hardest bad guys, armor that protects me from 99% of hits, the ability to carry around half the known world on my back, a full walk-through open on my phone, and so much money that even the largest purchases don't make a dent.

So yes, it is my ADHD that makes me cheat in every single-player video game.

nonameplanner

I’ll be honest. I still feel super guilty even though it was so long ago. I cheated on my wife when we first got together. It wasn’t her fault at all. It was all me. 

I had a hole in myself and I thought the only way to fill it was with women. I was wrong. It made me feel worse. I hurt the person I love the most in the world and luckily for me, she had the heart to forgive me.

All I had ever known was infidelity in my life. My mom cheated on my dad, my aunt on my uncle, my other aunt on my other uncle, and my aunt and uncle cheated on each other.

It took me a while to finally look at myself and see that I was the problem. My amazing wife forgave me but she never forgot. It took years for her to trust me again which I never thought she would but I was willing to work hard to keep her. 

Now, 11 years of marriage later, we are happy and life is going great. I still hate myself for how I hurt her. She never deserved that and I definitely don’t deserve her.

Eve_Manufacturer

I had internal issues that I never faced or didn’t really know how to face. Intercourse and attention were validation even though my wife offered those things it was never enough from her or anybody else it was a bottomless desire for me to prove to myself I was wanted and important. 

I destroyed my marriage and more than a few friendships. I had to look inward and accept that all this bull that’s happening is because I have a problem that is nobody else’s fault and learn how to love myself and only then was I able to correct my behaviors.

pitterpatter0207

I did it because I was young and I was dating the rebound guy, the nice safe guy that everyone was suggesting to me instead of the toxic I was seeking out.

I was trying to do the "healthy" thing. My ex whom I was still in love with but trying not to be came over...and I guess I felt more loyalty to him, like he was "mine" and it wasn't wrong to be with the person you love. 

It was wrong, I did immediately tell and end things with the guy I was dating, but I wish I hadn't followed my friends' advice and even involved that poor nice man in my life.

V_is4vulva

Not me, but my ex and my mother. They both cheated a lot and for the same reasons; They were INCREDIBLY self-conscious and insecure.

They didn't even have to really ~like~ the people they cheated with. They just craved the attention. When someone liked them and made them feel good, it gave them confidence. 

Saying no would have ended their confidence boost, and they were always too afraid to say no.

I've watched them both cry their eyes out because they don't want to be cheating, but they felt completely out of control. They felt like horrible people, and rightly so. 

They were both people-pleasers, always afraid to say no to anything and everything, and that escalated when anyone would come to them. As far as I saw, they hated themselves so much that they felt they needed these outside sources to make them feel whole.

Understanding why my ex cheated so much made me view him as a human. He's still my roommate and best friend, and he's currently in a wonderful relationship where he's been completely monogamous and hasn't cheated, I'm very proud of him for working on himself.

Cheating sucks, it HURTS. But trying to see it from a human perspective can sometimes take the pain away.

D00MB0XX

I felt trapped in a relationship with my toxic ex. I’d been with him for almost 5 years, and then our relationship went long distance. 

One day, a new guy started at work, and I got on with him immediately. We just clicked.

I wasn’t proud of it at all, but this guy listened to everything. Was there for me, made me feel loved, heard, wanted, even needed.

After a month I finally found the courage to break things off with my boyfriend. He didn’t make it easy and tried to manipulate me numerous times into staying, but I managed to get out of it. 

Started dating the other guy, and even though it didn’t last very long (about 11 months I think), I don’t regret leaving my ex for him.

Even though it didn’t work out, I still got out of that god-awful relationship and I honestly don’t think I would’ve ever left on my own. I was too scared.

OBLIVXIONN

Not me, but my wife kind of did. It's a long story. She was dirty-talking online with a guy leftover from her nude account that she no longer does. Found out she had been dirty talking with him over text, for like 6 or 8 months.

When I confronted her about it, she said a bunch of things that sounded like BS. She said I didn't make her feel wanted in a certain way, which was odd to me because I felt like we were pretty active from that POV, and I'm constantly telling her how pretty she was and how "hot" she is.

That's the really short version missing I'm sure a lot of context but I'm at work and really kind of took this post as an opportunity to tell someone because I think about it all the time.

What possibly was dirty talking with this guy giving her that I don't? All they did was this, it wasn't like they were having deep conversations. Also a bummer because she said she was into doing this with him because she knew it "wasn't real" and admitted to not being into it with me at all.

Y'all know how it feels to try dirty talking with your wife for years, always kind of knowing she's not really into it, only to find out she's super into it with a random person? It hurts to this day.

Anyway, we're still together and we've worked it out. I apologized for snooping through her phone because I felt disgusting the entire time.

Also vowed to myself I'd never go through her phone again, so there's honestly nothing stopping her from doing it again...

I love her and we have a great marriage, but it does suck that I have this to think about all the time. 

Also a bummer because I used to be into dirty talking online just a bit when we were apart because it was fun and I'm really attracted to her, but could always tell she just kind of wanted to get it over with.

Now I'll never be able to do that with her because I'll always think back to that experience...

I also get to think about all the meanings behind her being into this with him and never me really. Which obviously leads to a bit of insecurity on my end about whether or not she's attracted to me.

She says she is, but she's my wife lol, of course she's going to say that, and if it's a lie, she's taking it to the grave I'm sure. Anyways, it was kind of nice getting this out honestly. Haven't talked to anyone about it but her.

AlexanderLEE27

I did it because I was a young attractive hormonal alcoholic and thought I could get away with it and do whatever I wanted. I did not get away with it and it caused me years of regret and pain. 

Now that I’m older I realize didn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship because I was taken advantage of by a neighbor as a child and looked at intercourse as the ultimate form of validation. I thought that physical intimacy and affection were love.

Go to therapy, everyone. Go deal with your demons, you’ll be happier in the long run. Much love.

PossiblyRisque

I met the love of my life but was in a messed-up relationship. Sorted that out, now with my "side chick" 5 years together. I never cheated again and never will. 

I know you hate cheaters, and you are right, but once a cheater, always a cheater is not true.

Wodiboy

Honesty, I was just thinking with my privates. I regretted it almost instantly, not even the clarity afterwards, like, post-stick my private in clarity, almost even pre-intimacy regret. 

It’s not memorable in the slightest except for how forceful I had to be to get her to leave after she kept begging. Not a humble brag either, it was quite a stressful moment.

GuyNamedPanduh

I had a perceived lack of affection, I felt ugly and disgusting, and that I was just an emotional tampon. 

I would never do it again. 

In therapy, I learned a lot about the reasons I did what I did and in all honesty, if she would even entertain the idea of trying again I’d spend every day making up for it and making sure she felt more love than can be imagined.

I’m currently fulfilling into the man I know I can be I just wish it took a more positive trigger in order to start that for me.

Anthonys455

I was 16 and very stupid. There was really no reason. I was just inconsiderate of my boyfriend's feelings and had the opportunity. I felt absolutely awful for doing such a terrible thing. I made him cry. I never ever did it again.

I've forgiven myself because I was still a kid really but never forgot the horrible feeling of treating someone badly. It's awful and I don't really understand how married adults do it. I think they must not have a conscience.

Abalone_Admirable

I was 19 years old and on substances. We dated all through school. I still dream about her over 10 years later. It was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life (other than shooting up substances). 

I’ve been cleaned up for 9 years and actually have a pretty normal life now… but I still think about her and I still wonder.

[deleted]

I was 18 and in a relationship, I didn’t want to be in anymore for several reasons. I still thought my then-boyfriend was a nice enough guy and I needed a “real” reason to break up with him. 

Looking back, it was a truly awful relationship and he had also emotionally hurt me. I have no regrets though.

rainne901

As a teenager I would cheat like a piece of trash, hungry for anything that walks. It was funny to me. Until the day I fell in love for the first time. I found out my then gf is messing with two dudes out on the beach a summer night destroyed me. 

It was a slap so hard it put things back in place in my brain. Now after 10 years with my wife and a child, I have never ever thought of cheating again. I find myself admiring other women but that’s it. 

If I cheat on my wife, I cheat on my daughter. I cheat on her future. I cheated on the oath I gave myself when she was born that she was not going to have the same childhood as I did. 

And I will keep it. At least if someone’s going to mess with it, it’s my wife but I trust her with all my heart. If not, then that’s life and it’s on her. Can’t be bothered thinking what if.

Mysterious_Sugar2924

I found my partner less and less attractive as she put on about 40kg over the 2 years we were together. She was already a little bit thick to start with which I liked but she got huge and we stopped being intimate and I found myself looking elsewhere. 

Not proud of it, I should have just left but I keep myself in good shape, I expect a base level of self-care from my partner as well.

stranger_tangs

For me it was very simple, I was not getting enough intimacy in my marriage, about once every 6 weeks, and I wanted it more often than that. I wanted intimacy every other day and was getting it once every six weeks at home IF that often. 

Yes, I tried talking to her about it, and she didn't care to listen. Yes, I know it was wrong, I should have just divorced her and left. Do I feel remorse over it? 

No, I don't, because she was told more than once BEFORE we ever got married that if I wasn't getting it at home, I would be getting it somewhere else. She was warned and made the choice to ignore the warning.

It was a toxic relationship both ways, one that I should have never been in. So it Is what It is. That said I have had many relationships since that I did not cheat in.

Secret_Scholar497

I spent a lot of time at bars and clubs where the opportunity was always present, and it just happened. 

I feel like the biggest piece of trash for it. Statistics don’t lie though.

7opez77

My wife was the first and only woman I was ever with at the time. 

I wanted to try something else. It was worse, I love my wife dearly, and I simply was lucky as hell to find her so soon.

Earlyinvestor1986

I was in a long-term relationship and it was everything you could ask for... literally everything. She was a beautiful girl, we had a great relationship, incredible intercourse, a future, etc.

I was a gym-bro competitive bodybuilder and was in a lot of gear… None of that is an excuse and I cheated on her quite a lot for about 6 months with the same person who knew I was cheating but she didn't care.

I am so regretful of it, and I hate myself for it, I literally hurt someone for something stupid and I am disgusted with myself. 5 years later, I got with another girl after realizing I shouldn't be with anyone as I was toxic.

Within a month, I cheated on her and realized I was just a scummy dirtbag that doesn't deserve someone emotionally, so I admitted it before we got too serious, took a slap, and obviously went separate ways.

3 years later, I met someone that I thought was the best thing ever. over the course of our 2-year relationship, I went around some girls I met about 6 times just for fun and decided it was time for a lot of intense therapy.

I’m currently single, going to remain single probably forever because being like this and risking hurting someone isn't fair.

Why did I cheat? Because I was a slimey prick who didn't respect their partners. Do I regret it? Daily. Will I do it again? No, because I will stay single. If you ever think about cheating, honestly, don't do it, it messes up your soul.

reallybigbobby

I was selfish and wanted comfort that was accessible, while my real relationship was far away. I wasted everything on it, and I regret it vehemently to this day. 

I was stupid and selfish, and I betrayed the one best thing that ever came into my life. I’d give anything to take it all back, but I have to live with the consequences. She deserved so much better than me and I hope that she is happy wherever she is today.

doctor_gerbil

I mean... No harm was caused, I never cheated when it was serious. It's just a bit of fun, I like to mess around, you know? My friends know about it afterward and they are mostly fine with it. 

I never had anyone call me out on it too. And I never cheat when money is involved, I have principles, you know? I mean, isn't it fun to give a pair of Aces to a friend or something? And we're not betting real money so where's the harm?

Aesma_

I've cheated twice and both times were for basically the same reason. I liked a girl who made it plain she wasn't interested so I started dating someone else. 

The previous girl makes a play now I'm taken, the rest is history. I'm not proud of either incident and the second one in particular had dire, long-lasting consequences but I was a stupid, arrogant young man who did a lot of questionable stuff back then. I never did it again.

Johhnymaddog316

An open door tempts a Saint. It’s as simple as that, men especially find advances almost impossible to turn down. Women spend their lives as selectors, we spend our life as selectees. 

We spend our single life from the age of 14/15 trying to get laid. When a woman seduces us, it’s almost completely uncharted territory, we feel honored someone wants to sleep with us for a change!

Agreeable-Rain-4281

As a married man, I've been tempted to cheat or fantasize about being with another woman, but what stopped me was knowing how much it would hurt my wife. 

I couldn't live with that, she's everything to me, and I couldn't throw away the rest of my life with her for 3 minutes with another woman.

barstoollanguage

Lack of intimacy both times. The first time was losing my v card, my girlfriend would do anything but intimacy. I met a different girl who was very flirty, she knew I had a girlfriend and I lost my v card to her. 

The second time cheating was a long-term relationship, felt like either she was at work or I was at work and then intimacy dwindled to maybe every other week and I reconnected with an ex and cheated. I’m not happy about either situation and ultimately want to stay single, but that’s why I cheated.

214speaking

We've been long distance for 4 years at that point. I felt lonely and insufficient, work sucked, and I needed an outlet. The outlet ended up being a random girl off an app that was really into different stuff in the bedroom, and she essentially fulfilled many of my fantasies over a 2-day bender.

And if you are thinking 2 days, yes, she came over Friday afternoon and didn't leave my place until Sunday afternoon. It was a wild 48 hours. Substances and dominoes are great bender fuel.

Immediately after, I didn't feel anything. Now that it has been a few years, I regret my actions and feel like I lost a piece of my ethics and morality that day.

I will say, I don't believe in “once a cheater, always a cheater”. That was the only time I ever did it and I don't have any desire to do it again, but the regret will always be there.

ruminkb

I did it because he cheated on me first. I couldn’t get out of that relationship even if I wanted to. He was extremely possessive and emotionally toxic. 

He would come back and I had to accept him, and if I didn’t accept him and tried talking to anyone to make friends/move on, he’d stalk them, even if we’ve broken up. The only way I could get out of it was by cheating as he hated the thought of me being “impure”. 

I was always loyal and that was something he wouldn’t expect of me in a lifetime. It really opened my eyes as the person I cheated with knew what I was doing and was genuinely kind and caring and for a while I felt alive. I felt like I could be treated better.

Tummymum1

I have never cheated but I have some insight as it is a topic I am really interested in, and I have few friends and friends of friends who have cheated. All of them married guys (when they cheated anyway).

All of them, literally all of them said the number one reason was lack of intimacy in their marriage. After a couple of years in marriage, the wife was always tired, not in the mood, etc. They kept getting turned down, and after some time their will to initiate intercourse broke.

After some point, these men (at least the ones I know) who thought they would not cheat, had something snapped in them and when the occasion arrived, they cheated. None of them "went out to cheat" but when the opportunity came, they did.

dondurmalikazandibi

Revenge. I was with someone for 4 years who was cheating the whole time. I found out in the first month and kept crying and begging her to stop. I know, I know, pathetic. 

Finally, I cheated to “show her how it feels.” She called me used up, dirty, etc. (I had only kissed someone lol) I still do NOT condone cheating or think what I did was okay. I was not in a great headspace after being manipulated for so long.

savanalynn00