People Share Their I'm An A Toxic Family Stories

In individual family life, not every thread weaves a harmonious pattern. There are moments when toxicity simmers beneath the surface, challenging bonds and leaving scars that linger. These stories reveal the complexities of navigating through such trying times, highlighting resilience, self-discovery, and the pursuit of healthier relationships. Join us as we delve into the narratives of those who've confronted the shadows within their kin, seeking understanding and a path toward healing.

1. Stitches, Silence, and a Sister's Surprise Visit

Years ago I was in the hospital after getting stabbed in the abdomen. Went under and the EMS had to bring me back. I woke up in the hospital full of stitches, but still alive.

I had a great group of friends that came throughout the weeks of my being there. To the point that I got my own room because it was disturbing fellow patients that I shared a room with and the staff were super nice about it.

The only family member to visit was my younger sister. My mom, dad, and other four siblings... None of them came, and my mom only phoned and communicated to me through the nurses, never speaking directly to me until I was back at home. 

And this was during a time when we had a decent (compared to other times in life) relationship.

Wage -slave

My dad screamed at me for 20 minutes when I was younger, called me a jerk, and told me to get the hell out of his house when I casually mentioned we seemed to argue more than other families.

My heart hurts for everyone who has experienced trauma. I'm giving you all a big hug right now. Things can get better, and I'm hoping it does for all of you. When you can, address your trauma, reach out, and talk to someone. 

My dad regrets not having talked to someone about what he went through as a kid because of how much it hurt his own family. The problem with taking the stance of simply "refusing to be my (blank)", is you create a whole new set of bad behaviors because you are trying to overcompensate. 

Freedom is acknowledging that in some ways you may be like (blank), but that doesn't make you, them.

iwantbutter 

When I saw how other people were treated in their own homes I realized I’m toxic. Other people's parents didn't tell them they were fat and no one would ever love them (reference; I was 5'5" and 124 lbs). 

I guess my mom had an eating disorder but she didn't have to shove it on me. Now I have an eating disorder that is ruining my life because she actively encouraged me to stop eating.

I would eat something like a tiny bag of chips and she would take them and say I was "gonna get ugly again". I went from Anorexia to bed back to Anorexia and am finally recovering well but not until after extensive therapy.

Getaway08152020

Bill Burr told a joke. He said that no one thinks they have an anger problem until they punch out the clown at their kid's birthday party

For whatever reason it made me step back and ask why the hell am I so angry all the darn time. Probably because my parents never wanted a kid and so they raised me like a dog. 

You've got treats! You've got toys! Food and shelter! Why do you keep bothering me? When I dropped out of high school I was practically feral. No social skills, no discipline, not even a personality. The result of neglect and emotional abuse. 

It's been a real trip to experience a supportive, emotional, and loving relationship for the first time as an adult though. I've got the most wonderful wife on the planet.

Spacemsrinespiff

I realized my older sister was a narcissist and blamed our religious upbringing as the cause of all her problems. 

All conversations have to be about her and her pain, struggles, and needs. But God forbid you talk about yourself. I was mumbling to myself this weekend, and of course, she had to insert herself into the “conversation.”

When I told her I did not say anything out loud, a screaming match ensued and she called me trashy for telling her to mind her business and stay in her lane. It made me realize that it had nothing to do with her and that every time I see her or talk to her, I end up feeling like trash.

Humblecourse

It was when my younger brother started telling me the way our mother was talking about him to other family members (insulting everything he did).. and I realized she and other family members used to do the same to me whether I was in earshot or not.

Now that I've moved out he's getting it all, it's my birthday today and although I received a card with money in it, she still chose to insult my lifestyle and voice her unwanted opinion on my relationship.

 I've always felt like the outcast of the family and wanted to be away from them since I was 12 and I assumed it was because I was interested in different things. Now I'm just realizing they're just like that, I would have cut them out of my life already but I'm just going to keep them at arm's length for now for my brother's sake.

whatisallthisthen1234

I was at my grandmother's house and there was a guy outside working in the yard. I'd say roughly mid to late '30s, kinda disheveled appearance. And he had talked to my parents about payment for work and what else had to be done and all that jazz.

He goes back to working and my mom comments on his appearance and how he may have "not gone to school." I called her out on it, especially since my parents go to church and keep Christian paraphernalia around the house. She stumbled for an excuse but couldn't find one to justify her behavior.

My dad in particular tends to talk crap about anyone who either he feels is beneath him or that he feels is "dumb."

Betterplanwithchan

My mom yelled at me for being depressed. She was saying how rude and inconvenient it was for everyone around me that I was depressed. She was screaming so hard that her face was all red. 

She screamed at me frequently. She would always wait until I was in the car with her because I would be unable to leave. I stopped talking to her after that day and she played the victim. She was suffering because she was “abandoned by her daughter”. 

No one in my family wanted to hear my side of things, no one reached out to check in on me. I was made out to be the bad selfish daughter. Now, I don’t have a relationship with anyone in my family. I cut both my parents off after I realized they both would not change or get help or see if they ever did anything wrong.

It’s been tough to deal with the emotions of it all, especially the emotions I felt when I was younger and in their care. I’ve been working on it with therapy for a few years now. But it’s been a necessary decision for me to cut those ties. So I can focus on myself and my growth and healing the parts of me that have been broken from my past.

The family mess can be tough! I hope everyone who relates is feeling strong and doing well! 

Keepkeep

My mom and dad finally separated because they finally admitted that all that fighting wasn't normal. I'd talked to them in my young teens about how I hated how they fought so much, and my mom said all married couples fight like that and that it was normal. 

Now I'm 18 and they separated this year, and they realized it is not normal or healthy to have "discussions" that involve screaming, tears, clenched fists, and everything short of physically harming each other nearly every day. 

Neither of them is abusive, they are both good parents but they were just in a bad relationship and thought that staying together would make me and my sisters happier, when in reality I wish they had separated years ago. They brought out the worst in each other.

And my mom came out as lesbian so part of the reason she was angry all the time was from repressing her sexuality.

Slekrone

It happened recently so I might as well explain a bit. I never thought I was in a toxic family, even when it was broken. I started realizing how toxic my mother was when my income was reduced. That’s when everything became clear.

Covid came around and I started earning less. I however kept working so that I could have a place to go later on. At home, it became a constant argument about why I was not earning as much as before.  

She tried to manipulate me into getting a fast food job, when I worked in an Aviation Company for high numbers. I realized the only reason she allowed me to live with her was because she got more money from me being here. 

Eventually, the arguments turned into her taking my card and trying to spend money on stuff. On my days off I usually sleep late, which gives her the chance to sneak into my car, take my wallet, and take my card. She tried to spend at least 100 or more. 

I caught her once when my bank had called about a suspicious transaction from a store I never went to. I told them to lock my card and I would investigate. It was some medium-end clothing store at the mall, she was trying to spend 160 and my bank account only had 43 in it. 

I called her and she exclaimed that it was for my sister who was going to another state that weekend. I told her to return my card and never do it again. I later transferred my money into my savings account so she could not withdraw it. (My bank blocks any attempt to overdraft)

This wasn't even the end of it, I have taken out loans to pay for my mother's bills. She claims she doesn't want to take loans because she is "being hunted by the banks for debt"   

I have seriously been wanting to move out but I have no place to go and not enough money to do so. So I am just dealing with it until things get better.

Lankykangaroo

When I was younger, my mom offered to give me a ride to school. I just had to drop my little brother off at the sitters (they were on their way to work). She just pointed to where the sitter lived (there were multiple houses there) and I went and started knocking on the first house cause I didn't know where to go. 

I was holding my brother (barely 1) and my new puppy for some reason. Long story short I was knocking on the wrong house and the right lady came out and took my brother. I guess I was taking too long because when I ran back home, my mom threw my plastic binder out of the car and sped off. 

My stepfather was driving. All I remember was grabbing it and running to school, thinking how if I was late and the school notified her, she would punish me. I'm still pissed about that.

Staticbun 

It wasn't the first time I realized it (far from it), but recently I ended a phone conversation with my mother by saying "Okay, bye." 

My fiance looked at me and asked why I hadn't told my mom that I loved her before hanging up. I told him I couldn't remember the last time she said that to me and it feels awkward/forced saying it back to her. 

His reaction was what got to me and I realized just how messed up that truly was. My mother is not an affectionate person on the list, but it would be nice to hear her say those words.

Theres-no-without

When I was 4 years old my mom told me that my parents divorced because Dad was a drug/alcohol addict. She neglected to mention her problems but suffice to say I’ve been stuck in the middle of their drama for 31 years now as an only child.

I remember my dad not showing up to my school’s Thanksgiving and eating alone. I remember sitting in the car watching my parents scream at each other. 

This happened again in high school when they put me in a mental hospital and the therapist tried to do family therapy. Lol. Now they fight over my child.

Cementaryfairy666

I was about 23/22 when my mom got drunk and started throwing my stuff on the front lawn and yelling at me to move out. The only thing I can recall doing was taking a shower before work. 

She pushed me outside and I just stood there looking at my stuff and thought "I have to get out of here and I can never come back."

That was like 13 years ago. I found a room to rent on Craigslist, went back to school and got a career, got married, and bought a house. I'm doing good now but I never returned home until after my mom died.

Crap-whats-not-taken

I was 11 years old when my mom and I came home and saw my aunt stealing our stereo equipment. When my mom confronted her, she pulled a knife. 

At the same moment, my uncle happened to be driving by, slammed on the brakes, reversed, and then came into the yard on the lawn and hit the corner of the house a little bit, jumped out of the van, and pulled a gun at my aunt.  

As my mom unpacked everything and handed it over to me, she later explained to me politely that my aunt stole to get money for her drug habit.  

Much later I found out that my uncle was high as a kite and shouldn't have been driving at all.  I look back on that day as the day I decided not to do drugs.

To be fair, my nuclear family was generally a standard loving functional family.  It was just my mom's half-siblings who were toxic, always taking money and never around unless they had to.  

After my mom died my aunt called me looking for money and I pretty much hung up and never talked to any of them again.

Smilinandit

I was 9 and was nice to the poor guy selling shirts out of the back of his truck. My dad pulled me away and told me directly "It's great to be nice to people, Chris, but be mean too. You want people to be a little scared of you"

Even at 9, I was like "Bruh that's not... Great" and it was an interaction that shaped our relationship. I went on to teach, have a vibrant friend group (every year a dozen of us meet up for New Year's and were in the 10th year this year!), and generally, I love people. It's in my work and every fiber of my life.

He... Died alone of an overdose about 10 years ago. The funeral would've been empty if not for all the friends who came to console me.

Ochisto87

I got married into a toxic family. My husband realized it when his sister attacked me (verbally out of the blue) in front of him for an hour...and then blamed him for making her husband hate the entire family... 

Everyone else in the family who was within earshot claimed to have not noticed or heard anything. It was loud and long. They knew. He was pretty shell-shocked by the whole thing. It was ignored and never resolved or discussed.

It's a very large family and I have been the black sheep ever since even though I wasn't even in the 'fight'. The funny thing is, I would take responsibility for anything if I knew what made her so mad at the time.

I have since apologized to her but she has never even admitted anything happened. I suppose the trigger might have been the fact that she was having a really tough time in her marriage and is now divorced.

Macrowknee

Well, here are the ongoing hostilities in this crappy household:

My father refuses to talk to me. We argued about what tires I bought for my car out of my own money and he didn't like the choice. He was drunk and remembered me screaming at him. It was the other way around, I never even raised my voice at him. He demanded that I apologize. 

In all due honesty, he can eat a sack of crap. There were talks of my parents divorcing just yesterday. Now they act like nothing ever happened. I basically have to play therapist for my mom.

But the moment that I realized I was in a toxic family? The moment I became conscious of my existence.

Thedudewhoshavesegg

My mother once invited me to dinner on my birthday. She said I should meet her at her house at that specific time. 

I called when I was maybe 20 minutes away. She said she had to run to the store quickly, and that she would be right back.

Long story short I waited at her house for over an hour then waited at my grandfather's house for quite a while. I was young and mad, I called her a jerk when I finally heard from her. 

To this day in her mind, it’s all my fault because I called her a jerk. She has 7 grandkids within an hour's drive and she has never met any of them. I have a good example of how not to be with my kids.

Chobdy 

I realized I‘m from a toxic family, when I spilled some Mountain Dew on the floor and freaked out, repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again. Whenever I spill something at my own home, or make a small mistake, like spilling something, dropping something, etc. My mom would snap and yell at me. For a while, I thought the constant yelling and screaming was normal.

Another sort of thing was when I mentioned a new phone she got me was a bit small, it was supposed to be a sort of "Thank you" thing since I like smaller things, they fit in my hands easier so it's not a constant struggle to hold it. 

My mom took what I said the wrong way and screamed at me saying how "spoiled" I was and how I was a little brat. I ended up crying that night.                  

 -tired-child-

I yelled at my mom after her husband(my stepdad) strangled the dog I just got(he killed my puppy because he didn't want pets in the house) and mid-sentence while I was yelling at her she said, "You get it all out of your system?" 

Then when I tried to move out she came crying to me begging for me to take her because "I don't know what to do!" 

Almost went no contact, but eventually, I did when my mom said she was disappointed I was "tainting the bloodline marrying a non-white". 

Went fully, with no contact, it's been years. 

The thing that I don't understand is how parents can be nice to their kids. I see it in my SO, she has constant contact with her parents and siblings. They always seem so happy. I legit cannot comprehend that that is possible.

FirstAccountingStory

During my freshman year of college, I was given a writing assignment to explore a defining moment in our childhood. I wrote about how I had created a superhero comic book. Our professor set up individual meetings with each student to discuss our rough draft.

 I was so passionate about writing and was looking forward to this meeting. I thought I was going to have one of those deep thoughtful relationships with this professor and he would be my mentor for years to come. 

In the meeting, my professor suggested some reading that he said could help inspire or positively influence my writing style. I immediately went to the bookstore to grab these.

 After searching for these books in the fiction section and not finding them, I asked an employee for help. The employee looked up the titles and found them in the self-help section. They were all self-help books for children of narcissistic parents.

Short-Biscotti

I finally had my wake-up call sometime in late 2019, as we had been preparing to move (For the 5th time) across the country. I was quite happy where we were before the move, and was sad to have to leave another place behind. 

Once we had left our house, and finally got to our new house, things started to go downhill. We all fought way more, like, many times a day, yelling, and tears. But the thing is, I thought everything was normal because my mom or dad (or both) would start yelling at me over things that didn't need to be fought over.

Examples of this include forgetting my dinner plate on the table, and my puppy having an accident on the floor, even though we had only had him for a week or so at this point, and he was still being trained. But then, sometime around 15-20 minutes after the fight, they would act like all was normal, and act all nice again to me, then repeat the process a few times that day.

In the past few months, I've started accepting the fact that I don't want my life once I move out, but I'm not sure how financially ready I'll be, because (as I mentioned earlier) I have my dog to look after, (fully grown, house trained, and over a year old now) and I'm not sure how I'll take him with me, as I plan on going to college for my bachelor's degree, (not sure for what yet).

I can't think of life without him, as he's the shoulder I cry on most of the time.

My_dog_ketchup1

I always knew my family had issues. There was one moment that opened my eyes to see how toxic they were. My mom spent 2 1/2 years fighting cancer that we knew was terminal. I lived 10 hours from her at that time. I visited every 6 months and FaceTimed her many times a week. 

I was there when she passed away. Now my mom didn't want a traditional funeral. I told everyone my aunts, stepdad, brothers, and sister just let me know when the memorial was and I would be there. I got a call the day of her memorial service yelling and telling me how terrible a daughter I was for not coming to the memorial.

 Now I had talked to my stepdad, sister, and one of my brothers the day before and asked about the memorial. They all told me they didn't have the date planned yet. Yet they all told everyone that I didn't want to come and I had told them that  I had better things to do than drive 10 hrs for the memorial. 

Yeah, that was the last time I talked to them.

Mendezflame

Currently living with my in-laws to save some money. Their interactions frequently go something like this:

Mom: bla bla bla makes side comment about unfinished house project to no one specifically bla bla bla  

Dad: well you know I've got x y and z projects going right now, I just don't have time.  

M: oh yeah, right, yeah you've had x y, and z going on for the last 20 years so you won't ever get to that project.  

D: you know I do the best I can for this house, Is it just too much to do?  

M: well it would help if you ever finished any of them  

D: it would help if you were supportive and helped me finish any of them

M: with what time? I get home from work at 8 and never find any food being done so I have to make dinner after working all day and bla bla bla  

D: I work all day too! I get home at 5 and start working on the house so that maybe when *you* get home I won't have to get yelled at for not doing anything. 

You got the idea. They go back and forth like this quite a bit. At first, it was sort of a one-time argument but then it continued fairly consistently, and after some time of living here I realized *that no one* in this family knew how to properly communicate. 

Not just the parents, but all of their children just don't communicate, and when they do it's abrupt and aggressive for no reason. The only seemingly sane ones are myself and my husband who is the oldest of the many siblings.

Haiku-lass

I made a post on Facebook about how disgusting Trump's comment was about assault on women in the military. This was 2016 I think? Right after he said "26,000 unreported assaults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?" I had gotten out of the military in 2013 and I have experienced many occasions of assault while in. Mom knew this.

Mom made a long comment about how my experiences in the military made me strong but that constantly talking about them was just reliving the past. Something about angels protecting me and never forcing me to go through trauma I couldn't handle because it was meant to be. 

I should always look forward and just forget the past. How should stuff like that happen in the military? I mean?..it was full of shaming and blaming and negating.

It was that moment that made me realize how toxic her views are. I've faced severe trauma as a result of her actions but she has no problem forgetting that...I just kinda cut ties in my heart with her that day.

Omgotsmoki

I traveled 9 hours by car to meet with my family to be at my youngest brother's Army graduation.

In the afternoon after the ceremony, we went to the PX Mall to hang out and get something to eat. My mom, who has thyroid issues and bad joints from working a factory job, decided to use one of those "mart cart scooters" to give her knees a rest.

My oldest brother says to her, "Why are you so lazy and fat?"

And I said to him, "What the heck is wrong with you? You know you don't have to say every jerk thing that comes into your head."

And my mom said to me, "Just leave him alone. It's no big deal. Can't we have one nice afternoon together as a family?"

Yeah, like I am the one who was tainting our rosy family experience. It's like everyone else in my family of origin has Stockholm Syndrome.

Rawr_Tigerlily

None of them showed up to our youngest (3) bday party. Oh, and it got worse. We had had this in the pipeline for about a month and a half.

Less than three weeks out my mom decided to go on a mini vacation to Florida for three days and asked us to move the whole party. Her husband, my stepdad, and I use the dad part very loosely, decided that since she wasn’t going to the party he did not have to. 

After my wife and I asked him to still come, he went up to Wisconsin to work on a camp hunting site. I am the oldest of three boys. One of my brothers decided to go on a kayaking trip because he felt no obligation. After all, my mom and stepdad weren’t going. He’s 27 by the way and our youngest brother is the only one with a legit excuse because he had a drill that weekend (Army National Guard we were both in).

On the last Sunday of the month, we held a party and everyone asked where my family was. Both my friends and my wife’s family who I loved dearly weren't present.

 For the first time I couldn't hold back, I said it was because they were toxic, and self-absorbed that's why they didn't show up. This was the last situation even though over the last 32 years of my life my mom, my dad, and my stepdad were just freaking worse.

I mean my wife married young at 19 and to be honest my in-laws have been my parents ever since then there is a huge blessing in our lives.

Therealdentedjedi

This one hurt and it sparked a great realization.

My mom didn’t even bother coming to my college graduation because my younger sister had a softball game. It wasn’t an important game or anything, but she’s a narcissist who lived through my sister’s sports achievements, so she valued that more than my achievement that she couldn’t use to boost her own self-esteem.

I graduated with a 4.0, but never got so much as a pat on the back from either parent for it. It felt bad.

PauseAndReflect

I have a lot of moments; but some recurring moments were whenever I was seriously sick or hurt, my mom wouldn't believe me or she would ignore me. 

When I was 9 years old, I told her that the vitamins she gave me made me feel sick. She told me to hurry up to the car, so I wouldn't be late for school. I told her that I wasn't feeling good. She yelled at me to hurry up. I went outside and suddenly I was puking on the lawn. She rolled her eyes at me.

When I was  12 years old. I told her that I fell on my elbow at school and it hurt a lot. She just hummed at me. I told her the next day that my arms weren't fine. When I was being  driven to school another day, she asked if I was wearing a sweater even though it was hot  inside and she yelled at me saying "Why are you holding your arm like that?" I rolled up my sleeve and showed her my elbow which was purple and swollen like hell. Her response: "Oh."

When I was 17 years old. I was sick, sick, sick, sick, and she kept telling me that it was just allergies. I asked her if I could just lie down for an hour. At exactly an hour, she called for me to do the dishes. I didn't get up because I had just started to doze and I felt like I couldn't move. 

She kept yelling at me to get up, stop being lazy, and come do the dishes. I pulled myself out of bed, having to use the wall to support myself. I saw her in the main room and told her that I was genuinely not feeling well. 

She scoffed at me and said I needed to stop acting. My brother had stepped into the main room then and immediately took a step back seeing me. "Oh my god, you're gray. You look terrible, Mom, are you seeing her?" 

My mom didn't say a word, but my grandmother came out of her room, heard my brother, and gasped in horror, expressing how terrible I looked. It was only then that my mother said, "Okay, let's get you to a hospital." I had a particularly bad case of strep throat.

Anyway, I'm 20 now. She still doesn't believe me if I'm sick or hurt - Always claiming that I'm being dramatic, even though I'm not the type to up-play my ails. (In fact, I even tend to downplay them.)

Lillipeetle

I was at my sister's wedding. It was the most fun wedding I've ever been to. Everyone was having a blast. I was catching up with some first cousins I don't see very often when my mom walked up to us and started complaining about how my sister didn't want to invite some of my mom's cousins.

 My sister and I had only met them a few years before and my sister didn't like them. My mom insisted that she needed them to be there so she could have fun. The freaked-up thing was my sister had given in to my mom's demands and some of those cousins were there. 

So my mom was actually scolding my sister at her wedding for letting her have her way. I had known my mom's siblings and parents were pretty freaked up which was why I rarely see my cousins, but this was the moment I accepted that she was just as bad

Direhusky

At the end of last year, I was an intern at a big law firm, and although it was a good internship I wasn't enjoying the area in which I was and was kinda abused by one of my bosses.

I wanted to quit it so I could focus more on the law school itself and figure out which area I really liked but wasn't sure because it was a very hard internship to get, so I asked for my mom's advice and she told me to quit it because I wasn't happy etc.

I quit it and I'm trying to figure out my future but every time my mom has a chance, she throws in my face that I am a bum that I quit a "job" and that I'm worthless and all. So yeah, no more advice from her.

Aunt-nastaces

My sister told her career counselor about five or six years ago that our mom always said to her that she was slow and that I was below average in school, our grade system is out of twenty: 10-11 is average ("passable"), 12-13 is good enough ("Assez-Bien), 14-15 is good (''Bien"), 16-17 is very good (''Très Bien), and 18 and over is excellent ("Félicitations du Jury).

 My sister always had about 10 or 11 (which is enough to pass a grade), and I spent most of my school life (including university) around 14. When she told the career counselor this, he said to her that our mother was (loosely translated): a wackadoodle. That was what confirmed it for me. 

What proved it for my sister was my mom shutting me down when I corrected her on what she said about Donald Trump. She told me I did not know anything about American politics. I've got a master's degree in English Studies (I'm from France) and my master's degree dissertation was on the United States under the Trump Era.

ChrisProff1991

My grandma and I are very close. I live a few hours away from her and she is not very tech savvy so it was difficult to phone her sometimes. I went home a few weekends ago and we got some time alone to talk. 

She told me that her sister (my great-aunt) was getting pretty sick. She was having problems with her kidneys and it affected her mind. My aunt and grandma took her to the doctor and went to get some medications that were about $7. 

Her card declined. She hadn’t been checking her accounts, and after calling the bank found out they were drained of over $10k in checking and had overdrawn. 

They called her daughter and granddaughter and they admitted to taking the money from her account. My great-aunt has been paying their rent for 3 years and has given them 2 vehicles. She pays the insurance on them both. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back. 

She is cutting them off and the latest update on her health was positive.

Lakenn

After my dad died, we were cleaning out his apartment. My mom, paternal aunt, paternal grandmother, and myself were there. I was 11, my parents were divorced, and while my mom tried telling me that my grandma was not a trustworthy person, she detached her own biases enough to still allow me to be close to my dad's family and make my own decisions. 

My dad had a motorcycle, which he adored in his apartment because he had no will. Every major possession was supposed to be recorded by the estate lawyers and be sorted out later. 

Nothing (minus little sentimental items--like, I took my Dad's hat) was to be taken home. 

On his motorcycle keys, he had a keychain of a bike. I was in the kitchen alone with my grandma, and I spotted them on his key rack. Nonchalantly, I said, "Oh, it's Dad's motorcycle keys!" My grandma said, "Oh yeah, it is." Then she grabbed them and slipped the keys into her pocket. 

Weeks later, I overheard my mom talking to the lawyer about not being able to find the bike keys. I told her what happened. My mom asked me if I was 100% sure I saw what I saw, and I was positive. Lawyers spoke to lawyers, and my grandma denied that it ever happened.

 It came to the point where I had to give sworn testimony at a deposition, all while my grandma looked me straight in the eye and calmly told everyone present that I "was a grief-stricken delusional child that was prone to lying". She then tried telling everyone that my word could not be trusted due to the intense trauma of my dad's death and questioned the courts if it was wise to believe an 11-year-old over an adult. 

She chose possessions over family. Every member of my dad's side supported her, even when she *then* lied on my dad's gravestone (making him two ranks higher in the military than he was, and then also stating he served in a war that he never did).

I don't even visit my dad's grave anymore because it's just lies. I tried to sporadically interact with them for a few years after that but officially cut contact in 2013.

Jayemadd

My sibling hasn't spoken to me since her wedding. It's been years; I haven't even asked if we're okay in the pandemic life, unlike, say, co-workers, I see like once a year for an hour or two if that (I travel for work, it's less weird than it may sound). 

Her complaint to our mother: the dress I wore looked too much like hers. Btw, my dress was a black and gold dress with a different shape, and here's the kicker, I'd never seen her dress. 

I didn't even know she was doing the bridal party thing until my partner and I had flown across the country at a really bad time for us; she was my sister, I thought I had to be there, no matter what. Nope. 

My dress was somehow too similar. She avoided me, my parents, and anyone I was standing near all night. It was honestly kind of impressive. She avoided all photos but one that a friend of mine insisted on taking (he's blissfully unaware of this kind of thing, for which I am grateful). Anyhow, that's the day I gave up forever on hurting myself trying to be her friend. 

Mum didn't believe how abusive she'd been most of my life until a year or two later when she broke into the house we grew up in to steal from my parents. She's got a cushy white-collar job, married to a lawyer, so none of us can think of a good reason to have done that. 

My mum has spent the last few years living an apology to me (and frankly my partner who was irate about the wedding thing in a way I was too dead inside already to be; I appreciate the sympathetic rage rather a lot, I know I'm supposed to be angry, I'm just too tired, on top of his own very justified fury for how she treated him). That part has been nice.

I appreciate the effort and I'm really sad it took being bit for her to believe me. Mum's been working her way out of a pretty gnarly depression since The Incident. I guess the take-home point from that bit is that sometimes crap can be corrected and you can move forward. 

Sometimes, not so much. 

Jestingvixen

Back in the day, I saw a kid freak out in the store because a toy he wanted wasn't available. His parents tried to calm him down, not by ridiculing him, not by beating him, not by ignoring him, but by telling him that he would still get it someday and getting him a toy that was available to make up for it.

This completely baffled me. 

Up until then, I thought that all fathers were abusive and all mothers were doormats for the father. It's how my parents were like, It's how the other parents in the area were like, and it's how parents were depicted on TV.

I looked into it online, thinking that it was rare but then saw that what I thought was normal was unnatural.

Dad must've found out since after looking into it, everything went up to 11. He started beating my brother, threatened violence, started making rules just to enforce control, and went out of his way to say stupid mess when I brought up my mental illnesses ("Stop being sad you idiot" when I was depressed, "stop being scared or I will beat you" when I feel any anxiety ever, etc).

This was after he retired from the military so I think that he acted even more like a manchild than usual because there was no more Drill Sergeant to keep his ego in check. The worst part is that this started happening when I was homeschooled due to the school district's corruption at the time. He also started working at home so I have to deal with him 24/7.

I still miss when he did nothing but play World of Warcraft for the first half of my childhood. Currently, he's not much of a problem since I've gotten good at avoiding interaction with him and he now leaves my brother alone since he can defend himself now.

Thelavafall 

My family is very very left-leaning. I am too but they are very left-leaning. 

When I was in my early 20s one of them found out I smoke weed.  Boom all of a sudden they all know and start treating me like a wall. Even worse, apparently they started assuming a lot of crazy mess about me. “The moment” I realized this was when my sister called me asking if I could help get into her house. She was locked out and helpless. I was willing and agreed. 

She then continued “You know cause you’d know how to break into a house, because of you and your friends''. I was like, "Wait, do you genuinely believe I’ve broken into people's homes?” She explained she knew what kind of person I was and needed help. 

I said no I wouldn’t break into her house and hung up. Then about a year or two later my sister and cousin showed up at my parent's house with their kids.

 They didn’t come in and rang the doorbell which was Super odd to me. My mom answers the door, then comes to me to explain that because I smoke weed my cousin and sister don’t want me around their kids anymore. Mind you I never smoke before being with family but they know I do and resent me for it. 

My mom asked me to leave so she could see her grandkids. I left and never returned. I don’t call, talk to, or interact with any of them. I’m better off without the guilt.

Unfriendlytoast 

After my dad died when I was 17 my previously Leave-It-To-Beaver mom brought home a hardcore alcoholic from the VA hospital where she worked as a nurse. He was half her age and never sober. He stole and destroyed a ton of my belongings, which my mom thought was hilarious. 

One day I locked him out of the house and he broke several windows drunkenly trying to get back in.  I called 911 and when the cop showed up 45 minutes later he threatened to put me in jail for abusing the 911 system.  

Eventually, they left for Medford, OR. I heard the guy eventually died. I haven't heard from my mom since 1993. I don't even know if she's still alive.

Anyway, that was how I figured out I had a toxic family.  I'm sure it had been a train wreck for many years before that but I was oblivious.

RonpolyP 

Last September I went almost the entire month feeling down with very little energy. Bad thoughts were constantly on my mind and I couldn’t focus in school. Usually, when this happens it lasts for around three days and then I climb out of it, but this time was different and I still don’t know why that was. 

I find it very difficult to eat during these times so I eat very little, but over 4 weeks it's incredibly unhealthy (obviously) and I lost almost a stone. After around three weeks, I was getting ready for school and told my mum I didn’t want any breakfast like I hadn’t since I started again. 

She suddenly started berating me about how disgusting I was and how I ruined her mood with my sulking, finally ending her rant by yelling that I was an anorexic freak before leaving for work. 

She only “apologized” when I told her that my mate thought that what she had done was horrible. 

Cantrelate69 

This story is mainly about my dad's side of the family, my dad, his wife, and her family. My dad's wife was nice when I was a child but for some reason, things changed when I got older.

My step-mum would always make comments on my weight (I was a healthy kid). Coming up to their wedding my step-mum starved me because I was "too chubby" and needed to fit into the dress. She bought a dress that was too small so I had no choice but to lose weight. 

My mum never knew about this as I was afraid to tell her since my dad has the habit of waking up and leaving us ( this happened a lot) The moment I knew I was in a toxic family was when I was 19, I was home from university on Christmas break. My stepmom and dad gave me a present early as they were excited. It was a detox kit.

This was a kit where I drank nothing but a small 5ml bottle of gel to help me lose weight. I was happy with my weight and doing things to get myself in shape. But no this broke me they said it was because I had put weight on at uni as everyone does. 

This broke me, I couldn't take their weight shaming anymore. Just so you know they are bigger than me. I have more stories about my stepmother and dad. There are endless things they have done to me throughout my life. 

They were so toxic.

Adultlifesuck 

I realized just how many of my natural behaviors were the result of toxic parenting after I moved out and then later moved in with my boyfriend.

For instance, after a social interaction, on the car ride home my parents would dissect the conversations we'd had with whoever we had visited, and point out the bad/wrong/awkward things I had said. 

So to this day, if my fiance and I go to visit friends or his relatives or whatever, I am super anxious and nervous on the car ride home because I am expecting a rundown of every bad thing I said or did. I've lived away from them for six years. 

I also had multiple crying breakdowns after not being able to cook him an egg over medium without breaking the yolk or making it too runny. At home that would have gotten me chilly silence or a lecture about how I didn't do it exactly perfectly and how I can never cook an egg correctly. 

It freaked him out pretty badly...he brought it up to someone once when talking about how badly my parents had messed up my brain, and I realized how much that reaction had impacted him.

GaimanitePkat

My sister always forces me into uncomfortable situations and conversations. She always makes me feel as though I'm wrong or there's something wrong with me.

 One time I just came into her room to get back my headphones but she didn't let me. She just continued questioning why I wanted it back and I answered her. She then said I was petty when all I asked for was my headphones back. 

How is that petty? She then goes on and on for 30+ minutes, wasting my time. She acts as though I'm the bad guy every time. I talk to her and it makes me feel bad about myself like I'm worthless. But she dares to ask why I don't talk to anyone, more specifically her. 

Like why I don't take the initiative to call or text her. Do you think I want to be with a person like her???? I just need to type everything out since whenever I point it out she screams at me and manipulates me into thinking I'm the one in the wrong. 

It's just frustrating.

Scary-Judgement8175

My mom and I ended up being homeless after the death of my father, and we went two weeks without eating plus having no car and crashing at a friend's house. My mom's siblings saw us struggling and hungry and wouldn't help us. 

We ended up desperately making a crowdsourcing page to get us into our place and to get us groceries in the meantime. Her family found the page and was offended that we made it public that we needed help from strangers.

They said that the page could not be about us being in poverty because it was made to embarrass them. They made us take it down. We had to apologize to them. And no, they didn't help us afterward.

And yes. Mom and I are still homeless and staying in her friend's basement.

Scareduglyduckling

Mom refused to come to my college graduation (40 minutes from her house) because giving her the date two weeks in advance was "too short of notice". 

She doesn't work. She had nothing else to do. I have no other family. I offered to drive her myself in my goddamn robe just so I wouldn't be alone, and she still said no because she didn't have time to get a new outfit. In two weeks.

Also a few years prior I was dating a guy with an absolutely lovely mother who treated me like her own daughter. And I realized that's how moms are supposed to be, not someone you're afraid of constantly. I'd tell funny stories at dinner of stuff my mom did and get horrified looks around the table from his family. 

"Yeah I once dropped a jar of olives and my mom threw me into traffic, haha! Butterfingers amirite? Learned my lesson!"

Colourtimesten