Ever been with someone you wanted to be with for a lifetime until they just displayed the most off-putting qualities to you? Well, these people have. Read as people from all around the world share what they describe as the most alarming red flags they have seen or experienced in a romantic partner. A few of these will shock you.
1. Double Life
I dated a guy for 2 months who flat-out told my dad (we started dating just before my birthday so they met for a birthday dinner) he wanted to get me pregnant so he could lock me in.
I then found out he had a separate life when his other girlfriend found my phone number on my business page.
[deleted]
2. Right Decision?
I was in love with a girl who I knew had cheated her way out of every relationship she had been in previously.
I just had to end it because I just wouldn't sign myself up for that devastation down the road.
It was the hardest dating decision I ever made, but I still think I made the right call.
EvilandLovingit
3. Relationship Mind Games
I just ended my last relationship. Found out she would just placate me to stop the argument by telling me what I wanted to hear. And by argument, I mean, me calmly disagreeing with her irrational outbursts (or just walking away after seeing nothing would change).
Honestly, it felt like a huge betrayal. I'm not mean, I don't yell or call my partners names - so I found that kind of manipulation really unpalatable.
Metal_monkey80
4. Never A Priority
It’s a red flag if they aren't willing to compromise on things, or they think their time is more precious than yours. My ex lived about 30 min away from me. I always met at his place or his town for stuff but never the other way around because he was "too tired".
It got under my skin because he literally was a 5 min drive from his job and I already averaged about 90 miles a day for work alone. So I'd drive to work, go home, and then drive to his place.
One day he tried rushing me out of our morning yoga class that ran over time, like got really uptight about it, so he wouldn't be late for work (still 5 min away). Meanwhile, I was gonna have at least a 25-minute commute to get to my job and he wasn't that worried about it.
I broke things off for other reasons but that one really buttered my rolls because I dealt with it every day.
Moshmore
5. Where Are Her Manners?
I ignored this red flag in my (now ex) wife, and stayed together 17 years (10 years too long) until she cheated, as I knew she would.
From the first time we hung out, she treated restaurant servers, cashiers, etc, poorly, which I find despicable, but I chose to live with it.
Rumblepony247
6. Hush For A Second
This is a really good one. I’m lucky that I went out on a couple of dates with a very straightforward girl a few years ago. There were a number of reasons she didn’t want to continue forward after two dates, but she did tell me that she felt I cut her off and talked over her quite a bit.
She was telling me because she could tell I meant well and wasn’t doing it to be rude and probably wasn’t even aware I was doing it at all...she sensed my anxiety and that my brain was rushing to think of the next thing to say to respond to something she’d just said rather than waiting for her to finish.
Who knows how many dates I might’ve gone on and blown it by inadvertently doing this? I’ve been cognizant of it ever since.
Vandelay222
7. Zero New Messages
Had a buddy I worked with a lot, sat next to him at work, and we'd chat it up about games and stupid memes.
Eventually, he moved to a different company and I asked if he wanted to keep in contact and keep hanging out, which he said was OK. Every month I'd text him and see when he wanted to hang out and we'd meet and chat.
I started noticing that if I just forgot to text, I'd get nothing from him so I slowly just stopped. He never sent anything, text, steam, discord, or anything.
Looking back, he was more passive of a dude, and I tend to be a bit pushy and loud so it's entirely possible he just hung out with me because he had nothing else to do, not because he actually wanted to.
Th3d3k0y
8. Not In Church
I had a clingy ex. When we were dating, no matter where we were, if her head wasn't on my shoulder and her body wrapped around my arm like a python then she was on her way to do it.
I did basically pry her off my arm a few times.
Can't tell you the number of times I said "We can do this when we leave. The church isn't the place for this"
I don't care if a girl is that clingy, but she has to have some control. If she is like that in privacy/at home, then I'm all for it. If she can't wait to get home then it's crossing a boundary.
Papahayz
9. Long Distance?
My sister had a bf for around a year that, for the most part, we forgot they were even dating because they just FaceTimed each other at night and she went over to his house (3 minutes away) like twice a month.
We found out a few weeks ago that that was because he was dating someone else as well. I don't know for how long he was, and I don't want to ask because it's still a touchy subject.
[deleted]
10. Keep It Down Please
Ugh, I dated a guy who was a yeller. Actually, he was a downright screamer. The kicker was, he’d be screaming at me and I’d ask him calmly to stop screaming at me, and he’d scream that he wasn’t screaming at me. Ok, bud.
He was also a huge alcoholic and I think that had something to do with it.
I dreaded bringing up any issue no matter how big or small, because it would send him into this blind rage of screaming.
No matter what, he’d label every discussion of ours a fight. I couldn’t have a conversation with him where he didn’t feel attacked. He came from a family of drunk screamers so I’m really glad I dodged that bullet.
OMEGA__AS_FUCK
11. Some Space, Please?
My red flag is when they're way too clingy.
My ex told me he loved me 2 days after we were dating, wanted to meet my family after 3 days, called my cat "our son", and constantly planned our future and how our kids would look like and our wedding.
I was smart enough to know when to nip that crap in the bud.
allypugner
12. What Goes Around
I dated someone who had cheated on their ex for 3 of the 10 years of the relationship. We then agreed on exclusivity early on, and I stuck with it.
He was completely paranoid and constantly accused me of looking at other men when I wasn't (tacky! Who looks when with their SO?), which wasn't the main deal-breaker, but all in all, I felt like he deserved his paranoia. Karma's a… you know!
lapidaryleporidae
13. Manipulation creeping in…
My ex's red flag came in batches that kept getting worse and worse as time passed. It started off with
"You look better without makeup"
Then
"Why are you wearing those shorts" and,
"What is that crap on your face" (when I did wear makeup). It finally got to,
"Can't you respect me by not wearing heels"
To this day, I don't understand why I didn't see these.
noqueso
14. Blind To The Truth
I once dated a guy who told 2 anecdotes of funny messed-up situations. Both featured clear moments where the fault was his; his lack of research, and his failure to follow through.
But both stories were told like everyone else caused the issues. Like, where you’d expect “Haha so yeah I should’ve done x...” he would just say “So Milo was an idiot and jumped”.
A week later and it was clear: he didn’t see he was the common denominator in his issues. He was quick to blame others. Any suggestion of self-improvement was met by a blank stare.
A touch of humility, and a lot of self-awareness, is so necessary.
Ladyughsalot1
15. Move On Buddy
I went on a date with a guy (and for context here, we're both in our 40s) and he told me what I assume was his best, most hilarious story from his college years. It was about when he and his buddies were hazing frat pledges and scared some kid so bad he messed up his pants.
They then abandoned him in the woods like 10 miles from campus and let him make his own way home.
There was such zero self-awareness to the point that I was horrified and not amused. This was even after I told him that was outright abuse and not at all funny.
The fact that this was the highlight of this guy's life that he's still telling it as a "great story" 25 years later...thanks, but I'll pass.
jadiseoc
16. It Just Went Downhill From There
A few weeks into dating, my ex started telling his daughter to call me mommy.
Her mother was very much in her life as they shared joint custody of the child.
He wanted me to replace his ex entirely.
It was the most hellish relationship I have had and that was the starting point of it all. The beginning of the end.
[deleted]
17. Useless Insights
It’s a red flag when they start complaining about other people in your life and trying to get you to see how "bad" these people are for you etc.
I witnessed my abusive ex who started in the second week of dating, telling me how much my parents didn't love me or trust me for having a curfew and insist I study on school nights instead of being out with him all night.
I was 17 and still in high school.
Soon enough that extended to how my best friend was kind of dismissive of me, he pounced on every little disagreement I had to blow it up times 10.
For every person in my life, he would show up and try to drive that wedge between us. This was all to make me "see" how all those other people really didn't have my best interests at heart.
He is where I learned all about a little something called "projection."
[deleted]
18. There’s Such A Thing As Too Nice
My red flag is someone who compliments you WAY too much.
This might sound weird because of course everyone likes being complimented but when I’m talking to you about something serious I don’t want to hear ‘Sorry I couldn’t concentrate you’re so beautiful’ or ‘Wow I haven’t heard a word you said cause all I want to do is kiss you’ ALL. THE. DARN. TIME.
This sort of clues me in that yeah I’m pretty ah but you’ve put me on such a high pedestal that you can’t see me as anything less than a goddess and I want to be in a relationship not worshiped because you have a weird fetish (if that makes any sense).
Sashwam
19. Wrong Timing
I knew this one girl who, on our first and only date, just would not shut up about how heartbroken she was that David Bowie had died two days ago. Every time I would try to steer the conversation elsewhere, she would say,
"Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time David did XYZ."
At first, it was endearing, but it got annoying really quickly. And that was the end of that. I still sometimes wonder if I had caught her at a different time if things would have gone differently.
Alex_Sylvian
20. Boyfriend Vs. Cat
My ex once got jealous of a cat. I got a little kitten while we were dating and he was over at my place (2 days after getting the kitten). I was pretty excited to have a kitty, and if you've ever had a small cat - they demand a lot of attention.
So obviously, I played with the kitten while he was over and he got jealous Of. A. Freaking. Cat. Thank god we're through, and my cat is still by my side.
Heyimfreezing
21. Men Out There…Grow Up
I think the girl I'm seeing at the moment must have had someone do this previously. We were working out a couple of weeks back and she didn't want to do abs (which is like her favorite thing to do).
I was like “Is everything okay?” She said something along the lines of "You probably don't want to hear it" and sort of gestured to the general vicinity.
I put 2 and 2 together and just said "Ahh right, no stress we can do something else".
I'm 27. I'm an adult. If I'm getting grossed out about it at this age then I'm not a man, I'm a child.
ManOfIronAnSteel
22. Not Today Ma’am
"Hey, it's been a while. Are you busy?"
*No reply*
"Hey, just checking if you're alright. If you need any help let me know okay?"
*No reply*
(5 days later)
Her: "I can't believe how insensitive you are. I was mad at you and you didn't even have the decency to ask me what's wrong?"
Me: "Is that why you were ghosting me? Why didn't you say it directly? How was I supposed to know you were mad? Anyway, why were you mad?"
Her: "Oh my god, you don't even know why I am mad? I'm not spelling it out. If you cared enough you would've known"
Yup. That's the last conversation I had with her. I don’t want any of that passive-aggressive bullshit.
vpsj
23. “Yeah, Me Too”
I once dated a guy who for anything I said I liked, he also liked. He agreed with all my opinions and if I showed him anything like a TV show/music/film he wouldn't say a bad word about it.
The first few times I met him I just thought wow we have so much in common. Then I realized it was literally everything I said and it became clear it was all very superficial and weird.
teachmemasterP
24. Red Flags: Wholesale Edition
I met a good-looking guy about 7 and a bit years ago, he seemed nice enough and I was a mess, partying to numb some pain. Definitely not healthy.
Side note: Ladies if you’re a clear mess and some dude is into it - red flag 1.
This dude claims to love me after a month of dating (red flag 2 - you cannot possibly love me. I have told you nothing about me and we’ve only hung out a handful of times. But like I said I was a mess and just went with it)
3 months in and this dude is controlling, I had rules. He had moved himself in with me and was asking me to marry him (I may have been a mess but I did say no a bunch of times) HUGE RED FLAGS 4-100
I started getting really sick, it was affecting my job and so I decided to go to the doctor who then informed me that my wisdom teeth were the cause, cool I could treat that. (Yes I was that young)
Fast forward about a month, treatment is not working, and wisdoms are not the cause - turns out I was pregnant (luckily enough it was during the busiest time of year in my industry so I had no time to party and drink)
I’m confused because I was on the pill and we used condoms so I go home and I’m scared and I tell him because he has a right to know (I’m only 20 years old at this stage) and he smiles (colossal red flag!) says “well now you HAVE to marry me” (anyone else seeing red flags everywhere here?) so I tell him no and that’s when he stopped being mice and started being mean to me. (RED)
I eventually realized that I didn’t actually deserve this and got away, it took me a full year and a restraining order to be rid of him but then I discovered that all those exes he was whining about when we first got together (he called them psycho and all sorts and really put on the hurt puppy act) all had restraining orders against him.
I found this out because when I went to get mine the judge asked him “Another one?” I was granted my restraining order fairly quickly and the judge then advised me very much off the record to run very far away as he had a habit of not respecting the orders and our police force is rather pathetic.
She told me not to even ask him for maintenance (child support) just run. And I did. Funny enough, I still wouldn’t change a thing though because I have a beautiful daughter who is kind and clever and worth every struggle I’ve ever faced.
Moral of the story: pay close attention to those red flags! This could have gone badly for me.
HowDaniDan
25. No Flakers Wanted
Last year, before meeting my current SO, I was doing the whole dating thing and met a couple of girls who were nice, attractive, and funny, but who were just so difficult to spend any time with.
One would always blame work, the other would always say it had something to do with her kid. Now I get that life has a way of getting in the way of these things, really I do, and I'm more than happy to cut some slack and work around your other priorities so we can spend time together, but it reaches a point where if you're clearly bottom of a person's list, you need to stop putting them at the top of yours.
My current SO has a kid, she has a job, she has a disabled father who she helps to look after, and she has a mother who she sees at least two or three times a week. Yet she still finds time to hang out. Even if it's just a movie. And she very rarely flakes out on things.
If she says she'll do something, she does her utmost to make sure it happens.
DendroNate
26. Silence
I dated someone who would NOT stop talking. A quick hello on the phone turned into an hour-long convo about her day.
And what made it worse was she would also tell me stuff she already told me earlier in the day or the previous night.
Arrest me now .
john_doe6066
27. Accountability Please
My red flag is when they argue about their problems that are actually caused by themself. Let me give an example from my life.
I met a young woman on a bus, she drives to an advanced school every morning with the same bus that I use to get to work. One day she slipped me a note with her number and a scented kiss.
The first thing I wrote her was asking about how long she'd been playing the guitar (she was carrying an acoustic guitar every now and then when I drove home after work) because I too started playing just last year. At some point, I told her that I was hesitating about asking her out but my being a lot older than her kept me from doing so, she said she was 20 and neglecting my minimum age for dating (24) I kept the conversation going.
Fast forward to about 4 weeks later we were occasionally talking on the bus every morning but then she suddenly started arguing about her school and that her teacher was a jerk so I asked her "why." She told me that "she may have failed a test and is going to get kicked out of the school"
In all this, she didn't argue about herself being unprepared for the test, she rather blamed the school. This is something I couldn't cope with so I completely cut the contact between us.
I really really hate it when people complain about others for their own mistakes. It's ok to make mistakes but you have to admit that it's your mistake and not just blame someone else for your own incompetence.
frisch85
28. Don’t force me
My red flag is when your partner tries to convince you to become part of her religion.
I was attracted to an apostolic woman last year and she always tried to convince me (I'm a non-denominational Christian) to follow the ways of her religion. I now realize I should have never been attracted to her!
NoahJelen
29. Petty much?
My red flag is when they are overly aggressive with things that don’t involve you at all. I had an emotionally abusive ex and he had some of the worst road rage I had ever seen in my life.
He would get violently angry at stuff that was so remedial. That same rage was later turned to me further down the relationship.
He would get angry at the stupidest things. If I didn’t kiss him right, if I walked away to use the restroom and didn’t tell him, anything at all.
He was as petty as it gets. I should’ve seen the red flag when he was taking it out on the grandma in the car next to us.
_________axa
30. Warning In A Bar
I was with a girl once and before we went into a bar she had to take her pills…which were like 4 different ones. Then at a different bar coincidently the girl's aunt was there and asked if we were dating.
I replied "We're on a date now," only to have her reply "Oh you're still showing up to the dates?"
That one flew over my head so I asked the girl I was with what she meant by that.
Mind you that was her AUNT, the girl said "It's cause I'm crazy". I soon stopped seeing her
Ma-goo_
31. I’m Not The Father
I dated a young woman once who already had a child. This, in itself, is not a red flag at all. Once you get past a certain age it's just something that comes up when dating.
However, from the beginning, I was very clear about the fact that I didn't want to be the father figure as we'd just become a couple and were still getting to know one another in that context. I realized, of course, that when you date someone with a child it's impossible to exclude them from the relationship.
I was perfectly fine with having the baby along on dates if a sitter couldn't be arranged. It didn't bother me at all to help out here and there when we were spending time together. However, when we were less than two months into the relationship, having her constantly berating me for not spending enough time with her daughter was the beginning of a series of issues in which I had to remind her that it was too soon for that kind of thing.
By the end, I was being treated like the 'dead-beat father'. I ended up having to end the relationship. I really hope that she ends up happy eventually though.
Bronzeherald
32. Love Really Is Blind
When we started dating, she bluntly came up to me and said,
“I've never been faithful to anyone.”
In my head, I was like, I’ll probably be fine, and that I will show her the right way.
Fast forward to 18 months later, when I joined Reddit to participate in the subs for recovering from a relationship with people who have narcissistic personality disorder.
It wasn't so much a red flag as HER walking up to me, surrounded by a mariachi band, holding a large neon sign that said: "HEY IDIOT, THIS IS A RED FLAG".
Formally316
33. I’ll Take That
I went on a couple of dates with a girl, and on our third date, I took her to the Cheesecake factory. I've always been fairly old-fashioned when it comes to dating, the man should always pay, be chivalrous, etc.
Our conversation was going decently well, and she ordered a massive $16 salad. The entire time we were there, she took two bites and when the server came to ask if we needed boxes, she said "No." I asked her if she was just going to throw it away, and she then proceeded to tell me, "Yeah, what the hell else am I going to do with it?"
I thought that spoke volumes of her character. So I kindly told her things weren't going to work out. Also, I took the salad home and enjoyed it as leftovers.
For the record, she was an attractive well-established nurse.
It just blows my mind when someone is willing to waste that much food for no good reason.
Metronom3
34. Rebound Much?
Ooh, this brings me back! About a year ago I went on a few dates with a girl and all signs were pointing to yes. Then she mentioned she still lives with her ex and how she liked that my place was fairly close.
Oh hell No! I am not about to be the rebound apartment. It's not fair to my roommates, it's not fair to me. Besides, if she actually wanted to be away from her ex there were easier and better ways than moving in with another guy.
Trek184
35. You did what?
I had a guy off a dating site ask if he could call me on the phone before our planned date. I thought that was a bit weird, but agreed. He then proceeded to ask me a bunch of invasive questions about things I'd done in the past sexually.
I'm ashamed to say that I didn't shut him down and actually did answer his questions (I was young and my self-esteem was in the gutter).
However, the more I thought about it afterward, the more cross I got that a stranger was trying to assess my purity and was equating that with my worth to him as a potential partner.
So the next morning, I wrote him a strongly worded message saying that I'd found his behavior to be inappropriate and wanted to cancel our date. He never replied and we never met.
ZannityZan
36. Ew, Gross
My red flag is Hygiene.
I was once with a girl who refused to apply deodorant. On our first intimate encounter, I proceeded to learn that a lot of things about her hygiene were so off. It was a shame because she looked so darn nice.
Another one refused to use toothpaste. She simply used water and thought that was enough, never mind the fact it smelt like a sewerage works in that mouth. She masked it the night I met her with gum.
Both of those were very short relationships.
PureWolfie
37. Sad To See You Go
I had a girl yell at me because she thought I was an hour early picking her up to go see a pro soccer game. I wasn't.
She knew what time the game started. She was cute and smart, and I really liked her but that pretty much did me in. I was pretty happy/sad about the whole incident.
Plus she was Catholic, so there was that.
RareBeach
38. Sorry, What?!
One ex asked me after a week or so if she could use the same pet name for me that she used for her previous boyfriend and talked happily about her time with him a lot.
That relationship... did not go well.
And_so_forth
39. Phone Call Misunderstanding
I went on a date with this young woman. Incredible body, outgoing, active, and engaging. Just the works.
I ask her out and we have dinner. Near the end, the bill comes. Right before I could pay it, I got a cell phone call I had to take. I excused myself. After 5 minutes I came back and she was gone.
The waiter is standing there, asking me to pay my "half."
Turns out she thought I was refusing to pay for her meal, and just paid her half and stormed out.
I caught up to her and explained I had every intention of paying, it was just that I had an emergency call to take before I could pay the bill. No excuse was good enough. No second date, no second chance, no nothing.
Red flag to me right then and there that she was the type to get worked up over the tiniest thing.
Americasycho
40. When Fiction Becomes Reality
I feel this only works because I tend to date more nerdy or geeky people, but I pay very close attention to who their favorite fictional character is. Oftentimes you like that character so much because you relate to, and understand them the best.
So that means you're also likely to be similar to that character, with similar traits, and so that can just be an early warning sign as to how they may treat you.
I dated a guy who really liked the Joker, and he sure as hell treated me the way the Joker treats Harley Quinn, maybe a little bit worse because he genuinely saw me as his property, to do with as he pleased.
And then I dated a guy who was super into any freaking idiotic addict character. Every time he came over he went straight for my booze and weed, and I got the feeling he wanted to use me to get worse drugs.
Now I'm talking to someone who's super obsessed with Nightwing from DC Comics. Huge cheater, and has slept with the whole darn city, but is a really great guy, and will do whatever he can to help you out.
So yeah, a person's favorite character says a lot about them, always watch out for that.
Onceuponavoid
41. I Just Know How To Pick Them
There are a couple of red flags I should have seen for me to end things earlier.
For starters, she constantly complained about her family "not really loving her" when all I saw was them trying to help her. They welcomed me with open arms and even invited me to places during school breaks.
Another one, a different person. I genuinely couldn’t see the floor in their bedroom. Ever.
I never knew if I was stepping on something breakable or one of the figures he collects. Somehow I'm still with him, but I'm pretty sure it was because he actually tried to make our mutual place cleaner.
If I'd known it was going to be this annoying I probably would have not started something. I'm.. just really glad he's trying to change on his own.
babySporkd00
42. Change Of Diet
My red flag is controlling behavior. I dated a guy who a few weeks in started to suggest protein bars instead of meals (I was 19 and fit, no need to lose or gain weight).
One day when I was over he wanted to show me how he wanted his clothes folded, hinting that I should be doing it for him. I laughed, walked out, and never came back.
Skywhisker
43. I Should Have Listened
I had mutual friends tell me he was no good for me. Not long after we started hanging out, I got an email from his (super recent) ex, telling me all kinds of sordid details and what he was really like.
Of course, I ignored EVERYONE, because hey this dude gives me attention.
Everyone was right though, he was a crazy POS and I spent many years catering to him and letting him walk all over me and abuse me. But the intimacy was freaking awesome.
When you have FRIENDS of the person telling you it's no bueno, LISTEN.
[deleted]
44. No Disrespect Tolerated
I once dated a girl in my early 20s who was about my age, super nice, really beautiful, and absolutely 100% my type. Everything went fine at the beginning, but then, while on our 3rd date, her mother called.
The girl picked up, and without even saying hello, started yelling at her.
"What the heck Mom?!? I TOLD you, I'm on a date for crap’s sake, can't you just leave me alone?? What is so important now?? I HATE YOU!!"
The yelling went on for a while, and since I sat very close to her, I could hear her mother's voice and it was calm and gentle, always trying to calm her down (which didn't work, obviously).
After a few minutes, she hung up, said "Sorry, where were we?" and acted like nothing had happened. I told her this wasn't gonna work and broke off contact with her immediately.
As someone deeply respecting his parents, this was so against my morals, I just saw no other option than to back off!!
_ITX_
45. I Should Have Known Better
The big red flag was when the same friend that got us together then proceeded, with other friends of ours, to inform me that she was actually still married. The whole, "not trying to influence you" thing. I chose to give it a shot regardless.
It lasted all of a week. Every time we talked, she kept bringing up how her husband did her wrong, and how each guy she dated after him was basically the same. EVERY. TIME.
Each call, each texting session, it all came up without fail. A week was all I could take of the constant reminders that these things happened, and I broke it off.
In hindsight, I know that it was a crappy way to handle it, but I was an idiot in matters like these back then.
Solenthis87
46. Too soon?
My current bf started calling me babe REAAALLY early into our talking. Normally I wouldn't have liked that, but I liked him and that made me like it. It was definitely unexpected and maybe a little weird, but not enough for me to say anything.
I think the bigger red flag for me would be if I had said, hey, please don't call me that this early, and he got pissed/didn't follow my request.
DownrightAlpaca
47. Nope. Bye. Next.
I had an ex who got mad at me for seeing a movie with my dad instead of her, just a month into our dating (note: I was willing to watch it again with her).
Yeah sorry, I value my family a bit more than my month-long relationship, byeeeeee. I'm glad she showed her character early in the relationship.
erazedcitizen
48. Run, now
A big red flag is random, uncalled-for emotional outbursts (barring extreme circumstances). Every single time they ended up unstable and abusive. Getting highly offended over something small, having a crying fit in front of you, getting angry over something like a scheduling change and claiming it is justified, and coming back after ghosting/storming out.
My family wasn't so great so I come off as an easy mark for abusers. If you see these things happen in the first few weeks and something major ( like a death in the family) hasn't occurred, get the heck out of Dodge.
[deleted]
49. They are what?
The woman I recently broke it off with called all of her past partners “dummies.” I took notice and the second she tried to play head games with me I ceased all contact with her. I was not about to have any of that baggage.
Getting burned in the past has helped me to create healthy boundaries and value myself more as a person.
msnunzilla
50. They are my bags
Straight up REFUSING to let me pay my half or carry my own bags.
Look guys, it’s really nice when you offer to, I’m not some crazy woman who tells you that I don’t need a man to do anything for me. But you don’t have to do everything for me, I’m fully capable of carrying or paying for myself.
I’ve dated 2 guys who have refused to let me pay for my own food when on dates or carry my own bags when shopping, both times it had gotten to a point of pissing me off, I’m not helpless.
Be nice and offer sure, sometimes I’ll let you if you really wanna pay/carry stuff. But if I say no, accept that it's a no. It’s probably a really petty thing to be bothered by but idk, you come off really controlling when you do that... (and both times they have been)
Miss-Click18
51. I need to breathe
My red flag is instant emotional dependence. I think it happens to me a lot because I'm kind of a pushover and don't try to mess or anything right off that bad. I generally enjoy listening to people talk and will give them advice/affirmation just to be nice.
I've dated a couple of girls and they start getting dependent on me really quickly. Just trying to say that you're 'perfect together' and 'the only nice guy they've met' and stuff like that.
Maybe trying to slip in an 'I love you' or start talking about long-term plans within a week or two.
That's also followed up with possessiveness and an insane amount of contact. I was talking to a girl for a while that no matter when I messaged her, or what she was doing, I'd get a response in less than a minute. Really kinda hurt my perspective on dating, because I either see it coming from far away, or take normal hints of mutual attraction as they're not interested.
thanks_daddy
52. Hire me or love me
Holy crap, I've had so many people realize that they just want me as a therapist. Suddenly I'm listening to all of their childhood trauma.
Then they realize they're not interested in dating, but they still want to text back and forth all day every day so that they can dump all their problems off.
This has happened way too many goddamn times. I'm tired of being everyone's therapist.
Officer_Hotpants
53. Not Me, You
I had an ex who accused me of cheating and his reasoning was that he "knows what girls do when they sit on the toilet with their phone, talk to other guys and cheat cheat cheat" lol.
So what makes it crazy/ hilarious is that I never took my phone in the bathroom with me, he did.
He would sit on that throne for hours, doing exactly that. What an idiot, dislodged that bullet.
Storm7481
54. Dictator Wife
I had a whipped coworker who had an extremely controlling and fight-starting wife. He would have to be at work on a speaker-phone call with his wife, but she was muted.
If at any time she heard a female voice, he would face Hell when he got home.
What a way to live.
onbakeplatinum
55. Just believe me
My ex-husband was this way. I had to take calls for work often and sometimes a physician would call me late into the afternoon. I would try to make sure he was within earshot of the conversation (which usually consisted of “What is the status of the patient, do they have any pending orders, did you get this cleared by my attending).
Despite all that, he still insisted I was cheating and once followed me into the hospital. The funny thing is, the whole time he was draining our bank account and spending it on who knows what. He made out really well in the divorce.
Iiwii23
56. Longest Bus Drive
I was on the bus a few days ago, and this kid was sitting with his new girlfriend.
She was going through his Facebook messages, and reviewing a convo he recently had with his ex.
She was telling him to say mean things to his ex and talk crap about his ex's family issues because "she's an ugly witch".
He didn't want to, and she goes, "I'll do it for you." He says to her that he didn't want her to and that his ex will clearly know it's not him saying those things.
She does it anyway, and in the meantime is reading out (very) loudly everything she was saying to her.
gregogree
57. Go home and heal
Early in the relationship whenever I got a text or call in the evening she was like "Which girl is calling you this late" and when it actually happened to be one of my female friends whom I never had anything with but normal friendship she would go like "if she is calling/texting this late she only wants one thing."
We only just broke up a week ago after nearly 2 years. She got less jealous over time but she still was absolutely against it when I would meet a female friend 1 on 1 or met someone new. Always scared I'd cheat on her. To be fair she has been with some jerks and had been cheated on several times.
Hayashi2705
58. Wait, what?!
Projection is common with cheaters. An ex of mine constantly accused me of cheating with his roommate, turns out he was basically sexting one of our mutual best friends the whole time and flirting with girls from his office on the regular.
He admitted to it after he "caught" me talking to a guy who's a friend because he admitted to it, but I was "caught", I was in the wrong and he was forgiven. Actual logic he used.
IzzyfromScotia
59. Pure delusion
My girlfriend at the time accused me of having feelings or flirting with every single girl in my life. Her delusional list included friends that I had known for years before we started dating.
At the end of the day, it turns out she was married and also cheating on me too!
Imagine that.
Ivedefinitelyreddit
60. Bad Start
The first serious relationship I had, my partner was super jealous. He thought I was flirting with every single hostess or barista because I smiled and was polite.
I'm still not decided if it's because he had already cheated and was projecting or if he was looking for an excuse to cheat. Either way in the end I figured out he cheated a ton.
Zebee47
61. You can’t be serious
I have a good friend who would talk in a feminine voice and call himself Tiffany if he called and knew I was with my girlfriend. Or if she called and I was hanging out with him he'd say stuff like "Heeeey this is Tiffany come back to bed!"
It was all in good fun, and it became a running joke that I had a side chick named Tiffany, but after a while, my girlfriend started to actually get jealous lol.
foxtrottits
62. She’s simply crazy
My girlfriend makes a big production out of it whenever my phone goes off, full third-degree. I receive very few messages but her phone is continuously dinging.
She asks if I want to know who she's talking to and I just say, "Nope."
That woman is something else.
Cgvet9702
63. Serial Offender
Don't know the count but she was/is a serial cheater. She cheated on her BFs before me (I didn't find out until later), and cheated on me.
But I did catch her multiple times browsing through my phone checking for signs of me cheating (which I didn't), boy did I get it if a female friend/colleague sent anything at all.
Vnze
64. Never, ever again
My ex hated my two closest friends cause she assumed I would cheat on her with them.
There was one guy she knew from a work-type thing that was a sleaze bag that had manipulated unstable girls to cheat on their boyfriends with him. I told her I didn't like him and didn't trust him. I wasn't going to stop her from talking to him but she was an adult so whatever. She stopped talking to him on her own accord because she knew how I felt about him.
But when she saw I was still talking to my best friend at the time who was a girl (in a committed 3-year-long relationship) she thought, well if he talks to her I should be able to talk to this guy. She cheated on me with him a few months later.
Then I made the mistake of getting back together with her. I never felt like I could trust her after that, though. It always ate away in the back of my mind.
Never making that mistake again.
fuzzyblackyeti
65. The switch-up
When I was with my ex, I eventually changed all the names in my phone of my guy friends to female names (for example - Brian to Brianna, Chris to Christine). I got so tired of defending myself.
Sometimes I can’t believe how long it took me to leave him, but I guess it does no good to be hard on yourself for not knowing how to handle/exit an abusive relationship.
CAmellow812
66. “You Should have been awake”
I once fell hard for a woman who lived halfway across the country from me (don't ask, haha). So I made the time to see her at least once a month for a weekend, which doesn't sound like much but it's all I could afford at the time.
Fast-forward to the event that turned out to be pivotal in our breaking up: through no fault of her own, she almost got hit in the crossfire between a private security company and a gang trying to rob the place where she lived. She was understandably upset. I was of course oblivious to any of this, being safely tucked away in my bed thousands of miles away.
I woke up the next morning to 21 missed calls on my phone, 40+ messages, and several rants sent via voicemail.
The rants got worse each time she phoned, ending in her blaming the whole thing (the shootout and her resultant trauma) on me.
Errrm... I felt bad enough as it was since I'm a light sleeper and my phone was on silent, so I missed all her calls and messages and failed to be there for her when she needed me. That's a fact. But when I heard how verbally abusive she got towards me (in my absence), my empathy and concern quickly turned into resignation and sadness. There was no justifying her lashing out at me like that to the extent that she did.
The relationship ended fairly shortly thereafter.
Perpetualnotion
67. Not my type
I was talking with a girl on a dating app for a few days. We exchanged numbers and I told her I would call her that evening.
An hour later I got a wall of text from her saying how she requires better communication in relationships and she expected me to call her as soon as I got her number.
I called her and it took all of a minute to decide to steer clear.
Becauseineedone3
68. I just need to breathe
My ex would send me tons of messages all the time. Granted, it was usually when she was having a panic attack, but all it led to was me trying to scroll up and see previous messages while her new messages kept forcing the screen to the bottom. It was the absolute worst too.
I have literally gotten over 100 missed messages and dozens of calls because I didn’t answer (even though I told her I would be busy at that time).
SaltyShrub
69. Yeah, whatever
I put my phone on DND from 10 until 7 a.m. One woman I was talking to texted me during that time, so there was no alert. She sent a series of texts that got more pissed off than the last and ended with her saying that if that was how things were going to be, maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore. I read all of them in the morning when I woke up.
I responded with, "Okay," which elicited more anger. The best one-word text I ever sent. I have no time in my life for crazy people.
carlweaver
70. Mass Texter
I once received 60 texts from this girl, even though I told her to stop because they were crap reasons, and when I muted it she just went into different social media.
She then complained about me to all her friends saying I was a horrible person for not wanting to reply to her spam messages whilst having school in 3hours.
I ran!
WeebDestroyer_
71. Just Speak Your Mind
I just got dumped because I expected her to communicate with me like an adult and wasn't a mind reader.
She would do the same thing, say whatever I wanted to hear to shut me up. It is a betrayal when you reasonably expect honest thoughts and answers.
[deleted]
72. It’s my turn!
Ugh, I was talking to a girl with ADHD. She tells a story, I ask her questions about it, she answers, I relate it to something in my life sharing my experience and she interrupts me halfway through with something totally unrelated. I let her say her mind, then when I try to continue or steer things back, she doesn't.
Then I realize, she isn't listening to me at ALL. She's using my time to talk as an opportunity to think of things to say. So I basically just stopped talking and she has the nerve to ask me why I'm so quiet.
HanabiraAsashi
73. Shut Up
My current bf is an interrupter. He grew up with two brothers and a Dad that tends to interrupt conversations as well. He didn’t see the big deal and told me. “I’m still listening to you! Just talk over me!”
We got into a couple of big fights about it until I told him to cut that crap right out. He’s been way better about it since the first month we dated and has really come a long way. Now if he interrupts me in the middle of something I give him A Look and he apologizes and lets me continue.
snakessssssssss
74. Things Change
My ex was very much there and we'd go out very frequently. Everything was great. But then when I had to move for school, we started long distance and he started just slacking off.
He’d never be around to chat and when we would I would rarely feel that he was actually excited to talk to me etc. This was like 4 months into dating.
yamboozzled
75. Corn Flakes Ex
My ex was a very flaky person and I ignored it for a while. 2 years down the line, I had enough of it and confronted her about it.
Turns out, she was flaky because she was "not sure" about us. She took 2 freaking years to tell me that.
I can certainly say, I do not miss her.
BlackBird3087
76. Another One
My last crush hurt me deeply. She'd tell me she really, reaaaaaally likes me and then write once or twice a week.
It got me down extra hard because I was getting up from a previous girlfriend who cheated on me; I was finally thinking "I am worth the love of someone wonderful." Nope, just another dishonest pretty face.
[deleted]
77. Top 3 at least
I dated a girl who was a pain. She was always showing up hours later, or canceling at the last minute.
Later found out it was because she was balancing multiple relationships, and I was just boyfriend number 3 (and I highly suspect she was messing with some of her "friends" as well).
The worst part is we kept seeing each other after I found that out.
[deleted]
78. It was never worth it
My last fling would just ghost me on weekends. The first time, his housemate’s gran had passed away, the next one he was too busy, and on the final one, he had used up 95% of his data and was celebrating a festival at a friend’s residence.
There was so much potential for it to turn into a relationship but I opted out.
A few days later I apologized to him saying that I didn’t realize that he wanted space. He said that he’s not interested anymore. So dodged a bullet there I guess.
Now he just uploads stories on IG like, ‘If your love wasn’t enough to make them stay, do you think your words would matter?’ Sigh.
machetehands
79. Can’t be disappointed if I never see you
Oh yeah. I met one girl through a dating app and she told me she was "smitten" and gushed over me before we even met! I immediately got turned off and we never actually ended up meeting at all. It's off-putting and to me, it also feels so disingenuous.
Someone can't possibly know me enough to be that into me, they're into some idea of me that they've created. It gets me feeling like I'm just going to disappoint them once they get to know me better.
hollsballs95
80. I got lucky
When I started off with my current bf, I was so very clingy af. I calmed down a few months after we started dating. We're going onto our 7th year but it probably wouldn't have lasted if I pushed it.
I'm so damn lucky he held onto me through that phase.
He’s so amazing.
Aaanccch