One-Man Show Flops at Closing Night of Mar-A-Lago’s Dinner Theater Series [COMMENTARY]
One doesn’t expect Tony-level performances from a local Florida dinner theater, especially on closing night. The staff and cast are understandably tired after a season plagued with sparsely attended performances, and the host’s material has dried up like an unhappily married wife imprisoned by her prenup.
But the show we witnessed Thursday night from the recently formed Mar-A-Lago Players was just–in a word–sad! If this is how they’re closing their truncated first season in Palm Beach, it doesn’t bode well for any future productions they’re thinking of cobbling together.
We were paraded past the pools that were getting ready to be shuttered in the face of the upcoming hurricane season and then escorted to the main dining room. We were given a seat just far enough from the stage that we could mostly ignore the ‘show’ and gossip about what everyone looked like (spoiler: they all looked like pieces of blanched veggie bacon draped in either dresses from Talbot’s or Tommy Bahama shirts).
We ‘enjoyed’ a mediocre meal of blandly overcooked steak and French fries that seemed oddly close in shape and flavor to a certain Golden Arched establishment, followed by exactly one scoop of vanilla ice cream served in a tiny-hands-sized plastic bowl shaped liked a Make America Great Again hat, which our waiter told us was our “closing night souvenir”. My companion’s “souvenir” cracked in half as soon as her spoon hit the bottom, which we took as a bad sign for the show that was about to begin.
An airport-Ramada level band played rather limp versions of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” and “Sympathy for the Devil” as we pushed our ‘food’ around on our plates. After our third “Trumpnado” cocktail (a blend of Popov vodka, Orange Hi-C, and Mountain Dew with a shot of grenadine on the topic to mimic the bloodshot eyes of the property owner, a legendary insomniac), we were lubricated just enough to not spontaneously combust when our host unexpectedly took the stage and immediately began rambling in a way that made us think he’d forgotten his lines.
A sneaky fellow guest captured the moment. Keep in mind, people were still eating when this happened.
Well, we didn’t quite know what to make of all that. It’s quite hard to give a proper and objective review when you’ve got a stomach full of meat rocks and high-octane lighter fuel making you feel a bit distracted. We’ll turn to Twitter for their takes on the show because, in the end, it’s their opinion that matters most to the host with what seems like the very least.
So Donald Trump really is going to perform his stand up election bit at Mar-a-Lago for the rest of his life. It is a fitting end for the clown.
— A Hopeful Citizen (@ThePubliusUSA) May 1, 2021
— Tara Dublin Wrote A Whole Book in Lockdown (@taradublinrocks) May 1, 2021
The one time leader of the free world who now lives alone in a hotel sharing buffets, common areas, and staff with strangers, yearns for attention and relevance so badly, he now stands on a patio step every night ranting to tens of people about a 6 month old election that he lost pic.twitter.com/xIuZ7jAkZD
— Mystery Solvent (@MysterySolvent) April 30, 2021
I would trust this person to tell me where the omelet station is but that’s about it
— Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) May 1, 2021
Ghost of Presidents Past continues to haunt Florida wedding mill. pic.twitter.com/1FnL9PhI8t
— The Hoarse Whisperer (@TheRealHoarse) May 1, 2021
We give the entire night half a star because at least the bathrooms were clean while we were getting sick and the Diet Coke was extra cold. May we suggest that a change in management might make things better? We can point to a few months of competent leadership in the White House over the last few months as a comparison. In any case, we hope our stomachs will have recovered in time when we see you next season!