Once in our lifetime, we must have already blurted dumb things that we wish we could take back. But as they already say, we are already in the golden age of information so being ignorant is already our choice.
These Redditors share the most hilarious and ridiculous statements someone could ever hear. But we are not judging here, we are just here for the laugh. Come check these out!
1. Supreme Seating Chronicles
My high school government teacher told us in class that the chairs of the Supreme Court justices all vary in size based on seniority. The longer you've been on the court, the taller your chair-back. He was dead serious.
Actually, it's a perk of being on the court that you get a chair custom-made to your specifications and when you retire from the court, you get to take it with you. Seniority has nothing to do with it.
JackDonaghysWingman
2. Dragons And Denial
In my Junior year (college) history class a girl once admitted to believing in dragons. Not dinosaurs, dragons. I don't exactly remember the context, but it went something like this when the professor said, “Believing in "X" is tantamount to believing in flying fire-breathing lizards.”
The girl then answered, “You mean like dragons?” then the professor said, “Yes, I mean like dragons.” She displayed confusion and replied, “Are you saying dragons weren't real? But wait, who did the knights fight?”
To be clear, she was not joking. She firmly believed in dragons and after being questioned after class seemed confused as to why no one ever explained to her they were not real. She was also a lovely person, just a little bit sheltered and not overly bright sometimes.
Pixil88
3. Eggstraordinary Misconception
The difference between eggs you eat and eggs that hatch new chickens is that the boy chicken poops on the ones that will make babies. She actually believed that it was real. She was standing strong on her belief.
She thought we were messing with her when we explained that's not how it works. She and her husband are trying to get pregnant, and I asked her as a joke if she had poop on her eggs.
I-heart-naps
4. Ancient Antics
I was on a tour of Greece. While visiting an ancient amphitheater, an American family walks by and joins our tour guide explaining how old the structure is. It was a building that you could tell was already old based on its physical structure.
The American guy interrupts the guide to explain how she's full of crap because there is absolutely no record of anything existing before the birth of Christ. Everyone thought he was kidding, but he was not.
Peckie
5. Quiz Show Chaos
When I was in high school, a bunch of students organized a pretty cool questions game, there was a host dressed in a colorful suit and everything.
We were all in the auditorium, it was the final round and both teams were tied, they both wanted to win the iPad, so they went to the lighting round... So the host asks "What do bees make?"
This guy, who had gotten all the previous much more difficult questions right, yells at the top of his lungs, in front of the entire school: "Photosynthesis!"
Kaidra_Drakka
6. Galactic Guesswork
Not from when I was teaching, but a buddy’s classmate. It was a high school class and the teacher was discussing the number of stars in the galaxy. My buddy jokingly says there are 20.
The kid next to him (notably not the sharpest kid I’ve known) goes, “Are you stupid? There’s gotta be 100 of them. Maybe even a thousand.” As serious as he can be.
Honestly not sure what’s dumber; him thinking the guess of 20 was real. Or him thinking that 1000 might be too high.
phisch13
7. Poultry Puzzlement
At the grocery store with my now ex-girlfriend. We decide on chicken teriyaki for dinner, and she volunteers to get the chicken breasts. Expecting her to come back pretty quick, but she doesn't.
I grab a few other things and then look for her. I found her just staring at the chicken breasts, so I asked what was up, "I don't see any teriyaki chicken breasts." She actually thought a teriyaki chicken was a breed of chicken.
Oddchihuahua
8. Hot-Footed Mishap
I once set my socks on fire doing this. I had washed them by hand and they hadn't completely dried overnight so I had the bright idea to put them in the microwave to turn the water to steam and thus dry them out.
It worked at first, I had put them in for 30 seconds and it was steaming and they felt drier. So I put them in for a minute and turned away for a few seconds only to turn back around and see them on fire.
Ravinac
9. Lost In Space
It was my senior year of high school. We were having a class when our physics teacher asked jokingly which was closer; the moon or Florida. We were all laughing about it because it was already obvious that she was just kidding.
A classmate responded, “It was the moon because we can see it.” A moment of silence after that. This is the same student who tried to convince me that the sky is blue because water is blue.
Major_Loser
10. Test Of Faith
I hope this gets seen because it was truly rage-inducing. I had a teacher declare one day that it was a fact that Christian parents were better at parenting than Atheist parents.
I immediately put my hand up and said that was ridiculous because she was basically saying that if you don't believe in Christianity you have no moral structure. She agreed with me and was confused as to why I would think otherwise.
The next test we had the first question was "True or False. Christians are better parents than Atheists." After we got the tests back she refused to give mine back until I went to the front of the class.
She lectured me about how it was disrespectful to not fill in an answer and that if I didn't agree with her then and there she would take even more points off my test. I told her to go for it because I wasn't about to be strong-armed into admitting her crap ideologies
Punchbricks
11. Galactic Doubts
There is a guy who walks around in university towns in Flanders, trying to convince students that space flight is impossible. His main claim is that the speed needed to stay in orbit, cannot be reached.
Subsequently, the moon landing was fake, the ISS is fake, the GPS is fake, you get it, everything we've done in space is fake. As a result of his uncovering these “facts,” he is a wanted man.
That is why he has changed his name, his mother has passed away in “suspicious” circumstances. I run into him a couple of times a year, and every time he has some new conspiracies to explain.
Peckie
12. Thumb-spective Education
I was returning from lunch as one of the managers I used to work with was talking to a co-worker, "Look, the moon is just about the same size as the sun. They are pretty close!"
I hold my thumb up right in front of my eye, "Yeah, but my thumb is huge compared to both." He later asked me what I meant. I had to explain perspective and why closer things look bigger. Then I had to actually prove to him that the moon was closer than the sun.
Stonemender
13. Pasta Paradox
It was in my freshman year of college when I asked a group of friends if they wanted to get Italian with me for dinner, meaning a nearby pizza place that also served subs and pasta.
One of the kids responded something along the lines of "I don't know how any of that is Italian; the Chinese invented noodles and subs are pretty generic."
I don't know about any of you, but I've never seen pasta with marinara sauce in a Chinese restaurant, simply because they invented noodles. I better call that pizza place and tell them they are actually a Chinese restaurant and not an Italian one
iHELDyourhand
14. Diabetes Dilemma And Pickle Predicament
A boy in my class thought diabetes was contagious so he would literally run away from the girl in our class who had it every time she came near. We didn’t know how he even came up with that idea.
Also, another kid in my class thought pickles grew on trees, and literally got into an argument with the teacher until the teacher got frustrated and kicked him out. Small towns.
Princess1221
15. Vegetable Revelations
This is a true story, until I worked at a grocery store I thought that artichokes were a fish related to anchovies because they sounded so similar. Cue a customer buying sole artichokes and shattering my world.
Another fun story is I didn't think that Brussels sprouts really existed. I discovered they were real when I was 16. I'd always hear about them (go to bed or you'll eat Brussels sprouts tomorrow!) but never actually saw them.
So, I grew up thinking that they were the boogeymen of vegetables. Then my mom walked in one year and said "Hey, we're eating Brussels sprouts tonight!" I responded, "Real funny mom!" My world was shattered a second time.
Airtamis
16. Faux Pas Or Fox Wood
I went to a neighbor's house. She answered the door and we started chatting. She said that she had just hung her new wood blinds and asked if I wanted to see them. She said they were really good quality and expensive, and that they were made of Fox Wood.
I looked at them for a while, they looked fine, nothing fancy. When I left her house I noticed boxes piled up in the trash. All the boxes said "Faux Wood Blinds."
[deleted]
17. Counting Coins Confusion
I volunteered to do the "book fair" for my old middle school (my mom was the assistant librarian). I had a 7th grader come up to purchase a poster of a car. The price was $3.
He pulled out two 1 dollar bills and set them on the desk in front of me. He then pulled out a handful of change and set it on the table. He asked, "Is this enough?" I said, "Well, you need one more dollar."
He then picked out 2 quarters and 2 dimes. "Now?" he asked. I said, "That's 70 cents, you need 30 more." He picked out 3 nickels and added them to the pile. "There you go," he said.
I then proceeded to ask him what he thought the denominations for each coin were, and he legit did not know. I had to give him a quick lesson on the value of each coin and helped him count out $1 in change.
To me, this situation is ridiculous. We will all have to deal with money throughout our lives. You have to learn to know the value of each coin and know how to add money.
JimmyStrongLegs
18. Unintentional Cheating Confession
Observing a school for juvenile offenders, where the kids live, eat, and attend classes within a single locked-down building. A student was accused of stealing the teacher's edition of the book. He denied it vehemently.
How did we know he stole it? Because on his homework, he wrote, "Student answers may vary." He did not understand how this proved he cheated. When asked why he wrote that he simply insisted, "Because it's the right answer!"
Biddybink
19. Waterlogged Wisdom
I'm not a teacher, I'm in the military and we were being given training on ship sustainability. Our instructor was telling us about how our ship could intentionally flood certain compartments and tanks to make us more stable.
One of our sailors raises his hand and says "Why would the Marines flood their tanks?” The instructor just stares at him, dead silence in the room. Then someone shouts "Tanks are like an aquarium, not a combat tank you freaking idiot."
SairtDelicious
20. Unmasking Stereotypes
I'm not a teacher, but one day we had a speaker of Middle-Eastern descent come into our American Literature class to give a presentation. Before the speaker said anything, our teacher asked us where we thought he was from.
One of my classmates raised his hand and confidently said, "Al Qaeda." You could feel a wave of unease wash over the room. Even the speaker was shocked by what one of my classmates said.
Monjicles
21. Awkward Dive To Unfiltered Question
Well back in 7th grade my science teacher was telling us about how swimmers shave their bodies and wear those cap things so they are more hydrodynamic (I think I'm using that correctly).
So I raised my hand and asked, “Why they didn't cut their nips off?” It seemed reasonable at the time, and nips do have little bumps that could impact their performance. After asking everybody looked at me like I was some kind of freak and the teacher didn't bother answering me.
GroinBaggage
22. Curious Inquiries And Personal Disclosures
"Did the people who ran the planes into the Twin Towers, like, go to jail afterward?" The next year I heard of another teacher who told her students she miscarried four times. "When you had those did it make you, like, sad?"
Supposedly those two kids are dating now, I just pray that they don't breed. It was a 7th-grade science class and they were in the middle of the reproductive unit, I guess she felt the need to share her personal experiences.
I can't imagine a scenario where that wouldn’t come up inappropriately but it did, and it happened a long time ago so they weren't recent events.
As for the 9/11 girl, she was asking if the pilots of the planes that flew into the towers were in jail. That was a 6th-grade history class.
Itsrobinsparklesyall
23. Senior Year Spat
I'm not a teacher, but in high school, senior year, I got to see a heated argument between a fellow classmate and our teacher. My classmate was adamant that John Lee Hooker invented the work of hookers and that no one had thought of the idea before him.
The kid was pissed off that everyone kept telling him he was wrong, so for the rest of class, long after the hooker argument was over, he just kept saying, “Yeah whatever, like I freaking care” about anything the teacher said.
14thCenturyHood
24. Sweet Blunder
Not proud of this but, on the first day of freshman year, in high school. drinking tea in a cafe with 7 or 8 girls I just met that day was my way to leave a good impression. So I took the honey packet that came with the tea and it said “acacia honey” and I said, ''Hm, I prefer honey from bees.''
I will never forget the overwhelming shame I felt when those words left my mouth and they all just kind of looked at me confused. I am sure they know I don’t even drink tea.
[deleted]
25. Kindergarten Wisdom
I worked in a Kindergarten class, so there are a lot of gold lines. One of my favorites was with one little boy. "Milk makes your teeth strong?" The teacher then answered, "Yes, it has calcium in it, and that makes your teeth and bones strong."
"Well, I need to stop drinking milk then, because my teeth are too strong, and that's why it hurts my brother when I bite him." It was an adorable and foolish statement at the same time.
Kreative-Dragon
26. A Countdown to 21
“At least I'll turn 21 in time for my birthday!" So where I live the drinking age is 21. I was 19 (a few days shy of turning 20) and walking with some friends "downtown" and we were admiring all the Cinco de Mayo drinking celebrations we could not take part in.
The realization hit me that I would not quite be 21 for next year's Cinco de Mayo holiday either. After I expressed my disappointment about that fact, I followed it up with the quote above. In my defense immediately after I said it I realized how stupid it was.
Steavee
27. Fountain Of Youth Illusion
I am a teacher now, but while I was a student the teacher was talking about the aging process and stated, what I thought was the obvious, that we are all aging all the time.
A classmate shouted out "Not me!" with a smug look of pride on her face. We were all curious why she answered that way. The teacher questioned why she would think she was not aging. Her response was "I use Oil of a beauty product.”
Stayxcalm
28. A Historical Mix-Up
Not a teacher, but a high school student. During History class, we were told to look through a chapter and find certain facts. Our teacher told us to look up facts about Jesus Christ.
One girl raised her hand and exclaimed, "There isn't Jesus in here only Jesus of Nazareth!" Also, that same day we were told to learn about Muhammed. The same girl asked if Muhammed and Muhammed Ali the boxer were the same people.
Gdrv1999
29. Economics And Karate
I teach grade 4 and during snack time we do a little current events session where I will find some interesting news stories and encourage the kids to bring their own. I didn't think it would work but they seem genuinely interested in this so we've continued it.
Anyway, I had a student who asked me about the American debt with China, a big question from a nine-year-old, so I did my best to scale the answer down to their understanding. Once I'm done he puts his hand back up and says, "But doesn't China need that money for their karate schools?"
[deleted]
30. Fifth-Grade Chronicles
I teach fifth-grade social studies, and I can let a lot of comments fall on the "Well they are only 10 or 11 years old" excuse. The amount of foolish ideas they have is unbelievable.
However, I had a student tell me that Obama wasn't the first black president and another tell me he was going to prove to me George Washington wasn't the first president. That's just dumb.
I_teach_your_kids
31. Geological Debates
Yet another, not a teacher, but I witnessed this in a college class. You will think that college-level students are already advanced. However, the ideas of college students are quite on the line of ignorance.
In a university-level Geology course, a professor discussed the formation of the Sahara desert. The guy in the class begins arguing with her. The Sahara is not a natural formation. Africa was a lush and fertile continent. The Sahara formed because colonialists cut down all the trees in Africa.
Leukk
32. Literary Lapses
Not a teacher but I had a kid in my sophomore English class who wasn't that bright. We were writing essays on books we'd read over the summer and he called out "Hey, Miss, I don't know the author of my book."
The teacher was confused but then replied, "Okay, what was the title?" She replied, "The Diary of Anne Frank." The funniest part to me is only me and another girl were paying attention so for the rest of the class we shared stifled laughter from across the room.
Rosariorawson
33. Geography Blunder
As a student, I'd like to recount the dumbest thing I've ever heard a teacher say. So we had a substitute for Geography in 10th Grade who was trained as a PE teacher, consequently on December 5th, the day Nelson Mandela passed away.
In the middle of class, a classmate turned to the back of the class, where I sat with my friends, speaking to the teacher about our work, and said "Hey guys, did you hear Nelson Mandela passed away?".
To which our substitute replied, "Nelson Mandela? You mean the boxer?" The whole class was silent. I've never been so ashamed of and embarrassed for someone at the same time.
[deleted]
34. Geographical Gaffe
I’m not a teacher This was in my 11th-grade world history class. We were going over ww2 at the time, when this girl raised her hand and asked completely seriously, “Wait England isn’t a state in the us?”
The teacher just looked at her in shock while the rest of the class burst into laughter. I am sure she was serious because she got really embarrassed and after class, I heard her ask her friends at lunch if they knew about England. They also started laughing at her too.
[deleted]
35. Historical Headscratchers
We have a game where the class is split into two teams, and they each send someone up to the Smartboard (a touchscreen whiteboard that mirrors my PC). These two sit facing away from the board, and a historical image/phrase comes up.
Their team then is allowed to describe the image without saying the keywords, and they have to guess. So one time I was playing it with the fourth year (16-year-olds) and it was a machine gun.
So both sides are giving descriptions and neither student can get it. Eventually, exasperated, they give up, much to the annoyance of one of the team members (facing the board) who shouts out, "Come on! Even I got that one!"
A few people seem to think the student was joking. Unfortunately, he wasn't, this was a bottom-class set and this student was serious. I didn’t know what happened with the student after that.
Retro21
36. Geographical Epiphany
It was my first semester of teaching, I had a 9th-grade world history class. On the third day of the semester, I'm beginning to get into our earliest civilizations. As I'm projecting a 2D map of the entire world with various early civilizations outlined, a girl in the second row raises her hand.
She asks quite seriously, "Teacher, what does the other side of the world look like?" This girl was in the 9th grade and had never figured out that a 2D map of the world displays the entire thing. I died a little inside that day, but we spent some time that semester reviewing basic Geography.
Helbertnc
37. Historical Misunderstanding
I was teaching the Spanish-American war and I had an essay question on what was the main reason the US decided to enter into the war. One of the reasons was the explosion on the USS Maine that sunk in the Havana Harbor.
One girl wrote, "I believe the main reason the US entered the war was because of the blowing up of Maine. I mean that is a whole state that they blew up and that would be a good reason to go to war.”
TimRubey
38. Cartographic Comedy
I had a child who filled out a world map. North America she labeled as "Western,” the Atlantic was labeled as "Arctic Ocean,” and South America was labeled as "Asia." It was the most ridiculous thing I saw.
As a Game of Thrones fan, I had to laugh after I felt the urge to bang my head against the desk. On a side note, only the Pacific was labeled properly out of all of the oceans and continents.
Takimaki
39. Comedy Of Errors
My college roommate gave me several dumb moments. She was from Buffalo NY and I'm from SC. She was doing something annoying and I said, "If you continue doing that then we're going to recreate The Civil War in here."
Her response was, "The civil war? What's that?" This immediately drained any pride I had previously felt at having been accepted into my school. We had a cordless phone that we unplugged (or at least I did) from the jack when we needed to hook up to the internet.
We had a cord splitter but two computers and a phone had to switch out. She saw me switching the cord from the phone to the computer one day and asked what I was doing. "I didn't know the phone had to be hooked into the wall to work."
Looking at her grades, "What does GPA stand for," "I think I'm going to have to go to the courthouse and fill out an After David,” and "If you have a palm tree on the flag why is The Palmetto state and not the Palm state?"
When trying to navigate the internet, "Hey, how do I get to a website?" I responded, "Type in the website in the address bar." 5 minutes later, "Hey, how do I get to my email?" Rinse and repeat. There are many more. I can only imagine what her teachers had to put up with.
Postapocalyptictribe
40. Class Clown Takes A Dive
This is during a biology class, we were starting a genetics experiment, working with fruit flies. To capture the individual flies, so we could look at them closely for the features we needed, and then sort them into different containers, you had to knock them out.
So, you'd dip a Q-tip into this bottle of a chemical called "Fly-Nap,” insert it into the container the flies are in, and hold your hand over the top so they can't escape, and neither can the "Fly-Nap,” wait a couple of seconds, and they all pass out.
The teacher's last words had been "And be careful to keep the Fly-Nap away from your face so you don't breathe it in.” Class clown, standing next to his desk, says "What does it smell like?" Lifts the uncapped bottle of "Fly-Nap" to his nose, and inhales deeply. Then he falls forward, face first, onto the floor.
Aeosculap
41. History Confuses With Fiction And Reality
When I was in high school back when Titanic, first came out I was doing a project on the real Titanic, the accident, and the history behind the boat, the coolest kids in my class overheard me asking for a book about it in the library.
He told me proudly how stupid I was for thinking that the school library would have books about a film that had just been released. I tried to explain to them that Titanic had existed for real to no avail.
Lady_peace
42. Lunar Logic
A friend of mine told me he and his classmates were discussing planets with multiple moons. He said it would be cool if Earth had 26 moons. This girl says " But wouldn't it be too dark?"
The class gets quiet as he says "No, why?" She says "Because it's dark when the moon is out." He starts laughing, hard, and the rest of the class (here is the kicker) gets mad at him for laughing at a legitimate question.
Cleveruserid
43. Line Confusion
I teach 5th grade. I had to explain to a student walking in line. He would never walk in line correctly. Finally after correcting him for the 1000th time, he snapped. "What do you mean? What do you mean get in line? What's the line? Why do teachers always say that?"
It never occurred to me he didn't understand after being in school for years. I didn’t get mad for the outburst, I kind of felt bad for him. He was the best though. One of my favorites.
Mememenji
44. A Battle Of Wills
When I was student teaching, I had one who was just on the verge of passing (thanks to the incredible mercy of the primary teacher). All he needed to do was turn in a worksheet that he finished in class.
I know that he finished it because I watched him and helped him do it. All he had to do was give it to the teacher. But, in his mind, that would mean that she had won. So he refused to turn it in. I left the school before the end of the semester, but I would bet money that he failed the class.
SomeGuyInShorts
45. Eye-Opening Confusion
I don't usually wear glasses when I teach. Except for one day. And it was subsequently a big deal among all my fifth graders. The next day, at the start of class, I noticed a girl in the front row wearing glasses for the first time. Something seemed a little off so I finally decided to chime in.
I asked her, "Emily, what's the deal with the glasses?" She responded, "These? I need them to see." Finally, I made her realize "But they don't have any lenses." She appeared befuddled and said, "They don't?" before lifting her finger to one of the eye frames and poking herself in the eye.
Rake2204