Choosing a life partner often takes time. Some decide quickly, while others take years. What matters most is the certainty and commitment to spend forever together.
Sometimes, people overlook signs that the relationship may not endure, holding onto love and attachment. When the pain becomes undeniable, they must confront the inevitable end.
1. More To Come
Bad credit. I knew hers wasn't good, but I didn't realize HOW bad it was until after we got married. I mean RIGHT after. Oh my gosh.
When we showed up, with all of our stuff in a moving truck, the apartment community mgr wouldn't give us our key because she had a vehicle repo on her credit that she didn't mention.
I had to call my parents from their office and have them wire the $ to the bank and wait for confirmation before we could move in. Screw her for not telling me, and screw the apartment mgr for not checking before we got there.
She also lost her mind on the person behind the deli counter at the grocery store because her "quarter pound of sliced turkey was one slice over, she asked for a quarter pound, and she wanted a freaking quarter pound."
We made it 50 weeks, and she called me from her boyfriend's house while I was visiting her parents (she had her 6-year-old with me) to tell me she had spent the night with him. I rented a truck, got my dad and some friends together, drove to our place, and emptied it to the bare walls.
kellydean1
2. Better Off Alone
I noticed before we got married that I enjoyed my time away from him more than my time with him. It was something I did not mind for quite some time.
I would get super frustrated and sad when I knew he was going to be home from work soon. I brushed it off as being "antisocial" or "independent".
But now I'm with someone who I'm still excited to see every single day after seven years, and I'm still antisocial and independent.
Snukes42Q
3. Years Of Suffering
Answering for my mom. She was married for 20+ years. She tried EVERYTHING. Books. Therapy. Attempting to be the perfect wife.
She had dinner ready after work even though he got out at three and she got out at 5. She cleaned the house, and he played video games.
But once I moved out, he took out everything on her. He couldn't divvy his anger up Anymore. She started spending more and more weekends at my house.
Just before Christmas, she left. My dad said she did a horrible thing to him by leaving and that I was betraying him by staying neutral. He can get bent. I haven't talked to him in 3 years.
tea_hoarder
4. Expected Outcome
In the run-up to the wedding, my mom told me quietly that it wasn't too late to call it off if I wanted to, that nobody would be mad at me, and it was 100% My decision.
Maybe because she wished she'd been able to make a different decision when marrying Dad? Idk. Anyway, I said no because I didn't have any doubts that I wanted to marry him and get out of my hometown.
But in my heart, I knew it wouldn't last. Troubles started in less than a year, and we were broken up before our 3rd anniversary.
At the end of the day, our list of incompatibilities was impressive. Now, eight years on, we're still good friends, and both admit we were a train wreck of a couple and that divorcing was the right move.
QuoyanHayel
5. Her Realizations
I remember one time my husband and my mother-in-law were sitting at the kitchen table, and I said, "Honey, I'm sorry, I bounced the checking account. I wasn't paying attention and paid these bills without transferring funds. Totally my fault."
And my husband said, "That's OK." And my mother-in-law burst into tears. Apparently, this was a huge issue in the years before her divorce.
My father-in-law would overdraw because he was giving money to his mistress and then deny that he had done anything at all, even though my mother-in-law would be looking at the bank statement when she brought it up.
She was crying because she finally had confirmation that the fights she used to have with her ex-husband about money were abnormal and unhealthy.
QwertyvsDvorak
6. Doctor’s Orders
I was on bed rest while pregnant with our son due to preterm labor (5 months). I was told no making out as that could start the labor again.
Even though we were living together and engaged, and the child was his, he decided that since I was not putting out, under doctor's orders.
It was not considered cheating to sleep with another YOUNGER woman. We were married for 15 years, and he never would agree that he cheated. It was my fault for withholding.
Cygnus875
7. Early Warning
The first time I met her parents (they lived over 4 hours away), we had already had our first child. He was roughly a year old.
Her stepfather pulled me aside for what I assumed was the "Time to step up. Be a man. Take care of my daughter" talk. Man, I was wrong.
He went on to tell me how he knew she was a bit much (being nice and changing the phrasing he used) and that if/When we break up, they will do everything in their power to make sure I get time with my son if not help get me full custody.
That was one of the weirdest talks of my life, and it didn't even register at the time if a parent was warning you about their child. It's probably smart to listen, haha.
thedayisbreaking
8. All Alone
I was beginning to come home, and I'd be alone. I'd wake up, and I'd be alone. I'd have a few days off in a row, and she was always out with her friends.
The majority of her friends were men. I'd think nothing of it because "my wife can have friends that aren't mine, and I trust her around men. I don't want to be a controlling husband." She'd always be angry with me about anything.
She'd yell all the time. She always talked bad about her own family behind their backs (they were very nice to me). She'd always compare our relationship to her sister's and her husband's (very jealous).
Market0
9. Made Up Excuses
My wife cheated on every single long-term partner she ever had. She cheated on her first boyfriend with his brother. Looking back now, she would talk about it almost as if she was proud of it.
It was as if she thought they deserved it. And every guy she ever dated, according to her, was "disrespectful.” In the end, she cheated on me as well, and when her family found out, she accused me of being cruel.
There were several red flags... I just thought she had grown up. She is also a pathological liar... from the start. At first, lying about things that were not important.
I wouldn't understand why she didn't just tell the truth. Then she started lying about pretty much everything in existence. Almost as if she lived in a private world where her lies were true.
throwawayventing2018
10. Setting The Table
My long-term girlfriend/ live-in was completely honest. She told me all her problems up front, which, in the collective, indicated that she was crazy.
She didn't reach that conclusion herself but laid all the pieces out for me to see. I just didn't want to. I could not endure spending my days without her.
When I finally broke it off -- relatively amicably, aside from some screaming -- she lasted about six months on her own, had a breakdown, and went back home to live with her folks forever.
Tall_Mickey
11. Different Plans
I had to explain this to an ex many, many years ago. He assumed I just wanted to wait, work on a career, etc, and then start a family.
When I explained that, no, never, not ever would I want a child, he still thought I would change my mind. I ended things. I can’t do that plan.
Decades later, he is happily married with three great kids. I am married, as well, but I am still very happily child-free. I am SO glad we talked about this before we made a mistake. We are now great friends, AND his kids are awesome.
mayonnaise_soda
12. Controlling And Rude
One of my friends is getting divorced after less than a year because of how awful this person was and showed their true colors after the marriage but with subtle signs at the beginning.
After he proposed, he immediately told her that most of her friends and coworkers (mostly the attractive ones) made him "uncomfortable" and told her to cut off contact.
When she said no, he would make threads on Reddit and other websites asking for advice, and all the anonymous internet people agreed with him, and he would show her the posts of random people calling her a bad person for not wanting to cut out close friends.
He became super controlling and would even ask her to weigh herself so that he could make sure she wasn't gaining weight so that he could stay attracted to her.
She FINALLY left this garbage human after a pregnancy scare. She's reconnecting with people, too, but many of those friendships are lost. If a person demands you to cut off your support system, they are not worth it.
Prannke
13. Different Partner
I literally didn't see it because the opportunity wasn't there. I never saw him live alone. He spent most of our late teens and early 20s living with my twin brother and roommates (international workers from the amusement park who were good friends of ours), and I moved in after that.
The house was always clean enough. Every once in a while, I'd see him doing dishes or cleaning up. Once we got married, I realized that he did nothing. He did no housework. Twin Bro told me to tell him what to do. I did, and he'd occasionally do it.
But I couldn't follow him around and make sure he picked up after himself all the time! So, especially as roommates started moving out, the house became a mess.
Then the baby was born, and again, he was very little help. He would play with the kid and occasionally change a diaper...but all the extra dishes, laundry, and shopping with the baby in tow, of course.
Also, cleaning was my responsibility, along with all the feedings. Soon, to his detriment, I realized, "I could do this on my own, and it would actually be less work."
insertcaffeine
14. Closed Eyes And Ears
My friends and family warned me that my ex wasn’t good for me. I ignored them for six years of on and off with her until we finally got married.
It took me four months of being married to realize they had been right all along. It wasn’t one specific event that made me realize.
I just slowly came to understand that I wasn’t happy. It was one of the craziest things I’ve experienced. 6 years of thinking she was the girl I’d spend my life with, and it only took four months of marriage for me to wake up to how unhappy she made me.
Looking back, the real kicker was that I don’t think I was ever actually in love with her. According to my family/friends, I always try to “fix the broken ones” without regard for my own feelings, and they saw that’s what I was doing well before I did.
Thatdude878787
15. Constant Accusations
He called me up and confessed to cheating. He was emotional and distraught as he had kissed a girl. I thought it was cute & endearing - because we were 18, and I didn't consider us to be "dating" or have any obligations to one another.
We'd gone on a few dates right after graduation. Then, both went to out-of-state colleges. I'd gone out with other guys during & since, but that conversation actually started our exclusive relationship.
I married him four years later, and the weird "cheating" accusations began. They started with periods of silence - he wouldn't speak to me for days, and then he'd ask where I'd been at noon two weeks prior.
He'd mention me "dating other guys" while in college & point out the time when we weren't a couple. It would slowly escalate from moodiness to insinuations to arguments, and about every five years, he'd lose it & have a major tantrum over some perceived slight or unaccounted-for minute.
He brought a friend over & sat her down to tell her I was cheating with the friend's husband because the husband & I spent too much time together. We were partners on a work project.
Only got together outside of work as couples with our spouses. We separated, went to counseling, got back together, and it slowly started again.
Five years later, one of HIS friends made a dumb joke on HIS social media about HIS work-related trip, and somehow this meant I was cheating. Ex said he was going to Miami, and the friend replied, "Mice will play when the cat's away."
I don't even know that guy. So he accused me of cheating with this guy, and we separated, went to counseling, and got back together. He never said a word to the guy; they are still friends.
Five years later, he decided I was cheating when I was at a community college play with friends - that he had been invited to. He locked me out of our home - even tied the garage door down so I couldn't open it. We divorced after that one. I wish I could tell 18-year-old me to run for the hills.
RaqMountainMama
16. Tried And Tired
There was no cardinal sin. We were together 11 years. It was a slow burn. We were both troubled and unhappy in general, and I worked on it.
I tried tons of things to make changes in my life and my perception. I invited him to try every single thing I did. Together and separately.
He made no effort to change and just stayed unhappy. In the end, I was a profoundly different person, and he was almost exactly the same.
He would dismiss things I said as silly the whole time we were together. Everything. House buying and selling suggestions, directions, how to cook dinner, reno, hobbies, movies, and music. I liked sexy time stuff, camping, and family things.
I didn't respect myself enough to stand up for myself. Then I learned self-respect, and god darn, I ended up isolating myself from him and realized how lonely I was.
[deleted]
17. A Cash Cow
I think it was more than one. Single mom, two kids. One of her kid's baby daddy was her brother-in-law, and the other one’s Dad was in prison for grand theft auto.
She took “I’m gonna marry you someday” as a proposal. She faked a pregnancy to get me to propose. Berate herself every time she didn’t get her way. She would constantly belittle me in front of her family. Didn’t have friends.
Opened a credit card in my name so she could eat pizza for lunch while I ate jalapeño-flavored pickles because that’s all that was in the house. I was violently ill on the day of my wedding.
SomeShittyDeveloper
18. Forever Young
I was concerned that he had a disproportionate preoccupation with the fact that I was young. I didn’t ignore it. I wanted to make things sure.
I even addressed it: “You know I’m going to get older, right? I won’t always be this young. I want to make sure that’s not why you want to marry me. I have no interest in being a trophy wife.”
I wanted to be sure that wasn’t why he was so attracted to me. He assured me that it wasn’t (he’s seven years older). Maybe it wasn’t simply the fact that I was young.
I do think it was the fact that he felt he had the upper hand through life experience and earning power and that he should make all the decisions.
He didn’t really want a grown woman. Seven years, two kids, and endless support and compromise from me later, he divorced me when I was 30.
He dates women 18-20 years younger than he is now. Thank God I never gave up on securing my education and professional standing. His loss.
Fluid_Angle
19. Too Much Entitlement
The First thing was I could never do enough to make her happy. I did all the housework and yard work. Nothing was enough. I wasn't allowed to be tired because my job was sitting at a desk for 9 hours a day, staring at a computer screen.
The second thing is that we both had childhoods where neither of our fathers was in the picture. We talked about kids, and she asked if I could be a stay-at-home dad (she made about 2.5x what I did). I told her yes, and she informed me she couldn't respect me.
The third thing is that she was still attached to her mom by the cord. The money we received as wedding presents went to her mom so she could keep her house and not move in with us.
There is more, but I'll leave you with 2 quick stories. One time, she threatened to kick me out of the house because I ate her cookies that hadn't been touched in about a month.
The other thing is she told me she wanted a divorce over text. Thank God we were only married for 6 months before filing. I could not endure her treatment anymore.
lefty_808
20. Angry Bird
I lived with my boyfriend, and we dated for years, so the breakup felt like a divorce. Anyway, he was perfect at first. Then I noticed he would get really angry at small things.
When driving, if anything happened that he felt was unfair, he would roll down the window and scream! Looking back, I don't know why I ignored that.
When we started to live together, that anger showed. If I did anything wrong, he would get angry. Accidentally stood in front of the TV for two seconds? Angry.
Didn't rinse a dish properly before putting it in the dishwasher? Angry. Used something of his without permission (lotion, toothpaste, ramen, etc.) Angry.
korra767
21. Weird And Bitter
He acted completely single even though he was in a committed relationship. We had a great relationship, so I trusted him completely.
Lo and behold, after we had kids and he wasn’t the center of the world, he went off the deep end with serial cheating. I just cannot understand what’s going on inside his tiny brain.
I have moved on and happily remarried. He is a narcissist, and the happier I am, the angrier he becomes, lol. It’s my karma.
TraceyJN
22. Anger Machine
Attended a wedding rehearsal. Bride yelled at nephew as he came down the aisle, "CAN'T YOU SPEED UP? YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING!"
The kid had CP and was in a wheelchair. The pastor took him aside on the day of the wedding and calmly explained that this didn't have to be his choice.
No one would think less of him and should look at the options etc, etc. They went through with it and divorced 1 month later. Moron.
[deleted]
23. Different Personalities
She wanted to go out every weekend. It seemed like something easy to compromise on, but it was indicative of two very different lifestyles.
To her, having a big group of friends to hang out with was important. She wanted to cultivate that, be a part of stories, be extroverted, and just be social.
That was never a want or need for me. I didn't mind it occasionally, but the fact that we didn't want the same things led to a never-ending fight that we couldn't see a way around. It was all downhill from the start. We were just too blind to see.
[deleted]
24. Pain Of Every Step
I knew I shouldn't have done it. I grew up sheltered & VERY Catholic. I was pregnant. Even though I was 24, I didn't live at home and had no issue providing for myself & child.
I folded to my Family. Every fiber of my being was screaming as I walked towards him on our wedding day. We didn't last. We were both miserable.
He cheated & I didn't care. We had no relationship. 8 years later, I am happily married with another child. He is still miserable. I hope it turns around for him. He deserves better.
Breezie_Bee
25. Karen Wifey
She was not kind to people she felt were beneath her- waitresses, housekeeping, mechanics, etc. But she was very beautiful, so I didn't think as much about it as I should.
I remember the exact moment I realized I didn't love her anymore. I was sweaty from playing basketball, and she said, "You are going to shower, right? You played basketball with all those black guys."
How did I miss all those cues when we were dating? Also, she believes Jesus only loves American white people and the 2nd Amendment, and she believes dinosaurs and men were on the earth at the same time and got on a boat together.
Ask_me_4_a_story
26. Too Dependent
He never laid a hand on me, but sometimes, I feel it would have been easier to leave him over if he did. He would say small things, and when I would go to work and talk about it, my coworkers would be frustrated.
We were engaged for years, but we only got married because he threatened to leave me if we didn’t. I wasn’t ready because I knew the red flags, but my pride and fear of being alone kept me from leaving.
The wedding night was horrible. He refused to sit with me and go around talking to guests and refused to do the first dance.
Even his own family asked me why I was with him, and his cousins tried to convince me to find someone better. A month after our wedding, he told me he wanted a divorce because he now thought I was fat.
I was the same, if not smaller. We were together for exactly a year when we finally split up, and it was the best day of my life. The only reason I cried was because I didn’t know how to be independent. I had never lived by myself.
froggurts
27. Not A Partner
My ex had to control every aspect of the wedding, including my dress. I thought it was sweet at the time - but he pushed my friends and family out of the shopping process and basically picked out my dress for me.
We fought over the details. I wanted a small, affordable wedding; he wanted a grand wedding that would make everyone jealous.
Everything was about status and showing off. The biggest red flag of all was that I nearly had a panic attack walking down the aisle.
I wanted to run. Sure, I told myself that cold feet were common, but when you look back on my wedding photos, you'll see that my smile is never real. I was miserable.
I thought it was normal to be nervous before the big day. What's not normal is actively dreading it and telling yourself, during the ceremony, that divorce is always an option to calm yourself.
Secretlysidhe
28. Totally Not Normal
I knew there were a bunch of things I disliked about my ex and several ways in which we were not compatible, but I figured it was time to settle.
I also thought I'd be alone forever if I was too picky. I was terribly anxious on my wedding day but wrote it off as normal jitters.
On the day of my second wedding, I felt absolutely fine - ‘normal jitters’ was not a thing in my case; it was a massive waving red flag that I ignored.
little_beanpole
29. Unannounced Arrival Met Surprise
I’ve been divorced 2 times. The first was a total shock. Second, the signs were everywhere. But because we had 2 kids together, I tried everything to make it work.
But the biggest 'sign' was when I came home a day early from a road trip and didn't call her. She came home and was sitting on the couch watching a movie.
Well, she wasn’t alone! She was with her 'guy friend' from work. I flipped out. She accused me of not trusting her. A month later, we split up, and she made it public she was with him.
keiths31
30. Past Relationship
My widowed mom started dating a guy in her Sunday school class who was recently divorced. Very quiet but nice. Her class friends told her he was never home, always hunting or at work, but that he was a nice man. Warning her but not scaring her off.
He and my mom got married. Still very quiet but, again, nice. Turns out he was just sad. His wife of 25 years had been cheating on him with the same guy for at least half that time.
He worked all the time or went on hunting trips with friends, as he just didn't want to be at home. Mom told him it was too bad he couldn't retire so they could enjoy their time together.
He said he could retire and did so. They spent the next 20+ years having a great time, traveling extensively, and just enjoying each other's company.
They had a great marriage before he passed away. Missed by all of us. Sometimes, the divorce is 100% the fault of one party. Just because you divorced doesn't mean you were a failure.
mj1129
31. Ignored Friend
I had a good friend who married and divorced a guy who was rumored to be gay. My brother and his friend tried to tell the gal about this, but they were not believed and were no longer friends after that discussion.
5 years and a child later, she hired a detective to confirm her suspicions he was cheating on her. Well, it turns out he was cheating with men at a gym...
I realized you can't tell people something they don't want to hear. And the friendship never recovered even after the divorce.
bubbleTime1
32. No Changes
Friends all warned me that she was loose in high school (I didn’t go to school in the town I live in), and she wouldn’t stop talking to her many exes.
It was all despite my requests. Telling her the amount of time she spent talking and that she was so secretive about it made me extremely uncomfortable and sick with worry.
She insisted I was overthinking and that she had changed since her teenage years. Fast forward two years, I’m away for school, and she’s pregnant.
Her best friend and brothers both told me initially, and she tried to tell me it was mine, but the timelines didn’t match.
After I left her, it came out that she’d been sleeping with several exes while I was off in the fire academy, as well as guys she had met on a dating app and the like.
She took it upon herself to rob me before I got back and executed my dog. The whole thing was devastating, but looking back on it, I should’ve seen it coming a mile off. Love is blind, eh? Jokes on her. She’s in jail now.
R6SiegeTheDay
33. Too Occupied
He got fired from two jobs for stealing things (I gave him the benefit of the doubt), and I caught him in several lies (including the stories about how he lost his job).
His sister showed up one day, telling me to wait to get married. I was so emotionally drained from some things going on in my own family that I ignored it all.
We got married anyway. I wanted to create a perfect marriage and life! Seventeen years later (yes, SEVENTEEN), I am finally free, happier than I’ve ever been, enjoying being single, and excited for what’s to come.
ChewbaccaSays
34. Felt Undeserving
He withheld affection and intimacy. He was manipulative and gaslighting. It wasn’t so much that I ignored the red flags. I was dumb enough to believe that if I just tried hard enough, I would be rewarded with him treating me how I asked to be treated.
All told, though, I got the best part of him, that being my daughter and son. Right now, I’m struggling because he’s in a relationship with someone I used to consider a friend.
He is doing all the nice things for her that I wanted for myself when we were married. I find out things through the kids. “Daddy got A___ a pretty necklace.” “Daddy is taking A___ on vacation.”
I don’t regret ending my marriage, but it hurts, and I’m lonely. It makes me more convinced- irrationally- that there’s something wrong with me and that I don’t evoke feelings in men to treat me well.
TheKnotStore
35. Wise Choice
Oh boy, where do I begin? His mother came over when we got into a minor disagreement and told me that she’d “never seen him so distraught.”
He did not come home on Thanksgiving because he was “too drunk to drive home from the bar.” THAT WAS LESS THAN A QUARTER MILE AWAY (we walked home many times from the same bar).
He told me that I was fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, etc. At the same time, I worked 16-hour days to pay for our wedding. He screamed at my dad the very first time he met him, his drinking problem, his extreme narcissism...
Listen, folks, if your gut tells you that it’s wrong, it’s freaking wrong. WALK AWAY. Many people have told me how wrong they thought he was for me, but they “thought I was happy,” so they let it be.
It sickens me now to think about it. However, I firmly believe that if I didn’t have that bag of crap before, I wouldn’t love and appreciate the amazing man I’m with now.
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s gonna suck to leave that scumbag, but you’ll find someone who makes you believe in love again.
[deleted]
36. Childish Partner
Anytime he became angry with me—which could be sparked by anything, whether I “didn’t seem happy” enough or laughed too much at someone else’s joke.
Instead of telling me what was wrong, he’d ignore me. Go completely cold. Force me to ask over and over. I apologized over and over without having any idea what I was apologizing for.
It could go on for days. I’d eventually break down in tears, begging for him to speak to me. I was young; I always assumed I deserved it somehow.
betspaghett13
37. Big Burden
He refused to hold a job or even watch our child. But being from an overly religious family, I felt the obligation to marry him.
It was a miserable two years of him cheating on me while I worked to support us and one of his friends who was living with us.
But I got the last laugh. I've been dating his best friend for the last 4 years, and he is my best friend in the whole world. Never get married for someone else's reasons.
[deleted]
38. They Were Right
He told me that he was attracted to me for my confidence and high self-esteem (two qualities that I prided myself on having achieved after years of insecurity.)
He said that his exes lacked confidence and were so insecure that when they broke up, they went out and defamed his character by spreading lies about him (he lived in a small town, so this was a huge indiscretion.)
Because he seemed really nice and trustworthy when we met, I believed him. But sure enough, he proved to be what the rumors were. After years of being subjected to his constant criticism and degrading comments, my self-esteem eroded.
I wasn't nearly as confident as I was when I first met him. When I tried to talk to him about his ways, he certainly did not like it.
He said, "You're just like all of my previous girlfriends! You're going to go off and tell everyone that I'm cruel, just like they did! You just want to hurt me by spreading lies about my character. You've disappointed me."
beachbum8947
39. Painful To Witness
Not about me, but my sister and her husband. When I first met him, my sister had him over at my parents' house, and they were playing a game. I joined them.
Our cat jumped up, and the guy was very rude to her immediately. I don’t care who you are. You don’t act like a scum to an animal without good cause.
Additionally, he’s mildly passive-aggressive. Sometimes, he’s loud to the point where it makes you feel uncomfortable.
3 years later, their marriage is pretty rocky. He can’t hold a steady job within his field, and they barely talk. The main problem is that my sister is high maintenance emotionally, and he has no idea how to deal with or communicate with her.
Plus, he spends a lot of time ignoring her and playing video games. It’s super toxic. I’ve been hoping for a while that they get divorced. Even my pretty traditional mom wants it to happen.
The problem is that some mild religious factors prevent a speedy divorce. Plus, I can’t bear to think what my sister would go through. It’s so painful to watch :(
svak
40. Wrong Assumptions
He and his ex had had a volatile relationship. But I knew her, and she was a spoiled, controlling witch. So, I didn't really think anything of it. And he didn't get violent at all until things were really falling apart.
But. I guess I knew in my soul. The night he proposed, I was exhausted from work. And it was a sweet proposal. And we had talked about it ahead of time.
And basically, we were just waiting for him to ask. But. Then he did. And I said yes. And my next thought was, "I'm going to make out with him now." Which should have been a huge flag.
TooManlyShoes
41. Teen Years
This is way late, but I started dating my ex when I was 17 and he was 23. One night early in the relationship, we just finished making out and went out into the common area to hang out with his roommates.
I grabbed a drink and went and sat in his lap. After a minute or so, he looks at me with a look I’d never seen before as he pushes on me, saying, “Get off of me,” with disgust in his voice.
Then, as I slipped onto the floor, he continued yucking it up with his buds. I felt absolutely worthless and ashamed. I didn’t understand these feelings or what had just happened.
It was nothing different than what we had been doing for the past couple of weeks. There was no reason for what he did, but he made me feel worthless, and it wasn’t the last time.
It was a power thing. I look back on that moment now, thinking if I had had an ounce of self-respect, I would have left and never looked back.
It would have saved me 20 years of a horrible marriage, but also, I wouldn’t have my 2 beautiful children. Life is crazy like that, though.
krissime
42. History Repeats Itself
Her parent's relationship history. Her mom abandoned her father, her and her two siblings, and moved to another state where she married another guy and had two kids with him.
My ex-wife and I got married because she got pregnant (amongst other reasons). Still, luckily, her aunt and uncle agreed to adopt the baby.
Seven years later, she cheated on me, moved 250 miles away with the dude, got engaged, and just had a kid with him. As they say, "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it."
Sidenote: his family hates her, he is over 45k in debt, and he cannot get transcripts transferred to another university so he can graduate until he repays that
mc_squared_03
43. A Stronger Version
He was constantly running to his ex anytime we had an argument and telling her all about it. Drinking day in and day out to the point of getting completely smashed.
Extremely selfish when it came to almost everything. Very manipulative. Lied about things that he didn't even have to lie about.
To be clear, I recognized all of these things at the time, but manipulative people have a way of breaking you down while simultaneously making you feel as if you just 'do better.'
You can make things better because you will never do any better than them. I remember times thinking to myself, "I can deal with this for the rest of my life." I couldn't.
It took me seven years, but I finally found the strength to kick him out and pick up the pieces. I hadn't worked in three years and didn't have a job at the time I kicked him out, but you best believe I had one within a week.
You will always do what you have to do when your back is against the wall. It was like being 18 again and moving out on my own for the first time, but I did it once, I did it again, and I vowed from then on out that I would never be dependent on a man again.
Shleezit
44. Too Much Flags
The fact that she used the phrase "red flag" for every issue she had with me, real or imagined. If I wanted her to stop arguing with me so that I could get at least three hours of sleep before going to work, that was a red flag.
If she was rude to my family and I didn't defend her. If I tried to stop a conversation that was quickly turning into an interrogation, that was a red flag.
If my spicy drive did not exactly mirror hers, that was a red flag. If I reminded her of the times that I had caught her lying to me, that was a red flag.
BarronMind
45. The Worst First
In month 4 of our relationship, she was $500 short on rent. Fresh out of college, I had an excess of $1k a month in disposable income. This was my first long-term relationship and the woman I lost my virginity to, so of course, I helped her out.
Then came the emotional manipulation. She swore she wasn't controlling, but looking back, I was completely shoe-horned into her life.
Nothing on my side was respected or integrated. If I were to interact with my friends and family, I had to do it without my partner and feel guilty the whole time. 11 years of that crap, and I've left a husk of a man with no self-esteem, wondering how I'll ever find love (again?..)
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