Only Ted Cruz could be having an online beef with the Muppets, but at least it’s been to completely hilarious results. Aside from this week’s brilliant Saturday Night Live opening sketch spoofing his anti-Big Bird stance, Cruz decided to keep failing at any attempt to be funny by tweeting that Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) should join the Democratic Party because she keeps doing this weird thing called putting country over party, which is what all elected officials basically used to do before Trump obliterated the GOP and the last possibility for polite and respectful political discourse.
Cruz, aka Senator Wheelie Bag and a million other hilarious Twitter nicknames, has never evolved past being a middle school bully’s crony. You know, the kind of toady who can’t be the BMOC so he aligns himself with the guy everyone is scared of and is happy to do the bully’s bidding, all as a way to prevent himself from getting bullied–and then when he does, he just nervously laughs it off. He thinks he’s cool and funny enough to get away with chasing the clout of Seth Rogen, and everyone knows he’s not.It’s very satisfying to watch Cruz’s colleagues not just acknowledge how terrible he is, but own him in masterful tweets. Twitter may bring humanity down to a new low on the daily, but it also occasionally gives us a little window into how our elected officials behave behind those hallowed closed doors. This is how it went down: Quoting a CNN tweet about whether Cheney would be a viable 2024 presidential candidate, Cruz wrote on Twitter, “Yes. It’s called the Democratic primary.” Hyuck-hyuck!
Yes. It’s called the Democratic primary. https://t.co/q31fFvQZOp
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) November 13, 2021
Cheney shot back: “I know you’re posturing for the secessionist vote, Ted. But my party, the Republican party, saved the Union. You swore an oath to the Constitution. Act like it.”
I know you’re posturing for the secessionist vote, Ted. But my party, the Republican party, saved the Union. You swore an oath to the Constitution. Act like it. https://t.co/YyQ1XHRhCY
— Liz Cheney (@Liz_Cheney) November 13, 2021
Ted probably took a few minutes to mop up the spontaneous nosebleed from that. Later, GOP Rep. Adam Kinzinger added to the pile on Cruz, quoting his fellow House Select Committee member Vice-Chair Cheney’s tweet: “Damn son Liz brought the heat on you!”
Damn son Liz brought the heat on you! https://t.co/J47FIER53K
— Adam Kinzinger (@AdamKinzinger) November 13, 2021
As any wannabe bully outsmarted by the really smart kids (we know you went to Harvard, Ted, that doesn’t mean you’re smart), Cruz punched back at a much weaker level. Cruz responded to Cheney and Kinzinger by saying, “These two need to hurry up and get their bottom-rated @msnbcshow. @AdamKinzinger @RepLizCheney.” Kinzinger easily owned Cruz with his response because he took the kind of high road that Republicans usually avoid.
Senator, you’ve been given a huge position to lead and tell people truth. Yet you have squandered it on lies and abused the patriotism of those who trusted you. I will have zero regrets… will you? https://t.co/IXMPyHCJDTSee Also
— Adam Kinzinger (@AdamKinzinger) November 14, 2021
But the chef’s kiss final touch was Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell of California chiming in with his own subtweet.
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) November 14, 2021