1. Never-ending Pants
Met a guy on an online dating website. Had a few phone calls with him and things seemed good. Then he tells me he had a favorite pair of pants when he was in high school.
He wore them every day until they became too ragged to wear. Then he started wearing them under his normal pants. Every day, still wearing them ten years later, under his pants.
I nopped the fudge out of there
khoskamr
2. The Obsessed Guy
Spoke to him once on the phone. He was at a mutual friend's house on holiday. I said, "Hi, how are you?" He made a high-pitched giggle and handed the phone back to my friend.
She gave him my address (she and I exchanged packages in the mail. She was in Germany, I'm in Australia), and he started sending me letters and little gifts.
I started getting calls from customs because he was apparently sending me jewelry without paying the right amount of tax on it. I told them to send it back.
On the "one year anniversary" of our phone "conversation", he sent me a floral arrangement via Interflora, that's as tall as me with 18 red and white roses (white for my youth and purity, pfft. Red for blood and 18 because that was my age, he was a lot older.) This is when I got the police involved.
He continued to send me messages that he loved me, forgave me for involving the police, that he didn't mind that I had a boyfriend (who I was with before I even knew this nutter existed) because my bf would understand that he and I were meant to be together, we were meant to be because we had the same blood type.
He followed my favorite band around Europe, getting his photos taken with them in a t-shirt bearing my name along with their song lyrics. He said he knew where I lived and that he was coming to steal me away.
Customs called me after intercepting more packages from him, they contained blood.
The police blocked him from entry to the country and I didn't think any more about it until about a year later. I was watching "Border Patrol" and saw him arriving at Sydney airport and being detained by police before being deported.
My heart froze.
Repulsia
3. Flowers Everywhere
I usually lurk, but had to come out of hiding to share.
I knew this guy, we'll call him Adam, in middle school, but became friends around our freshman year. We had a few classes together and would hang out after school in groups with other mutual friends, including my boyfriend at the time. One day, out of the blue, I got a text from Adam.
In this text, Adam confesses his love for me. We weren't that close as friends and never hung out alone. I don't believe I ever gave him a reason to think that I had those kinds of feelings for him.
I tell him that while I am flattered, I don't have the same feelings. I try to let him down easily. Adam takes it hard. He avoided me in class and stopped hanging out with our friends. After a month or so, things go back to normal.
This is where the red flags come up. I started getting flowers delivered to my house. They're from Adam. After the 4th delivery, I called the florist and asked him to stop having flowers sent to me. Then I get envelopes full of torn petals. One day, I came home and there was a box of roses on my bed. When I asked my dad if he brought them to my room for me, my dad told me he didn't.
We checked all the doors and windows, and the latch on my window was broken. Adam broke into my house. We called the cops, but with no proof of it really being Adam, nothing was really done. My older brother takes it into his own hands and threatens Adam, and things cool down for a while.
Now 7 years and a restraining order later, I still get flowers and letters sent to my parents' house occasionally.
All sent anonymously, but we all know it's Adam.
Lovelylaitlyo
4. Stubborn Man
I was with a bunch of friends at a bar getting drunk, and towards the end of the night, everyone left except one of their friends I had just met that night.
He ordered us another drink, and I reluctantly stayed. Then he asked me to come back to his home, and I told him no.
He asked repeatedly and then said, " It's not like I'm going to do something bad to you. " He said this over and over, and I got the fudge out and left.
I need to mention that he was the only guy at the bar wearing a salmon-colored izod shirt.
September79
5. Full of Himself
I was once dating a guy who was a bit shy and very sweet but lacked self-confidence. After four very fun dates, he suddenly became distant and seemed down, and we stopped dating.
Cut to seven weeks later, I'm dating some other guy. After 3 dates, he suddenly asks, "How does it feel that I won you over?" Confused, I asked what he meant.
He explained he "took down", as he called it, the guy I was dating earlier by feeding him lies about me just dating him out of pity so that his self-confidence would be crushed and he would stop dating me.
He said this as if he was proud of it and I should be impressed.
He then claimed to have the right for his "first time" as a reward.
No "first times" were had that evening.
After the date with Mr. Douchebag, I went back to the guy I dated first. I told him I knew what happened, and we started dating again. Let's just say that this time, a "first time" did happen a few days afterward.
We have been together for 5.5 years now.
datingthrowaway34569
6. Shocking Truth
My wife and I were having dinner with my friend and his wife when he started talking about the loser his wife was going out with before they started dating. He claimed (quite proudly) that he had told her mother that "loser" was a pervert.
It turns out her mom actually asked her to stop going out with "losers," after which she started dating my friend. AND THEN THEY GOT MARRIED! This was the first the wife had heard of this.
He was actually proud of this and unaware that he had behaved like the typical asshole character in any number of 80s teen movies. We just sat there aghast. He was all, "What? Why is everyone so quiet?"
This was years ago.
They did not divorce, as far as I know. We live in different cities now, and I only get the yearly Christmas email from him.
cbcfan
7. Free Dress
My girlfriend's ex used not to let her wear certain shirts in public for some reason.
One of the first times she and I went out, she asked if I was okay with her wearing this shirt that showed a little cleavage. I was like, "Of course, you look great in that."
She was surprised at first cause she was so used to her controlling ex that practically made her wear t-shirts everywhere.
I don't care if other guys check her out.
I think she's gorgeous too.
I just get to call her my girlfriend.
WOOO!
buttfucker101
8. The Classic One
Once I started talking to this new guy, I sent him a text saying I was going to go home and change and get my car, and I would be over.
And he flipped out, saying, "Omg if it's such a chore, then don't come out," followed by "you're probably stalling to make out with your ex," and then some other statements.
Side note: we have been talking for a week, and never once have any of these problems arisen.
So, yeah, red flag that he is probably crazy.
I didn't have my car because my cousin was driving, and the rest of the next hour or so was him sending me screenshots of our past conversations.
He explained how I was the liar and said I'd come to hang out after I told him that I didn't think we should hang out anymore. (For obvious, I'd like to stay alive, reasons.)
yambercork
9. A Leech
I was dating a guy who may fit this criteria... We'll call him Romero because that's his name.........
We dated in HS briefly. He moved to TX for three years. He moves back to NJ. For me... He says this. Once he moves to NJ, on the first day of his arrival, he asks me for a place to stay. I barely knew the guy anymore.
He stays a week. I am still living at my mom's. He won't leave. We (my entire family) politely ask him. He says it is 'because he is part of our family now.'
He sits down for dinner with us even when we ask him not to. He sleeps in my bed when I sleep out (I sleep at my current boyfriend's house every night).
He just. Won't. Leave.
I break and tell him if he doesn't leave, I'm calling the cops. By this point in time, my sister (9 years old) has called me three times complaining that he walks around the house naked.
My brother tells me he spends hours smelling ‘my things’ in my room.
He agrees to leave after professing how he wants to "touch my body" and how he loves me so.
OK, whatever, he's gone, at least. Nope.
I came home that night from a friend's house, and he was there. Nobody invited him in, no one even knew he was in the house. He is eating food from the fridge and tells me he is part of our family now and you can't kick family out of the house.
It's Christmas morning, around 5 a.m., so my family is waking up. He asks where his presents are.
I kick him out again, forcefully. Like, push out the door. Later that evening, I went over to my father's house. My dad was out of town but kept his keys in the mailbox for me.
He is in there, sitting on the couch, watching TV like nothing is wrong. I tell him he broke into my dad's house and that I'm going to call the police, and he threatens suicide.
He follows me to TN for a music festival, and after that, I don't hear from him. I don't know where he lives now.
Eek.
juniperslats
10. A Paranoid
Once, I was dating this guy, N, who ended up being abusive. Once we were hanging out with his guy friends in my apartment, and one of them went to the bathroom.
There was a lull in the conversation, and N pulled me to the kitchen, freaking out about how I was listening to the dude pee so I could calculate how big his tool was.
Also, how obviously I was cheating on him.
jesyka4
11. Crazy Boy
He called other girls insulting names. He threatens you when you're not home right on time for work. He says it annoys him when you're with his friends. Basically, any time he questions you, he behaves like a normal human being or invalidates your feelings.
He gets mad and doesn't speak to you if you don't sleep with him. My ex broke my phone and threw it over our fence into the woods, so I stayed at my parent's house that night to get away from him.
When I came home, he had shredded all of my clothing, broke every personal item I had, and used my makeup to write "freaking fat prick" on my blankets and pillows that were also cut up.
That was two years ago, and I still have panic attacks if I see someone that dresses like him or hear someone with his crappy mannerisms. I have a wonderful partner now but darn it.
People, leave your partner if they ever threaten bodily harm or property damage right away, among other things. If it's not safe for you to leave, reach out to someone.
I know it can feel embarrassing, but it's not your fault you're being treated that way.
twokittiess
12. Chivalry is Dead
A guy I was casually dating gave me a lift back to my car after a night hanging with friends.
I got a little turned around as it was an area I wasn't that familiar with, and the one-way streets were throwing me off.
After driving down two streets and not locating my car, he angrily pulled over and told me to just get out.
At 2 am.
In the middle of downtown Los Angeles.
[deleted]
13. Partnership not Ownership
The red flag was when I would go out with my friends and get a million "Omg I miss you, I'm so sad and lonely I need you back here now" texts ....and we lived together.
I like some show of affection, but damn, that was smothering.
Then, when we broke up, he left me a "gift" that was a painting of him staring at me while I was sleeping.
NOPE.
Pumpkin214
14. Main Character
"Nice guys" who whine about being single. All. The. Freaking. Time. No matter what the conversation is, he'd find a way to connect it to love or use analogies pertaining to his love life (or the lack thereof).
It wouldn't be bothersome if we're actually talking about love and all that crap, but after a while, it gets tiring to interact with someone so whiny, both online and in person.
Bonus points if he's the type who enjoys putting other guys down.
team_meh
15. Delusional Guy
When he started accusing me of making out with my friends and wouldn't let me have anyone over when he wasn't at home.
(Calls me at home while he's out of town for work)
Him: Who's there?
Me: R (my friend) and C (his friend who's dating R)
Him: You're probably making out with them.
Me: Uhm, no, we're just hanging out.
Him: Come on, I know you're having it with them.
Me: No, really, I'm not.
Him: I don't want you having people over when I'm not there.
The sad thing is, I thought sacrificing what I wanted for him was an indication of how deeply I loved him. Fudge is being raised with all this rubbish about 'unconditional love'!
There are basic conditions for how human beings should treat one another that everyone has the right to expect from their partner.
[deleted]
16. Without Considerations
My red flag is someone who takes everything personally. Say, for instance, he invites you somewhere last minute, and you decline because you're busy.
Rather than "Okay, no worries, rain check?" it's "Why, what are you doing?" "you're always too busy," "You never want to see me," and other such whiney nonsense.
Occasionally, it can be playful banter, but most of the time, it's just annoying. Play it cool, guys.
KittyVonStroke
17. Two-Faced
It should have been a big giant red flag when we would text, and he would get furious and call me terrible names.
A few days later, he would then text me like none of it had happened.
We only ever really texted, though we did see each other occasionally because I was away at school.
But I was young, and now I see how much of a ridiculous red flag it was and how dangerous things could have gotten if we'd gotten into a more serious, in-person relationship.
thisgirlwithredhair
18. Animal Cruelty
First date. He's driving. I'm in the passenger seat. Rabbit runs across the road. He aims for it. And misses it. And he is cursing himself out because he missed squishing the rabbit, like road rage-style cussing.
My spidey sense goes OFF.
I told him that I didn't like this. Probably too loudly.
He gives me the most cold lizard-eyed look and says: "Dumb animals don't have feelings. Animals don't feel pain."
I say PULL OVER THE FREAKING CAR!!! LET ME OUT, NOW!!!
He pulled over but at first refused to let me leave.
I informed him that that is the kind of thing that serial killers think as kids; animals definitely feel pain, and this date is OVER.
Eventually, he called me a psycho witch and let me out of the car. I happily walked the mile and a half home. It was daylight, and I knew the walk well.
My mom always told me to watch out for guys who got off on hurting animals because they're the kind of guys to beat up their own kids.
I just never thought I'd get the ultimate deal breaker less than 20 minutes into the date like that.
LovesBigWords
19. Total Creeps
If he gets into the school system and spends countless hours looking through student pictures to find your name just so he can add you on Skype, then he's probably crazy, trust me.
Oh, and if he finds your Facebook, becomes friends with your friends to get your phone number, and messages you every few hours, you can bet he's crazy. (They were two different people.)
ScrewYourUnicorn
20. Online Dating
I was meeting someone for coffee from an online dating site, and I mentioned that he was the first guy I'd ever met via an online dating website.
He proceeded to ask me how many other "dates" I had planned for the rest of the day, how many messages I got per week, and how many visitors went to my page.
It's not a great start to online dating.
howispellit
21. Future Plans
My red flag is when guys talk about a future with me on first or second dates, it's happened several times now.
I'll casually mention I want to move to NYC one day and they'll make a frown and say, "awh, but I don't want to. Can't we move to X instead?"
One more thing: when guys talk about how cute our babies would be.
bubblegum-bitch
22. What a Demand
I recently met a guy at my work that found me on Facebook. He was cute, so I accepted his request. He started liking all of my old comments with conversations I'd have with guys that might have seemed semi-flirtatious
He messaged me asking me to hang out, and if I didn't reply within 5 mins, he'd message me saying something like, "WOOOW, REALLY?!".
The speed at which I noped the fudge out of that was unreal.
FutureSailor2014
23. Weird Phrase
After running into him at the ER where he worked, I agreed to go out to dinner with someone I knew from my high school days.
Before our date, I had to go back for a follow-up with my daughter; of course, he was there.
After my appointment, for which he kept hanging around, he walked me out to my car.
On the way out, he says, "I want to see what you drive so I know you are where you say you are."
NYGalz
24. Reply Dependency
My red flag is an unhealthy dependency on my replies. Before I met my current SO, I was chatting to a guy who needed replies within minutes.
If I didn’t reply in 30 minutes, he’d start saying things like “she’s gone again.” Or “and I’ve lost her interest again.” It became like a chore to respond.
When I said I didn’t feel comfortable continuing the conversation, he started talking about “how women never gave him a chance, and he is a good man.”.
It might not seem to him he had ill intent, but it came across as controlling and pressuring.
I had to block him eventually as he kept on messaging even though I had requested to stop the communication. Later, he started sending paid likes on a dating platform to get my attention.
[deleted]
25. Silly Topics
I second that! My last ex was the only one allowed to talk about his bowel movements and facts, but if I talked about mine in return, it grossed him out.
And I kind of enjoy talking about that kind of stuff. My fiancé now also enjoys it.
We talk facts about our respective genitalia, learn from each other, and laugh a lot. So refreshing, honestly.
I've never been with someone mature enough that typically awkward conversations were not awkward or downright taboo.
That's why he's my fiancé.
SeaSongJac
26. Anger Issues
My red flag is people who easily lose patience and have an out-of-control temper over minor things.
I dated a guy once who had an argument over the phone with a family member, after he got off the phone, he picked up a picture frame that was nearby and just smashed it onto the ground, sending glass everywhere.
The argument had something to do with a book. We had been dating for maybe 2 months.
He was 26. MASSIVE red flag.
juicytubes
27. Over Reactive
Yeah, I dated a guy for a bit who punched a door after a phone call with his boss. It wasn’t even anything serious like being reprimanded, he was just frustrated about a sudden change in schedule.
He also threw things sometimes and was a very angry driver, constantly laying on the horn and yelling and swearing.
I was so scared to be in a car with him.
But when I got upset about his behavior, I was “being too sensitive.”
imaginaryblues
28. Just Kidding
I used to date a guy who would flip out over minor things.. and I mean to go into a total rage. We were headed out for a walk once, and he asked me if I was ready.
I said, ‘Ready Freddy!’ because I like to be silly, and that’s just a normal joking reply since it rhymes .. he goes ‘WHO TF IS FREDDY?????’ so angrily and so loud…
I just started laughing so hard because who takes that seriously? And he wouldn’t let it go, so I just left and never talked to him again, lol
20moonstone10
29. Love bombing
Lovebombing in the context of it being a red flag is when someone seems to become infatuated with you really quickly, such as moving the relationship further faster than normal.
Saying I love you quickly, sharing things about themselves (especially trauma) that you typically learn over time through a trusted relationship, or even just gifting you things or planning things excessively.
Basically, it feels like the relationship milestones are happening much faster than a normal relationship. Abusers may do this to get you to commit to them quickly so that you have the lovebombing as a personality baseline.
Leading you to be less likely to leave because “they used to be such a caring person,” but that person never existed.
dougielou
30. Dodged A Bullet
I met a guy who never let on he had children, turns out he had a few children with a "crazy" ex-wife who was keeping his children from him.
Had every excuse under the sun as to why he couldn't see his children and called his ex so many mean names.
Sure it's possible she wasn't a good person to him, but speaking so poorly about his children's mother was an incredible turn-off.
I never cared to learn anymore and ran as fast as I could from that situation.
sheeboot
31. Crazy In Love
My red flag is someone who is trying to take the relationship too fast immediately and makes grand plans from day 1 for both of you. I have a friend who falls for people like this, and they are always the WORST.
At best, they’re insecure, need validation, and are in love with the idea of love without caring about who is actually in the relationship with them.
At worst, they’ve realized this is a good way to get girls in need of affection to submit to abusive and crap behaviors.
losethemap
32. The Reality
I wouldn't call it a red flag per se, but it's a thing I'm noticing more and more.
Hundred percent, if you are feeling unwanted and unloved and are thinking about breaking up, and then you try to bring it up, and all of a sudden, he starts being everything you wanted, only to go back to being distant and cold.
You have yourself a love bomber.
It's awful. The amount of people who fall for this is sad. Some people just get caught in this vicious cycle, not knowing it's even happening.
lidaliy182
33. Umbilical Cord
Had been talking to a guy on a dating app for a couple of weeks, even faced times with him. Went for a first date in a pub for a meal, got there he was already there.
He came over to me and chatted for a couple of minutes at the bar, he mentioned he was already seated at the table, WITH HIS MOTHER, like that red flag could be seen in several alternative dimensions.
She was excited to be there and even canceled some other evening out as she was meant to come on this date.
Also stated that when her son couldn't be bothered to message me, she had replied.
I calmly finished my drink, looked him square in the eye, directed him to the local maternity unit, told him to ask the midwives to cut the umbilical cord this time, and left.
Just so you know, I was early 50s (and still am), and he was late 50s, so we’re not kids.
That was the biggest red flag I'd ever seen.
Blocked him (and technically her) on everything immediately.
vampyra669
34. Communication Dodger
My red flag is a lack of communication. A relationship cannot work if you can't communicate wants/needs/goals/boundaries, etc.
I've dated too many guys who just say they're "bad at talking" and then don't really make an effort to really improve.
It's really difficult to have a healthy relationship.
Especially when someone just shuts down/changes subjects/dodges conversations that need to happen.
EmeraldTerror
35. Taking Turns
When he's so focused on what he has to say, can't wait to tell you things that happened to HIM, and is never actually listening to you or waiting for you to finish.
Usually means they're too much into themselves and could never value and hear you as a real you.
Also, if they're probably only superficially attracted to you and they're not even trying to know you, then, of course, why would you need them in your life?
NeuroticShark216
36. Like a Child
Not for me personally (because I’m married and didn’t date much), but one I see all the time for other women is when their significant other talks about them like a child.
Any time I hear a man talking about giving his wife an allowance or telling his girlfriend she can’t have something until she finishes some chore, it enrages me on her behalf. It’s weird.
I always start trying to tell her to get out of there telepathically.
Additionally, I hate the same behavior in women. He’s a grown-ass man, don’t treat him like he’s ten. Respect your partner.
Intrepid_Knowledge27
37. Not A Flag But A Billboard
When they’re constantly drinking... like they get home from work and proceed to drink themselves into passing out wherever they are in the house. They don’t see it as bad because “they’re allowed to have a drink at night.”
When they stop at a store on their way home, and the priority is a bottle of alcohol, they don’t even consider getting anything for dinner.
[deleted]
38. Do Your Share
Being totally inept when it comes to household management (cooking, cleaning, bills, laundry, etc.). I dated a guy who lived alone and was able to do all of that.
When we moved in together, he expected me to take care of everything while he sat on his arse and did nothing to help out.
Needless to say, I dumped him not long afterward.
Men: This is not the 1950s. Household chores are not "women's work," and you are expected to do your share.
OriginalName1million
39. Red Lists
I have 4: First, they don't understand the word "No." Second, they say they're dog people, but they really aren't and will try to get rid of your dog when you're at work.
Third, they treat wait staff, or anyone in customer service for that matter, like crap. Fourth, they are jealous of my brothers and don't want me hanging out with them when he's not around
I'm big on making sure I don't fall into the trap again that I once did. Dated a guy that I ignored all my red flags for because I thought it was love. It wasn't. He played me for a fool because he knew he could.
Won't ever make that mistake again.
coastervossler1991
40. Power of Gut Feeling
I dated a guy who was really clingy from the get-go. For instance, he always wanted to walk me to every train, bus, class, etc.
I know that sounds quite nice and charming, but I had this gut feeling that something wasn't right about it, that he was doing it to keep tabs on me (to make sure I was really going to visit family over the weekend and I didn't just say that to get out of meeting him).
I had this feeling about a lot of little, seemingly innocent things he did and said, but I ignored them, telling myself that's just what people do when they fall in love, that he's trying to be attentive, etc.
I should have noped the fudge out there, and then because only a few weeks later, it turned into a bit of a stalking situation (constant phone calls/messages, thinly veiled self-harm threats if I didn't act the way he wanted, verbal abuse, he tried to force his way into my apartment several times,..)
monsus
41. Greatest Regret
He would never EVER spend money on me. He would tirelessly complain that he was broke, to the point that I would lend him money and pay for everything to help him out, and then he'd buy a new guitar or something equally as expensive.
After that, it was back to "I'm so broke," and the cycle would continue. He would not pay for dinner or buy anything for me - not saying I expect this, but some reciprocation would have been nice - because he felt like it was "wasting" his money because it wasn't solely for him.
Not only that, but he tried to convince me to move in with him so I could pay part of his rent when, the whole time, he was seeing some girl I had no idea about.
We dated for six years, and I wish it had ended much sooner.
One of my biggest regrets at this point.
citylights
42. Broken Man
Before I met my fiancé, I was dating this guy who was a friend of a friend. Every single person who ever knew him would, upon meeting me, proclaim how they'd never seen him so happy before.
I thought it was a compliment to me, but after the "new-ness" of the relationship faded after a couple of months, he turned out to be one of the most negative people I've ever met (and I've had plenty of friends who were clinically depressed).
In short, he never wanted help from anyone. He considered accepting assistance as weak. The day after I finally broke it off with him, he invited me out to lunch because he had something really important he had to tell me in person.
It turns out he just wanted an opportunity to make it clear that he was breaking up with me.
He had some issues.
Renaiconna
43. See Future
My first boyfriend had so many red flags. Granted, this was in high school, but it was still pretty bad.
First of all, he had already picked out how many kids he wanted and what their names and genders would be.
He told me exactly how long we would date, when he would propose, and the day we would get married.
He also told me at one point that he would end his life if we ever broke up.
Lizard__Breath
44. Whirlwind Romance
I have about a hundred of these, all from the same guy. Here's the first one:
The day after I met my ex, he showed up uninvited at my flat in student halls. He came every day for two weeks straight after I broke up with my boyfriend (for unrelated reasons).
He asked me out every day of those two weeks.
The first thirteen times, I told him I needed more time to process my breakup.
The fourteenth time was at a friend's birthday party that he hadn't even been invited to. I caved and agreed to a date.
Two weeks later, he moved into my flat.
I'd never been pursued that relentlessly before, and I was flattered. Less than a year later, he tried to kill me.
I will never fall for a whirlwind romance ever again.
[deleted]
45. Commitment-Phobe
I was dating this guy, Sean. In the first couple of weeks of our relationship, he had told me being a "Facebook official" was important to him. I didn't care; I always kept my status hidden, but I changed my status for him and requested to be in a relationship with him.
Yeah, he freaked out. He becomes unsure about being in a relationship. Suddenly, he was all unsure about that state of things after being super invested (like, overly so for how long our relationship was).
It was such a weird turn.
We got into a fight and almost didn't make it.
Then, we talked it out, he admitted he only said he wanted to be a Facebook official because he thought I'd want to be.
We ended up breaking up for many reasons after nine months, but we didn't work out because he was a commitment-phobe and wanted to sleep around.
He ended up in a psychiatric ward for a bit, too.
I've heard from friends that he's cheated on some of his girlfriends after me.
[deleted]