Embarrassing times are unavoidable. There are times that we just can’t forget about a certain memory where we made our poorest decision that ended awkwardly with someone.
These people shared their awkward experiences that turned out to be too memorable to forget. Times that they wish they could just remove from their past. You probably had an experience just like this. Check them out!
1. Limping Leg
This was back when I played high school football. I got hit really hard on a play where our team fumbled the ball. Hurt and dejected, I limped off to the sidelines with my head hung low.
I grabbed some water from the cooler near the bench and sat down. It was only when I began to sip my water that I realized, "Hey, this isn't water! This is Gatorade! But...my team's too cheap to buy Gator--uh oh..."
Yeah, I limped off to the wrong sideline. The entire opposing team was just watching me sit on their benches and drink their Gatorade.
Rumassog
2. Gender Confusion
A few years ago, I would have morning coffee with a work colleague in his office. Noticed a picture on the wall... about 15 feet away.
I assumed I was a rugby player standing with the Rugby World Cup. I asked him who the guy was. Well, he replied, 'That's me!'
'No,' said I. 'The guy on the other side, with you.' He looked at me and, in a very unempathetic voice, just said, 'That's my wife.' Uh-oh.
darkchill
3. Wrong Husband
This happened yesterday. At a car park, I found a free spot. I usually prefer to park the car backward, so I stop the car, put the car in reverse, and want to turn backward into the parking spot.
But there was an old lady walking right past my car, so I waited. As she walked by, she suddenly started trying to open my passenger-side door.
After a few attempts, she finally opens the door and gets in. At the moment, I am too surprised to say anything. It takes a few seconds before she realizes something is wrong.
She takes a better look at me, and her face turns red. "Wait a minute, you are not my husband..." I just smile back when she exits my car.
As I park, her husband pulls up with their car. The weird thing is their car is a different color than mine. Also, her husband is white. I am Asian.
ETA_was_here
4. Wrong Words Came Out
I was in my office when one of my very attractive co-workers came into my office to ask for some advice. Her husband and she were thinking of buying a pool table, and she was asking me because she knew I played a lot of pool.
I discussed a few of the more popular home table makers but ultimately said that getting their hands on a Brunswick Gold Crown would be the best option.
I began to discuss how wear-proof and stable they were, and because I like to use absurd comparisons (all part of my charm), I imagined that I was holding her by the ankles and swinging her like a bat against the pool table.
But my mouth said, "For instance, I could push you against a Gold Crown, and it wouldn't budge." This was followed by a pregnant pause, where we were both analyzing what I just said (her with fear and me with confusion) when I broke the silence with "...you know if I was holding you by the ankles."
More silence followed by an awkward "Well, thanks for your help." I just sat there, confused by my inability to predict how both statements were going to sound coming out of my mouth. We didn't talk much after that.
HSoup
5. Different Event
A co-worker approached me after being out of the office for a few weeks, asking if I knew why she was out. I said, "No, vacation?". "No," she says, "My son died in a wreck."
"Holy crap, I had no idea," I say, to which she then proceeds to tell me that she knew I had no idea because a "sorry for your loss" card from the office was sent to her where everyone wrote in it and signed it, including me.
The only difference was that I had written "Happy Birthday" with an enormous smiley face. Ugh, I wrote happy bday in a sorry-for-your-loss card being sent to the mother of a recently dead son.
Bigpappapunk
6. Sketchy Stuff
I am on my second date with a girl that I met on an online dating app. We were really hitting it off. When it was time to leave, I offered to give her a ride home as she had taken the bus to get there.
This was not my plan from the beginning. My car was clean, but I had not made it "date-ready." We were walking to my car, and it hit me that I had borrowed a chainsaw from my father for some yard work, and it was still in the back of the car, visible from the outside.
Me: "Hey, I don't want you to be weirded out, but I have a chainsaw in the back of my car that I borrowed from my old man for some yard work." Her: "You have got to be kidding me..." Me: "Nope... can't even make crap like that up."
I then opened the car door for her, and on the floor, there were two items: 1 right-handed work glove and 3 feet of rope.
mcfaddon
7. Wrong Timing
This girl and I first started dating. I would consider her and me in the Pre-Dating phase, and it was great! She often enjoyed it when I would come over at night and sneak through her bedroom window.
I thought it was exciting and she must have too. Anyway, one night, I was driving over to her house, planning to go through her window again. Only this time, I was going to surprise her.
Well, I had stomach problems that night, and midway through the drive (It was late at night), I knew that at some point in the night, I had to take a dump.
It was bad. I parked my car and eventually found myself outside her window, pondering what I would do as I couldn't keep it in anymore. So, I did what had to be done.
I ended up taking a dump close to her window. As I allowed this evil to finally escape me, I saw a light turn on. It was the patio light leading into their back yard (Near her bedroom window), and right away, out comes her dad.
We lock eyes. He is watching me at this point, taking a dump in his backyard. Time stopped during this moment. I just knew that nothing at this moment could save me from this embarrassment.
Nothing witty or quick could come from my mouth as I continued to take a dump and just stare around us. Finally, he broke the silence and asked, "Why are you here taking a dump in my backyard? Why didn't you just use the bathroom?"
I wished he had asked me something else because right then, my girlfriend came out to see who her dad was talking to. She saw me. (I was planning on surprising her) She looked at me and was like, “Aaron, is that you??”
At this moment, her dad realized that his daughter wasn't even aware I was spending the night. So, this made the situation even worse.
I swear to god, the moment I realized her dad understood this, I felt like my Fight or Flight response was going to kick in, and I was honestly just going to run for it and say screw it. But I didn't; I just continued.
Then my girlfriend and her dad continued talking, and I heard her dad say, "Well, I guess your boyfriend is pooping in our backyard." In contrast, my girlfriend replied, "Apparently."
Finally, I finished up and literally whipped myself using some leaves while they stood there. Eventually, I stood up and pulled my pants on and just didn't move. I honestly didn't know what to do.
It was by far my most awkward moment, and the fact I couldn't talk made it worse, I just didn't know what to do but finish crapping. Eventually, her dad finished smoking and returned inside while his daughter followed him.
Nothing else was said. I just went back to my car and stared at my steering wheel.
Airsinner
8. Wrong Girl
At the royal Easter show with my girlfriend, who is blonde, has long hair, is in light blue jeans, and has a halter top. Look at an exhibit, turn around, smack her lightly on the back, and say, "Let's go!"
Horror as the girl turns around, and I realize it's not her, just another girl who happens to be a long-haired, slender blond in light blue jeans and a halter top.
Her boyfriend is staring at me. Peals of laughter from my GF pretty much defused the situation; I apologized and backed off.
[deleted]
9. Misunderstood Statement
Happened just a few weeks ago, actually. My 2-year-old daughter and I always go to the park in the afternoons (I work from home and watch her during the day).
One day, we went to the park, and the only other people there were this little African American boy and his mother. After about 5 minutes of my daughter playing, she yells (while pointing at the little boy), "Daddy, daddy, look! A monkey!"
Horrified, I jumped up and immediately started apologizing to the mother, who quickly said, "Don't apologize. She's so smart."
At that time, the little boy turned around to reveal a picture of a monkey on his shirt. I was instantly mortified. It turned out I was the rotten one.
InternetCeleb
10. Too Naive
I was on a first date. Since we were poor college students, this date consisted of going back to his dorm room to listen to music. We were having a blast until someone knocked on his door.
It was his ex-girlfriend. Awkward. She was done with work and wanted to hang out. After he had let her in, he asked me if it was ok. I didn't want to come off as crazy or jealous, and she was already making herself comfy, so I just shrugged it off and tried to enjoy my date.
After a half hour of talking and joking around, my date starts kissing me. Awkward. I felt awful, but at the same time, I assumed she was okay with it, seeing as she wanted to hang out with us on our first date. Oh, I was also really stupid. That is relevant to the story.
So I'm kissing a guy while his ex-girlfriend watches. Naturally, she starts sobbing. Awkward. He asks me if it's okay if he goes to comfort her. I can't very well say no and force her to continue watching us make out while she watches two feet away.
He gets up, sits down on the bed next to her, and they start whispering. I don't eavesdrop out of courtesy. These were two people concerned about courtesy. I kept my eyes on the computer but couldn't resist a peek.
It was hard to see what they were doing because they were sitting so close, and I was just using my peripherals, but it looked like they were kissing. Awkward.
Now I start crying. Awkward. He doesn't notice, or if he does, he doesn't care. Finally, I told him that I had to go. He rushed over to me, gave me a kiss, said he'd explain tomorrow, and showed me to the door.
As I walked off, I could see their silhouettes in the window. I didn't look out of respect for their privacy. Obviously, they were two people who were very concerned about respect and privacy.
If I had been a smart person, the story would have ended there, and it would have been a sad and awkward story about a horrific first date.
But I was not a smart person. He called the next day to explain that she had just experienced a very horrible thing, so he came to him for help and forgot that I was going to be there.
Said he only kissed her on the cheek to comfort her. I bought it. We dated for a year and a half. He cheated on me with her multiple times. Awkward.
TheKenluckian
11. Huge Turn-Off
I was a shy kid in 8th grade and had challenged myself to talk to a girl during swim class P.E. I figured that I would jump out of the pool at just the moment when she would be walking by, and I would talk to her.
Everything went as planned. After a minute, I noticed that she would look around while we were talking, and I tried to continue the conversation. Then she stopped me and asked if I knew my nose was running.
I was soaked from the swimming pool, so no, but I figured I would quickly wipe away the water that must have been dripping from my nose. When I tried to wipe it away, I realized I now had a slimy sheen on my hand, so I tried just to swipe it onto my swim trunks.
I should be okay now, right? Minimal damage, save the moment? Nope. I instinctually reached back to my nose just to ensure my face was clear, only to realize that I had a clear webbing that encased my hand (the swipe on my shorts did not remove the slime).
Panic mode, I reached with my other hand to clear the slime from the first hand. At this point, I realized that I had a sheet of snot that went from my face to my chest.
With the girl still standing right in front of me, I freaked and, with both hands, vigorously tried to wipe the snot from my chest. To her, though, it probably looked like I was smearing the snot all over my body like I was trying to create a lather.
I'm pretty sure I was making whimpering noises and squeals associated with my ego-shattering. Eventually, I made it back to the locker room, and I never again attempted to be suave.
So yeah, that was awkward for me, but I'm sure from her perspective, it was pretty awkward as well. Seeing that, she witnessed me giving myself a snot bath.
sourmilksmell
12. Bad Rehearsals
Oh, 8th grade romance plans. There was a new girl in my 8th-grade class. She captivated everyone in our entire grade, but of course, she had to sit next to the awkward kid who didn't have anyone sitting next to him... me.
Well, that night, I went home and repeatedly practiced saying my genius line to her in the mirror. I wanted to see her before school started and help her get to the classroom.
I did my best George Clooney impersonation and tried many other ways of saying, 'Hey (insert pretty girl's name here), you look lost. Can I help you find something?"
The next day, she was late. So she sits down in her seat and smiles at me. I had only worked on one line! I didn't know what to say, so I said the only thing that came to mind. "You look lost. Can I help you find something?" She laughed and asked, "Did you practice that in the mirror?"
Naturally, I didn't realize it was a joke and thought it was the natural thing to do. So I said, "Yeah, for about a half hour," completely seriously. She looked at me mortified and then never looked at or talked to me for the rest of the year.
Six years later, I randomly met her down at the beach with my girlfriend. I have since become much less awkward and grown into the size of my enormous head.
We joked about that day for a while; she is a wonderful human being. We still talk occasionally, and she is now modeling in South Florida.
klman0225
13. No More Romance
Well, in high school, one time, I was sitting on a couch with the girl I was currently wooing at a mutual friend's house. I was planning on asking her out eventually but hadn't at the time.
As we were sitting there, ultra-suave 15-year-old, I decided to put my arm around her. I think I did the old "counting shoulders trick."
She was all right with it, so it was all good. But then one of her friends came up to us and asked, "So are you two, like, going out?" To which she responded with an enthusiastic "Yes!"
At the same time, I shook my head violently, let out a sheepish, nervous laugh, and said, "No." It was rather uncomfortable to try to explain why one of us would say we were in a relationship while the other had a different answer. I didn't really talk to her much after that.
[deleted]
14. Hot Times
In the first final of my college career, I was climbing over some rows of seats to get to an empty one in a huge lecture hall.
As I pass the last row to get to my seat in the row in front, my heel comes up and kicks the desk of a female student already in the middle of her test.
It's not a big deal, except she had a steaming hot cup of coffee that just exploded all over her lap and her test. She looked at me in horror and pain, and my response was an embarrassed "I'm sorry," and then I sat down directly in front of her and started taking my final.
I always wondered if she saw me around campus in the years after and would say to her friends, "There's that jerk who spilled coffee all over me."
Jplopinyourpants
15. Different Bed
During my freshman year of college, I was woken up around 4 am to someone sitting on the foot of my bed. I think it's my roommate, so I just lie. I'm still hoping he's just using the power outlet or something.
After a while, I began to suspect that they were not my roommate, and my suspicions were confirmed when they pushed me over and lay down next to me.
I'm a shy person, so this is way out of my comfort zone. I turn on my light to see a girl I don't recognize lying beside me. After a few seconds of incredulous staring, I realize she is my RA.
She looks really out of it, and she just nods at me and goes to sleep. I try to wake her up, but she is out cold. So I tried to just stay on my side of the bed for a while before I realized that this would be a very awkward situation for my RA to explain if anyone saw us.
I crawl out of bed, having to roll over her basically and wake her up. She takes a few seconds to realize where she is and then gets up and asks, like the perfect RA, "Innocentbunnys, are you okay?"
I say yes, half laughing, and ask if she is drunk. (We go to a party school) She shakes her head and leaves, telling me, "You're the best," before she goes. As she leaves, my roommate wakes up and sees her go, but he falls right back asleep.
My RA was really embarrassed about the whole thing and only remembered waking up in my bed. She had apparently taken a cough medicine and came into our room, which was unlocked and right next to hers. It was awkward to see each other for about a week after that.
[deleted]
16. The Announcement
I did the Science Olympiad all throughout junior high and high school, and the day before our invitational meeting, the coach decided to put me on the experimental design event with two other people who had never done it either.
The kids from the varsity team spent a lot of time going over the event with us and teaching us the whole thing on the bus ride up.
We did the event, and we think it went reasonably well. At the award ceremony, they announced that we won 1st place. We were shocked and ecstatic.
Now for the awkward part: as we get onto the bus and the coach reads the full team results, it turns out that they called the wrong team; our varsity team actually got 1st place.
What did we get? Last. I gave my medal to one of the varsity kids who deserved it, as did one of my partners, but the other partner refused to give up his medal until the coach pulled him aside and had a discussion with him.
Gneissisnice
17. One Word Away
This happened during my 7th grade science fair. My project was titled "How does music affect heart rate?" A lot of people confuse the words "affect" and "effect," so I made sure to use the verbal form in my title (see above).
Well, an 8th grader did the same project, but he used the wrong word. So when they called out the winner, we both walked up to the stage.
Seventh-grade me is strutting onto the stage with a big stupid grin, only to be furiously waved off by the presenter.
The idiot whose project's name actually meant nonsense gets the award, and I sulk off the stage, trying to be as discreet as possible, hoping no one saw me, all the while being disappointed that I didn't actually win.
OfcJimLahey
18. Yell Of Shame
I went out for drinks with some friends and the girl I was seeing at the time. She ended up staying over. The next morning, as we were leaving for brunch, I went into the bathroom.
Oh god, it smelled awful. It smelled like someone just pooped after a week. I immediately turned and yelled across the house to my roommate. TURN THE FAN ON!
Later that day, my roommate informed me it wasn't him. It was the girl I was seeing who neglected to own it...Needless to say, I felt like a jerk.
Workat5AM
19. It’s You
I was at a party, and a friend asked about a girl I sort of knew. She's a lovely woman who happens to sleep with just about any guy she meets.
So I'm telling him how to increase his odds, and who is standing right behind me? The woman… Fortunately, we weren't using any names (all pro-nouns), so she had no idea we were talking about her.
She grabs a beer, sits on my lap, and joins the conversation. Neither of us knows what to do, and we have that awkward freeze. We can't change the subject, or she'll know we're talking about her. My friend has the good sense to say it's some girl he knows.
So now she is down talking to this mystery woman, and it's really her. We eventually casually moved off the conversation. My friend made out with her that night, lol. We still laugh about that one.
[deleted]
20. Mystery Bag
I have a medical condition where it sometimes takes me a week or two to have a bowel movement. I was dating this guy in high school and stayed over at his house for the weekend.
It had been a while since I let one loose, and I REALLY needed to go. So I waited until about five in the morning, when I thought everyone was asleep, and crept into the only bathroom by his parent's room.
I was finally able to push one out. It was rather loud when it hit the bowl, so I waited to see if anyone was up. Nothing. I quickly wiped and turned to look at my work, and it was HUGE as if it was not going to fit down the small drain.
I had done this before, so I knew I needed to grab a bag and crush it up. I tip-toed to the kitchen, grabbed a few plastic bags from under their sink, and quickly returned to business. I had the bags over my hands.
I was reaching into the toilet... And then there was a knock. It was my boyfriend's dad. I panicked. Grabbed all of it and scooped it into the bag. I flushed and opened the door quickly, and tried to squeeze past him, but he stopped me when he saw the bag.
He asked what was in it. I told him nothing and tried to leave again. He grabbed my arm and asked if I was stealing from them (I hadn't known them that long). When he grabbed my arm, I dropped the bag.
It made a disgusting, thick, plopping sound. He looked at the bag... Then looked at me for a solid minute. He turned around and went back to his room.
I threw the bag out in the can in the garage and ran back to my guest room. He never asked me about it again, and no one in the family ever brought it up with me, so I'm hoping they don't even know. Yeah, that was pretty awkward.
PoopInBag
21. Red Plastic
I have a good one. At a black-tie New Year's Eve party, I was talking to this cute Latina girl. The party provided all kinds of plastic party favors, like beads, noisemakers, hats, etc.
She had this red plastic tube sticking out of her chest. So I flicked it hard and was like, "What's this?!" thinking it was just another party favor.
The moment I flicked it, I noticed how rigid it was, and I realized it was actually some sort of medical port for injecting medicines straight into her heart.
Fortunately, the girl was too drunk to really notice or care, but her friend sure did and gave me the I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that-you-ignorant-jerk death stare. It was pretty awkward.
[deleted]
22. Listen To The Emergency
One time at work, I wasn't feeling so well, so I decided to drink some tea. The tea triggered whatever was making me sick, and I needed to throw up right away.
I went back to the employee bathroom, and there was this girl standing in line waiting for the bathroom. I told her that I was sorry, but I was going to have to cut in front of her because-
She interrupted me and said to me that I could wait for my freaking turn as she did. The person who was in the bathroom came out right at that moment and witnessed me projectile vomiting all over her and completely drenching her.
I didn't have a drop on me. She went home crying. I got to use the restroom and went back to work like nothing happened. It wasn't awkward for me as much as a victory, but I am sure it was awkward for her.
[deleted]
23. Sudden Under Maintenance
Once, I was in a working man's club when, all of a sudden, I needed to take a massive dump. I proceeded to empty my soul in the only cubicle in the men's toilet.
As well as being a huge load of dump, it was a messy wipe, so a lot of poop + a lot of paper = blocked toilet. After the 3rd attempt to flush it, I thought, ‘Screw it.'
I unlocked the door to find a bloke in a wheelchair waiting to use the toilet. He then wheeled himself in and awkwardly clambered onto the toilet. I said sorry and then left the club for the very last time.
portugueseprawnsoup
24. Friend Unlocked
So, back in the first year, I walked from class to my car and saw my friend in front of me, donning her little black pants and blue rain jacket. I’ll set the scene-- it's raining (recall the rain jacket), and there are puddles everywhere, and it's quite a miserable day.
So I think to myself: "Hey, Iamafalcon! It’s a miserable day! Do you know what you should do? You should run up behind your friend, jump on her back, and yell out like a dinosaur!! It would be so much fun! And she'd appreciate it! I mean, let's be serious, who wouldn't?!"
So, I creep up to her... I walk faster and faster, and then I really pick up speed, and then I leap off the ground, make contact, get a really good grip on her back, and give my best velociraptor call (honestly if there were any velociraptors nearby, they would have come running.
Seriously. That good. Unfortunately, she does not shriek like I expect her to. She doesn't do anything I expect her to. This is because it wasn't my friend, and I just jumped on the back of a stranger.
For convenience's sake, let's call her Betty. So there she goes, running off into the distance to get away from me. I assume that's what she was hoping for, but she's running too fast, and I’m too afraid to jump down from her back, so there we go, leaving her iPod and phone in the puddle far behind us.
Eventually, she grows weary and slows down. I jump at the opportunity (hah!) and dismount. At this point, I don't know who's more red in the face. Betty has just been attacked by a crazy person, tried to run away, and had the crazy person continue to cling to her back like a crazy person.
On the other hand, I have just gone above and beyond any previous embarrassment. There is ACTUALLY no way I can apologize enough for this. I try to explain the situation, but she's having none of it.
So I jog back and retrieve her iPod and phone from the puddle. She's taken off again before I can offer her my number to pay for new electronics. I am left standing in the rain to search for another friend to humiliate.
IamaFalcon
25. Hidden Identity
So I'm down in London visiting a friend, and he suggests we go to this masquerade ball thing that he's been telling me about for months.
We both get Guy Fawkes masks out of V for Vendetta and suit up. We get there, I get my drink on, and we chat to this horde of masked ladies.
We get some more drinks, then some more, and then, just for luck. I'm struggling to walk, find a chair, and collapse, fall asleep for a bit. When I wake up, one of the girls from earlier is sitting on my lap.
She's also completely trashed and asks me to take my mask off so she can kiss me. I start to take it off but leave it about halfway on to create a mystery enigma of myself.
She does the same; we make out for a bit. She pulls my mask off and says something like, "WHAT THE HECK?? ohgodwhyme123!!!! BLARG (that's the sound of her throwing up, by the way)" I take her mask off and find myself staring into my sister's eyes.
ohgodwhyme123
26. Foreign Language
A few years back, I was in school and received a text message from a friend who was in Spanish class two doors down. He had attended only 25% of the classes that semester and was surprised to find out that he was expected to give an oral presentation that day.
It was an Intro to Spanish class, and the poor kid didn't speak two words. Fortunately, the oral presentation wasn't hard - it was only "tell us in a few sentences what you'll be doing this summer."
So, in his text message, he asked me to give him those few sentences that he'd simply memorize and repeat. I replied with the following text in Spanish (loosely translated)
"My girlfriend is going to move in with me. We're going to go to the beach, hang out with friends, make out a lot (using the bad word), and organize bar-b-ques. I will also buy a car and hopefully travel with my family."
I fully expected that he would: 1) expect me to do something stupid like this and 2) catch on to my using of the curse word. So the poor guy goes to the front of the class and blurts out word for word what I had texted him.
Upon using the curse word, the teacher interrupts him, asks him to repeat what he just said, which he does casually, and continues his presentation.
Upon completion, he returned to his seat, with no one quite understanding what just happened, seeing how this was Intro to Spanish and I had used a slang word for the bad word.
Once in his seat, the teacher asked him in English: "You have no idea what you just said, do you?" and he shamefully admitted that he didn't. It's been maybe 7 or 8 years, and I still laugh about this. Him, not so much.
sstugatz
27. Loud Sound
Taking a final in one of my classes. Midway through, I get the urge to fart. Being the dumb person I am, I assured myself I would let it rip because "it won't make noise; it's just a little one."
Boy, I was so wrong. It let out a high-pitched squeal that quickly turned into a thunderous boom. I'm positive everyone heard it, but nobody made a comment.
I stared at my test so hard to avoid making eye contact with the cute girl sitting next to me. She didn't move or anything, but we both knew what the heck I had just unleashed a horrendous air. It did not smell THAT bad, so I guess that's a plus, right? RIGHT??
Flavored_Crayons
28. Past And Present
Probably when I was with my first girlfriend after having got divorced, we'd been together for a few months, and I decided it was time for my girlfriend and my daughter (who was 2) to meet.
I didn't want to do anything involving my daughter behind my ex-wife's back. So I told her about my girlfriend and that I wanted to introduce my girlfriend to my daughter.
My ex-wife said that was fine - but she wanted to meet my girlfriend first. Well, it took a long time to convince my girlfriend to meet my ex-wife. But she eventually agreed that it was for the best.
We arranged a meeting on neutral territory. We turned up. My ex-wife turned up. They said hello to each other. And after that, awkward! Very awkward! We didn't stay very long.
LondonPilot
29. Worst Fate
I was 20 years old, delivering pizza, driving fast, pissed off at slow motorists (the left lane is for passing!), and racing to make each light just before it turned red.
Some damn yellow grocery-getter station wagon was dragging in the left lane. I waited a long time for an opening to get around him. Finally did, and I cut him off with a vengeance - sending a message - before zipping down the road to my delivery.
I arrive and run to the door only to find that nobody is home. I'm standing there on the porch kinda stumped, kinda miffed, double-checking the address, when that same yellow grocery-getter pulls into the driveway.
It was seriously awkward. I'm standing there on this guy's front porch, not knowing what to say, looking like a total jerk.
The guy gets out and walks up to me. He says, "I like that you're eager to get my dinner to me on time," and slaps cash in my hand, including a seriously hefty tip. I mentally wiped my brow and got the hell out of there.
[deleted]
30. Dirty Laundry
I was at the laundry place waiting for a washing machine to open up. I noticed that somebody placed their "colored" clothes in a washer designated for "white clothes only."
After about 20 minutes of waiting, I was thoroughly annoyed that I would be done with my laundry if this guy had put his clothes in the correct washer.
I took it upon myself to relocate his clothes to the correct washer so I could get along with my day. (Touching someone else's laundry is a big no-no).
As I was moving the colored clothes into the correct washer, an extremely built black guy walked in. Turns out the clothes were his.
As he demanded to know why I was touching his laundry, all I could sputter out was, "Sir, I'm sorry, it's just you were using a "white only" washing machine, and I was just moving them to a "colored" washing machine for you."
After realizing my fatal error, I just ducked my head and ran out of the building.
chadder_box
31. Wrong Door
Last night, I was walking through the hotel where I was staying. Thinking I could cut through the middle building (which I assumed was just more rooms) to save time, I pulled open the heavy door and strolled in.
Instead of a hall of identical doors, I found myself walking directly into a very small and very intimate wedding ceremony.
I stopped dead, made horrendously awkward eye contact with the bride, and proceeded to clumsily back out of the door while thirty or so people stared at me. It was weird.
abettersondaughter
32. Deep Vibration
I was unpacking a huge box in the common area of my new dorm and speaking to my new roommates and their families while doing it.
As I reached into the box to retrieve another item, I somehow triggered my electric toothbrush, which was packed deep within the bowels of the box.
Horrified, I dove headfirst into the vibrating box to find the toothbrush while they stared at me in silence. Took me 10 minutes to resurface with the toothbrush and redeem myself.
GhettoLithium
33. Instant Deep Regret
When I was 16 in school, I was in art class, and it was a pretty relaxed environment. Anyway, some girl from near the back of the class said something that triggered me to yell, "Your mum."
At this point, I'm looking down and smirking because I thought I'd made a good joke, but instead of raucous laughter, there was an audible intake of air from everyone in the room.
Then, during the silence, my friend next to me leans in and whispers, "Her mum's dead." After the class, the girl approached me and said, "It's okay...you didn't know." Whenever I look back on this, I cringe and think oh god, why?
Eshneh
34. Teen World
At my family's cottage. My cousins, uncle, and I were all gathered and watching TV. I guess we had been swimming or something b/c I was in my bathing suit.
I had my legs up on the table, and I noticed a few people giving me funny looks. I thought they just liked my cute bikini... nope.
I went to the bathroom, and it turned out that I had a huge red stain!! I hadn't felt it because my bathing suit was wet from swimming. I still wonder if they still remember.. it was over ten years ago.
bathingsuit
35. Stop Before It Gets Worse
I was playing at a Regional Orchestra festival recently--for those of you who don't know classical music, it's sort of like high school playoffs for sports, except for Music.
You start off at a District level, which consists of about 5-8 districts, then a regional level, which consists of 4 or 5 districts, and then a state level, which consists of all the regions in your state.
Anyway, so I was playing at this festival, and the conductor liked what I was doing. He's a black guy and a really awesome conductor.
I also happen to be black, and I am the principal bassist (the bassist who sits in the first chair) of the orchestra. After we get done rehearsing this one little bit of the piece we're playing, he stops and smiles at me and says something.
"My ni--brother! You laid it down, Doc." Those of us who caught it started chuckling. All the people with White Guilt pretended not to hear it.
MahNiggahThrowAway
36. Mixed Wordings
It was my first homecoming with this girl I liked, and she made me eat dinner before with all of her friends, all dateless. So I am eating with 15 girls and no other boys.
Since I had already eaten, I wasn't that hungry. My date's best friend decided she would pick on me, saying how much more she was eating.
Not wanting to be emasculated, I decided to modify the old drinking saying, "I will drink you under the table," Instead, I said, "I'll eat you under the table,” in front of all these girls and a few parents.
SLEESTAK85
37. Wave Of Stare
Freshman year of college, I was taking the final to one of those introductory freshmen classes with 200+ people. We were in the largest lecture hall on campus, and I chose a seat right in the middle of the room.
A few minutes into the exam, I realized I had some gas bottled up inside me, which I tried really hard to keep in due to how quiet the room was.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to do the "one side on the chair and lift to one side" trick to minimize the sound. It did the opposite.
Ended up with the loudest fart I'd ever done in my life, which lasted a good 2-3 seconds. There was a split second of hoping no one would know it was me since we were sitting at every other seat, and there were so many people.
To my horror, though, the sounds of scribbling stopped, and the people immediately next to me all turned their heads toward me, which caused a chain reaction, with everyone turning their heads to follow where their eyes were looking.
It was like doing the wave with everyone's heads turning to look at me.
SniffleBucket
38. The Cheering Squad
Ok, so in my junior year of high school, I went to homecoming with a girl. I was trying to make her see me as more than a friend. Well, I didn't have a driver's license, and I had to rely on my sister to drive me from the dance.
After a nice evening, when we went to drop her off, I went to walk her to the door (like a proper gentleman), and I was about to make my move when I heard very loudly from my sister.
"DID HE KISS HER!?!?!? OH CRAP!!" She forgot to roll up the car window. Most awkward eye contact/conversation after that.
mecheng93
39. Sharp Food
I used to work for a software company as a temp. One time in Seattle, one of the people in our group recommended we eat at a restaurant.
After walking around for over an hour, the setting sun reflecting off the water into our slowly burning faces, we finally find the place.
Hungry and tired, we all order food from the cafeteria-style counter and carry our trays upstairs to a seating area. Everyone is in the process of preparing to eat malt vinegar, tartar sauce, napkins, lemon juice, etc.
I can't find a seat, and someone points out an empty spot at the table. All I need is a chair. So, I grabbed one from a nearby vacant table and o hoisted it over my head to move it safely into the spot and smash a hanging glass bowl chandelier into everyone's food.
hazmaximus
40. The Past Tense
I'm currently in college. A few weeks ago, I ran into an acquaintance from high school. We were catching up and talking about random things.
He recently moved from the Middle East, so his English isn't that amazing. He ended up asking me if I was Brazilian. I explained that I wasn't, that my mother was Asian and my father was white.
He asks, "He WAS white? What, is he now something else?" I then explained to him that my father died a few weeks ago. He started laughing. I started laughing with him because I didn't know how to respond.
geedw
41. Different Relation
In high school, I worked with a thing called Youth Court in my town. It's a program where high schoolers get trained in the basics of law and court procedure, and then we prosecute, defend, and judge real cases of underage misdemeanors in our town.
Everyone consistently pled guilty, and we didn't have to do any real work. Still, our goal was to get the least (if you were defense) or most (if prosecution) number of community service hours/acceptable amount/etc. For the kids.
So, setup: I'm the defense attorney for a girl. I'm talking to her about the trial and am asking preliminary questions.
One of the things we ask if they have siblings is, "How do you think this crime affected your siblings? Do you think you were being a good role model?"
And then, hopefully, they'll say, "No, no, that was awful of me, I'll never do it again," and everyone feels sorry for them. So she's here with her mom and her younger sibling, who looks to be about 2.
So I say, "How do you think this impacts your sibling? What kind of role model do you think you're being?" To which she replies, "That's my kid."
Just_An_Animal
42. Wrong Number
I was in HK to pick up my identity card. I'm from Canada, so I was only there for a week to finish this admin stuff. Sitting in the waiting room, I had to fill out a bunch of forms and ended up borrowing a pen and conversing with a very nice Vietnamese-French man who had just moved to HK from France.
We talk for quite a bit about our lives and then separate when our respective numbers are called to get our applications processed.
I ended up having to go to a second waiting room to get my photo taken and see a Viet-French man again, and we're back to chatting about life in Canada vs. life in France.
After a while, he asked me, "So, what's your number?" I reply with, "Oh, ahh -- yes! I'm only here for a week, but it would be great to grab a drink! [shuffling nervously in a purse to find SIM card phone number]" I read it off to him.
He looks at me with a light smile on his face. I see he's not recording the number. He says, "I meant... your waiting queue number."
ilovechai
43. Too Exposed
During my Freshman year of college, I was the only person to stay on campus throughout all of winter break. I had a job and needed the money to pay for my tuition.
About two weeks into the break, I went down to do some laundry, and since all my clothes were dirty and I was the only one in the building, I decided to just remove my clothes and throw everything into the machine.
This seemed like an awesome idea to me at the time, but when I came back down a half hour later to switch my laundry over, I found out that some people had started coming back for Winterm classes.
As I walked down the stairs from my side of the building, I found these two girls running through the halls. One of them turned around and started giggling before running to catch up with her friend.
After this, I tried taking the long route around, hoping they'd disappear or go looking for me, but it turned out they were with another one of their friends in the central area.
When I went to walk through it to get to the laundry room, the three of them looked at me and, while giggling, asked, "How's it going?" and I just slowly walked by with a hand over my private part, replying with "Here I thought I was the only one here."
Abraxxes
44. Past Interaction
Last week we went out for work drinks because four new staff had joined our team. They were all Malaysians working on a project.
I had only had a chance to talk to two of them at work, as the other worked in a different office. We were in a bar, and an Asian woman sat beside me.
I began asking her how she liked the office, the team, etc., and she looked at me weirdly. She then explained that she is married to my colleague Dave, who I have worked with for over a year. She also pointed out that we had talked before at another event.
savilletickledme
45. Clumsy Maximum Level
I was exiting my humanities class the other day when I, being a clumsy kind of a fella, tripped over my feet on one of those annoying borders between carpet and tile that looks like a final stair but isn't a final one.
That would have been fine if I hadn't bumped into the Asian foreign student in the class while doing it. I look backward at the pseudo-stair, and he quickly gives a scared "Sorry!"
So I try to explain by gesturing at the ground, saying, "Nah, the stupid ground just attacked me, is all." To which he screams, "SORRY!!!" and sprints from the classroom. Of course, no one else in the class witnessed any of the preceding events.
Hence, everyone just saw me make a sweeping arm motion in the direction of the guy who doesn't speak much English, perhaps overhearing the words "mumble stupid mumble," causing the poor guy to run from the room, terrified and apologetic.
Lexicon-Devil