1. Public Service Announcement
Our pilot was screaming into the mic, "Denver, we're in serious trouble up here. I need....."
Pilot forgot to turn off the main cabin speakers after warning the crew to take seats during the monster, 40,000 ft. hail storm. We dropped out of the sky when hitting huge air pockets. Bags and people flying everywhere.
But the scariest thing was hearing the pilot's panicked voice scream that announcement.
We all thought we were doomed.
We're flying from SF to Cincy. In the middle of the flight, the pilot announces to fasten belts because they are expecting a bumpy ride. Apparently there is a very tall weather disturbance that has been reported. Just prior he casually announced that we were at 40,000 feet, expected time, etc. (I believe 40,000 was the number but it may have been a bit less).
After the announcement we hear pop..pop....poppop. POP..POP..pop. Tons of them and we're all like WTF!?!?!?
Really bumpy... Turns out it was giant hail hitting the plane. Really bumpy. Pilot again announces more sternly for all crew to take seats and no one get up.
Really really bumpy. Them wham! We freaking fell out of the sky. There is no other way to describe it. It was like you were just sitting in a chair suspended from a rope at the top of a cherry picker and someone cut the rope.
DROP, drop drop, then wham! It's like the plane landed in an enormous vat of creme filling (sorry, that's what it was like kind of soft but still a big jolt) but more on one wing than the other so the plane 'landed' askance and all sorts of crap went flying out of the right bins to the left nailing people in the heads.
Some people not completely or at all buckled (idiots) flew up and hit the ceiling then back into their seats. Screaming everywhere. Absolute chaos.
Then, FML, the pilot screams over the intercom "Denver, We're in serious trouble up here, I need.." and a few other words we could not understand. Freaked everyone out. He forgot to turn off the cabin speakers from the earlier announcement.
Rough rough rough, then drooooooooop again. Same thing but a much harder landing. I mean we dropped for what seemed like minutes but was probably 10-15 seconds. Wham! a much harder landing.
Stuff flying everywhere, people crying, praying and screaming. Nuts!
We cruised through that and it became smooth again. Pilot later announced that he was sorry about the mistaken overhead announcement etc. He also said that the current altitude was something like 18,000 feet. Whatever the exact numbers were, we had friggin 'dropped about 10,000 feet - 2 miles!
It was the worst of my 500,000+ air miles. You never heard so many people clapping upon landing.
joewood33
2. Nice Twist
I was about 15 and flirting with a cute girl in the seat next to me. My family was about 2 rows back with my younger brother and the lady that occupied the third seat pretty much set me up the entire flight. This old lady was the best wingman ever.
Anyway, I get up to use the restroom and she says she has to go too. She gets out first and I'm waiting for her to finish up. We've been flirting pretty much the whole flight and she knows that I'm right behind her in line. So she finishes using the bathroom and I walk in. Right there in the toilet is a gigantic unflushed poop.
To this day I have no idea how you respond to something like that.
jking1226
3.Happy Flight Attendant
I was flying to Denver on Delta in winter 2009, and they were switching from cash to credit only. They just got their brand new machines to swipe cards and I was one of the first people to test them out. I ordered a 7&7, it was 7 bucks.
She took my card, swiped it, and the thing that printed out was 0 dollars, I left a 3 dollar tip and thought, cool.
About 10 minutes later she came by and asked if I wanted another, I said sure, why not? Swipe the card, another 0 dollar transaction. Bought lunch, 0 dollars. So I ordered 4 more 7&7's and got hammered for around 20 bucks in tip.
Checked my bank account the day after and sure enough, only the tip showed up.
I have no idea what happened, but that was one happy flight attendant.
yokhai
4. Two in One
I was in an aisle seat on a flight from LA to Austin,Tx. About an hour into the flight I notice this awful smell.
I look up from my book just in time to see this 70 year old woman violently throwing up in her lap. Since I'm a sympathy vomiter, I turn toward the people in the other seats to try and avoid doing the same thing.
After about a minute of this and the rancid smell of old people vomit, she is led to the bathroom.
As she is leaving her seat, she pooped herself in the seat. So I get to spend the rest of the flight gagging as this crap and vomit aroma assaults my nostrils. The flight attendants tried to clean it as best they could but it made no real improvement.
JohnDeuxTrois
5. High Exposure
While waiting to use the "water closet" on the way to Panama, the door somehow opened while this guy was hunched over the toilet fapping away ( there was no mistaking it, this guy looked like a poster boy for the vinegar strokes).
At first I couldn't believe what I actually saw, as he turned his head to see the door come open, the most awkward eye contact moment of my life unfolded. He turned to shut the door in a panicked fashion exposing his junk.
At that point my WTF face became encrusted into my facial features for the rest of the flight and even the next day.
So... since that time I can hardly use any bathroom on a plane. I'd rather just hold it in than see another questionable party.
Bonesawisready
6. The Sick Man
On a flight a few weeks ago the flight attendants started to make preparations for landing; telling people to put their trays up and what not. I notice the flight attendant loudly speaking to a man in his late 20s or early 30s sitting two rows in front of me.
"Sir! You need to put your seat back up. Sir! Sir?" The guy starts spitting blood and convulsing. It sounded like he was choking on the blood with each gasp of air.
Flight attendant starts screaming for help and they make an announcement over the PA for a doctor. Four passengers and all flight attendants leap into action. Turns out the lady in the row between me and the sick man is a nurse. Together they get him laid out on the row with his head in the aisle.
He's not responding to their questions and he's fading in and out of consciousness. We made an emergency landing (20 minutes ahead of schedule).
As we are taxiing he regains consciousness and tells the flight attendant holding his head that he's sorry for the trouble. We land, paramedics meet the plane and carry him off. He seemed to be stable but I hope everything worked out for the guy.
ooboontoo
7. Standing Ovation
I wasn't there for it, but this happened to my cousin:
He was flying in South America, and about halfway through the flight he realizes he really needs to pee. The plane he is in is a tiny prop plane made for tiny people. He is 6 '5``.
He awkwardly climbs over his aislemates and stumbles/shuffles to the back of the plane. As he is closing the door the captain comes on the loudspeaker and warns of upcoming turbulence. He thinks, fudge it. I really need to pee.
He crams himself into this tiny bathroom, manages to whip it out, and right as he starts to pee they hit a huge bit of turbulence that knocks him off his feet, backwards, through the bathroom door, and flat on his back, in the aisle. still peeing straight up in the air.
He was completely mortified and managed to get back up, pick up the door and work himself back into the bathroom. He waited for like 20 minutes hoping no one would have seen it or forgotten about it by then, but when he went back out to take his seat he got a standing ovation from every single person on the plane. Ouch.
[deleted]
8. Leaving Whole World Behind
I was on a flight home from South Africa, after a family vacation. My dad is a diabetic, but he usually keeps his blood sugar levels pretty regulated so I never worried before.
Mid-flight, I wake up from a nap and see him slumped over the side of his seat. He was taken to the back of the plane, where 3 doctors were examining him. They said his heartbeat went up to 220 or something, which I think means he was an inch from death.
All I remember is seeing my mom and brother break down. I began having flashes of life without my father, and it overwhelmed me.
I felt sick to my stomach, imagining what life would be like, when all of a sudden his heart rate stabilized. The doctors on board said it was a miracle, and I felt so much relief. The plane had to stop in Senegal, where my dad was transferred to a hospital.
He wanted me to keep going, since the semester was starting soon. That flight home alone was terrible; I felt the other passengers watching me the entire time.
He is alright now, but every time I get on a plane I always remember that feeling of leaving the whole world behind.
[deleted]
9. Through The Storm
I once took one of those crappy little prop planes from St. Louis to NY. I don't remember what airline it was, I just wasn't pleased.
It's winter time, we hit a storm and we can't go around, so we decide to go through it. Plane was (thankfully) not full as it was shortly post 9/11 and nobody wanted to fly.
So we enter the clouds, get dark fast, and the plane starts to shudder from turbulent winds. I'm having a freaking ball because I have no fear of flying despite the fact everyone else is terrified, and then we hit the real storm.
The plane drops, not sure how much since we're directly in the clouds and the pilots are pretty clearly trying to find an empty spot. I guess our plane couldn't go above the clouds, not powerful enough or something. So we drop again.
And again. And every freaking overhead bin pops open. People start screaming, the stewardesses won't leave their seats. Luggage is doing the humpty in the aisle. And this little kid who is about 8 or 9 is doing the wave every time the plane dips.
I do the wave with him.
Plane survives trip, I give him a high five on the way out.
OrganicCat
10. Culture Shock
Me and my friend being the only Americans on a Ryan air flight otherwise filled with Italians from Paris to Rome.
Holy crap. I knew Italians had a lot of umm let's say culture, but this was pure insanity. So getting on the plane everyone is pushing and shoving there is no semblance of a line but more of writhing blob pushing and shoving to get on the plane.
So we're on the plane and everyone is pretty loud, up to this point nothing weird. So we start to take off and everyone around me is holding on to dear life. Praying, hugging the seat in front of them, still loud as heck though.
So, we get up in the air and as soon as the fasten seat belt sign turns off the plane turns into what I can only describe as a flying Mexican flea market. I mean everyone is up and walking around and talking and yelling. Towards the end of the flight we had some turbulence.
Everyone sat down and started screaming and the girls started crying. Then when we go to land the same theatrics as we had taken off except when we land everyone starts clapping and cheering. To top it all off when I got off the plane no one was at customs or security. I mean no one so we walked right through.
[deleted]
11. Flight of Romance
On a flight back from Hawaii the row in front of me contained a bearded guy who looked about 40 and a Japanese woman who looked about 60. It was dark and the cabin lights were off. They began chatting.
Soon I noticed that they were each leaning in toward the unoccupied middle seat and sort of whispering.
Soon the guy took out his driver's license and gave it to her to inspect, which she did for upwards of ten minutes. When she was done he leaned in for a kiss.
They made out for a while (about 40 minutes) and they stopped b/c she once again said that she was married, though this time she said it with a tiny bit of a smile.
Her heart was clearly pounding. There was an electricity that overtook her. He was magnetized and focused on her every movement.
When the plane landed they both rushed off together down the aisle toward the exit. The guy was on my next flight and I noticed that when he boarded the plane he had a red rose with him. The woman was nowhere to be seen.
ginkus
12. Airplane Pillowfight
In grade 12, I was on a band trip to New York and of course we flew there as it's a long drive from Vancouver. We were seated alphabetically, and the school band took up a good ten rows of the plane. This also resulted in me and two of my friends sitting close together.
Towards the very end of the flight, they turn to me and say that on the count of three we're going to throw our in-flight pillows at another mutual friend some four or five rows back.
Pillows not being so aerodynamic led to only one hitting it's intended target, and the other two hitting two other people. All three hit grabbed their pillows in addition to the ones we just threw, and chucked 'em back at us.
Again, only some made it all the way back to us with others being hit and caught up in it.
Eventually, it spiralled so out of control that there was, for a good five or ten minutes, about nine pillows in the air at all times! The crew eventually made an announcement to ask passengers to "please refrain from throwing loose items at each other".
The teachers were mad, but screw that.
Bodysnatcher
13. Space Shuttle
A black guy and an Eskimo got into a serious fight mid-flight: lots of blood, Eskimo on the floor, etc. The plane had to be diverted. It was a Boeing 737, and there aren't many places to land a jet that size when you're flying from bush Alaska (Dillingham) to Anchorage.
We landed somewhere between the two, at a bush airport that likely had never seen an airplane that big ever. The two men were taken into custody and we prepared for departure.
The captain's voice came over the intercom and said something like, "Ladies and gentleman, this airplane has more power than any of you can imagine. You're going to see that now, so please trust me. You're safe. Do not worry. We'll be in the air shortly, but hold on to your seats."
He reversed beyond the end of a short runway (we were on gravel) and proceeded to show us exactly what he was talking about...
...and heck if it didn't feel like we were on the Space Shuttle.
[deleted]
14. In Front of The Kids
I was on a flight to Seattle when I was 14. My friend, her mother, and I were all sitting at the very front close to the cockpit. There was a woman sitting in the aisle across from us with her 2 very young children and her husband in a wheelchair belt in the handicap area. He had been in an accident and suffered brain damage. It was heart wrenching.
There were several layovers and at one of them, this old man boarded and pulled out some extremely smelly food item (no idea what it was) during the flight. We were all pretty disgusted but no one had the nerve to ask him to put it away.
The woman's husband started to wrestle a little in his chair obviously because the smell bothered him. He was whimpering and the man looked over, annoyed and asked him (knowing he wasn't capable of answering) if there was a problem.
The wife, very nicely, said "I think he's just having a little problem adjusting to the smell of your food. She got up and went over to her husband to calm him down and the jerk pushed her over in her seat. Her 7 year old son yelled "hey, don't do that".
He started after the boy when three guys from the seat behind us got up. One just slammed him down on his chair. He started wigging out, screaming, when he just pushed the lady down earlier! They had to land the plane off route and off course found out later he was all wined up.
[deleted]
15. Let It Burn
Flying home to LAX a couple days after Thanksgiving. As you can imagine the airport is a mess. The plane lands about an hour ahead of schedule, everyone seems pleased. Upon taxiing up to the gate after a few minutes people realize there is a problem.
Pilot gets on the intercom. "Sorry folks. The skywalk is having a few problems. Maintenance is working on it right now."
This is where the fun begins. The fat lady across the aisle from me instantly yells towards the front of the plane, sarcastically "I have an idea! How about we taxi to another gate?" We continue to sit for a few more minutes and the fat woman gets on her iPhone and looks something up.
She calls the customer service line for the airline. She taps a few buttons. "Yes," she says to the agent, "I was wondering if it was common practice to lock passengers on the plane after landing?" Pause.
"Well, I was just wondering when you think they will let us out of the plane (flight details here.)?" Things go downhill from here. She ends up yelling, and then suddenly exclaims, "That witch hung up on me!"
The pilot came back on. "Sorry folks, turns out there is a bigger problem than we thought. So right now we have some people working on fixing the skywalk, and another group trying to get some stairs and security over here so we can deplane.
Whichever group gets done first, we will use their method." This apparently makes her even more livid. She dials her phone again. This time calling 911. "Yes, I would like to report a hostage situation." She starts explaining the situation... and gets hung up on again once the operator realized what was happening.
This lady was now my favorite thing on the plane, as she was so entertaining, so I decided to egg her on a little, expressing how I also found this situation ridiculous and how something needed to be done about it.
So then she called the local news station, again reporting a hostage situation and again getting hung up on.
Life was about to get really interesting, as she started examining the emergency exit handle and saying "Well, I have an idea, if they won't let me off the plane, I'll let myself off."
Another passenger said "You'll be arrested for sure." Deciding it would be awesome to see her get arrested as she ran down the tarmac (but feeling a little bad due to the small percent chance she would get shot) I piped in "Yeah, but you'd be a small hero if you did it!"
She seemed to be about to when sadly the pilot got on the intercom and announced that the skywalk had been fixed.
We deplaned, only 30 mins after planned landing. Yes, she went from on the ground to ready to leave through the emergency exit in 1.5 hours.
Weed_O_Whirler
16. Fast Changing of Events
Years ago while on a trans-atlantic flight we were admiring the jagged peaks of Greenland due to unusually clear skies during our journey. It was really a tremendous sight and I, as a young traveller, thought that this flight was one of the best that I had ever been on.
3/4 full plane to boot with a free seat or two between people.
Fast forward to the pilot calling for everyone to return to their seats and the stewards ramming a lot of bodies into seats fast. After this the plane starts a steep dive, crap flies forward from the floors and seats and the oxygen masks deploy.
That plane was dead silent. There was only muffled crying from some areas. People were really stoic. I, however, thought I was going to pee myself.
We landed uneventfully in Iceland. Turns out we had an engine fire that had a mind to spread throughout the electrical.
mentaldent
17. Knew From The Start
Got on a small commuter plane (twenty seater) flying out of Souix City, Iowa. (The initials are SUX on the plane ticket. Should have been a clue.) They still had a burn mark on the tarmac from a plane crashing there a few months before. Myself and another guy are the only passengers. There are two pilots and a stewardess.
The cabin door is open and I see the pilot put a tall thermos of coffee by his leg on the floor. We take off and everything is cool. The guy across from me falls asleep.
We're flying and hitting little bits of turbulence. I see that thermos wobbling. Pilot unscrews the cap and pours himself some piping hot coffee. Now the thermos is wobbling more.
Sure enough, we hit a bigger bit of turbulence and that thermos does a Greg Luganis all the way down Pilot's leg. Pilot starts screaming, stewardess starts screaming, Pilot is pulling the yoke, copilot is pulling his yoke the other way, engines are screaming, plane is bouncing.
Guy beside me wakes up to this and starts screaming bloodily and I think craps his pants. Everything settles down. Uneventful rest of the trip.
I will never fly out of SUX again.
[deleted]
18. Photography Went Wrong
One time, my family was flying into Washington, D.C. This was probably in 2002, when everyone was still very paranoid about terrorists and stuff, so as we begin our final approach, they announced that everyone needed to remain in their seats for the remainder of the flight.
Well, I was sitting in the window seat and my dad was sitting next to me. As we got closer to the ground, all of the different monuments started to appear beneath us. My dad got really excited and got his camera out to take some pictures, but I was in the way.
Instead of asking me to lean back, he decides to stand up to get the picture.
Immediately, the stewardess comes rushing over, is pushing my dad back into his seat, and the plane starts climbing and pulling away. Turns out they thought my dad (one of the whitest dudes I've ever seen) was a threat and they bailed on the first landing. It delayed the landing 20 minutes as they had to circle around for another approach.
There were no consequences, thankfully. My dad just apologized to everybody and then spent the week taking close up pictures of every single landmark in the city so he wouldn't need any pictures during take-off.
[deleted]
19. What A Girl
On a redeye flight from PHX->LAX during April, I witnessed something amazing. I was with my girlfriend (unfortunately, and you'll see why in a minute) and we were relaxing and putting our legs up since the flight was pretty much dead.
Across the aisle from us was a LA-style-dressed Filipino dude of about 20, and sitting one seat next to him was a trashy looking blonde girl of about 19 or so with a great body and cheap, tight Walmart clothes.
She woke up after 15 mins and introduced herself to my girlfriend and I, said her name was Jen and she was from Oklahoma. As soon as we said where we were from, her next statement was "Soo...just so you know, I'm bi. I'm actually flying to California to meet this girl." And we were like, "Ha, cool."
After a little more banter, she started to get her eye on the row of two dudes sitting behind me, so she hops up and sits down between them. I later learned they were brothers -- one in his lower 20s and one who got the crappy side of the gene who was about 30 or so.
I started to ignore the convo, until I heard this phrase "Hey, so wanna see my landing strip?" My GF and my ears perked up and we looked at each other and snuck a quick glance. Sure enough the younger dude had his hand straight down this girl's pants and was making out with her while she sat in the middle seat.
This girl was actually moaning a little bit which was ridiculous. The flight attendants were having a field day cracking up and making "OMG" faces.
They spent a good 30 mins feeling each other up right behind my seat.
And that's why I wish I didn't bring my girlfriend on that flight.
[deleted]
20. Make A Wish
I was on my return flight home from Las Vegas to Chicago. It was an evening flight, so most of the passengers were half asleep midway through the trip. Anyway, I had just woken up from a brief 30 min nap and began to blankly stare out the window.
My seat was positioned a few rows behind the wing, allowing me to focus my attention on the hypnotic pulse of the wing’s strobe light. All of a sudden I realized that the wing began to get brighter, not from the warning lights but from another source.
At first I thought it was another aircraft that was in the vicinity of ours (which scared the heck out of me). But before I could come up with another explanation, a giant fireball rocketed past our plane.
Literally, a meteor (probably the size of texas) flew right past our wing.
Naturally, I yelled the phrase “Holy crap,” which obviously isn’t the best thing to do on a commercial flight. The guy behind me seemed to be the only person with eyeballs, because everyone turned and looked at us like we were terrorists when we both began to freak out.
Anyway, it was all over the news the next day…
Grizzly_Adams_Beard
21. Strange Man
I was sitting in the rear of a plane, the aisle seat. Plane is packed, but the aisle seat next to me is empty. Just as they are about to close the doors, this dude gets on. He looks bad. Haggard. Pale as a ghost, drenched with sweat.
Sure enough, he plonks down right next to me. Starts to cough. And cough. And cough. Sweat starts streaming down the sides of his face, his hair is soaked. His shirt is plastered to his skin, his head is back, eyes shut, mouth open. He looked grey.
After about 30 minutes of flight, he slumps over in his seat. I call the stewards, and she determines he's sleeping. I was fairly sure he was dead, and teaming with Ebola. I spent the rest of the flight breathing through my sleeve, convinced I was going to catch whatever it was he had.
2scoops
22. No Idea What Happened
A few months after 9/11, I was on a flight from London back to the U.S. The flight took off uneventfully and when we were 2 hours or so into the flight, we hit some light to moderate turbulence.
We bump along for 30 minutes or so and out of nowhere, I hear a loud (really loud, like a bomb) bang and the plane shudders. I could feel it in the floor, seats, air - it was scary. We instantly started falling out of the sky.
People were screaming, stuff was flying, a few overhead bins popped open. I clinched up and waited for the plane to depressurize, I was certain we had been bombed.
We leveled off after a few minutes, the turbulence died down about 20 minutes later and nothing happened the rest of the flight. I asked the stewardess what happened and she said it was turbulence.
The pilot never mentioned anything about it and when they got on the PA, they spoke at the normal times and said all the usual stuff. They kept their door closed as the plane unloaded.
I've asked a couple of pilot friends what might have happened, since there was no way it was just turbulence. The most probable theory I have heard is that we lost an engine, there wasn't enough power and we needed to drop altitude to gain speed, and then they got the engine started again.
With nowhere to emergency land, we just kept on cruising.
It was hands down the scariest moment in my life. I still get nervous when we hit turbulence, always thinking that the next bump will be that big one again...
[deleted]
23. English Only
On a United Flight from LA to DC. The flight was a continuing flight from Mexico City, but with a new flight crew. Drink cart came out, and an overly blonde Flight Attendant asked what we wanted; we ordered, and she moved past us a bit and asked the people behind us what they wanted.
The woman answered in Spanish, and before her adult son next to her could translate, the FA snapped, "English! This is America, we speak English! I won't give you anything unless you ask for it in English!"
Everyone went CRAZY, except my husband, who pulled his headphones off and said loudly to me, "What the heck, did she just tell that woman to speak in English because it's America? That's freaking ridiculous! Did that really just happen?"
He continued on for a bit, and the FAs went mute and tried to get the cart down to the back as quickly as they could; they didn't give our row the time of day the rest of the flight. (And yes, as we got off he made a big deal about getting her name and he called United.)
helpyhelphelp
24. Scared to Death
On September 11, 2001, I was on a plane two hours from landing in JFK(NYC) airport when the towers were hit.
What scared the crap out of me was this flight attendant’s face as she walked past me. This was before the pilot told us over speaker that we had to turn around back to Greece.
I was just playing my gameboy, wasting time when I looked up and saw the flight attendants run past me with a face that looked scared to death. This worried the heck out of me because flight attendants are always calmer than Hindu Cows.
So in my head I'm thinking, Crap, something might be happening, and just imagining the plane was going to drop any second.
It freaked me the heck out but then the pilot got on speaker and said the towers were hit by kamikazes and we had to turn back. The entire flight back, the only image I had in my head were World War 2 style planes with Japanese kamikaze flying into the towers and I was just wondering why the heck Japan would attack us.
Rodos1986
25. Horrors of Pregnancy
It wasn't really a WTF moment for me but for the guy next to me flying home from Amsterdam. I was pregnant and had the window seat and the only open seat on the plane was next to me...
Well some drunk idiot was in front of me and a young Dutch guy next to him.
The drunk had already fought with the flight attendants to serve him more drinks when he was clearly drunk, but to be more of a jerk, he continuously got up and down out of his seat to get into the overhead compartments trampling the Dutch guy each time.
Then he drenched the guy in beer and soaked his seat too. I offered to let the guy sit next to me, warning him I was pregnant.... Poor thing.
I spent the next eight hours crying at random and throwing up into barf bags... He had to keep getting up and stealing other people's bags too. He was sweet and sympathetic but when it finally seemed to stop the flight attendant didn't come to get the full bag right away and I dropped it on the floor.
It exploded all over both of us and our stuff... Needless to say I was sorry and felt bad but we spent the last two hours and a transfer flight covered in barf. It was his first trip to the states. Welcome To America!
rozey202
26. Bag Check
This isn’t really my story. It’s a coworker's story, about her friend, but it's so WTF that I have to share it. I can’t vouch for the accuracy of certain facts, as this is all third-hand. However, the essentials are there. This did actually happen.
Back in the late 1990’s, this woman gets on a plane. It’s been significantly delayed, so the flight crew is irritated and trying to get people to board as fast as possible.
He walks to his seat, loads his luggage into the overhead compartment and sits down for a couple of minutes, waiting for everybody to be seated. Once all the overheads are closed, and everyone’s in their seats, he gets back up and leaves.
Of course the flight attendants notice, but for some reason they don’t do anything. Nobody else seems to notice (or care) except for the woman, and a guy in the back who immediately stands up and confronts the flight attendants.
“That man just left without his luggage.”
The flight attendant says she doesn’t remember him bringing on any luggage, and that he probably just decided at the last moment not to fly because he was scared. “Happens all the time,” she says.
“Listen to me, I am a retired security manager for this airport, and I know this does not happen. You need to get everybody off the plane and bring in somebody to do a search. Now.”
At this point people were beyond irritated and were telling the guy to sit down. “Why can’t we just go already?”
The woman speaks to the flight attendant. “He was carrying a suitcase. About this big. He put it in the bin back there.”
After a couple of minutes the flight attendants relent and asked everybody to leave the plane, after which security officials did a scan.
It was a freaking bomb.
This was pre-2001.
baccus83
27. High Sensitivity
I was on a flight about three years ago with my wife, and there was a man and a woman across the aisle from us. The man was telling the woman some funny stories and they were both laughing.
A female flight attendant approached them and told the woman that her laughing was too loud and that she needed to keep it down. The lady seemed surprised, but nodded in agreement.
At this point, the lady asked for the flight attendants name, as no one else seemed to have a problem. The flight attendant shouted over three rows to the attendants with the drink cart "That's it! This lady is cut off! No more drinks for her!" Everyone was stunned, as we hadn't even had drink service, and the lady protested that she hadn't had any alcohol at all (it was 1 pm).
Again, the flight attendant cut her off and said, "If you want to make a deal out of this, I will have air marshals waiting for you on the ground and you will go straight to jail! Now sit quietly or else!"
We all sat there stunned, and the attendant stormed off. Everyone around the poor lady (my wife and I included) started telling her that the attendant was way out of line.
A lady in front of her even wrote out a description of the situation that we all passed around and signed, stating that the attendant was in the wrong.
About 20 minutes later a cowed looking male flight attendant came and informed the couple that marshalls would escort them from the plane and they were going to be questioned on the ground.
He listened patiently to her side of the story, and even read the description we had all signed. He seemed genuinely sorry, but as we got off the plane, the wicked flight attendant was waiting in the tunnel with two marshalls who escorted the couple to the side and began questioning them.
My wife and I hung out a bit to see if we could give a statement, but the people were released after about 3 minutes of questioning.
BillyZapp
28. Blinding Lights
We were on our way back from a vacation in Hawaii, on a red-eye, somewhere over Cali. The airline screwed up our seats and my dad and I ended up in first class while my mom and sis were in coach.
The co-pilots had come out a few times to chat with us, and this was long before 9/11 so I had gotten to see the cockpit. Everyone else on the plane was asleep, except the crew. I was glued to the window, watching the massive cityscapes pass by below me.
Then things get interesting...
Out of nowhere, the sky starts to light up. I elbow my dad, as I'm already panicking. He looks out the window and is now worried. We both watch as it gets brighter and brighter.
It's bright as day now, and we can't see at all. Then, it shows itself, a meteor was passing the plane, ever so slowly. It was close, less than a mile off (I'm horrible with distances, as I have binocular vision), as I could see detailed fractures on the meteor, and bits break off and evaporate in the atmosphere.
I inhale to scream, thinking we're going to die, and my dad clamps his hand over my mouth until the thing passes completely and the sky goes dark again.
I had calmed down at that point, then the pilots come out of the cockpit and ask us if we saw it, both trying to keep quiet but unable to contain their excitement. Best flight ever.
reylor
29. Instant Dad
On a flight from Belfast to Birmingham, a lady boarded after I was seated and asked if I would hold her baby whilst she got settled in - I said Okay.
A few minutes pass and the mother doesn't return. I call for a flight attendant who brings one of those orange belts and tells me to strap the baby on to me as they would be taking off soon.
I protest quite loudly "This is not my baby, it belongs to some woman back there.” The F/A insists I strap it in, after claiming that I was the dad and was trying to palm the baby off on to my wife.
I spent the flight attached to a strange baby and with a sore neck as I kept looking round for the mother. Upon landing I see the lady chatting with the F/As and it becomes clear that she works for the airline! She had placed an airline ID badge around her neck so that's how I knew.
She takes the baby from me and sarcastically thanks me for offering to look after him. Not knowing what else to say I lied and told her that I was the worst person to pull that stunt on as I was a social worker and that she would be getting a home visit pretty soon.
Her face went a bit white at that point.
I did actually call Birmingham social services to report the incident, but I never heard back from them.
MmmmBisto
30. Unusual Creature on the Plane
During one flight, I was just napping a little bit, until lunch was brought around. I open my eyes, and I see something walk really fast across my lap, into the "folder holder" of my seat (or, technically, on the back of the seat in front of me). It was shiny. And red-brownish. Yep. A cockroach. My first reaction is to scream, "I’m sick of these cockroaches on this plane,” but I was wise enough to realize that'd cause quite some panic in the cabin.
Instead, I throw wide-eyed glances at the steward, until he realizes something is up. When he hears the story, he's unsure of what to do, so he goes to ask the other flight attendants for advice.
A couple of minutes later he comes back, while I keep my eye on the folder holder, and he says, "well, since we don't want to cause panic, I suggest giving you your food, and we'll take care of the cockroach after we've taken everyone's dinner away."
I'm pretty convinced that cockroach is pretty snug in there, so I agree. He then proceeds to give everyone their drinks, and when he reaches my seat, I all of a sudden see that cockroach get out of the folder holder, so I say, "there it is!"
And then we both watched with horror to see the cockroach disappear between the pillow and the seat of the woman in front of us.
So now we have a woman, who has a cockroach behind her back. The steward freaks a little, and decides to go talk to the pilots. He then comes back to me.
"Yeah. She doesn't know, and we don't want any unnecessary panic on the plane. We're just going to keep our mouths shut until someone else notices, and if no one does, we'll clean the plane thoroughly when we land. We can give you another seat, though?"
I like my seat, so I just decided to keep an empty cup ready in case I happen to see the cockroach.
We joke a bit about a finder's reward, or hush money, and I calm down a little (although I wasn't really freaked out by everything, it was just... odd, or something). Anyway, fast forward a little bit. The steward has taken our garbage away, and everything seems to be fine.
Then the steward comes back to my seat, and, while picking bits and pieces of the cockroach off of his hands, he says, "these vermins are hard to get rid of!" Apparently, the cockroach had crawled onto his clothes while he took away the woman's plate, and when he noticed it, he just dumped it into the container with drinks in them (they have high edges) and killed it with a bottle of cognac.
I have to say, I was pretty happy to be rid of it.
Jonneke
31. The Other Door
I was on a flight from San Francisco to San Antonio, Texas back in the late 90's. The plane I was flying on was smaller, so it had just one flight attendant station near the middle of the plane. It was small, only the size of one row of seats and also had an emergency exit.
A line had begun to form for the bathroom, and after some time was all the way back to where I was sitting, which was an aisle seat. As more people began to get in line, I noticed an older woman waiting in line, dressed head to toe in leopard print.
Hat, jacket, gloves, pants, shoes...all leopard print.
All of a sudden, I see her body jerk up and down. Then again, and again. I lean forward to try and see what she is doing when I see her leopard print gloves holding onto the emergency exit handle.
At that moment, it hit me. She is trying to open the door. Till that moment, I had never experienced a rush of panic quite that overpowering. Visions of me and my family being sucked out the door was all I could think about.
Of course, my first thought wasn't to stop her immediately....I fumbled with my seat belt and tightened it as much as I could bear. Then I leaned over, and politely (how I didn't scream at her, I will never know) asked if she was trying to find the bathroom.
She replied, "Well, yes....but the damn door won't open."
I told her it was at the back of the plane, and she wandered off completely unaware of the fact that she scared me half to death.
ThePizzo856
32. Human Waste
My dad was a pilot so I've been on more than a few flights. I've got a story or two, but this is my favourite:
We were flying from Toronto to Madrid. It's a pretty long flight and most of the people on board were sleeping. There was an elderly man sitting at the very front of the regular seats, just behind the curtain that separates regular from business class.
He was jittery so I assumed he was afraid of flying. I gave him my best reassuring smile but he didn't seem to care. His daughter was asleep next to him.
I went back to reading my book when I was suddenly struck by a truly foul stench. I turned around and saw the old man squatting on the floor in front of his seat, pooping. I ran to the cockpit (pre-9/11, pilot's son could do that) and told my dad.
At first he didn't believe me and was pretty embarrassed that I would make up such a gross poop joke in front of his colleague.
Then the stink reached us. I distinctly remember the co-pilot's eyes going wide. "Oh my God, I think someone really pooped on the floor," he said. My dad shook his head in disgust, told me to close the cockpit door and called a stewardess.
I spent the rest of the flight up there. My mother came to join us within seconds and at first my (troll)dad didn't want to open the door.
"It will let in the stink!" he shouted.
"Open this freaking door before I kick it in.” my mother whisper-roared. (Again, pre-9/11, threatening to kick down the cockpit door was okay if your husband was in there being a jerk.)
Turns out the man was quite senile. His poor daughter did her best to clean up the mess and apparently her dad wiped his butt with the curtain while she picked up his hot mess. ETA: Four more hours.
[deleted]
33. Alarm For Everyone
On a flight from the west coast to Washington, D.C., a mid-30s Middle Eastern man sitting next to me had his laptop open to some pictures of what I surmised was a restaurant space he was renovating.
So, just your average entrepreneurial middle-eastern guy as far as I could tell.
Still, a particularly vigilant dude in the row ahead of us across the aisle kept turning around and looking at him warily, and giving me a look that I interpreted as "keep an eye on him."
While looking at the pictures on his laptop, the restaurateur dozed off, soundly. However, he had some kind of alarm application on his laptop that told him what time in each time zone he should observe his prayer duties as a Muslim.
The alarm was a sound file of the call to prayer. It went off loudly enough for everyone in the vicinity of our seats to hear it, and if Mr. Homeland Security didn't lose his mind and turn around to look at us in a panic.
But the restaurateur slept through it. Snored even.
I reached over and pressed the laptop's mute button before anyone else freaked out.
Ninguna
34. Free Drink Enjoyer
I ended up sitting next to some cougar in First Class where she proceeded to take advantage of the free drink and get completely smashed and hit me heavily. She even got up during takeoff to use the restroom... she was basically climbing up the aisle since the plane was still ascending.
2 minutes later, she comes back with significantly more cleavage. It was so awkward. I tried my hardest to just listen to music and look out the window. She eventually moved on and got into this loud political debate with the people in the back row.
Then this obese, flamboyant gay man in front of me angrily gets up out of his seat, turns around, gets into the aisle.
He proclaims loudly in the most lispy voice I've ever heard, "Heeelllloooooooo!!! LADY! This is not a PUBLIC DEBATE! Would you please shut up as some of us aaaaAAAAARRRRREEEEE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
She then silently sat back down... it was awesome.
jilko
35. Panic At Its Finest
I've only ever flown twice, a year ago when I was 18 — to get to London and back.
I have a terrible fear of flying (well, not so much flying as crashing) and basically ensured I had a hefty supply of diazepam. I tried some the night before my first flight and it didn't work.
So I took another one the morning of the flight for breakfast, and I still felt nothing. At this rate, I wasn't getting on the plane. I took another whilst hopelessly sobbing in the boarding queue.
Still felt nothing, and had never been so afraid in my life. I hyperventilated as the plane was taking off and passed out — basically being the type of person you do NOT want to be sitting beside on a plane. I awoke a few minutes later to realise I was in the air and would most certainly not be getting back down anytime soon, and started panicking even more.
The flight attendants kept plying me with water and near the end of the flight the diazapam had finally kicked in, I think. I poured a full cup of water all over my boyfriend's crotch just as we were approaching the airport.
The plane then landed horribly and suddenly and I started screaming at the top of my lungs thinking we were hitting all sorts of things in the sky, despite the fact we were now on the ground in Heathrow Airport.
It was at this point my boyfriend stood up from his seat, and everyone turned round to look at him - it looked like he had wet himself after emitting the girliest screams known to man.
I haven't been on a plane since the flight back.
[deleted]
36. Had Too Much
I was on a flight with an extremely drunk witch sitting directly behind me. She was drunk when she got on and ordered more en route. Our flight hit some pretty bad turbulence, and the pilot instructed the flight attendants to sit down and buckle up.
Drunk witch gets mad that they aren't bringing her more alcohol and gets up and wanders into first class to look for flight attendants/alcohol.
The turbulence causes her to spill her vodka on one of the first class passengers (she doesn't apologize). She starts yelling at the flight attendants blaming them for making her get up.
Finally, an off-duty pilot on the flight gets up and forcibly hauls her back to her seat and tells her that they can't serve her any more alcohol because she has already been over-served. She sits in her seat (right behind mine) alternatively weeping and yelling.
By now the entire flight is sick of her crap. She is occasionally kicking my seat in her frustration.
Just as I am about to ask if anyone on the flight would mind if I beat her to death, she goes quiet. The plane lands about an hour later and I stand up to get my carry-on.
I look at the seat behind mine and she is passed out lying in her seat and the adjacent empty seat.
I hope she choked on her own vomit.
Another time I was awakened in the middle of the night on a flight to Paris by the sound of the lady in the seat in front of me giving the guy next to her a hand job. When they finished, they paged a flight attendant to get them a handi wipe (pun intended).
I_am_anonymous
37. Round of Applause
Two people were going crazy at each other as we were coming in to land, it was about to get physical. It was one massive guy and a drunk witch who had her daughter with her. The whole plane was dead silent, not sure what to do since the staff wasn’t doing anything.
So to break the tension I thought I should start clapping as soon as we touch down (as sometimes the plane does) but it was about to get physical so I started to clap about 10 seconds early then within 2 seconds the whole plane started to clap and the argument died down since they couldn't hear each other.
When I got off everybody thought we started clapping for the guy that was getting the drunk witch to shut up.... Oh well, I started a slow clap, I’m awesome.
[deleted]
38. One Man Down
I was flying back from Vegas. We got stuck on the runway for almost an hour while they changed the landing gear tire. It was very warm in the plane and most of the passengers were pretty miserable. I tried to sleep.
Somehow, I managed to fall asleep and slept through take off and all the way up to cruising altitude.
For some reason, I woke up, all sweaty and feeling pretty awful (4 days of partying and then sitting on a hot runway is not a good combination), but I looked over to my left and the lady on the aisle seat about 2 rows back and on the other side of the plane just collapsed.
She nose dived right out of her seat and faceplanted in the aisle. The stewardess was speechless. Everyone kinda just looked at each other wondering what to do.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a minute or so, a guy came up and helped her back into her seat. The stewardess in the front of the plane asked if there were any doctors on board, and fortunately there were about 5. 2 of them came back to help the lady.
They gave her a whole 2 litre bottle of water and made her eat some crackers. The diagnosis was extreme dehydration from too much drinking over the weekend.
Once the lady got some water in her, she started coming out of it. The remainder of the flight was without incident, and I slept most of the rest of the way.
myrandomname
39. The Amount of Pain
Mine would be a DEN to Milwaukee flight, newly wed hippy guy and girl get on with guitar. After an hour, the guy starts going 'Oh God, oh God, ohGodohGodoGodGododoGodohhhh' louder and louder. then "give me a drink, oh God, someone give me a drink oh God oh God". he kept on and on very loudly.
I could only equate that kind of pain with needing a root canal. Whatever. He was already drunk preflight in DIA. The copilot went and sat next to him, and several beefy guys were all cocked and ready.
We diverted to Minneapolis, to a welcoming party of TSA security vehicles, parked away from a gate, then they stormed the plane and carried him off.
His new wife didn't want to go, but then they came back and got her and the guitar.
raytube
40. That Doesn’t Look Good
I was on a connecting flight, 20-30 people. First flight from Vegas to Ohio, this was Ohio to North East PA. They asked for someone to volunteer to sit in an exit row, I was 15-16 so I moved up.
You could see the cockpit, it was a smaller flight and pre 9/11. A short while in I see a light go on inside the cockpit. The co-pilot looks at it, and starts tapping above, it concerns me.
He tapped the pilot on the shoulder and pointed. The pilot looked at the light, and tapped on it a couple of times, the light did not go out.
The co-pilot reached behind him and started flipping through a manual…
steve93
41. Too Many Eyes
March of this year, I was returning from Vegas... Stomach felt a little bit off once we got up into the air on the first leg of the flight, wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or lack of sleep staying up all night and catching an early flight.
Flight consisted of layover in Texas before heading back to Ohio. In Texas, I figure I just need a little something to eat, so I grab a salad at some sit-down joint and start to feel pretty good.
Soon as I close the bathroom door the smell hits me, instant pureed salad barf goes everywhere, all over the seat, floor, sink area. Being that I couldn't bend over because the bathroom was so small, it was pretty much a shotgun effect expanding out in a circular range from the top to the bottom.
So this goes on for about 8 minutes and I'm thinking, man I feel better now... I do my best to clean up. I walk out and there are about 5 people waiting to go into the bathroom and I'm getting dirty dagger stares, great.
So I make it back to my seat, sit down... 15 minutes later I'm getting that feeling again. Run back to the bathroom and puke all over the place, again. I could still see puke from the 1st time I was there. Green half digested chicken caesar salad. Another 7-8 minutes and I go back out, hoping I don't get stabbed by the people sitting close to the bathroom.
The row I was sitting in had moved all of my stuff over to the edge seat, apparently they were tired of having to get up. Finally finish the flight and land. Turns out I had gotten some 24-48 hour flu, was bedridden for the next couple days.
krackle
42. Couple of Stress Maker
We were flying from London Heathrow to Singapore and I was the Flight Attendant.
The second I greeted this couple at the doors I knew they were going to be trouble. I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but hey, I'm only human and I'd been doing this job too long to know a jerk when I saw one.
The guy was 50ish and chronically obese with a t-shirt that ended at his belly button; as he waddled up to the door you could see his belly flopping from side to side as if it had a life of its own. He was the kind of guy you could smell before you could see him coming. His wife was short and seemed kind of whacked out.
The second they got to the doors to board, the woman started asking when the food was going to be served and that she wanted a bottle of water for them both. Calm down, I thought, if everyone made these demands the second they boarded, we'd never take off.
I was working in Business in this sector and there was no way that these two were going to be my problem for much longer. Bye fellas.
Remember what I said about not judging a book by its cover? Well, turns out they were in Business Class. With me. For 13 hours.
As soon as he sat down he wasted no time in taking off his flip flops and before I knew it his wife was on her knees cutting his SKANKY toenails. Click, click, off they scattered all over the floor.
Fast forward to meal service and I ask them what they want. He wants beef. She wants pasta. I go back to the galley and come back with the pasta, but she's gone to the toilet. Fine.
I'll leave it on her tray and let the husband know it's there for her. I go back to the galley to get the beef and come back and he is freaking eating his wife's food. I didn't know what to do and assumed they'd already discussed it or something and thought nothing of it.
30 minutes later and the woman is brought up by another crew member. Apparently she got lost and couldn't find her way back. Next thing I knew she was complaining to the CSM that her food was forgotten.
I said to her that her husband ate it and he denied it. (Plates had been cleared in by this point and there was no dirty plate to yell AH HA at)
By this point we'd run out of pasta and she was not best pleased by this news.
Over the next few hours we had complaints from passengers saying that the guy was burping, farting, and otherwise being gross. Sadly there wasn't much we could do as it was a full fight and we couldn't exactly move anyone around.
At one point I walked down the aisle and he was standing on his seat looking down at the sleeping passenger next to him. Literally just frozen there. I asked him if he was ok and he said he needed the toilet but couldn't get past the passenger next to him.
Why don’t you ask him to move then?!
"Shall I ask him if he minds moving his legs, sir?"
"WELL I SHOULD THINK SO I'VE ONLY BEEN STANDING HERE FOR DAYS!"
The passenger moves his legs and this guy still manages to trip over him and nearly crush him or smother him to death with his BO.
He was so long in the toilet I nearly had to knock on the door to see if he was ok.
Once he came out he said he needed painkillers for his back. I said we could give him paracetamol or temgesic if the pain was really bad. At this point he took an empty packet of heavy painkillers out of his pocket and said they were prescribed to him and he wanted those exact ones.
I explained to him we weren't a pharmacy. He was having none of it and complained to the CSM. After all of this, I was beginning to wonder why I took up this job and it was at that moment I heard a scream from the cabin.
Give me strength.
He had completely undressed himself and was walking stark bollock naked down the cabin. His wife had once again trudged off and gotten lost. In the end, they were escorted off the plane by the police in Singapore and it turned out they were off their rockers on meds and booze.
The end.
itsabouttimeitwerked
43. The Woes Of Flight Attendants
My mom was a flight attendant for over twenty years. When she was pregnant with me, a flight she was working hit extreme unexpected turbulence. She was able to grab onto something in the last second, but other flight attendants/people not wearing their seatbelt were injured, and her one co-worker broke her tailbone pretty severely.
She decided to stop flying until after I was born after that incident.
Another time (before I was born), she was in a plane that almost collided with another plane mid-air. She was sitting in her flight attendant seat (not by a window) at the time so she didn't see it, but passengers said they could literally see the faces of the other people in the plane going by.
The two planes were set for a head on collision but luckily the oncoming plane decided to divert to the side at the last second.
Then of course, there was 9/11, when all the flights were grounded and cell phones weren't really working. My stepdad drove to North Carolina from Tampa bay, Florida to get her but some of her friends working overseas flights were stranded in other countries for a while.
She worked for United so she knew some of the flight attendants in the planes that crashed. And it was scary for me since I heard about what happened before finding out if she was okay.
I love asking her to tell me flight attendant stories, she has more but I can't quite remember them all right now.
capuccino47
44. Are There Any Doctors On Board?
I was flying back to Houston after visiting a good friend in NYC for his birthday, and my flight took off at about 10:30 so it wasn't a red-eye flight, but it was a fairly early flight.
I sit down, and the people I'm sitting next to aren't bad at all, quiet and respectful so I was pretty pleased. I put in my headphones and was just listening to some Rocky and just relaxing and looking around the cabin.
That's when I noticed a tiny 50ish year old woman across the aisle knocking back those little travel alcohol bottles like they were water.
Anyways, an hour passes and that's when we hear the pilot say over the intercom, "If you're a doctor, can you please head to the back of the plane."
Everyone quickly looked around to see if they needed to move to let someone pass, and that's when I noticed that this lady who has had 5-6 little alcohol drinks has gotten up and started walking to the back of the plane.
Me and the guy next to me exchange a quick WTF look but we're comforted by the fact a lot of other doctors have gotten up, so we assume this lady will come sit down once she realizes there are more sober doctors ready to help.
Well, after another 20-30 minutes a lot of the doctors come sit back down, but not this lady. She stayed back there for the rest of the flight helping the patient in the back.
At the end of the flight, EMS rushed on, asked us to stay seated, and helped an old lady and her husband off.
I heard the old lady (the patient) talking on the way off, so I assume she was alright in the end and the day drinking doctor didn't do anything wrong, but as someone who gets very drunk relatively often, the idea of being treated by a medical professional under the influence scares the crap out of me.
[deleted]
45. Wrong Move
I went to Vegas for my 21st with my family and boyfriend. On the flight back, I was sitting by the window and my boyfriend was in the middle seat. The aisle seat was a stranger to us, he proceeded to order a drink pretty early in the flight. Then ordered a second, and went he tried to order a third drink he got cut off.
He was angry and got mad at the FA. Apparently another passenger near us heard him say something like "I'm gonna freaking kill her" under his breath and told the FA's about it. A little after that the FA came back and told him that security would be waiting at the gate for him and he would be escorted off first.
And moved my boyfriend and I to new seats so we didn't have to sit next to him (she actually said something like "You and your wife can move to new seats for your safety" which I thought was hilarious).
We moved to our new seats and then we wrote out the entire incident from each of our perspectives on paper. (In case the security had an questions for us and so we wouldn't get held up)
It was very strange, neither my boyfriend or I heard the "kill" comment but you could tell he was really mad after getting cut off. We could see him getting escorted off when we landed.
TheBearSquared
46. Caught Redhanded
Not an FA, but this is pretty terrible.
I was on crutches, and they called a flight attendant who was scheduled for a different flight later to wheel me onto the plane since she was just waiting around.
She's helping me get in my seat when she sees her husband, with another woman sucking on his face. Sitting together on the plane. In matching shirts.
From what I could tell from the screaming match that erupted, he'd told her he was going away on business to some other place than where this plane was headed.
The cheapskate didn't even pony up for a different airline because he could fly for free on his wife's.
The worst part? Her supervisor led her off the plane and, as he was chastising her, told her she would likely lose her job over the "public display".
I really hope she didn't. I spoke to the supervisor on her behalf to try and explain, but who knows?
ligamentary
47. Good Old Days
Former FA here. We had a school group of young children sitting in the front of the plane. On takeoff, one little boy leaned over into the aisle and threw up. The puke rolled and splashed down the aisle almost all the way to the back galley.
Another time, on approach to Denver, we were struck by lightning. It was the loudest sound I've ever heard on a flight. I was on a Boeing 727 with an FA friend in the back jumpseat.
All the passengers turned to look at us .....we were hugging each other and crying, terrified, which, as it turns out, only makes the passenger panic 1000xs worse.
The plane was fine, and we landed safely.
runLikeYerBeingChasd
48. Trip Souvenir
Not a flight attendant, but my uncle once witnessed a woman who, interested in retrieving a souvenir from her vacation, packed a conch shell in her carry-on luggage.
Unbeknownst to her, however, there was still a conch living in it, and the smell was unbearable.
The woman and her carry-on were removed from the flight.
Hitlerclone_3
49. Incredible Fragrance
I was seated between two 250-300lb women on a flight from MCI to Denver. About thirty seconds after taking off, I smelled the unmistakable smell of crap wafting up from the floor.
It seems one of the "ladies" couldn't get up from the seats and just spoiled herself. I flagged down a flight attendant and informed her of what happened. They were nice enough to move me up to 1st class, but it seems the woman spoiled herself again about 30 minutes later.
The entire plane was on the edge of vomiting, and there was nothing they could do but sit in the plane and smell poo.
scarysockpuppet
50. What A Flight
A fistfight. Actually, me and my brother were the ones fighting. He poured my milk onto my crotch, so I poured my fist into his jaw.
This was pre-911 days, so all that happened was a cowboy broke us up and made us switch seats. Yeah, a cowboy, we were flying to Colorado.
Oh yeah, I also saw a baby crawling down the aisle, and we hit turbulence. As we dropped, the baby stayed at the same elevation, so yeah, it was a floating baby, then a crying baby.
Bluko
51. Raise For Help
Last year, some guy came up to First Class, told the stewardess he wasn't feeling well, and then dropped to the floor. She began shouting for a doctor, and an army medic on leave ran up. He looked at the man's eyes, listened to his chest, and then began CPR.
He told the stewardess
Doctor: This guy is having a heart attack. He's dying. Tell the pilot to land ASAP, or he's gonna die.
Fortunately, we were near a major airport and landed right away. A medical crew met us at the gate and worked on the guy for about 25 minutes before they carted him off.
[deleted]
52. Better Hidden
Another time when I was a kid, somebody reached into his jacket and pulled out a pistol. Actually, it was a BB gun, but it looked real. Actually, it was just a kid. Actually, I was that kid.
See, we were sitting on the ground in Pendleton, Oregon, and I was hanging out with some of the crew in the very rear of the plane. Someone noticed a weather balloon being launched nearby, and one of the stews said, "I wish I had a BB gun right now.", and I reached into my jacket and offered her mine. I was carrying it in a shoulder holster.
Everybody sort of froze for a second, with a "Whoooa" kind of look on their faces, then the stew told me it might be a good idea to put it away and not take it out again. That was the end of it.
Obviously, flying has changed somewhat since then.
[deleted]
53. Sleep Hero
On a redeye flight, just as I fell asleep, a woman passed out in the middle of the aisle and hit my leg. I was so doped up on Dramamine I didn't even realize it and fell back asleep.
The flight attendants put an oxygen tank on the floor and put the tank's mask over her mouth.
Apparently, they used my hand to hold it in place, so when I woke up a few minutes later, I was like, "Why am I holding an oxygen mask over someone's face?"
dougiebgood
54. Repaying Kindness
I walked onto the plane and gave the 1st steward I saw a bag of Hershey's Miniatures. "this is for the crew."
The whole flight, I was given free headphones and all the free drinks I could handle. I tried to pay, but she just kept giving me my money back with every drink.
DamnColorblindness
55. Dirty Business
I was on a flight from Amsterdam to Leeds-Bradford Airport. You know those paper bags they have for vomit? Well, a guy used one of those to take a dump.
He'd gotten up as soon as the seatbelt light went out to go to the bathroom, but the flight attendants hadn't unlocked it yet, so I think he presumed someone had beaten him to it.
He'd been looking over his shoulder for the past 30 minutes and, towards the end of the flight, seemed to have had enough, so got the bag and, using his jacket to cover his shame, did his dirty business.
I made a point not to see what he did with the bag.
That was just disturbing…
[deleted]
56. Lucky Call
I was taking a business flight to Chicago when about halfway through the flight, a man was walking back to the lavatory but completely passed out and hit the floor next to me (I was in a hallway seat).
People started chattering and calling for help while this guy popped out of First Class and said, "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." and assessed the situation like a boss. It was Dr. Oz.
IrfanM
57. In Front of Her
On the way to Japan, I look across the aisle and see an old man sitting with an old woman I assume to be his wife.
He reaches into his bag and brings out a large stash of porn mags and proceeds to sit and look at them for many hours of the flight.
Intra78
58. Tricky Flight
The craziest thing that ever happened to me pales in comparison to a dead cat but here goes.
I was flying from Calgary to Houston, which is about a four-hour direct flight. We were just about two hours into the flight, or coincidentally JUST about to Denver when the pilot announced we would have to turn around back to Calgary!
So around we go and land in about an hour 15, he really cranked on it. We touch down and taxi over to the mechanics. They open the cargo door and shut it again. And in 15 more minutes, we were fueled up and in the air and off to Houston. This time, it was about a 3-hour flight, full thrust the whole way.
Luckily, there was an industry guy behind me, and I overheard him speculating the reason. His idea was that since the airline had paid mechanics in Calgary, and probably not in Denver, it would be cheaper for them to turn around all the way to Calgary than pay all the costs associated with landing in Denver. Luckily it was just a little glitch and not a true problem, but it was anyone's guess, the true issue.
I have a friend who is very familiar with the inner workings of the plane, and he said that anytime they open the cargo door and unplug a certain cable during maintenance, some switch has to be flipped, to reset that alarm system for that door. He said it's an extremely common mistake for that switch not to get flipped after work has been done, and it results in false alarms!
All that cost - likely in the tens of thousands, because one guy forgot to flip a switch!
[deleted]
59. Black Thingy
I was sitting on a B747 - British Airways.
We were taking off from Heathrow airport, just left the ground and I saw this black thing flapping against the wing. I thought "Damn, must've got a bird or something"
The black thing continues to flap and seemingly get bigger... It was a long piece of rubber.. some sort of lining, seal, or something.. and then it simply just ripped off and ended up in some lucky kid's backyard.
How's that for good maintenance?
scimanydoreA
60. Night And Day
I used to travel internationally a lot when I was younger and working for a telecom company designing new infrastructure. On one of the trips as we were heading to China, I looked out the window.
We were above Alaska straight somewhere, and the horizon had a huge slice of black. Like some weird wedge-shaped cloud that encompassed half the horizon. It was a bright day on the ground or sea below us, the ice was very bright and white, but there was this giant dark wedge encompassing and seeming to take over the earth as you looked out to the horizon.
I had the guys next to me look out and take a look, they were confused at first too.
I was really confused for a few minutes, then I realized what I was looking at in profile and what that engulfing black wedge really was. It was NIGHT. We were flying in such a manner that we were surfing the edge of daytime and nighttime at 35000+ ft and at that moment, if you looked out over the horizon, you saw daytime fading into night.
I only saw that once, it was being in the right place at the right time, I have a picture somewhere I may be able to dig up. Aside from bad in-flight movies, that would be my most wtf experience.
[deleted]
61. The Power
I was on a plane that lost power just as it was throttling up for takeoff. And I don't mean they reduced power to the engines I mean all the lights went out the engines shut down and we were left sitting on the runway for a good few minutes.
Somehow the plane regained power and we taxied to an adjacent tarmac for another few minutes. After this, the pilot announced to the passengers that they had a small technical glitch and that we were now ready for takeoff.
The rest of the ride was uneventful.
the_maximalist
62. On Purpose
I was on a flight from Amsterdam to NY one time and there was a kid who was running up and down the aisles trying to bite people.
As he was heading down the aisle at full speed, a stewardess suddenly pulled the refreshments cart into the aisle right in front of it and he ran smack into it face first.
She said to him, "Oh, sorry, didn't see you coming. You shouldn't run like that down the aisle." or something like that.
I know she did that on purpose.
It was awesome.
ProbablyHittingOnYou
63. Too Puzzled
I was on a flight to Chicago and was supposed to land at O'Hare but about 30 minutes before landing they told us it was too icy and we were being diverted to Midway. (Midway and O'Hare are 26 miles apart).
So we land at Midway, we disembark and as we are leaving the skyway, a gate agent runs up and tells us we need to get back on the plane. They were now going to take it to O'Hare.
We all said fudge it, we'll stay here, she then informed us our bags wouldn't be getting unloaded, we would need to go to the other airport to get them.
So about 5 of us (out of a full flight ~90?) got back on and had to wait about 20 minutes to deice the plane, then a 15-minute flight to O'Hare.
[deleted]
64. Disturbing Scream
Not mine but my sister's. She was once on a long-haul flight from London to Hong Kong. During the night, while everyone was sleeping, suddenly a woman let out the most blood-curdling scream.
Since this was not that long after 9/11 everyone was pretty on edge as it was. It turned out that the woman had just had a bad dream.
Everyone was pretty annoyed after that.
rangatang
65. Importance of Straps
I was in a black Hawk helicopter and we were all kinda dozed off/ sleeping when suddenly the helicopter took a dive. When that happens, you float up, but you are strapped in, feels very weird.
My male friend sitting next to me grabs my hand and is screaming. After 10 seconds, it finally levels out. The pilots never mentioned it afterward, so I think they might have been messing with us.
It was really scary, one of those moments where you think, that’s it, I'm dead.
whocares123
66. Unwelcome News
The Captain of my flight from Ft. Worth, TX to San Diego, CA comes on the PA.
CA: Good afternoon, passengers... If you all look toward the left wing of the plane, you can see a large amount of smoke.
...LONG PAUSE...
CA: There seem to be some pretty bad wildfires going on down in Palm Springs due to the lack of rainfall this week.
100 PEOPLE SIGH IN RELIEF
keshasparty
67. Silent Cries
An older man a couple of rows in front of me had a heart attack mid-flight. There wasn't enough room to assist him from where he was sitting, so they brought him to the middle of the aisle.
He was just lying on the floor motionless while the flight attendants tried their best to help. The whole flight was silent save for sobs from crying. His tummy became inflated and I noticed he wasn't breathing.
It was really strange because the way it was set up was almost like a spectacle for everyone to see.
Tragic.
squeeeee
68. Sense of Security
My mom was a flight attendant and had lots of crazy stories.
One time, she was serving drinks and a passenger looked at her and said nervously... "the engine is on fire." My mom looked out the window and the engine was really on fire.
She calmly told the man she would speak to the pilot. Really, she was crapping bricks. She goes into the cabin and tells the pilot the engine is on fire. The pilot looks at it and says, "It's ok, just excess fuel burning up."
To this day, my mother doesn't know if he was telling the truth, and quite frankly, doesn't want to know...
A fake sense of security is better than no sense of security.
Eskaywho
69. Luxury Life
Not sure it was WTF, but it was amusing. As soon as the seat belt light goes off, this businessman grabs his bag and off to the toilet he goes. Comes back a few minutes later wearing silk pajamas and slippers, and has his suit in a garment bag.
Gives it to the stewardess who goes to hang it up. He put on an eye mask and off to sleep he went for the whole flight. (~6 hours)
Wakes up and reverses the procedure. Nice suit, a pressed shirt from his bag, and such.
I was kind of jealous. I'd love to be able to sleep in a plane like that.
Prof_G
70. Emotionless
About 20 minutes into a flight to Hawaii when I was 9, there was a really loud noise coming from behind us.
My stepdad asked the flight attendant, "What's that noise?" she looked back.
FA: Oh the door isn't shut
Then turned the handle and locked the door.
under_the_gun23
71. Odd One
I was once on a flight with a steward who was an extremely flaming douchebag. Every time someone asked him to do anything you could tell he was pissed off and gave them attitude.
He didn't say anything, but he would let out sighs or look around as if to say, "Is this guy serious, how dare he ask me to do something for him."
About three hours into the flight someone was able to tape a KICK ME sign onto his back. He then walked around the airplane for the next half hour while people behind him were snickering the whole time.
It was hilarious. Even the other crew members on the plane were laughing at him when he couldn't see them. Eventually, some old lady ruined everyone's fun and told him about it.
He looked furious...stupid old people always ruining everyone's fun.
BillHaverchuck
72. Barrel Roll
Was landing in Dallas Forth Worth, with complete fog, and zero visibility.
Suddenly it feels like the plane SLAMS into the ground, does a slight bounce, hits the ground again, does another bounce, and still can't see anything, the plane is in total silence from shock...
... preteen somewhere in front of me yells;
DO A BARREL ROLL!
The plane hits the ground one more time and lands.
andacs
73. Silver Lining
The most WTF in a good way was about 15 years ago when flying from Atlanta to Houston. There was a massive storm going on outside and only a few planes were daring to take off, I was one of the ones that did and despite a hairy take off it stabled out soon enough.
The bit that made it awesome was seeing a lightning storm about 30 miles away from above. It's hard to describe just how beautiful it was.
[deleted]
74. Place of Danger
I went to Iran a couple of years ago and took a short flight on Iran Air from Tehran to Shiraz. Because of the sanctions, Iran doesn't get any new planes or airplane parts.
When I got on the plane (some old Russian model, pre-1979), I noticed many of the seats were broken...no one was bothering with seatbelts because they were messed up too.
And then I saw the pilot, a 7-foot tall, blond Russian guy, clearly drunk. It was too late to get off the plane at that point so I just went and luckily we made it to Shiraz safely.
jillybean081
75. Just The Two of Us
On a flight from London to Berlin, me and my wife were the only passengers on board. it was kind of awesome. The flight attendants were in a wicked mood and loaded us up with drinks and the pilot addressed us by name on all announcements.
Halfway through the flight, the plane's engines went dead silent and the flight attendant got a worried look on her face and said "I freaking hate it when they do this".
I wasn't really sure what was going on but we figured the plane was gliding or something. I've never heard a plane be that quiet before. Anyway, we got insanely drunk and partied with one of the attendants later that night at Berghain / Panorama bar.
Good times.
mrbrick
76. Just Some Heartless People
I was in X-ray school at the time, and my teacher and I were flying back from an annual conference that our national professional society hosts annually.
I was flying home from Las Vegas (2nd time flying in a commercial plane), and a woman two rows behind me started having a seizure.
No one seemed to care, and her husband was completely clueless as to how to help. My teacher was quick to jump out of her seat and called me to help.
We attempted to lift about 300 pounds of her and get her to where she was lying on her side in the aisle. No one helped. Everyone just stared.
I understand why people don't want to help or can't help. Totally cool with that. Some people are afraid of the situation, afraid of being sued, or just afraid in general.
What really got me was when we landed, the pilot asked everyone to remain seated until the EMTs got her and her husband off first. No one listened.
They tried getting off the plane before she had been strapped to the backboard and didn't give one darn. As my teacher and I were helping the EMTs to tell people to remain seated, a man got up and yelled at my teacher.
We were floored. Call me naive, but I was shocked at the lack of empathy these people had.
georgettesinclair
77. Dual Personality
I was a passenger on a plane to the Bahamas, which is a short flight from Miami. There was a woman on board who began screeching, whaling, screaming, and fake crying when we were airborne, claiming she was afraid to fly.
I called the steward over and offered to buy her a series of drinks to get her to calm down. He informed me her husband had already taken care of that.
Twenty minutes later, she was walking around the cabin, smiling and laughing, socializing with all the other passengers.
Much of an improvement from her previous state, which was some of the most obnoxious, attention-craving, dramatic behavior I have ever witnessed in my experience with air travel.
did_it_right
78. Clueless Lady
I was on a plane with a lady with very tiny twin babies. We were delayed, the babies were crying, and the flight attendant was trying to help the lady the best she could.
After a while, the lady yelled, "You don't know what it's like to have kids!" at the attendant. At that point, it was time to take off.
I was sitting opposite the flight attendant's seat, and she muttered, "I've got four little kids. We regularly fly from Liverpool to South Africa."
Oops.
starlinguk
79. Insensitive Mouth
More funny than obnoxious, but when I was working a flight from Mexico, there was a "couple" in the back of the plane. They were obviously fighting.
Then all of a sudden, she shouted, "YOU'RE JUST MADE BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU ON THE TRIP!" Needless to say, everybody's jaw dropped.
Had to let them know there was an abundance of children around them and to watch the language. Hard to do it without cracking up, though.
justANartist
80. Selfish Karen
I was flying from London to Egypt on a budget airline, so there was virtually no legroom, and the seats wouldn't recline.
As a 6'4" person, this sucks enough. I was making the best of it when suddenly I felt someone behind me punching my chair (not shoving, but full-on punching).
I turn round to see what the hell is going on, and there is a young woman, who looks about 18-20 years old, who starts shouting and screaming at me.
Something along the line of "Do you freaking mind? I've been trying to sleep for the entire flight with my head on the tray, and you keep moving your seat and waking me up!!"
I look around me, and everyone looks thoroughly confused except for one bloke who just shrugs. I politely inform her that the tray is for putting food on and is not a headrest, which gives her reason to launch another string of verbal abuse my way.
At this point, the air stewardess arrives and tells her to stop swearing and shouting because it's disturbing the other passengers, and she tries to defend herself by saying I wouldn't let her sleep because I was moving in my chair. The air stewardess had to hold back laughter.
UnknownGnome1
81. Hot Times
Just last week I flew from DC to Copenhagen on Scandinavian Airlines, but while we were taxiing to the runway, the plane defroster broke and ended up sitting in line for almost 6 hours.
At one point, the captain turned off the air so the aerosolized alcohol solution they used to defrost the planes wouldn't get in the ventilation system, so it got rather toasty inside the cabin.
En route to the bathroom, I make it to the back of the plane, and it is significantly cooler, so I walk a little further towards the galley and see three of the Danish flight attendants.
They were with a battery-powered fan chilling with a couple of passengers. I joined them, and the attendants immediately offered me anything I wanted from the available refreshments.
They even let me have some of the little bottles of alcohol. Afterward, we just sat and chatted until it was time to go. All in all, made my pre-flight experience much better.
[deleted]
82. Prevented Suffering
Not an FA, not even a frequent traveler, but the ONE GODDAMN TIME I get on a flight of more than 3 hours, I just happen to be sitting dead in the center of 3 rows of the dirtiest hippies I've ever seen.
I've worked in some nasty conditions and smelled pretty ripe at the end of the day, but these people put that to shame. The smell was beyond description.
It was a living, breathing entity of foulness and decay and death. Skunks three counties over were crying.
I HAVE SMELLED THE STENCH OF A ROTTING HUMAN BODY, AND THESE PEOPLE TRUMPED THAT SMELL.
I'll freely admit I was fully prepared to be the rude one. I was seated long before they got on the plane, and the moment they started seating around me, it was all I could do not to jump up and scream.
"OH HECK NO, NU-UH, YOU STINKY FREAKS." As it was, I called an FA over and pointedly asked her if there was a hygiene rule for passengers.
Bless this girl. She got my drift immediately and didn't even screw around. She quickly got the captain, who didn't even make it past the curtain between first class and business.
I heard him exclaim, "Oh heck no, kick them off the plane. This is a 15-hour flight. No one deserves to be subjected to that."
Two FAs descended upon the group, politely but firmly informing them that "due to their lax hygiene, we will have to ask you to deplane and find a shower. We're more than happy to recommend a hotel and to have you back on the next flight once you've cleaned up."
There was some grumbling, but for the most part, they went peacefully. I didn't even feel bad. Seven standbys got to fly to Sydney on the cheap, and I didn't have to smell the human equivalent of a sewage treatment plant for 15 hours.
draconiclyyours
83. Hair Habitat
Great. Best flying story ever. My sister-in-law was flying to Texas to look at schools with my mother-in-law. They were flying on miles and had been upgraded to first class.
Walking in front of them into the first-class cabin (however, this was before her time). She was gregarious and funny and talked with all the other passengers and flight attendants.
No big deal, right? Just another Dallas housewife going home to her rhinestone-encrusted house and 20-foot-long Cadillac with bull horns.
Well, 40 minutes into the 2.5-hour flight, my sister-in-law hears the strange keening sound, like a rabbit that's been injured or a baby at the beginning of a tantrum.
She looks around a bit, doesn't see anything, and goes back to reading. A couple of minutes later, she hears the same sound, only this time it's louder and seems to be coming from behind her.
Again, she looked around, saw nothing, and returned to her business. Understand that this was a year before 9-11, so things were not quite as fear-laden as they are now. However, when she heard the noise a third time.
Looking around again, she got the attention of the businessman sitting across the aisle, typing madly away at his laptop. "Do you hear that noise?" she asked him.
Without looking up from his screen, he simply said "Monkey" and gestured with his head behind him. My sister-in-law craned her head around and saw emerging from the large woman's beehive hairdo.
It was a gray baby monkey, wearing diapers, all hairy arms and legs, screaming like a hungry baby for a bottle. Sure enough, to complete the picture, the woman then took the monkey off her head.
She pulled a bottle from her enormous LV handbag and started nursing the monkey right there on the flight like it was her real baby.
tryingtobreak80
84. Basic Rule
Not terribly obnoxious, but last time I flew, this lady HAD to board the plane right away despite being in the middle of the plane.
She then continued to read on her Kindle despite being told twice to turn it off. The 3rd time, the flight attendant had to get witchy with her, "Ma'am, I TOLD you to TURN OFF your electronic devices!"
I know the Kindle probably wouldn't affect anything, but she totally acted like their policy didn't apply to her.
wh1skeyk1ng
85. Shouting Match
I'm not a flight attendant or a pilot, but on my flight back from spring break in the Dominican Republic, I saw two ladies get into a shouting match right before taking off.
One was a preppy white college girl, the other a Dominican mother with her baby. The baby was crying like babies cry, so the college girl proceeded to grill the mother.
The mother erupted, like I was on the other end of the plane, and heard every word erupted. She yelled something along the lines of "Stop staring at me, babies cry, and there is nothing I can do."
So, of course, the college girl matches her volume and proceeds to call her the N-word repeatedly. The flight crew got some people to switch seats and separated them, theoretically ending the issue.
Fast forward, and the two meet again in baggage claim. They yell and get in each other’s faces, pushing and pointing until security separates them.
The Dominican woman called out the girl, and the college girl went off again, yelling the N-word like it's nothing, in the middle of JFK airport where at least half of the people around, as well as the security guards separating them, are black.
That is, everyone except for the Dominican woman to whom she is directing the insult. The girl couldn't even get the racial slurs right that she was tossing around, which, from my point of view, added to the comedy of the situation.
Master_Broshi
86. Own Shame
Not a pilot or attendant but a passenger that feels horrible! I went to visit a friend in Portland, and the night before, I was to fly home.
We were at a strip club drinking a local brewery's oatmeal stout all night long. Needless to say. Drunk. After sleeping for only two hours, I had to go to the airport. I felt like crap.
I got to the airport and knew I needed to eat something, so I got a breakfast bagel and managed to keep it down. I boarded the plane, and about 10 minutes after take-off, I started profusely sweating and felt like I was dying.
I realized that the bagel sandwich was coming back up, so I booked it to the bathroom. Both toilets were full, and I realized there was no way I could make it all the way to the front of the plane.
Right as I’m about to spew, a bathroom door opens, and a woman is leaving. I walked into the micro-toilet and proceeded to projectile vomit dark beer, stomach acid, and bagel sandwich bits EVERYWHERE.
I ended up covering the entire bathroom and had puke all over my hoody and jeans. I cleaned up what I could and profusely apologized to the flight attendant.
I did the walk of shame back to my seat, clothes reeking of alcohol and vomit. I took my seat in the middle of a very attractive girl and an elderly woman who both gave me dirty looks and shifted their bodies away from me in disgust. It was a LONG 3 hours on the plane.
r00st
87. There’s Nothing Holding Me Back
First time flying in several years - the first time since the whole shoe thing started. I got to the airport super early for a 9 am flight and got through security much faster than anticipated. There wasn't even a line.
What else could I do? I sat down at the airport bar, marveled at the fact that they would serve alcohol at that hour, and promptly drank six beers.
Had a pretty enlightening conversation with a fellow who, as he put it, was "in the carnival business." The cool guy had a kid with some health issues that he was doing his best to take care of. He was also drunk.
So I kept my composure and somehow managed to board the plane without anyone realizing that I was entirely groggy at 9 am and wandered back to an empty row for a 4-hour flight.
I'm asleep before the plane even takes off. I get woken up by some really rough turbulence, but more importantly, I have to piss. Bad.
The kind where you have to flush halfway through so you don't crest the bowl. I can't help it. I can't hold it, and I'm not about to piss all over some airline seat.
Then they'll KNOW I was drunk. I get up and head toward the back, holding on to seats for dear life. Good thing I only parked my ass two rows away.
Two flight attendants are buckled in to jump seats, holding on like they're about to flip upside down, and I'm making it toward the bathroom, already halfway unzipped.
I tell them I can't help it, and they tell me it's at my own risk. Okay, they probably know I'm torn up.
I get in the bathroom, and I'm holding onto the wall for dear life. I'm bouncing around, somehow managing to keep the basket of fries I ate down and miraculously getting everything into the toilet.
Nary a drop of mellow yellow upon the wall nor the bowl. To this day, I don't know how I managed to piss so neatly when I'm certain that I spent more time on the ceiling than on the floor, but I did it and lived to tell the tale. I slept peacefully for the rest of the flight.
Trivale
88. Too Much Entitlement
I was flying back from Hawaii last month when I witnessed this. Everyone was boarding, and the overhead storage was almost completely full.
This old man who looked grouchy as heck had just boarded and had one of the economy plus seats in the front of the plane (on United, Economy Plus gives you a little more legroom for like $60).
The bin above his seat was closed because it was full. The old man opened the bin and grabbed a suitcase out of it. Holding it up, he asks, "Whose bag is this?" The guy who owned the bag spoke up.
The old man then throws it right in the middle of the aisle and yells, "Well, find a new place for it! I paid $60 for this seat!" (there is still a line of people behind the old man waiting to get to their seats).
The two men began arguing, and someone finally flagged down an attendant who diffused the situation. I think they left the old man's bag where it was.
They put the other guy's bag with the flight attendants' bags. Later, the attendants brought the guy a first-class dinner for having to deal with that.
[deleted]
89. Wrong Door
Former FA. Not sure if it qualifies as "obnoxious," but in the middle of the night over the Atlantic, a woman clearly not in her right mind tried to open the toilet door right beside door 4R...
She was pulling the aircraft door handle! She managed to raise it all the way up (Airbus 340). I was watching at the beginning of the couch class.
The cabin was dark, and the light from the back galley was just showing me this incredible picture of this woman trying to open the door...
Anyway, of course, the door was not possible to open in those circumstances, but that image was burnt in my brain forever.
The only upside for me was looking at the pilot's white face when he left the cockpit after watching an alarm go off about the lock on door 4R right in the middle of the Atlantic. (I went to the cockpit to report the incident after we restrained the passenger and lowered the lever)
marcelolagos
90. Best Karma
Just a passenger here. I was flying Ryan Air from Berlin to London. When the steward (he wasn't a good-looking man at all relevant) started giving the safety instructions.
A couple of guys who were part of a large group of friends in their early twenties started mocking him by making monkey and pig noises.
He tried more than once to very nicely tell them to listen to his instructions as they might save their lives, but they continued to mock him.
He threatened to get them kicked off the flight, and they continued to mock him. He went to the front of the plane, and the pilot pulled back to the gate, and they were still mocking.
They opened the door, and three German police officers came in and arrested the two guys for abuse and endangering other passengers by not allowing the safety instructions to go ahead, at which point the entire plane (excluding their friends) started clapping and cheering.
The exact same thing happened to their friends, who started booing the steward as we pulled off from the gate again. This time he took no crap, and they all kicked off the plane. This was the only time I was on a delayed flight where people were happy about the delay!
dmo7
91. Worst Experience
When I was about 11, I was on a smaller plane with only one two-seat aisle and a single-seat aisle. I begged to sit on the single seat and was excited when my mom let me.
About 15 minutes into the flight, the man behind me leans towards my seat on the window side and started whispering something.
It took me a minute to realize what he was saying, but I finally understood him saying, “Little boy, there's a bomb on the plane...we're all going to end."
I was utterly terrified. I didn't want to say anything as I thought he would detonate said bomb if I did. Not to mention, the flight attendant kept serving him even though he was clearly bombed.
My mom, across the aisle, noticed this and asked what he was doing. He said he was a beat-boxer and was practicing his "beats" for when he landed.
The whole flight, I sat there listening to him, completely terrified. To my relief, he was immediately arrested when we landed, to which I burst into tears.
mcon6864
92. Selfish Mother
The first and only flight was one from St. Louis to Munich and back. The way there was nice -- had an entire row to myself, very little turbulence, no children, etc.
The way back was... awful. I was crammed into a middle row between two children with their mother/guardian on the left of the older child.
When the flight started, they were quiet and well-behaved, but when we got some altitude, the older one started howling like a monkey.
She wailed and screamed and cried, "MOM! IT HURTS MOM! MAKE IT STOP!" And mom is just ignoring her, reading her white lady magazines.
After about five minutes of the older one wailing, the little one starts, too. Probably 30 seconds later, a flight attendant quietly and nicely asked the mom if she could calm her children as the wailing started to (seriously) disturb the other passengers.
Mom snaps her magazine shut and berates the flight attendant for "not minding (her) own business." And essentially said that everyone on the (totally full, mind you) flight will just have to get over it.
Kids continued to wail, and I tapped the woman on the arm, saying, "I have a bag of unopened candies and some gum. Would it be alright for me to give some to your daughters? It might help with the pressure."
"MY CHILDREN DO NOT EAT CANDY, AND YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EITHER," I told the little girls to suck on their thumbs after that, and they calmed down shortly.
litostx3
93. The Laugh Machine
I went on a flight with my family to Europe 3 years ago to see family. It was my first flight, longer than an hour or two, and I was somewhat excited.
Still, that excitement drained from me faster than a breach damn when a pat (highly obnoxious and extremely androgynous individual) pulled out their laptop.
Without headphones, he proceeded to watch a 4-hour comedy special to which he cackled the entire flight. At one point, the man in front of them turned around and calmly said something.
It was along the lines of "Excuse me, could you keep it down? There are people who are trying to sleep," to which they responded, "What? Curse you! How dare you tell me what I can and can't do!"
And continued to chortle even louder out of spite. It was safe to say that not a soul on the flight got any sleep; Pat's laughter could be heard across the entire aircraft.
Paladin_Null
94. Tall People Struggles
A few months ago, on a flight to Frankfurt, I was sitting in the last row next to a very tall German man who was seated directly behind a very high-maintenance woman.
About halfway through, the woman starts to recline, crushing the guy's legs and causing him a significant amount of discomfort.
He asks her nicely to put her seat forward, which she refuses and then tries to slam back down even further. The audacity of that woman!!
The guy calls the flight attendant over, and the woman starts screaming, "I PAID FOR THIS SEAT. GO TO BUSINESS CLASS IF YOU ARE TOO TALL, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME SIT UPRIGHT!" waking everyone around her up.
After about 2 minutes, I can’t take it anymore, and being a bit shorter (sub 6 feet), I offer to switch with the guy since I don't mind awkwardly staring down at her through the remainder of the flight.
So there she is, trying to sleep for about 3 hours while I just occasionally remind her that I am there bumping her chair with my knee, nothing too bad but enough to be a bit of a jerk.
At the end of the flight, the attendant and the guy made a big show of thanking me and making a big deal about how nice people could be for each other. The guy next to the woman just commented what a witch she was, like she wasn't even there.
SlipperyLittleOtter
95. Selfish Dad
So we used to serve special meals on trans-con flights. You had to place the order online at check-in in both directions.
It just occurs when you check in for the departing flight and make the order, and it doesn't carry over to your return flight 1 week later.
Lots of problems with that, but usually, people understood and accepted whatever we could offer as an alternative. One guy threw a fit.
Accused us of eating his meal or serving it to someone else. I showed him the list, but his name wasn't there. Continued to throw a fit, what his daughter was going to eat, etc.
After we served everyone else, we had one fruit plate remaining, so we gave it to him for his daughter, who was maybe a three-year-old.
The guy proceeded to eat it himself and then continued to berate us for the remainder of the flight about what his daughter was going to eat.
Trans cons are 4-5 hours long, so dealing with one passenger takes a long time. Also, the crew was not stocked with food for themselves, meaning unless we wanted to purchase food in the airport, we hoped something was leftover from passenger meals. That fruit plate was mine.
cesema
96. Rollercoaster Plane
Not a flight attendant or a pilot. Just used to travel a fair bit. On one flight from Miami to San Juan, we were about halfway there when I saw the flight attendants fussing over a lady a few rows ahead.
Then, honest to god, just like in the movies, they asked over the intercom if there was a doctor on the aircraft. There was one sitting just behind us.
It was obvious from what I overheard there was a cardiac condition going on. It was not cardiac arrest, but most likely what appeared to the Doc to be a heart attack or something like that.
They laid her in the aisle and, brought out the big medical kit and got her on oxygen. A while later, the pilot announced we would be making an expedited approach to San Juan due to a medical emergency on board.
I said above I had flown a fair bit. This was the only landing I could recall where we didn't seem to circle first, straight in, fast landing, brakes screeching, hard left onto the taxiway.
The plane bounced and bounced to the terminal, the door flung open, and paramedics leaped across the gap from the jetway before their stretcher could get in.
Always hoped she was OK.
[deleted]
97. Completely Riled Up
I witnessed a flight attendant get really frustrated with a middle-aged woman who had lots of those tiny alcohol bottles stashed in her luggage.
I can only imagine that the lady was an alcoholic because the flight attendant asked her several times to stop drinking, but she kept sneaking out bottle after bottle and downing the contents.
Finally, the flight attendant told her they would land and have her arrested if she didn't stop. That seemed to do the trick.
To this day, I'm not sure what beyond getting crap-faced the lady did to get the flight attendant so riled up. Are you not allowed to drink your own alcohol on a plane?
ratinmybed
98. Buckle Up
My friend was on a flight that, right after touching down, had a lady from the back unbuckle and run to the front of the plane while taxiing to get off first.
Even though the buckled-in flight attendants were telling her to remain in her seat, she kept saying how she had to get off fast to make her connecting flight.
After arriving at the gate, the pilot announced over the intercom that the jetway had an issue and the plane would be de-boarding from the rear doors. He said the looks of satisfaction on all the other passengers was delightful.
wheatie
99. Envious Man
On a long flight from Hawaii to Denver, a father on the row behind me and my family noticed that we had exit aisle seats that had lots of leg room, and his seats had barely any.
He was not happy that we had these seats and decided to tell almost all of the flight attendants to switch his family to our seats for his.
His reason was that he had no legroom and that my brother and I weren't old enough to help in case of an emergency (you must be 16 or older).
The problem was he had 2 infants with him, so the move would have made no sense. After a while, the flight attendants had enough of it and just ignored him. When we exited the plane, he gave us dirty looks, but I just winked at him and laughed.
Toaster_Bath
100. War Of Stink
Not an attendant, but I fly weekly. Sitting in the aisle seat, I saw a guy walking toward me. I actually smelled him from about three rows away.
He was stinking of sweat profusely and turned out to have the middle seat next to me. Across the aisle is a hippy old lady. I was out of luck.
She had a long skirt on, and I noticed she had her feet up on her seat. Then I noticed she had a nail clipper out and was cutting her toenails.
Suddenly, a toenail flew across in front of my face and hit my sweaty neighbor. He becomes enraged, and now the argument ensues between the two most disgusting people ever about who is the most repulsive human being.
Honestly, the outrage the sweaty guy had at her bad manners had me laughing so hard that I forgot about the smell.
[deleted]