1. Instant Regret
I'm a pilot. Obviously, the last few days have been a zoo, and Chicago has been hellish. We were going from Chicago to Milwaukee and back, and then we were done with a four-day trip, so we definitely wanted to get on with it and go home.
We were all boarded and waiting for the de-icing truck to come to spray us because it was snowing. After waiting for over an hour for the truck, they finally sprayed us down, and we started pushing back. As we were pushing, the flight attendant called up and told us there was a lady who wanted to get off the airplane.
We tell her we can't, so the lady then tells the flight attendant that her baby is having a medical emergency and has to get off. Fine. We pull back up to the gate and let her off. The baby looks fine, mind you, and ask her if she needs paramedics.
She denies medical attention and refuses to take the baby to the clinic that is literally 50 feet away. They had checked bags, so we had to call rampers to dig through the cargo hold to find their bags.
Finally, we had them off, and we were getting ready to go again, about 2 hours late at this point. As we were getting ready to close the door, the gate agent ran up and said that when the lady found out that we were on the last flight up to Milwaukee, she begged us to get back on the airplane and come with us.
The captain and I looked at each other in shock, told the gate agent there was no way in hell she was getting back on the airplane, and got out of there.
rlbmxer27
2. Bad Joke
I used to work for an airline which meant I got to fly for free as a standby passenger. This is called "non-revving" (non-revenue passenger). So, one day, I'm taking a flight to New York as a non-rev, and there is a girl from our airline who worked as a gate agent there with a bunch of her friends.
Non-revving is a delicate thing sometimes, and there are a lot of rules that the airline makes you follow so you don't tarnish their image. I almost got denied entry once because I wasn't wearing dress shoes.
These girls get boarded and immediately start acting like stupid witches. It's warm in the plane, so clearly, the APU hasn't been connected to allow the plane power to run the AC.
As soon as the APU is connected and activated, the AC is turned on, and something starts blowing out the vents. At this point, the plane is fully boarded, but people are still putting crap in the overheads and stuff.
What looks like steam or dust or mist or something starts coming out of these vents, and one of the stupid girl's friends decides to shout (jokingly), "FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE ON THE PLANE!"
ON A FULLY... BOARDED... FLIGHT.
Needless to say, the flight attendants did not find this hilarious, and they were all escorted off.
PineconeShuff
3. Blinding Lights
When I was flying night helicopter "strip tours" up and down the Vegas strip, despite the video briefing, which mentioned several times that no flash photography was permitted.
Also, I provided my own verbal briefing, mentioning this again: people would regularly take flash photos during the flight.
It just blows my mind that people would think it's ok to temporarily blind the pilot who's flying them.
firesgood
4. Selfish And Rude
It was a bad weather day in St. Louis. We got struck by lightning. It happens. We get priority to land because we can't be sure what damage occurred. Once on the ground, I do a walk around and see the damage. The outbound flight, the last of the night, is canceled because the plane is down for what I would think are obvious reasons.
We didn't have a hotel for the night, as we were supposed to take the plane back out. So, while waiting for news from crew scheduling, we were supporting the gate agent.
Man, people were PISSED. Insisting we go.
I point out the window at the melted wingtip and large scorch mark on the aircraft. One lady got in my face and screamed, "Do you think I give a damn about your paint job?! Get me on that plane and get me home, or you'll be sorry!"
Needless to say, that lady didn't go on any flight with us the next day. Don't mess with gate agents (or crews that are nice to them).
GearupShutup
5. A Total Karen
Not a flight attendant. But my father worked for an airline for over 30 years and shared this story with me based on one of his colleagues' experiences.
On a flight from JFK to Heathrow post 9/11, while the plane was about 4th or 5th in line for take-off, an American lady demanded to be let off the plane. The attendant naturally refused since the doors were closed, and they were almost at the runway.
The lady went nuts and called 911 from her cellphone and said she was an American citizen being held against her will on a foreign airline they were about to take off, and she was going to be taken to another country.
In about 3-4 minutes, police and FBI vans surrounded the plane, pulled her out, and grounded the flight pending further investigation.
In the end, she was just a nutjob who ruined everyone's flight.
f-mttm
6. Crew Sentiment
I get that on long flights, you want to get up and stretch your legs a little, no problem. But on a 45-minute express flight, is it really necessary to get up and start doing yoga in the back galley?
Get out of my way so I can finish serving drinks to the other 70 passengers on board.
Also, I don't control the weather. Most pilots have god complexes, but they're not gods so they don't control the weather either. It's not our fault your flight is delayed.
With all the storms this last week, flight crews are getting freaked over just as much, if not more, than you are.
iwritebmovies
7. Good For A Book
I've been punched in the face, propositioned, witnessed multiple couples try to get it on in the seats, had one couple try to do it in the galley, had my butt pinched, and watched arguments break out over seats being reclined.
I’ve been told the quality of the ginger ale I serve is not of a high enough caliber. I've seen bare feet on bulkhead walls at face level. I've seen bare feet ever.
Also saw someone trying to stow their luggage on my jumpseat shortly before landing and had trash dumped on my food tray while I was still eating from it.
I was a flight attendant for 5 years. I have enough crazy stories to write a book.
Maybe two.
ShinyCupcake
8. You Fly
I don't fly for a major airline but for a smaller company in northern Canada. The plane I fly only has 8 seats, so when I have a full load of people, one person has to sit up front with me in the right seat.
One time I was flying with a full load, and the guy beside me was just one of those cocky, annoying guys that think they're always right. About 5 minutes after take-off, he asked me if I knew where we were.
I told him exactly where we were, and then a couple of minutes later, he said we were going the wrong way. Being cautious, I checked my GPS and my other nav aids, which all indicated I was on track to my destination.
I told him he was mistaken and pointed straight ahead of us, telling him that was where we needed to go. He then pointed over his right shoulder and said we should be heading back that way.
By this time, I knew the guy was an idiot.
For the rest of the flight, he just kept shaking his head, and I kept trying to ignore him.
After we landed at our destination, I just gave him the "How about you just let the pilots do the navigating from now on" look.
szaeti
9. The Freak Show
Had a woman freak out on a flight attendant because the cookies she was serving had cranberries in them.
Apparently, she was on blood thinners and couldn't eat them.
We serve a number of other options. Some people just like to complain, I guess.
As a pilot, I try to avoid dealing with the cargo.
canadian_climber
10. No Choice
A couple of WWF (now WWE) wrestlers were on a flight that was about to land, but one of them needed to go to the lavatory. You obviously can't leave your seat when you are about to land, so they told him no, so he decided to dump in the aisle instead.
The crew that told me the story didn't really remember what wrestler it was. It happened in the late 90s, and it was on a regional plane in Ohio. Obviously, the wrestler was arrested and banned from the airline.
So maybe there's a police report somewhere.
paradoxofchoice
11. Get Out
My mom was a pilot for Northwest Airlines. She was a female captain, and a man came on her airplane. He takes one look at her and says, "Ugh, a woman captain. I'm getting off."
She replied, "Good, get off my airplane.
There are people waiting on the standby list to get on." The guy turned right around and got back on. We guessed he wanted her to submit and ask him nicely to come back.
She told me, "F*ck no."
ChaseOP
12. No Ranks Here
My worst experience came from one of Delta's "Diamond Medallion" members. We were broken in Memphis, and the Gate Agent had just made the announcement that we were delayed due to maintenance. The mechanic has been called and is on his way out.
There is no known estimated time for the fix because the mechanic will have to do some troubleshooting, and then we would know how long it would take to fix it.
The guy called me over and said, "I'm a Delta Diamond Medallion member, so tell me exactly how long this delay will be." I was like, WTF?
I told everyone EXACTLY what I knew. I can give 2 craps about your airline Status.
flyingguy82
13. Demanding Passengers
I once had two unaccompanied minors traveling together. Just after we pushed back from the gate, the 8-year-old boy started to have a panic attack and said he couldn't fly, so we pulled back to the gate.
The pilot announced that we were returning to the gate so that paramedics could come on and take a child off the plane. He didn't mention what the medical issue was, just that a child was sick.
One lady immediately hit her call button and very witchily suggested that we better make sure that we hold the plane for her in Atlanta since we were obviously going to be late now.
The whole episode amounted to maybe a 30-minute delay, and no one missed their connections. One of only a handful of times, I wanted to punch a passenger.
kikichampagne
14. Insensitive Karen
I was on a flight that had to be diverted because a man began having a heart attack.
The passenger across the aisle yelled at the flight attendant because she was going to miss her connecting flight because of the delay - so I laid into her.
Insensitive witch.
CrystalBlackheart
15. Felt Forever
As an Aircraft Engineer, I travel on a lot of different airlines, but the story that will haunt me forever is when I flew on a budget airline.
I don't think half of the passengers had ever seen a toilet before, let alone used one. They were urinating into water bottles, and I saw a couple of turds in the aisle.
Luckily, I was jumpseating in the flight deck; however, the smell was incredibly strong and made me gag a few times.
Those were the worst 3 hours of my life...
[deleted]
16. A Mom
Flight from Frankfurt to Montreal, and this dude is sitting in the middle section of the aisle with an empty seat next to him. This woman and her young daughter (7 or 8, I think) come up and politely tell this man that his seat and the one next to him are their seats.
The man refuses to move. The woman asks again over and over politely to please let her sit there. The man didn't want to move and started crossing his arms like a child and pouting.
The woman told him that her daughter had never flown before and would appreciate two seats next to each other so that she could sit with her daughter. No dice. They proceeded to argue, and the man yelled at the woman, telling her she was a horrible person.
We stood up to offer our seats to the woman, but before we could say anything, she flipped the guy off. I wanted to applaud her. F that guy.
I don't understand people who won't relinquish the seats they aren't supposed to be sitting in in the first place. ESPECIALLY if this poor woman and her daughter needed to sit together.
Now you have a pissed-off mother who has to shuttle back and forth to her terrified daughter 8 aisles away, sitting next to a bunch of strangers on her first flight.
bchmgal
17. Cat Woman
My godfather has been a flight attendant since the late 80s, and over the years he's had some great stories.
One time, one of his passengers brought her cat on board in a pet carrier. At first glance, this woman seemed to be the stereotypical crazy cat lady. However, she took crazy cat ladyness to a new frontier when it came to the cat's feeding time.
Instead of cat food and a bowl of water, this woman pulls out her chest and proceeds to breastfeed the cat. I don't want to think about how much that must have hurt.
Needless to say, my godfather was unamused and firmly asked her to stop.
Texcellence
18. Couple Issues
More funny than obnoxious, but when I was working a flight from Mexico, there was a "couple" in the back of the plane. They were obviously fighting.
Then, all of a sudden, she shouts, "YOU'RE JUST MADE BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH YOU ON THE TRIP!"
Needless to say, everybody's jaw dropped.
I had to let them know there was an abundance of children around them and to watch the language. It's hard to do it without cracking up, though.
justANartist
19. Opening Mind
I am a pilot. I also am a female. This does not make me a "lady pilot." I'm a damn pilot, full stop. No qualifiers.
I was flying out of some Texas airport once, looking at the weather at the gate agent's station. Some douche came up and said, "If I knew we had a girl pilot, I would have gotten on a later flight!" Then, I tried to laugh it off.
I blew it off and went back to my job. It's just another sexist prick in an industry full of them. Well, the gate agent told the Captain what had transpired, and the Captain proceeded to kick the passenger off. Told him he could get on the next damn flight.
I thought this was awesome, but I had another idea.
I suggested to the captain that we let the jerkward on and let him know I'd be flying the leg. I greased that bird into our destination as I've never landed before (trailing link helped a bit). I made it a point to be at the door during deplaning, and the passenger apologized, shook my hand, and said it was the best landing he'd ever seen.
Hopefully, his mind opened up a bit that day.
GearupShutup
20. Too Much Pride
I wasn't working that day, but I sure heard it the next. At Denver International, a flight that had just landed had an irate passenger.
As soon as the plane hit the gate, the passenger took off from his seat and opened the service door on the back of the plane.
He then jumped off the plane and ended up breaking both his legs.
[deleted]
21. Head Scratching Moments
On our way from Russia, we had a male passenger in first class get drunk, grope a female first-class passenger, and then (*)choke a flight attendant. I was working in the Economy, so I only got to witness the aftermath. The flight attendant who was 'choked' may or may not have been prone to exaggeration, so...
As for myself, there are lots of small, obnoxious things and lots of large ones.
A small one is just having no manners. How can a conversation go:
"Would you like something to drink?" "Coke." "Here's your drink, sir." [goes back to watching game]
I'm always thinking, 'Were you raised by gorillas? Oh wait, even gorillas have some social courtesy.'
Once, on a transcontinental flight, I had a horrible moment of being forced to be a witch. There was a lady in the first row of Economy who brought us a bag of Lindt truffles as she boarded.
She was super nice, and it made us all feel appreciated. So, I felt terrible when I was asked what she wanted to drink on the first service.
She said, "Just a cranberry, please. I brought my own vodka minis."
Usually, I'd be like I didn't see anything, mind your business, and keep quiet, and I don't care. It's a judgment call, and I can see that this lady is not likely to be a problem. If it's a huge party of bachelors headed to Vegas with their own minis - that's a problem, sadly, because it's likely to affect the trip for other passengers and be reported.
This lady, quiet, traveling alone? I would have let it slide.
The problem is that my manager happened to be on board, traveling to see his family. He was seated right next to her. He just kept staring at the napkin I had handed him. Not making eye contact, not saying a word.
But because he was there and now neither of us had plausible deniability, I had to say, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but only alcohol served by the flight attendants may be served on board the plane."
I later discovered that my manager wouldn't have said anything to her had she just shut up and been discreet.
Sigh.
emmadilemma
22. Blame On Us
I recently left my job as a flight attendant. The obnoxiousness in people usually comes out as soon as there is a delay or cancellation. I've had men and women screaming at me because their flight was delayed an hour, and they would miss their connection.
Here's a tip: ALWAYS GIVE YOURSELF AT LEAST AN HOUR BETWEEN CONNECTING FLIGHTS, 90 MINUTES IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE CONNECTING AIRPORT.
They ALWAYS take it out on the flight attendant, like we are the ones who did this to them. I've had people who are seated in the back of the aircraft on a full flight who, upon landing, only had 15 minutes to get to their next gate and expected me to hold the entire plane up so they could get off first.
Another tip: ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR SEAT BEFORE HAND. The most I could do for them was make an announcement that people would ignore anyway.
The most obnoxious that stuck out in my mind was a woman who was flying out of Charleston, SC. I worked as a solo flight attendant on an ERJ145 (small 50-seat regional jet).
During boarding, I was required, per FAA regulation, to remain in my boarding position and not leave. This woman was the first to board and was seated towards the back. As I was greeting other passengers, I heard, "WHERE IS THE ATTENDANT??? ATTENDANT!!!!!!" in an angry, snooty tone.
I halt the boarding process to walk over to see what she needs, but before I can even get a word out, she bombards me with, "I am never flying this airline again! This plane is too small! How dare they not warn me of this beforehand??? I want a refund! Put my bags up for me!!" talking to me like I'm some lowly peon.
I always found it easier to just apologize and give them what they wanted. But this woman was just never happy. During the entire flight, I just rang her call button to get her a Kleenex, take her garbage, and get her another wine(and she demanded it for free because I didn't have as big of a selection as she wanted). That flight was the longest 35 minutes of my life.
And she STILL told me she was writing the airline about her horrible experience as she was deplaning.
[deleted]
23. The Glutton
We used to serve special meals on trans-con flights. You had to place the order online at check-in in both directions just because when you checked in for the departing flight and made the order, it didn't carry over to your return flight 1 week later.
There were lots of problems with that, but usually, people understood and accepted whatever we could offer as an alternative. One guy threw a fit. Accused us of eating his meal or serving it to someone else.
I showed him the list, but his name wasn't there. He continued to throw a fit about what his daughter would eat, etc.
After we served everyone else, we had 1 fruit plate remaining, so we gave it to him for his daughter, who was maybe 3.
The guy proceeded to eat it himself and then continued to berate us for the remainder of the flight about what his daughter was going to eat. Trans cons are 4-5 hours in length, so it takes a long time to deal with 1 passenger.
Also, the crew was not stocked with food for themselves, meaning unless we wanted to purchase food in the airport, we hoped something was leftover from passenger meals. That fruit plate was mine.
cesema
24. Embarrassing Situation
I just flew to Malaysia from London, and a woman on my flight pooped her pants in the seat while she was asleep.
The annoying person was someone sitting in her row that proceeded to go up and down the aisles of the plane, telling everyone about this woman that pooped her pants.
It's embarrassing enough without someone actively going around and making the situation more embarrassing.
Whiskey_McSwiggens
25. No Rush
My friend was on a flight that, right after touching down, had a lady from the back unbuckle and run to the front of the plane while taxiing to get off first, even though the buckled-in flight attendants were telling her to remain in her seat.
She kept saying how she had to get off fast to make her connecting flight.
After arriving at the gate, the pilot announced over the intercom that the jetway had an issue and the plane would be de-boarding from the rear doors.
He said the looks of satisfaction on all the other passengers was delightful.
wheatie
26. Not A Cat
I was an F/A on private charter flights. You know that kissy-type noise you make to a cat to get their attention? When he wanted my attention, a certain NBA star would constantly call to me like that. I politely told him my name every time. Still, he refused to say my name, "ma'am," "miss," or any other form of polite conversation.
He also sulked in the corner of the plane with his headphones on the whole time, playing video games like a child. At the same time, his wife (now ex) watched their 5 kids, cut up all of their food, entertained them, and made preparations for after landing. He was totally useless the whole time. No wonder they divorced.
It's one of my least favorite pax ever.
cressidacay
27. A Bit of Trust, Please
After completing my passenger brief, they would often ask me where my name/accent was from. On no less than a dozen occasions, upon hearing that I am of Turkish heritage, I would ask, "You're not going to fly us into any buildings, are you?"
Commenting on my youth: "Are you REALLY old enough to fly this thing?"
After telling a passenger to put away a phone or put on a seatbelt: "Who are YOU to tell me what to do?." or "Would you tell your father to do that?"
They would also bargain with me about the rules or try to argue that the so-and-so rule I was required to enforce had no basis.
Passengers, don't insult your pilot or flight crew immediately before they're about to take you someplace.
Turkstache
28. Do The Trick
We were flying a bunch of rich kids to Chicago (football game, I think) several years ago in a Citation Jet. They were in the back, boozing it up and getting rowdy, which is usually fine. Still, after a while, they got so loud and rowdy that we had trouble hearing the radios and holding a heading.
My captain looked at me, rolled his eyes, and put on his O2 mask. We turned the pressure down in the cabin and put them all to sleep.
They never had a clue.
El_Q
29. Weird Guy
So my dad is a pilot, and he told me this one:
There was a passenger in first class who was drinking too much and started hitting the flight attendants.
Finally, he made a comment to one of them about getting in his pants, in which the flight attendant turned to look him in the eye and said, "No thank you, sir, one jerkward in there is enough."
Apparently, everyone who heard it burst out laughing and applauded.
crustys0ck
30. Bad Followers
As a flight attendant, one of the most annoying things was people who argued over the no electronics rule during takeoff and landing. I get it. The rule sucks. It was still my job to enforce it or lose my job and possibly be fined thousands of dollars by the FAA.
One lady who was arguing with me about turning her digital camera off insisted it wasn't electronic because "It uses batteries.”
I almost had a breakdown over that level of stupidity. That was a passenger who wasn't worth arguing over, so I just let her have her stupid camera on and walked away. I secretly hoped we would have a bit of turbulence on landing, and her damn camera would flop around and get broken while hitting her in the face.
[deleted]
31. List Goes On
FA here. Where do I start? It's not just one thing, but a lot of little things.
When coming by to ask if you would like something to drink, you either know what you want or you don't. Don't make me go through a whole list, then say, "I'll just have water." Really.... 20 choices, and you go with water.
While in the aisle doing service, I am not moving to let you pass so you can pee. So please stop standing right on top of me.
Also, use the bathroom in the airport before you get on the plane. If you can, stop standing and do yoga in my galley. Do you do that when you go see a movie?
Lastly, if you need me, ring your call button. Don't poke me, yell at me, snap your fingers, or shake your empty cup.
barracudabby
32. Too Many Things
Flight to St Petersburg (Russia) from Heathrow. Many of the Russian passengers had bought a considerable amount of merchandise from the Harrods outlet to the extent that all of the overhead locker space was completely full.
So, the crew had to start putting the shopping and other cabin baggage in the hold. The Russians were having precisely none of it. Five passengers got put on the next flight because they refused.
Not sure what happened next.
Larynxsphinx
33. Own Beliefs
My dad is a pilot for a major airline. His least favorite trip is always to Brazil and for good reasons. It seems like, on almost half of all flights, a Brazillian going to the US (Miami) will have a religious "vision" that the plane will crash.
The Brazilians are superstitious, and usually, half the plane will demand to vacate.
After this all happened, the flight was delayed 2 hours, and my dad was tired, angry, hungry, and missing his family.
softdragon
34. The Disturbed Man
There was an occasion when I was just hired. The passengers were boarding the aircraft while my captain and I were performing the cockpit preparation.
A man saw me working on the checklist and entered the flight deck, asking my captain if I was old enough to fly an airliner (I had just turned 21).
The captain shrugged, mentioned that although I do have my pilot's license, I haven't gotten my driver's license yet, and sent the disturbed man on his way.
Virgadays
35. Open Windows
My mom was a flight attendant before I was born. She always tells us this one story of a very old lady, most likely 80 to 90 years old, who one day was very restless and kept asking for the window to be open because she needed air.
My mom explained that wasn't possible and showed her the air vents above her head.
The lady then started trying to open the window with her hand and said that it should be able to open right after my mom said it wasn't possible.
Apparently, it turned out it was her first flight, and she had no idea what cabin pressure was. If she opened the window, she would not be able to breathe and most likely die.
TidalSnow
36. Pee Everywhere
I was carrying the Iraqi Police force from a training base in Iraq to their home base. The plane was completely full, and we had about 130 Iraqis on board. It was only a 2-ish hour flight and went by without incident. However, after they disembarked, we had to clean up whatever garbage they left behind before new passengers boarded.
We had some security forces on the flight crew in case one of the Iraqis tried to do anything wrong, and they helped me clean up (which meant looking under and in between seats and reaching into the pocket in the back of the seat in front of it).
One of the SF guys reached into a seat-back and grabbed an open puke bag full of pee, which, when grabbed, resulted in an arm and a seat covered in urine.
Through a translator, I told them that after takeoff, they could use the bathroom, but apparently, the message wasn't received by that guy.
Itshurleytime
37. Stubborn One
My girlfriend is a flight attendant, and this is my favorite story of hers.
She had just started flying internationally, and a woman in coach had decided to spread out in the middle three seats as no one was sitting in them. The last passenger was a man who was supposed to sit in one of those seats.
The woman refused to get up, having sprawled out with blankets to sleep on the flight. My girlfriend tried to explain to the woman that the man had purchased one of the seats she was using. The woman didn't care; she simply refused to get up and said the man could sit somewhere else.
The guy was very cool throughout this, giving my girlfriend a shrug like, "Well, now what do we do?"
My girlfriend got the ISM (International Service Manager or Purser, as they used to be called), basically the head flight attendant and the person responsible for everything aft of the cockpit. She walked back and asked the woman to please move. Again, the woman refused, saying the man could sit somewhere else.
The ISM turned to the man and said, "Actually, she is right. We have a couple of seats in first class, and we'd be happy to upgrade you free of charge. Are these your only bags?"
The woman's face was apparently priceless, and she started to stutter out a protest. Still, by that time, the three of them were already working their way to the front of the plane.
monkeyleavings
38. Karma is a Witch
There was a story a while back of how, on British Airways, a white woman was very dissatisfied sitting next to a black man in economy class.
She witched to the flight attendants about it, and so after a while, they came back to her saying, "We can upgrade to first class."
She gets up to go.
But they stop her, telling her that no, the first-class seat is for him.
CrouxR
39. Not Cute
On a 7-hour flight, a child of around 3 years old felt the need to continuously bob up and down and shout, "Hello"!! It was cute for the first 5 minutes, but for the next few hours, the passengers behind were visibly disgruntled.
His mother apologized for the noise to the other passengers for the noise but never told the child specifically to stop.
He just carried on, and she carried on apologizing.
It seemed that the passengers behind didn't want to retaliate against the child and just seemed to bear the noise for a few hours until the child fell asleep.
aboy461
40. Wrong Comparison
Ex-FA here. One of the biggest issues we ran into was enforcing small rules people didn't agree with (electronics,) but that's my job, and the government has rules for a reason. At some point, it was forbidden to store iPads and tablets in the seat pocket, and I had informed a young couple of this rule.
Couple: So can I just hold on to it?
Me: No, I'm sorry sir/madam, I’d be happy to put it in your bag or in the overhead bin for you (in case of emergency, you don't want an iPad being flung in your face at high speed)
Couple (getting angry): Awww Come on man! That guy is holding a baby! (points to other couple traveling with a small infant)
E3_Lunatic
41. Trapped Inside
Honestly, it is not something I enjoy looking back upon. I was on an international commercial flight, and there was a passenger who had filled up one of the bathroom areas for a total of about 20 minutes.
After receiving several complaints, I decided to knock.
A trembling voice replied that there was no toilet paper and he was too embarrassed to ask...poor guy ;)
X-Rival
42. Dad Stories
My dad is a commercial airline pilot. He likes to chill out with his cabin crew, so on flights with a short turnaround, he would help them get the cabin ready again. Anyways one day, he saw a big melted chocolate lake on the seat, he went in for a closer look, and it was actually poop.
Someone's colostomy bag had been emptied all over the seat.
Another story he told me was when an obese passenger went to the loo, and their flab touched the flush button. Since their fat was sealed around the toilet when the flush was activated, it sucked the passenger down to the toilet, and she couldn't get loose.
She had to be cut out from the toilet upon landing.
octopodo
43. Wrong Expectations
I'm way late to the party, but it's a short one, so I'll type it.
I was flying from Minneapolis to Scranton, and across the aisle from me was a kid, maybe 8-9, flying solo. He looked a little nervous, so I was about to reassure him when the guy next to him said, "First time flying alone?"
The kid nods in the affirmative without saying anything. "Well, don't worry, kid, these things only crash about half the time."
The look on that poor kid's face simultaneously said "Terror" and "Vomit." What a jerkward.
Ballplayer0025
44. Unexpected Squish
My mom has been a flight attendant for 24 years, so she's always coming home with crazy stories and borderline insane things. Just recently, she was serving passengers in coach on a flight to Seoul when one of her best friends and co-workers started freaking out in first class.
She went to the galley, frantically cleaning herself off, when my mom came over and asked what happened. My mom's friend said that she was helping individual first-class passengers who buzzed for assistance. This flight was a red-eye flight, so the lights were dimmed to ensure that passengers could get some rest.
As she was walking back to the galley, she stepped on something squishy and realized that it was human feces smack dab in the middle of the aisle. Since it was during the sleeping portion of the flight, they had no idea who it was since almost everyone was asleep.
They suspected that it was a wealthy, elderly man who had a history of health issues, but no one ever confessed. They didn't have enough disinfectant, so they had to start pouring bottles of vodka and 151 rum to attempt to kill the bacteria all over the aisle.
My mom couldn't believe how lucky she was because she said that one would expect something like that to happen in coach and not first class. The whole rest of the ride reeked, and the first-class passengers complained about the staff for not handling the situation properly.
My mom said that they're attempting to find the mysterious first-class aisle pooper; this plot could perhaps be the next M. Night Schamalan thriller?
mitotarjones
45. Odd Encounters
I'm sure I'm late to this party, but here goes anyway. I was a flight attendant for several years for an airline that saved money by having the FAs "groom" the plane rather than outsourcing the job to another company, meaning that upon each landing, we had to clean out seat pockets, cross seatbelts and generally make the cabin look nice.
So there I was chatting with a fellow FA grooming away when I stuck my hand into a seat pocket without thoroughly checking it first... right into a huge pile of puke. Someone had forgone their airsickness bag in favor of barfing right in the seat pocket, and I jammed my hand in a cold puke puddle right up to the wrist.
Another time, I got the passenger manifest pre-flight, which tells you if there are babies or wheelchairs or unaccompanied minors or whatever. It said there was one infant on the flight, and it was named as 'Abcdee', which I assumed the booking agent had just put in because the kid hadn't been born at the time of the booking or something.
I go to brief the parents, and there's, like, a two-year-old goggling up at me. A two-year-old that the parents introduced as 'Absidee'.
Spelled Abcdee. Idiots.
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