There are probably many people who understand multiple languages, and sometimes, traveling is much easier as they can interact and socialize with several local people. However, it’s still inevitable for tourists to be talked badly about by the locals.
Sometimes, it depends on the situation and other times. people are just being rude. Imagine traveling to a different country and being too knowledgeable about their language when a local badmouths you without knowing that you understand them. What will you do?
1. Burning Tongue
I lived in France for a while and spoke French fluently. After I got married, my wife and I went there for a week of vacation. Standing on the subway, I was speaking to her (in English) about what stop we were getting off and what we'd be seeing.
I stopped for a moment and then overheard two boys right next to me, maybe 14-16 years old, talking about how funny it was when Americans got lost on the subway. No big deal. That's funny, too.
Then one of the little pricks looks at my wife and says, "Well, I hope he gets lost and leaves her behind because I'd like to sleep with her."
His friend laughed, and then I turned to them and said (in French), "That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you guys. So which one of you wants to get lost, and which one wants to sleep with me?"
A guy nearby just burst out laughing. The boys got a horrified look and went over to the other door. My wife asked me what happened, and I said that they told a dirty joke about you, and then I told them one about their mom.
Laughing Guy then covers for me and says in pretty good English, "It was a very funny joke, but it does not translate into English well."
diadmer
2. Taking Revenge
I once lived in Holland. One day, I was with a friend (who was also American) and a few Dutch teenagers. Our Dutch was relatively good, but we'd only been in the country a couple of months.
The kids were speaking really fast, and we were having a hard time understanding, but it was clear they were talking about us, and my friend was starting to get really frustrated.
He knew that speaking English wouldn't fool them because Dutch kids learn English from a very young age. So he started speaking to me like Boomhauer from King of the Hill, saying stuff like "thesedangkidsthinkthursogreatdurnkidswiththeircrazygelleduphair." They were all very confused and didn't understand a word of it.
[deleted]
3. Do Your Job
I'm white, and I speak Chinese. I moved into a place where the landlord and landlady were Chinese, and several things in the house needed replacing and fixing (walls painted, deck fixed, etc).
They didn't know I spoke Mandarin. The landlady came in the day after moving with the fix-it man, who was also Chinese but spoke not a word of English.
She showed him around the house and told him in Chinese what he should fix, but also what he should NOT fix. Like, "Let this be, that's not that important, this doesn't have to be done, etc." I followed them around at a hearing distance until she left.
Then as soon as she was gone, I went up to the guy and told him in Chinese that I didn't give a crap what she had said, and everything that she said not to do, I wanted to be done, and I wanted it done today. The guy was speechless, but I got my way. I don't often have a win, but that was definitely one.
bluebassy1306
4. Dumbest Accusation
So I speak Spanish. I'm very much "white-looking," and living in Mexico, I hear stuff like this all the time. People make jokes about me all the time and sigh in exasperation before coming to take my order at a restaurant.
But the story that stands out is that it actually happened in the US about eight months ago. One day, I was on the bus from Tacoma to Seattle, and I sat down next to this fairly cute Hispanic girl speaking on the phone.
She was sort of chattering along in Spanish about nothing too interesting, something about a court settlement for a car accident (perhaps the reason she was on the bus), and gossiping about family, so I sort of tuned her out and just settled in to read my book for the next half hour.
The conversation sort of reached a lull, and she got rather quiet. All of a sudden, she makes this sort of disgusted sound and says, "Mira, this pinche güero ha estado mirando mi pecho desde Tacoma." (This white boy has been staring at my chest since Tacoma).
This sort of took me by surprise, as I had had my nose buried in a book the entire ride. The awkwardness of the situation was such that I didn't really know what to do, and thus elected to do nothing, just continued reading my book.
She sort of went on chatting, every so often saying something like "Sí! Sigue esta haciendolo!" (Yes! He's still doing it!) And "No sé! Que asco, no?" (Disgusting, right?). Anyway, after a while, she wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye.
She sort of folded her hands and looked around for a minute, clearly bored. She smiled at me and said in a friendly voice, "Hey... so what are you reading?"
I smiled and said, "Oh, this? It's called La Sombra del Viento"... yeah... it's a book written by a fantastic Spanish author named Carlos Ruiz Zafón.
Goyu
5. Not This Time, Folks
I speak and understand Russian. I was at one of those computer stores in the late '90s. Anyway, that was before Amazon and online retail, so that is where you went to get cheaper tech than you would get at Microcenter or Best Buy).
Anyhow, I was there roaming around, minding my own business. There was a disproportionate number of Russian-speaking vendors for some reason. Lots of Ukrainians as well.
As I approach a stand selling CPUs and motherboards, I see an elderly man trying to buy parts for his grandson's computer. He wasn't very knowledgeable and was saying stuff like, "He plays games, what's good for games..etc.".
These 2 Russian-speaking vendors realized this was an opportunity to swindle the guy and were telling themselves how they should just give them the cheapest motherboard, CPU, and smallest stick of memory for the price of faster and better components.
So they start rummaging around in their boxes, selecting this stuff. I approached the man and told him what was about to happen.
He probably thought at first I was a crook or something trying to trick him. Vendors heard me too but didn't say anything; they just gave me scared and dirty looks.
The old man noticed their reaction and just walked away. So did I. I was kind of scared these dudes were shady and would follow me to the car, so I made sure to mingle with the crowd and then quickly left.
gargantuan
6. Be Careful
I was in Paris on business, buying a subway ticket. A Russian couple with a young son was attempting to use the same style of red ticket box that I was (automated).
They were somewhat flustered because there was no Cyrillic language option, so they were just standing there ranting about how bad the French sucked.
I haven't heard a string of good cussing like that since I lived with my parents more than a decade ago and almost busted a gut laughing.
The father looks at his wife and says, "I think that блядь is laughing at us" (basically called me multiple names). Slapped on the native accent and told him I overheard what stop their hotel was at and that I would gladly find their room if I got drunk enough. The wife yelped. We're an angry people.
[deleted]
7. Multiple Languages
I speak English, French, and Greek fluently, so I can share two personal experiences. I remember one time I went on vacation to Montreal and asked for directions in English.
The taxi driver, a francophone, started saying, in French," how anglophones are stupid and should "Go back to Toronto." I responded in French that I was from Detroit, and he was surprised.
Another time, in Detroit, a man in Greek was helplessly asking everyone for directions in very bad English, and nobody would aid him. I heard him tell his wife in Greek how he needed to find the local hospital to visit his sick granddaughter, so, in Greek, I helped him reach his destination.
1hitwonderx
8. Lowkey Burning
My aunt had to listen to her rich roommates' parents yell at her in French on their way to dinner. Something along the lines of "How could you go to college with these stupid Americans? We are way better than these people. These are the people that should be serving us dinner."
This went on for a good long while, and when they got to the restaurant, it didn't stop. They were insulting anyone and everyone around them just for being 'poor' (middle class) and American.
Near the end of dinner, my aunt leaned toward the obnoxious mother and just pointed and said, "Can you pass the salt?" in French.
Their faces went white, and they apologized a thousand times. Meanwhile, their daughter was crapping herself laughing.
JadesterZ
9. Big Surprise
I worked at a summer camp last summer, and none of my kids (kids I was in charge of) knew that I spoke Spanish. About 5/30 of them also did.
One day, three 14-year-old girls were talking about me (in Spanish) and what they wanted to do to me. I jokingly said to them (in English), "You'd better not be talking about me." They took it as a joke, and everyone laughed it off.
Then, on the last day of camp, when we allowed them to ask us slightly more personal questions about ourselves, someone asked for a random fact that they didn't know.
I looked over to the three girls and calmly said, "I speak fluent Spanish. It's, in fact, my first language." I have never seen a more horrified look on someone's face.
no_more_pizza
10. Just Saying
My parents are Brazilian, so I grew up speaking Portuguese and English. In college, I met people who were also Brazilian but actually from there.
The difference is that I am not stopped for extra screening by the TSA but they are. So, I meet the Brazilians at a party, and they're all, "Oh nice to meet you, blah blah blah small talk."
Then they turned to each other, thinking I wasn't actually Brazilian and was just pulling some crap, and said, "This guy thinks he's Brazilian. Look at him, white, chubby, no accent at all, no way this guy Brazilian."
I replied in perfect Brazilian Portuguese dialect, "You know, when someone says they're Brazilian, it's not smart to start talking bad in their native tongue within earshot."
[deleted]
11. Call 911
This isn't my story, but I was there and ended up hearing what was spoken. My stepsister speaks both Spanish and English. We were in a very small, packed nail salon getting our nails done when a couple behind us started speaking in Spanish.
I had no clue what they were saying, but my stepsister had the "What the heck am I hearing?" look on her face. (She wasn't trying to listen in, but they were literally right behind us and speaking rather loudly.)
This went on for a few minutes, my stepsister's face getting more and more shocked. She had pulled out her phone and dialed 911 at one point, but she was speaking softly, and I couldn't hear her for sure over the Spanish-speaking duo.
A few more minutes passed when the female of this duo asked something to the male of the duo, to which he answered, "I dunno."
My stepsister answered in Spanish, and the looks on their face were priceless. The duo started begging for something in Spanish, my stepsister, when the cops walked in.
The duo was arrested, and when I finally got the chance to ask what the hell happened, my stepsister told me they were talking about how they robbed the local drugstore a few nights ago. It was big news in our little town at the time, as there were no leads or anything. It was extremely bizarre.
babyhugbears
12. The Spy
Not me, but when I was in middle school, this group of 3 or 4 kids in my class would always talk in Creole, and nobody else in the class had any idea what they were saying.
The teacher repeatedly asked them to stop since they could be saying something against the rules, but they just ignored her. This went on for weeks.
Then, one day, this guy comes in and sits in a chair in the corner of the room. Someone asks who he is, and he says he's just an assistant observing for the day. Eventually, the kids start talking in Creole again.
After a few minutes, the assistant guy comes over and sits down next to their desks, moves in on their little huddle, and goes, "Yes, stop talking about my guy part, and no, the cute teacher ain't gonna get yours."
Their eyes went huge. Then he goes, "And by the way, I'm your new English teacher, and you'll get detention. With me." They were dumbfounded.
FFandMMfan
13. Trying Too Hard
Back when I was in high school, we were forced to sell cookie dough to our American football team. I finished selling the required amount and walked with my friend while he finished his.
Some background: I speak three languages, English, Spanish, and Turkish, and I plan on taking Norwegian and Arabic next year at university.
We go up to this one house, and a man comes out; he goes through the spiel, and part of the way through, the man starts screaming, "No, speak English. I'm Hispanic."
Not despite the fact that he was clearly Middle Eastern/southern European, I asked him if he wanted to buy anything in Spanish.
Then he switched over to Turkish, and I asked the same thing. After that, he just looked at me and said in clear English, "Screw you," before slamming the door in our faces.
[deleted]
14. Back Off, Miss
I'm a black guy living in a largely black neighborhood in a major metropolitan area in the U.S., and people who didn't know the area would think it was pretty bad.
One day, my sister sent me to the Asian-owned beauty supply store to buy her a comb and hair spray. I walk into the store, and the owner doesn't even make eye contact.
She proceeds to speak with her husband in Chinese while the other patrons peruse the store. Little does she know that I minored in Chinese at a pretty good school, spent years in Shanghai, and am very fluent in the language.
As I walk, I hear what roughly translates to "I wish these guys would hurry up and leave the store." I go off. They were jerks.
In English, of course, and tell them that they shouldn't be in this neighborhood if they don't like black people. The other patrons weren't as nice. I know this isn't haha funny, but it was some good justice.
[deleted]
15. The Big Guy
Well, I speak Spanish and English. I'm also a 6'5 black guy who towers over a lot of people and is pretty fit. I was working in a Spanish neighborhood.
When I asked for directions to some place, I heard a couple of guys call me a "stupid black." Obviously, they didn't believe that I could speak Spanish.
When I turned and said, "You shouldn't say things like that. You don't know who's going to overreact and crush your tiny skull." All the while, I was crushing my coke can. They dispersed quickly after that.
YesIUseJarvan
16. Worst Plan
After college, my white, very dorky-looking friend spent about six years in Japan and became fluent. She married a Japanese girl, brought her back to the States, etc. He and I swing by a yogurt place after going to a hockey game.
We're standing in line with our cups behind two Japanese guys when my friend starts getting quiet and listening to them laugh and talk quietly.
He then told me to hold his yogurt cup, and he walked over to the girl who'd walked in with the two guys. She was sitting quietly, looking at her phone, at a table behind us.
I see my friend start talking to her in Japanese; her eyes get huge, and she freaks out. The guys have noticed by now, and long story short, I became the referee in a soon-to-be fight between 4 people yelling in Japanese at each other.
The girl is crying and leaves; one guy pushes my friend but ends up leaving after the girl and when the manager comes out. I just looked at my friend like, "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"
The one guy was apparently her boyfriend and was talking to the other guy about cheating on the girl. She was an idiot, he was going to dump her, etc. My friend just felt sorry for her and told her what a jerk she was with.
[deleted]
17. Told Ya
When I was young (19 years old), I used to be the manager at a thrift store where 80% of the clientele were strictly Spanish-speaking.
Being the manager, I was also the only one at the register. This one time, I acquired a line and had to have someone help me get it down.
The person I asked to help was quite irate because the customer had left her section of the store in a very aesthetically unpleasing manner. When she got there to help, the customer at the time was one of the 20% (or so the employee thought) and was standing right in front of me.
The employee, being quite furious, said, "Pinche gringa me dejo un mudrero" (stupid girl left me a mess). I told her to quiet down because there was a possibility that she understood.
The employee then said, "pinche idiota no sabe nada." (stupid idiot doesn't know anything). After we were done, the customer said, "Entendi todo lo que dijiste" (I understood everything you just said).
The employee's face turned the most beautiful crimson red I have ever seen. And I laughed for a solid five minutes (no exaggeration). To this day, she never lives it down!!
pinchemira
18. Certainly Not On Sale
A girl and her mom come through my line with tennis shoes to buy. They ring up at regular prices. She asks, in English, "They aren't on sale?"
I say no in my friendliest cashier voice because of customer service rules. The girl turns to her mom and says, in French, "This witch charged me too much."
I responded, in English, because 'Murica, "It's rude to talk about people and call them names. If you asked politely, I might have asked to give you a discount, but since I'm such a witch, I have reconsidered." GET OUT OF MY STORE!
boogerfacebutt123
19. Got Her Good
I speak Spanish and English but look Middle Eastern. Went to Del Taco, and my credit card got declined because the bank had sent me a new one.
The lady hands me my card back, and at that point, I tell her that I'm going to call my bank. She then turns to the cook and tells him, "Este pinche guey no tiene dinero." Basically, she said, "This freaking idiot doesn't have any money."
I turned around and told her in Spanish that she needs to be really careful about what she says around people because although they might not look at it, they probably speak or understand Spanish. Got two free tacos and some nachos! Haha.
Golden3y3
20. Stop Assuming
As a regular-looking black dude in Florida, no one assumes I speak Spanish. Which I'm fluent in. The couple hits my parked car, so I tell them to let's swap driver's license and insurance info until the cops come.
Husband tells wife in Spanish: "Don't show him your license or insurance. You know how they are - he probably has no insurance e and an expired license!"
The look on his face when I replied, "All my automobile papers are up to date," was priceless, but the wife was even better.
She jumped in front of him, in between us, trying to avert what she thought would be her husband's beatdown. I couldn't do anything but laugh.
DJulz
21. Not My Jacket
Six years ago, I had just moved to a new city, and my parents took me to a party that the community was having. So I went there and just sat and did nothing since I didn't know anyone.
But two girls that were at the table beside me started talking in Persian about me. Now, usually, they would know not to, but I don't look like the typical Middle Eastern.
I have white skin and blonde hair. So they thought I was a friend of somebody. They weren't saying anything harmful, just "Who is he, and what is he doing here? Who invited him?"
I just turned and said, "Did you know I speak Persian?" They just turned pale. Two minutes later, they started talking in Russian.
And I hate to break it to you, but this time they were terribly mouthing, "Oh big deal, you can speak Persian, you and your ugly jacket," I turned again and said in better Russian than them, "OK, I speak six languages so stop trying to piss me off.” They were quiet the whole night.
aventador670
22. Too Many Comments
Worked in retail for a while, and I have an intermediate understanding of Spanish (High school plus two college courses). One day, this family (Parents and two boys) came into our store and began looking around.
The parents were fine, as was the younger boy, but the older one was a real jerk, not putting things back where they were meant to be and talking bad about our products in Spanish, figuring no one could understand him.
They left without buying anything, but the kids came back later to sit in some of the chairs again. He starts complaining again. I go over it and just say, in Spanish, "That's a really nice chair, huh?"
The look on his face was priceless, and his little brother burst out laughing and teasing him for being an idiot. I’ll never forget that encounter.
[deleted]
23. Worst Response
My dad is a really cute old man who loves to impress my sister and me with his Spanish whenever my family goes out to eat by saying "Gracias" to the waiters who are of Hispanic descent.
Usually, they laugh and commend my dad for his efforts, which makes his old heart beam with pride. But one day at the Asian supermarket, my dad said "Muchas gracias" to these workers who were bagging our groceries.
They smirked and then turned to each other, saying, "Look at that retarded, freaking Chinese man trying to talk to us." First off, we're Korean.
Second off, NEVER EVER speak to my dad that way. Little did they know I had taken ten years of Spanish and spent a summer in Belize.
I immediately shouted back at them in Spanish, "You guys are idiots thinking I can't understand you! Don't disrespect someone like that, especially when they're just saying thank you. Pray tonight and sleep with one eye open because you won't have this job by tomorrow."
Their eyes opened wide in horror as they realized I heard what they said. I complained to the boss of the supermarket, who happened to be our family friend, and they were fired the next day.
As much as I feel bad that they lost their job, I never want to hear anyone talk about my dad or anyone, in fact, in such a rude manner.
[deleted]
24. Help Gone Wrong
When I was about 15, I went to a very fancy French place for my current boyfriend's birthday (I had recently started working a decently paying job and decided to splurge a bit, seeing as he was always amazing to me).
Anyway, I had to go back to the parking lot, as I had dropped my wallet. It was, thankfully, still there, and as I was heading back into the restaurant, I held the door open for a very portly old man.
He seemed rather miffed at this for some reason and didn't say thank you. He walked up to the maître d' and offhandedly remarked in French, "I don't need any 13-year-old little prick to hold a door open for me!"
I very quietly replied, "I'm actually 15" in French. The look on the guy's face was absolutely priceless. The maître d' was visibly holding back raucous laughter. He gave me a thumbs-up after the guy had walked off.
Ryonez_17
25. Badly Mistaken
I was in Vienna a few years ago, waiting for a friend to pick me up. I sat down on a bench next to a beautiful woman who was reading a book.
As I sat down, she looked up at me. We made eye contact, and I gave her a friendly smile. She didn't return the smile but instead returned to her book.
A few minutes later, she received a phone call on her cell. I was taken aback when she started speaking Afrikaans on the phone - clearly a South African just like me.
The conversation was rather boring, and she was clearly also waiting for a friend as she said, "Hurry up, there's a creepy guy here wanting to pick me up."
My friend arrived, and as I stood up, I turned to her and said in Afrikaans, "Don't flatter yourself. You're not as beautiful as you think you are."
She looked at me in a puzzled manner as I was walking - nay strutting - away and shouted out to me, "I wasn't talking about you; I was talking about that guy," and pointed to a dodgy-looking man hovering not too far away from her and added, "But, I would've give YOU my number. Not anymore".
lovethebacon
26. I’m A Local
So I spent about a year in Jamaica doing some work to help the locals, and I picked up some Jamaican Patois/Jamaican English.
I never knew enough of the language to speak it myself, but I ended up being able to understand most of the language when spoken normally. It's English-based, so you can pick it up when you get used to it.
Now, I'm as white as white can be. About 6'1'', 200lbs, muscular, light brown hair, Irish. I stick out among a bunch of thin Jamaican rastas.
There are about two ways you can dress down there. You can dress and act like a tourist, which is common. Then, you can dress and act like a mission worker/humanist/charity worker.
There was one time I decided to walk to a new small town and see the locals. I dressed about as American as I could be. Walked into town and tried to talk to locals with my American voice.
This one group of guys started talking to themselves while I feigned a conversation with an older fellow. I was asking to have a meal with the older guy.
They were talking about getting me high and seeing how I would react. They wanted to sneak something into something and offer it to me just to see how a "typical American would react."
Went on and on about how they were going to lace it. I couldn't follow exactly what they were planning, as I didn't understand fully, plus I was trying to hold a second conversation.
Finally, I finish my conversation, turn to them, and say in my best Patois voice, "Nah, just gimme that normal one, I'm too tired for that crap." They went dead silent. Then they burst out laughing.
[deleted]
27. Double Strike
On a trip to Japan once, I was on the Yamanote-sen going home after a long day. I am 6'0, 220 lbs, and pretty white looking, but half Japanese.
It was around rush hour, and I saw two younger guys looking up at me from their seats, kinda snickering, which is uncommon (from what I've experienced), and it caught my attention immediately.
We go by a stop, and I courteously move out of the way for a couple of girls to get off the train (also uncommon), and they look and snicker at me again.
At this point, I can tell they're making fun, and so I hear one say to the other (rough translation), "This dumb foreigner must be lost." And they have another laugh.
The next stop comes up, and one of them goes to get up from the seat. Instead of moving back for him to get off, I step into him, let the people behind me go, and lock him into his seat.
He asks in broken English for me to move, but I answer with, "Que? Lo siento. No habla ingles."(sorry, I don't speak English) and then ask him in perfect Japanese what time it was as politely as possible.
The look of shock was priceless. I got off at the next stop in Ikebukuro and watched him sprint down the stairs to the other platform to get to the next train.
four09
28. You Asked For It
Heard some witches in a bathroom discussing in detail my supposed personal hygiene, like how "those people" don't even wipe, etc, as I was meticulously washing my hands.
I let it go on till one girl says, "Careful, she might understand Arabic." The main witch goes, "No way a dummy would know something that's not her native language."
Without even turning around or looking at them, I dry my hands, say, "You sure?" in Arabic, and walk off, savoring the looks of disbelief in the mirror.
Itsrane
29. Full of Badmouthing
My sister was working in a store, and this French woman and her mother came in. The mother is absolutely trashing everything. “Look at this cheap stuff, how can they get away with selling it," "typical American trash," "I would never bring this back..." blah blah blah.
My sister, who is fluent in French, hears this but thinks nothing of it since the stuff in the store was pretty trashy. Then, Mama Francais decided to start trashing my sister, saying all types of terrible, mean things she wouldn't repeat to me.
When they got to the counter, my sister rang them up completely in French after asking them how they were doing and if that would be all (all in French).
The daughter, who sounded like she was in her 20s, asked my sister how long she had been studying French, and she replied, "Quinze ans" or whatever it is that means 15 years.
The mother ran out of the store, crying in embarrassment, and the daughter kept on trying to console her. My sister kept on a grin and never stopped speaking French.
MoreSteakLessFanta
30. Stop Talking Trash
Not me, but my boyfriend is Cuban but looks like a gringo (read: white skin, red beard, pale hair), and he and his best friend had been backpacking in Spain.
They got on an elevator in a hotel at their next stop and were chatting with each other in English. These women who got on kind of turned up their noses at them and then started going on and on in Spanish about stupid American tourists.
So my boyfriend looked at them and, in perfect Spanish, said something along the lines of "Excuse me, but do you have some sort of problem with me?"
He said the woman was so embarrassed that he spoke Spanish that she couldn't even look him in the eye and got off on the next floor.
corcar86
31. Well Played
My cousin had something weird happen to him in France. He and a friend were backpacking across Europe or something, and they were in Paris.
While taking in the sights around the Champs-Élysées in Paris, they were talking in English, and these chicks started talking about them in French, about how they had nice backs but were probably freaking jerks like most Americans.
More remarks were made, and they were pretty much all offensive in some way. Well, living in Quebec, my cousin and his friend speak fluent French and can understand everything, barring some of the Parisian slang.
So my cousin turns to his friend and, in French, says, "That chick's hot as heck, but she seems like a total witch." He told me that the girls were immediately offended and gave them some filthy looks until it seemingly clicked what he had just said. To quote him, "It was like deer in the headlights, eh?"
Arandmoor
32. Unlucky Day
I used to help with exchange students coming in from Japan. We'd pick them up at the airport, take them shopping to get some essentials (shampoo, bedsheets, etc), and then get them settled into their dorms.
Doing this for a few years, alongside taking several years of Japanese at the university, meant I knew enough to know some of the dirty stuff.
Anyway, I remember these two guys that came one semester. They were friendly enough when talking in English, but they got pretty filthy when they spoke to each other in Japanese.
I got treated to a very awkward discussion they had on my front part. I tried not to give away that I knew what they were saying.
But my Japanese friend who came along to help decided to be a brat and started talking to me in Japanese. The looks on those two boys' faces when I responded in Japanese said it all: "... crap."
icecherry
33. Drive Thru Nightmare
I work at a coffee shop, and I was in the drive-through taking orders. A French family drove through and ordered their lattes and such.
I handled their order the same way I handled all orders. I'm always very friendly and outgoing to customers. Anyways, as the mom drives away from the speaker box, she tells her family in French that I was a jerk, obviously thinking I didn't speak French.
So I make her drinks decaf due to the remarks, and when she drives up to the window, I'm standing there with her drinks and a big smile on my face. When she gets within speaking range, I say very charismatically.
"Bonjour, Madame! Ça va?! She looks at me, completely shocked and embarrassed, and replies, "Comme ci comme ça," and that's the last thing anyone in the car said to me when I completed the order.
FossilFinder
34. The Customer
It happens to me all the time. I speak three languages fluently and can get by in 2 more. It is also difficult to guess where I come from. Once, while living abroad, I took an all-inclusive trip from another country to my home country.
I was walking with a group of tourists in some market, and some pushy seller was trying to sell me something and talking to me in English or some other European language (French or German, maybe).
As I declined to buy his thing, he got pissed and threw a slur at me in the local language (my mother tongue). That's when I turned around and garbed his upper arm and said in our language, "Don't you freaking say that again." Then I saw that he melted in fear and surprise. But he was apologetic immediately.
bribnous
35. Not A Cow
I was shopping once, leaning over into the dairy case, when I heard this dude say (in Spanish) to his buddy, "Aren't you going to get some milk?" His buddy replied, "Yeah when this freaking cow gets out of my way."
I whirled around, stuck my finger in his face, and angrily spat in Spanish, "Watch your mouth! You never know who will understand you!"
The guy was floored. He apologized about ten times, and I continued to look angry even though I found the whole thing very funny. I mean, in his defense, I was totally in his way, about 100 pounds heavier than I am now.
MrsHorrible
36. The Color
I am a white, blond-haired, blue-eyed girl. I was traveling through Dushanbe, Tajikistan, with my partner, where the official spoken language is Farsi.
We were walking through a market in mid-afternoon and looking at dried fruits and an assortment of nuts. One of the older women was at the dried fruits stand with her young daughter when we approached.
Before either my partner or I had a chance to speak to the women in Farsi, they were already talking about us. They said something along the lines of "These two stick out like sore thumbs. I knew Americans were white, but I didn't know they looked dead!"
Then, they laughed jokingly at each other. My partner and I looked at each other, knowing exactly what the women were saying about us.
We calmly responded in Farsi with, "The sun is much hotter here. Perhaps we will gain some color." I waited a few seconds while the women were stunned and went silent, then ended by saying "boo." And walked away to a new vendor to buy our dried fruits.
[deleted]
37. Just Asking
So, about half a year after I moved from Croatia to NYC, I found myself in one of those big midtown skyscrapers with thousands of entrances and exits. Also, it's a bit relevant for this story that I'm a huge, burly 6'4" gay guy, though I do look a bit gay.
I remember that day I was wearing a pea coat and a circle scarf. You get what I'm saying. So, somehow, I got confused in the building and didn't know which way to go to get to the subway stop.
So I see these two older, scruffy-looking 50-year-old doormen hanging out casually at a desk. I walked over to them to ask for directions, but I guess that, since I was still new to the States, I took a second or two to formulate the sentence in my head before asking it.
In that short pause, one of the guys turns to the other and says, in perfect Croatian, "I wonder what this freaking jerk wants now."
Of course, my instant response was in equally fluent Croatian while looking him straight in the eyes: "Well, I WANT to know where the uptown one is. What I ALSO want is for you to (insert slurs)."
They just kinda stood there, their jaws dropped, and one of them meekly pointed in the direction of the subway. I adjusted my scarf and went on my way gracefully.
The-Rural-Juror
38. Deserved Shame
We were on a train from Budapest to Zagreb to meet his family, and two Bosnians were in the cart with us. I was largely asleep and ignoring them, although I could tell they were talking about us because I heard them mention "Americans."
When I woke up, I was speaking English to my boyfriend and was really nervous. I really gave them no more thought but later noticed my boyfriend was really amused.
We spent the time discussing what we would do in Croatia and how to act around his family and friends. (Clear indicator he was Croatian)
A conductor came to see our passports. Upon seeing the bf's Croatian passport, he asked if he could accompany him through the train to translate for those who couldn't speak Croatian.
Obviously, he asked in Croatian, and my boyfriend responded perfectly in Croatian and walked out. The girls exchange horrified looks and stay silent the rest of the way.
When we got off the train, he started laughing hysterically and asked if I realized what happened. I said vaguely--what were they saying about us?
Apparently, they were making fun of English speakers, saying that we were insanely ignorant and naive to always assume everyone speaks English.
In general, we're not as intelligent as those who could speak other languages. Although they clearly couldn't speak English, or they would have known the bf was Croatian.
[deleted]
39. The Angry Karen
I live in a border town and got into a car accident with a girl from Mexico. I feel the need to mention I have very fair skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes, and I am a classic white person, but I can understand Spanish.
The girl was very upset even though the damage to her car was very slight, not even 100 bucks worth, and her car was still drivable. I had to be towed.
So, she's on the phone with her back to me, talking to her insurance agent and going on and on in Spanish about how "I was a dumb witch and hit her" and that I shouldn't be allowed to drive and "maybe I hit her because I couldn't see out of my ugly as heck sunglasses."
I guess the agent interrupted her and told her to ask to see my license because she stopped mid-rant and said, "Wait, you need me to ask this white witch for her license? She probably doesn't even know what that is, let alone have one."
I was standing there, wallet in hand, and had it out before she could turn around. When she whipped about and saw me standing there with it ready, she realized that I had understood everything she said. Her face was priceless.
MamaXerxes
40. You Won’t Make Me Move
Just happened the other day. I'm going to a university in Spain for a summer program (Spanish language courses. I'm American, but with brown hair and brown eyes, I can pass for Spanish if I keep my mouth shut), and I have an hour-long break between classes.
I usually spend the break using the internet in one of the lovely courtyards the school has. Normally, this courtyard is empty, so I can access the internet in peace.
But today, these two Spanish girls are sitting on one of the other benches gossiping loudly in Spanish when I arrive. (They're part of a different program for Spanish University students, so they're new at the university, too.)
They give me the stink eye, obviously wanting me to leave, which I ignore, and I sit down on the bench opposite them. I was all set to ignore them and blissfully Reddit the hour away. I couldn't understand a lot of what they were saying anyway, and I really didn't care.
So here's when they made the mistake of switching to English to continue their conversation. Gave me the most disdainful glare I've gotten in a while and started babbling away in English.
They were just gossiping about a friend/acquaintance of theirs, but I had a really hard time not bursting out laughing at them.
They had the most ridiculous accents imaginable, and they were SO smug about talking, so I wouldn't understand them. TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T SEE MY LAPTOP FULL OF REDDIT POSTS ALL IN ENGLISH.
NeonHazard
41. Same Offense
I spoke relatively fluent French and was skiing on a family holiday there. I had to go with another family on a chairlift because I'm in a family of 5, and it was only a four-man lift.
So I get on the lift, and the family sits quietly for a bit, and then the kid (about 12) looks at me and says to his Dad, "He looks stupid, doesn't he?" I pretended to be oblivious until Dad said, "Yes, freaking English, think they're better than everyone. Idiots."
So I turn round and say in French, "If we're idiots, how can I understand every word you say? Also, I may look stupid, but I can ski properly, unlike you froggies. Do you know why we think we're better than everyone? Because we are. Certainly, people like you."
In retrospect, the last bit was a bit jerky, but I was fuming. They were stunned. The Dad swore under his breath and then sat in silence for the rest of the lift.
[deleted]
42. Stop Messing Around
I'm Thai. This happened during high school, back when I was still in Chiang Mai. I was at the Walking Street Market with my German friend from school, looking for a birthday gift for his now-girlfriend.
Being a 5'6" Thai girl next to a 6'2" German guy, we got a lot of dirty looks. Nothing actually occurred until we stopped by this stall.
At the same stall, there were these two American backpackers looking for trinkets and such (Portlandian accent, just in case anyone's wondering. Probably on some self-enlightenment hipster backpacking crap trip or what).
One of them took notice of us and started gossiping. The other one responded, "Eh, no. I wouldn't sleep with some Thai witch."
I looked at my friend, who also overheard, and got hella uncomfortable. I figured he wasn't sure what to say, so I stormed up to the two instead and said, "Screw you. I'm from Houston. And just for your information, any worthwhile Thai chicks wouldn't make out the likes of you."
The two guys were stunned and tried to apologize. I said, "Save it," and pulled my friend along and went on our way.
assesundermonocles
43. Family Of Mockery
I am an American, but I also speak French. I was in Barcelona 3 weeks ago, sitting next to an American family, casually listening to their conversation (hard not to; they really are loud as heck).
I was speaking French with the waiter, and the family just assumed I didn't understand them. After a few minutes, they decided to direct their conversation towards me, commenting to themselves about my hair, tattoos, and the fact that I was writing in a journal.
The son even made a joke about me. I kept a straight face, pretending not to notice (I didn't want to be awkward). After a few minutes of discussion about my physical appearance, I glanced up and smiled, and the dad said, "BONJOUR! TU ES FRANCAIS??"
I just smiled and responded in English, stating that I was, in fact, American, just like them, and that they should never assume someone can't understand them.
The mom started stuttering, and within 5 minutes, they got up and left. It's not too exciting, but from my position, it was quite amusing, hah.
espressoempress
44. Poor Turtle
I speak fluent Chinese and volunteered to protect a threatened species, Hawai'ian Green Sea Turtles, on the North Shore of Oahu.
The turtles always sleep on that beach after they gorge on seaweed, so busloads of tourists frequent the spot. We'd put ropes around the turtles to stop people from doing dumb things to them and answer questions about the species and the area.
One day, a busload of Chinese tourists rolled up. I explained that the turtles are protected by law and can't be touched. Go into my turtle info spiel.
One little Chinese boy asks his mom: "Can I touch it?" His mom replies, "Yes, if he yells at you, just pretend you don't speak English." I watch him sprint over the rope and start slapping the turtle's shell.
The turtle, his name is Kahuna-Nui, lazily looks up, and I say, with desperation, "Ni zhen baoqian, ta chi xiao nan hai - Careful, he eats little boys!" The kid ran back to his mom crying, and I told her, "Zhu ni hao de fangjian - Have a nice vacation."
Daguerrotypewriter
45. The Bartender
I lived in Ecuador for a couple of years in late high school and picked up Spanish (enough to hold a decent conversation). Fast forward a few years, and I now live in San Antonio.
I got a job as a bartender at a Mexican restaurant. I didn't tell anyone that I spoke Spanish and went about my business. One day, a few of the female staff members were standing in front of me and discussing my situation in Spanish.
They were saying that they thought I was cute, and it quickly became very dirty. Just about that time, a different server asked for a drink, and I responded in Spanish but looked at them the whole time. They all turned bright red and ran away. Priceless.
JesusHog