Michael Hayne is a comedian/writer/voice artist/impressionist who's writing has been…
Already trailing democratic newcomer Beto O’Rourke by two points in the upcoming midterm elections, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) could use all the help from conservatives he can get. But instead, they’re ruthlessly giving him what he deserves.
Conservative New York Times columnist Brett Stephens didn’t hold back any punches in his massive takedown of the unctuous Republican senator, calling the former GOP presidential candidate and one time Trump opponent a “a serpent covered in Vaseline.” (Our sincere apologies to serpents.)
Stephens, one of many traditional Republicans (or Republican Classic) who has vigorously opposed Trump and his toxic brand, let his feelings be known in a recent opinion column.
He’s like a serpent covered in Vaseline,” Stephens explained. “Because he treats the American people like two-bit suckers in 10-gallon hats. Because he sucks up to the guy who insulted his wife — by retweet, no less,” he continued, referring to Cruz’s support of Trump following the president’s tweet comparing Cruz’s wife’s appearance to Melania Trump‘s. Because of his phony piety and even phonier principles,” Stephens said. Because his ethics are purely situational. Because he makes Donald Trump look like a human being by comparison.
Stephens even cited how much members of Congress hate him, as well as illustrating the depths he would sink to win reelection in a most colorful fashion.
Because his fellow politicians detest him, and that’s just among Republicans,” he said. “Because he never got over being the smartest kid in eighth grade. Because he’s the type of man who would sell his family into slavery if that’s what it took to get elected,” Stephens, who has aligned himself with “never-Trump” conservatives since the beginning of Trump’s presidential campaign, added. “And that he would use said slavery as a sob story to get himself reelected.”
Despite his Republican leanings, the fiery conservative columnist for the NY Times expressed admiration and support for Cruz’s Democratic opponent, saying he likes “the idea that Texas can turn a bit purple if you have a candidate with energy, wit, and a human touch.”
If a human is what you’re looking for, then Ted Cruz is not in your galaxy. Polls continue to show Beto O’ Rourke leading Cruz by narrow margins, which spells disaster for a party that’s cowardly kowtowed to a deranged and dictatorial president.
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Michael Hayne is a comedian/writer/voice artist/impressionist who's writing has been featured in Salon, Alternet, Elite Daily, and more. His comedy has been featured on the Huffington Post and Funny or Die. Michael's infinite amount of political and celebrity impressions featured on SiriusXM and podcasts, have him known as "The Impressions Guy." Be sure to check out his podcast the Impressions Guy and an upcoming stand-up comedy appearance on Amazon Prime next. To see what Michael is up to--or to get a glimpse inside the mind of a crazy person — Check him out on impressionsguy.com.