Confessions: People Share Their “Worst Behavior” Inside The Workplace

Many people look for a job that will either make them happy or allow them to survive. Regardless, there would always be the silly and crazy side of those employees that they could not hide.

These people from the Reddit Community shared their craziest and dumbest behaviors inside their workplace. You might want to check these out!

1. Free Dump

I was working on a building site during the initial strip-out phase and needed to use the toilet. I went for a crap, hit the flush, and returned to the site office only to hear yelling from downstairs.

The plumber we'd contracted was standing in a puddle holding the soil pipe he was disconnecting and had poop on him and the floor.

No one had thought to put up a sign not to use the mains toilets. So basically, crapped on the plumber at work. Oops, I was so sorry.

grimrox

One of my roommates told me this story. He was working at the parking garage in Universal Studios Florida during the peak of summer.

At the start of the day, he got bored with his coworkers and decided to marshall every white-colored car to the third floor of the garage.  

By the end of the afternoon, the entire third floor was a sea of white cars. The next shift was pissed as heck because they had to work extra hours since people were having a hard time finding their cars.

peelandeatbananas

When I was a teenager working as a meat packer, I discovered that the meat I was sending to the conveyor belt, pieces of metal that were glistening, caught my eye.

After closer inspection, I noticed larger bits, through about 150kg of meat of various cuts, all coming along the line at a fast rate.

I hit the emergency stop on the packer. There was a major problem: this meat was being taken directly to the sales floor. Apparently, the butchers didn't see it that way.

After a fairly heated discussion/inspection, it was quite obvious the guard of the band saw had migrated and was shearing off portions of teeth. There were almost full 6mm shards of tooth through a whole heap of meat, packaged and ready to be.

I was expecting a manager to get called in, everything inevitably getting dumped (as the pieces of metal ranged from large to specks), and us to have to play catch up all day.

No. The butchers wanted to go home (as they had been cutting since 4 am), ordering us to remove it all by hand. We had to take hundreds of packs off the shelf, unwrapping each and inspecting them meticulously, though no one could have removed it all.

I shudder to think what would have happened if someone had swallowed one of those teeth. I still feel guilty I didn't alert a manager, but the butchers were all gassed out of their minds and would threaten you with a wave of their knife if you questioned anything. I was young and stupid.

So many fond memories. Like, did you know if you accidentally sent a bag of meat through the mincer still in the plastic bag? Apparently, it is cool to just mince it on a finer grind so the customer doesn't notice.

erehgafsua

I currently work in a large corporate office, and when I first started several years ago, I didn't know the layout of the building (i.e., the locations of alternate facilities). I had only ever used one restroom during the first few weeks of training.

My wife and I had a big Mexican dinner at a local restaurant the night before. I had to go. Badly. I excused myself from the training room and scuttled my way to the bathroom.

As I approached, and to my horror, I found it was being cleaned and had the "Do Not Enter" sign out. At this point, it was everything I could do to keep from crapping my pants.

I knew the general location of another restroom, about 200 yards away, so I headed in that direction, walking like what I can only imagine looked like a father penguin carrying an egg on its feet.

When I finally approached, I was sweating through my shirt and had blurry vision. I pushed the door open, found I had an empty restroom all to myself, and made my way to the middle stall and let loose the dogs of war. This was easily one of the top 3 craps of my life.

As I'm sitting there gathering my thoughts, I hear the main door open and, to my surprise, hear several feminine voices chatting about something or another. I wondered what the hell women were doing in the men's room........OMFG!!

Yep, I was in the ladies room. I can honestly say I've never been so terrified in my life. I thought that if I got caught, I would get fired for perving out in the girl's bathroom.

I tried to collect myself and cleaned up, putting my feet up so they didn't get suspicious. I had to wait for 20 minutes for an opportunity to escape undetected. I finally did, and I NEVER told anyone this story.

jonnyavocados

I was working at an extremely busy gas station with a line out the door. The woman came in, going right to the front, asking for directions.

I said I would be glad to help her, but let me get through these paying customers first. (I was the only one there, and this was before Google Maps).

Well, she would not stop yelling about it and interrupting. So, finally, I asked where she was going. She said the name of a mall that was literally down the street.

I gave her directions to another mall 20 minutes away. All the customers watched and listened to me give these wrong directions.

When she was in her car driving away, the ten or so customers I had in the store gave me a resounding applause. Well, that was very fulfilling.

elmatador12

I actually feel bad for this. When I was between 14 and 16 years old, I worked at a supermarket. Started as a bagger, then got to be a cashier, then moved up to porter/stock boy.

When I started being a stock boy, one of the things I would stock was the cigarette shelf. This was the early/mid-90s, so the shelves were easily accessible to everyone and constantly being filled.

When I would stock the shelves, I would leave a carton or 2 in the big bulk boxes I was taking them out of. Then, at the end of the night, I would bring the cartons I didn't stick out to my bike (or car when I got older).

I would bring the cartons to school and sell them for about $20 a pop. Wound up making a cool extra $100 a week or so by doing this, which is huge for a young teenager in the mid-90s.

Years later, looking back on it from my 30s, I feel bad about it. I wasn't stealing from a big corporation. I was stealing from a guy with a family and kids who ran a small business. On top of it, he was a really great guy. Hindsight...

fah_cue

I worked at a coffee shop and was used to rude customers, but this one guy took the cake seriously. He deserves what he got.

This man placed his order at the speaker, asking for a macchiato. I ask if he means a caramel macchiato, and he says no. So I give him his total.

Eventually, he gets to the window, pays, and I hand him his drink, where he proceeds to completely lose his mind. He tells me that this is NOT the drink he ordered and that I'm a complete idiot, etc.

Come to find out, he ACTUALLY wanted the Caramel macchiato. This happens often, so I told him we wouldn't charge him the extra money and I'd have it rushed out.

This isn't good enough for him. He grumbles about deserving to get his money back AND the new drink...but I politely excuse myself from the window until the drink is made.

My barista finished the drink, and I handed it to him. He grabs it from me and drives forward. But he's not done yet. I'm talking with the next customer when this guy stops his car, gets out, and walks in between her car and my window.

He leans in the store and hollers that this STILL isn't his drink; he wanted it iced. I ask him to come into the front of the store since I can't serve him like this, but no...he'd rather stand in front of this lady.

My coffee shop had a policy where we COULD NOT say no to a customer. I asked my barista to make the caramel macchiato again, but iced and as fast as freaking possible.

I had gone hide from this man again, but he began yelling, so I came back. Now he's saying that he ordered and paid for a Cream cheese muffin.

I asked to see his receipt so I could show him that he hadn't paid for one and that we had been out of cream cheese muffins all morning.

But he refused to show me his receipt. I'm trying to reprint the previous order, but he's yelling, and my manager has made it clear that she's not going to help at all. So I said, "Screw it," and went to the pastry case and grabbed whatever kind of muffin we had.

Just as my barista hands the new latte to the crazy man, I hurl the muffin through the window and hit him in the chest. It gets muffin all over his shirt and says, "I'll Comp it for you!"

I was actually shocked when he quietly took the muffin and his now 3rd drink and walked back to his car. The lady, who had been sitting stunned in her car the whole time, actually said "Well done." to me.

Tee-Chou

When I got my first summer job, I had a hardass manager who pointed out every minor detail about how the job should be done, and he did this repeatedly over the course of an entire summer, just drilling it into my head.

Well, for some reason, they liked me and wanted me to come back the following summer. And that manager didn't work there anymore, and the other summer workers were completely new. I was the only one who had been there before.

So, I actually positioned myself as the manager and ran operations for the entire summer, being just as picky as the previous manager.

The funny story is that the regular staff (the ones that were there year-round) didn't mind that I did this, and they came to me and said: "This guy isn't doing anything. Can you go and tell him to do his work?" I didn't even have to say anything; I just walked over there, and he started working when I was around.

They all flipped at the end of the summer when I revealed that I was just one amongst them and that I didn't ever have any authority over them.

And I had been sending people home when they disappointed me, saying that I was going to dock their pay and stuff like that, which, of course, I couldn't do.

[deleted]

The worst thing I ever did, ever in my life, was when I worked at a cafe. I was running out of orders and bussing tables, and I was just learning how to hold the tray properly with my left hand.

So I got an order: one cappuccino and one strawberry milkshake for a mother and her little girl. 

As I got to their table, I put the coffee in front of the woman, then unbalanced the tray and accidentally spilled the milkshake all over this seven-year-old kid.

It was her birthday, and they were her new clothes and shoes. Man, even her feet were just swimming in the milkshake. Horrifying.

roastbeefandtoast

Not my workplace. I was 8-9, and we didn't have internet, so I came over to my mum's work to play flash games and stuff. What a cool idea, right?

My mum worked as a secretary, and her office had two computers, one inside her secretary's place and another in a separate conference room kind of place.

Her office PC had an F keyboard, so I hated it, which got me to the conference room PC. I play some games, and the PC crashes at some point.

Computer-savvy kid, I think restarting it will probably fix it. As I shut it down, the entire floor got an awful lot noisy. Later, I found out. That PC was the server, So I crashed and restarted a freaking server.

moonphoenix

My first job was as a dishwasher at a small cafe. One morning, a huge container of glop was sitting in my work area. I worked around it and cleaned and dried everything I could. An hour went by. I ignored the thing for as long as I could. Finally, I had to deal with it, so I scraped all the grey mush into the sink and scoured and polished the stupid thing.

Only then did the owner bustle in and say, "Where's the soup?" I was embarrassed, the owner was mad, and there was no soup du jour, but nobody tried storing food in the "To be Washed" section ever again.

hpotter29

I had to finish off two fish with my bare hands. I work with a science communication/outreach group, and we had a massive biodiversity display at our stand.

This was a major country-wide event. We had some fish on display, and by the third day, they were bobbing on their side. Cooling down their water and changing it made a slight difference.

So, to spare their suffering and the worried questions of children, my supervisor made me go out back to finish them off. Gosh, why me?  

I didn't want to smack 'em off a wall cause there were loads of kids around, so I had to kneel in a corner, like a weirdo, and snap their necks. I smelled like fish and crime the whole day.

brendybob

When I was younger, I worked at a home for deaf people with severe autism. There were five residents, and one of them was completely deaf and blind. Coupled with his autism, he didn't have a lot of pleasures in life other than wearing comfortable hats and necklaces.

One of the workers there decided on a whim that it would be a good idea to buy him a very expensive stereo set with a top-of-the-line headset.

There were attempts to get him to use it with the idea that he might like the feeling of the bass on his eardrums, but he never took a liking to it, and so it sat in his room year after year.

I came back summer after summer, and every time I went into his room, I just saw it lying there collecting dust. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, I took the headset home with me.

No one ever noticed or cared, but that doesn't change the fact that I stole from a blind, deaf, autistic man with epilepsy and, at the time, a broken jaw.

Gilsworth

I worked as a bellboy in a pretty big hotel. Had to take the luggage down from the presidential suite and help with the checkout. There are only 3 Keys for the Suite (you need them to unblock the elevator and open the main door).

Half an hour after the guests checked out, the reception manager asked me if I still had one of the keys. I refused because I returned my key directly after I came back. I even checked my pockets again, but there was no key.

My manager then decided to call the guests and ask them about the key, even threatening them that they had to pay for it. Five minutes later, I'm having a cigarette break.

And guess what? What do I find under my cigs? A freaking spare key to the suite. Must have taken it unconsciously. And my manager has already called the guests.

She would have berated me. So I never gave back the key. I just kept it and have it at home as a souvenir. It wasn´t worth the trouble, though.

Buetti

I'm a server, and I had this table full of really mean women. They talked down to me the entire time and basically treated me as subhuman.

One of them wanted their food in a box, and while I was talking really bad about them in the back, I accidentally threw her food out.

After the other server walked away, I scooped her sandwich out of the trash, put it in a to-go container, and brought it back out to her.

DJStrongThenKill

I worked at a vegetarian restaurant in college. There were vegan options upon request. A couple of times, I would get a vegan customer who would be rude or mean.

If that happened, I just wouldn't mark that the meal needed to be vegan. I mean, why not? Then they’ll say, "This is the best dish I've ever had here!"

Well, yeah, it’s because it has ANIMAL FAT IN IT! Gotcha good!

Just a heads up, never be rude to people who prepare your food. LOL!

basket86

I worked for Auto Center for a bit after high school. It was kind of fun. I was a tech that did any oil changes, tire replacements, etc.

In the stalls that were reserved for oil changes, there were these oil guns that hung from the ceiling and were connected to a 1000-gallon drum of oil that made it easy to refill a car quickly.

Anyway, one day, a buddy and I were both doing an oil change on separate cars, both using a gun. He calls to me. I look over just in time to catch a full blast of oil straight to the chest. What else could I have done? I fired back.

This went on for about 15 minutes. We eventually grabbed flattened cardboard boxes as shields and were shooting 5w-30 all over the place, just getting drenched in the stuff.

Afterward, we went to the barrel of Superclean to start mopping up the gallons of motor oil, only to find that it was empty. Oh well, we took off.

I didn't work the next day, but apparently, it rained and was a nightmare, people slipping all over the place with the floor having a thick coat of oil and now water mixed into it.

[deleted]

I used to work in a restaurant that had this reward card program. A fellow server and I started signing up fake cards by registering them with email accounts we had created.

Whenever we would get a cash table, we would swipe the card after the table left and pocket the 20, 40, or 60 dollar discount.

A few times a night, five days a week, over about a year, thousands of dollars. We kept trading cards with each other, and we had enough so that no one caught on.  

When I got my "big girl job," I passed the cards down to a couple of other servers. A few months later, the owner found out and prosecuted the three servers who were caught with the cards. They each had to pay a 2000 dollar fine and do community service.

KatorianKatorian

I was busing tables at the only nice restaurant in Spokane, Washington. Each server was responsible for busing their tables and piling everything up on huge trays, which we would then carry to the kitchen.

One very busy Sunday brunch, I was carrying a tray filled with oj, coffee, mimosas...just filled with half-full drinks. I am carrying the tray as carefully as I can through the main buffet area slowly.

I told everyone around me that I was right behind them with a huge tray. Suddenly, a 50-year-old woman spins around from the buffet while taking a step - right into my tray.

The edge hit her right in the middle of the forehead. The next 5 seconds happened in slow motion. Tray tilts. Her eyes widen, first in shock, then in horror.

I try to counterbalance but fail. Tray tips forward. She tries to turn away, but it is far too late. The entire contents of the tray slowly slide down onto her head until the tray is empty.

She was drenched from head to toe in a mixture of breakfast drinks. I grabbed the tray and rushed into the kitchen to tell the manager.

CapnGrundlestamp

I used to work on an assembly line next to a complete jerk. He was obnoxious, and everyone hated his guts. He liked to sabotage the workstations to make you look bad.

And all of the girls especially hated him because he was overly aggressive toward them. One day, I made sure to work upstream of him.

Well, because the next person down the line from you is responsible for checking your work. I made four defective parts in a row because we were allowed five defects/per month before getting fired.  

The supervisor seized the opportunity to fire him, and he didn't even talk to me about the defects. Everyone loved it, but I kinda felt bad afterward because I saw him crying on the way out.

tenrams

I worked at McDonald's back in high school. We'd often mess around with the Happy Meal toys when it was slow. One day, during the teenie beanie baby promo, a coworker had one and was making it dance on buns while I was making sandwiches.

I got an order for a plain McChicken, just a patty and bun. So I take the beanie baby, put it in the bun, and serve it up. We screw up orders accidentally all the time.

So I thought a plain beanie baby sandwich would be quite hilarious. The order was for a random customer at the front counter.

I didn't want to send it to the drive-thru and have someone get home or to work and realize they have an inedible sandwich.

Luckily, the woman who got the beaniebabywich opened it there, and even more lucky, also thought it was hilarious. The only person who didn't find it funny was my shift manager, but I never got formally reprimanded.

HiYa246

I worked in sales with this right witch 30 years older than me. You see, she really didn't like me. A fifty-year-old woman who hated that a twenty-something novice came onto the scene and broke all sales records.

Well, this woman was not happy at no longer being number one. This witch proceeded to make my life hell with insults every day without a drop of retaliation. Little did she know, I knew quite a bit about her personal life.

One day, she pushed me too far, right over the edge. I stand up in front of 12 sales guys, 23 journalists, and a managing director and scream, "Is it any wonder your husband ran off with the plumber."

Cue mass hysteria and lots of tears. Said a co-worker, then took the following eight weeks off. I felt so bad after that. Though today, I have no regrets. That's right, Susan; you deserve it!

[deleted]

I am a server at a Mexican restaurant. I spilled 12 oz. Of blanco queso (white melted cheese) all down a woman's back, on her sweatshirt. I wanted to die.

They were celebrating her birthday, and she was having surgery the next day. Awesome. Thank god, she was the COOLEST person ever.

After I took a ton of money off their bill, their bill came to around $6. The husband tipped me $12 and wrote on my copy, "Thanks for the cheese." Best restaurant guests ever!

stearnsy13

I was working as a regional airline pilot and was occasionally hooking up with a gate agent in a remote city in the Midwest. We were in the south and flying to Chicago Ohare with numerous thunderstorms in the vicinity between Peoria and Chicago.

I purposely did not take extra fuel and ensured that our reroute would take us over my "friend's" city. Of course, we diverted, and I told the co-pilot (first officer) to get the flight deck ready and get the plane ready for our subsequent flight.  

I knew that it was the afternoon and this small airport was empty. I went inside for a quick one and continued the flight to Ohare. I think it cost the company over ten grand for my 10-minute pick-me-up.

Jack_ate_jill

Used to work at a golf course in college. It was tournament day, and I was stocking ice in the tents around the course. It was towards the end of the day, and I was getting careless (12 straight hours worked).

I was putting giant bags of ice on a golf cart to take to the drink tents. I stacked a couple in the front seat next to me. I put one too many and walked away for one more, trying to see how many I could get on at a time.

As soon as I turn around, BANG ... WHOOSH. I spin to see that a bag of ice has fallen off my seat and right onto the gas pedal. Oh no.

The ice cart zoomed directly up a hill, through a flimsy wooden fence, and right into a parked car in the parking lot... upside down. Oops. I didn't get fired, surprisingly. Didn't even make me pay for damages.

JamesTheGodMason

After working at a restaurant for a few weeks, the owner decided he didn't make enough money and started charging us to drink water and anything else at work.

It was regardless of whether we drank anything. I decided to put in my two weeks' notice. On my last day, I stayed after my shift at the bar and took ALL of the menus.

I decided to hide them inside one of the booths. They didn't find them for three days and were handing out carryout menus to the customers. I'm actually pretty proud of this one.

IAintSeenNothing

I worked at a residential summer camp as a counselor. Two coworkers and I were once very tired, bored, and stupid. What do you expect us to do?

Well, we made the rather poor decision to throw an empty spray can of sunscreen into a fire. The kids were asleep and in the cabins away from the fire, so it was just us.  

The result was loud. Our other coworkers thought it was a gunshot and came running. We told them that we knocked it in by accident. It was not my finest moment.

pseudocynic

One of my favorite jobs was valeting at a 5-star restaurant. I got the opportunity to drive just about any luxury or sports car at the time, but it seemed most people who came in were upper middle class, and their choice of vehicles was Volvos or BMWs.

During one of our busy seasons, I believe it was around Christmas when a company rented out the place for a company party. The lot and garage were all full.

At the end of the night, a nice lady came up with her valet tag; I grabbed the tag, fetched the keys, and headed to the garage. I remembered backing in her car that night because it was extremely close to one of the support beams.

When I got down there, I noticed that we were double parking at this point, so the room to pull out was tight. I started the car and threw it in the drive, proceeding to pull out slowly as the other valets were getting their own cars.

I heard a weird scratching and smashing noise once I maneuvered the car out of the space. I didn't think anything of it since the garage was loud anyway, but I thought I would check it out.

Turns out I dragged the passenger side of the car from front to back all the way down the large concrete support beam. That's not all of it.

The street we were on was one-way, so we often pulled out of the garage and just backed them down half a block to where the customers were waiting. So that's what I did. I got out, held the door for her, refused her tip, and let her drive away, unbeknownst to her that I likely totaled her car seconds earlier.

I worked there for a whole year after that and never heard a thing about it. That was also the night her boss gave me a drunken $400 tip.

scottyperry

I was working as contract tech support for a very large UK-based news/info company that ran a stock and commodities trading platform in the Chicago markets in the late 1990s.

So, part of my job was to remove the old trading station PCs and prep the space for new replacements. Because the machines were to be junked and time was a factor, we used snips to cut off all the cabling on the backs of the machines rather than undoing every little thumbscrew and fooling with all of it.

I snipped the wrong cable, took down a whole wall of screens and three rows of trading stations, and put the client brokerage out of business for 19 hours.

Result? My employers agreed to pay 75% of the average profits the brokerage made during that time period. $2,300,000. I wasn't fired.

In my 5th week on the job, I cost my employer $ 2.3 million, and I didn't get fired. I wasn't even THEIR employee, and I was on contract from a staffing agency. I was actually promoted to network support and put in the NOC a few months later.

massive_cock

In high school, I worked in a well-known supermarket and used to have to deal with the crappiest customers. (The year-round layaway type of people are the worst customers Wal-Mart gets).

One regular customer was particularly witchy. She would always place small, useless crap on Layaway and then cancel it about a week later.

One day she came in in a particularly witchy mood and actually paid for one of her accounts. I decided that day was a good day to drop-kick her package about 30 feet across the backroom.

It turns out it was full of Precious Memories porcelain crap that we no longer sold. She was pissed. I was pleased. Sorry, not sorry!

GirthBrooks

For my first real job, I was hired as an outboard engine mechanic. The guy hired me because I had some basic knowledge, and he knew my dad, who moonlighted there before, would bail me out. Mostly, I just did tune-ups, so it's no big deal.

Then, one day, a guy came in with a blown 70HP Evinrude that needed rebuilding. I figured, What the fudge? How hard can it be?  

I rebuilt the crap out of that motor, and when it was done, it ran like a champ. Then I noticed the box of "extra parts" I somehow forgot to install. Yeah, I pitched them over the back fence and kept my mouth shut.

Naychur

I had this horrible boss - she inherited the company from her late husband and was trying to run it with 0 experience. She was 67 years old, and it was a tech company. Ever tried to teach your elderly grandma how to use a computer?

Anyway, she was a total witch who was constantly messing things up and costing us around 5,000$ a day in mistakes, which she would try to blame on her employees.

One day, she handed me her Droid and asked me to text someone from it or re-teach her how to use voicemail or whatever the fudge old people think.  

I installed Google Latitude and connected it to the company's Google account so we could always know where she was and when she was getting back to the office. She never knew.

GodBroken

I used to work at a grocery store as a cashier. It was the most boring job I have ever had, and I hated every second of it except the fact that I could stare at the female cashiers the entire time.

On certain days that got really slow, I would pick a color, a solid color, and omit scanning those items. Yellow Day was my favorite because bananas became free.

Also, those little fake lemon-lemon juice containers would mysteriously "not get rung up." I think it's a victimless crime.

hand_jibber

I was asked to help someone with an old system I used to manage. Instead of being smart and grabbing my chair, I decided to do an air seat maneuver while balancing on my ankles.

As I took my "seat," I leaned back a bit too far, losing some balance. In tensing a certain set of muscles to avoid falling on my arse, I let out a small fart.

It was barely audible, so I'd avoided detection until about 5 seconds later when this ungodly stink rose up to envelope me and the three other people sitting at the nearby desks.  

Those people promptly vacated the area while I cursed my stinking luck (pardon the pun). Nothing ever was said, but I'm sure they had a good laugh eventually. I know I did...

zersty

I worked in a discount retail clothing store & I would sleep in a buried electrical closet. For hours, I'd sit and stare upwards at the electrical conduit & pipes & laugh silently to myself.

At another store, there was no electrical closet like that, so I found a utility closet and crawled up into the ceiling. Haha!

Sometimes, I'd be sleeping, and they'd call over the intercom and startle me, and I'd almost fall off the plank I was on and through the ceiling.  

I also once rigged the associate of the month drawing. I would bring liquor and beer to work often and secretly get buzzed with some of the cute girls who worked there. Good times. I miss having a job I didn't care about.

[deleted]

I was working at a large chain grocery store and was in a VERY bad place (I had basically failed out of grad school, long story).

At first, I thought my job was kind of cool--I was a "price checker"--basically, I went to other stores to check out their prices and make my store's prices on the same items equal or cheaper.

But it got boring quick and sunk further into my personal issues. I soon found out I could sign in and then take long breaks without anyone noticing.

This became an everyday thing, and the breaks became longer and longer. I began taking naps. This also escalated, so I was probably only technically working an hour or two a day.

I knew my boss was getting suspicious, but I couldn't stop. I was eventually caught and fired. I only worked there for 6 months.

Ilexia

When I was in College, I waited tables in Bellevue, Washington. One Saturday afternoon before a University of Washington football game, the star running back was being interviewed by a news reporter, and I was bringing him an iced tea.

While approaching the table, I tripped over the news camera's cable, threw the iced tea and a basket of fries all over the anchor and the player, and the glass hit his wrist.  

I literally almost shat myself in fear, thinking that I had broke his wrist, but it turned out he was cool as heck and laughed it off. I got to hear about that one for the rest of my short career there as a waiter...

bladzalot

I work in an office of cubes, and the gal across from me has a jelly bean jar she keeps well stocked. So every afternoon, a parade of bored wahoos stops by to grab a few and, of course, 'chat,' so just constant major distractions.

One weekend, I came across a package of Harry Potter really nasty, gross-tasting jelly beans (vomit, earwax, dirty socks, etc.) and just couldn't help myself.  

I mixed bunches of them all around this huge jar and just smirked as people would nearly hurl and spit them out. Definitely slowed down the parade (for a little while, at least).

[deleted]

Worked as a company trainer for a supermarket chain, spending a week at a time in a different store. Got hammered the night before my last day in a Yorkshire area.

Then I woke up in my hotel very late the next day, suffering from a comedown and hangover. Went into the store and told the managers I was on conference calls all morning and had another meeting in a different location.

Used their computers to email my hours for that day (excellent trust-based system), and then I drove home. Worked about 30 minutes and got paid for 9.

Relatively small compared to everyone but big for me as I'm usually a workaholic and have always taken pride in my job, no matter how crappy. This memory upsets me.

duckfucked

I was 19, working the third shift at a fast food restaurant. A car full of guys comes through and generally starts being jerkwards over the speaker.

Calling me names, being a weirdo, etc. They get to the window, and they start to get out of the car and start taking a piss in the drive-thru.

  They continue being assholes, and the guy making sandwiches, seeing how they are treating me, toasts their buns and then undoes his pants and wipes them on his private part.

I wrapped up the sandwiches and served them with a smile. That's the only time I ever messed over with anyone's food. Not bad.

lolipopfailure

While washing checkout counters, I noticed a big red button under the checkout. Normally, your brain tells you big red not to press big red buttons, but I did anyway.

It was the panic button. The manager had to explain to the cops that we were all perfectly safe. Later that evening, none of us were allowed to leave until someone confessed.

The older woman who worked there (mid-60s?) said she could have possibly done it with her being wobbly when she worked the checkout. I stayed. Quiet and let the old lady take the blame.

ChristieIsBored

I used to work at a movie theater. We had two buckets. One is for refilling the ice by the soda machines and for cleaning supplies.

We would dump soap, bleach, etc., in the cleaning one and soak sponges to scrub the floors, walls, chairs, etc. What could go wrong?

Well, one day, I accidentally used the cleaning bucket to refill the ice. Some of my coworkers saw it and told me to just leave it and hurry so I didn't get in trouble with my manager.

IGrowAcorns

I worked as a gas station attendant for a six-month period. The boss was an absolute jerk who would intentionally mess with our schedules, often having us work 'surprise' double shifts.

He would only work four or five hours and then leave, often adjusting his clock-in and clock-out time on the weekends. For each shift he worked, he would show up one hour before and 'wash up' in the employee bathroom.

This washroom, may I add, forbade either employee or guest from using it. We workers had to do our blindness in the outside 'free' washroom.

So. One day, he comes in as I'm about to start my surprise morning shift, and he spends his usual forty minutes applying deodorant, shaving, washing up, and generally applying his face.

We go about his four-hour shift, and he promptly leaves. Except he forgot to take his toiletries bag. I purchased myself a handy-dandy travel-sized can of shaving cream.

Then I sauntered my happy arse into his washroom and proceeded to drop trou and shave my private part with his razor. I cleaned up and opened a new stick of his unscented deodorant.

I promptly made sure I would suffer no razor burn by applying a thin layer to my nuggets. He showed up no less than twenty minutes later, smiled, and said he had forgotten his bag.

GuyMeetsWall

When I was 16, I had a job as a cashier at a supermarket. One time I had to piss really, REALLY bad, but I was too afraid to ask, "Yo is it okay for me to go to the bathroom?"

When a colleague started to explain to me how to clean the toilets, coincidentally, I couldn't hold it in anymore. A simple "I peed myself" followed.

Then, after, I pretended I vomited and acted as though the things happened because of food poisoning. Others cleaned up my piss puddle while I went home 'sick.' I still avoid the place.

Invisibliss

One time, there was this old man who was having his birthday party at lunchtime. The office ladies rounded up everyone and brought us into the conference room. There were 1000 (or so it seemed) candles on this cake.

So we sing Happy Birthday. Everyone cheers as he blows out the candles. Maybe it was the angle I was at, but I saw him spewing spit ALL OVER THE CAKE.

I look around the room, and everyone is cheering him on, like, "You can do it, old man. Blow out the candles!" Then they all finally go out, tons of smoke rising from the bevy of candles. I am still looking around in disgust. Did anyone see that!?

The office ladies immediately jump into action, slice pieces, and hand them out. However, I was in the front row, essentially first in line for cake. I have already proclaimed way too many times, "Oh man! CAKE! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS CAKE!"

The first piece goes to the old man. The second piece comes to me... Making George Costanza's head shake. I had no words. Just head shaking.

I tried to tell my immediate coworkers, but the room was too packed. Who could honestly ruin the giant cake for the whole office? So I did not eat the cake, and I let all my coworkers eat this saliva-cover atrocity.

CosmicWy