[COMMENTARY] You Sound Scared, Matt Gaetz

If you were spending your weekend fending off allegations of sex trafficking teenage girls across state lines right after appearing at an event by your fellow January 6th insurrectionists, do you think you’d take any time out to tweet? If the whole world knew your (alleged) sex trafficking partner was spilling all of the tea in the state of Florida to the Effa Bee Eye about all of your sex criming, would you be creating digital smokescreens, or would you be figuring out ways to stay out of prison for the rest of your life?

Most of us wouldn’t be in that sitch in the first place (she wrote hopefully) but thankfully none of us are Matt Gaetz, aka Rapey McForehead, aka Rick Putz, aka Goofus Butthead, aka Captain Venmo, aka the human Florida Mann Act violator. Gaetz has been digging his own grave tweet by tweet for the last week or so, desperately throwing everything at the virtual wall to see if it’ll stick. He used the eight female staffers he employs as human flotation devices, so it’s not hard to believe he’d keep trying to keep his head above water by pleading his case to the social media masses 280 characters at a time.

[Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images]
Every Gaetz tweet is more pathetic than the last, and no amount of dragging seems to get through that impenetrable fivehead of his. But by late Saturday afternoon, Gaetz seemed to be running out of gas and showed a moment of either abject terror or come-to-Jesus-ness. He acknowledged he “may be a canceled man”, whatever that means, but of course, he found a way to blame his problems on the “Deep State” rather than on himself. He’s the guy who showed nude pictures of his paid conquests to his Congressional colleagues. He’s the guy who paid prostitutes via Venmo. He’s the guy who begged the former guy for a blanket pardon and then begged him to say he never asked. But there’s a subtext of acceptance to this tweet that caused Gaetz to get dragged like a waterskier who lost their skis as soon as the boat started moving.

Gaetz sounding scared! Schadenfreude on a Saturday is pretty tasty.

Richard Marx was right here waiting for Matt Gaetz (yeah I did, it’s Saturday).

The best dragging is when you can use their own words against them.

Matt Gaetz is a Desperate Man Tweeting. If he hasn’t been taken in for at least questioning by this time next week, it means the Florida Man worked all of his rich Daddy’s connections. Until he’s finally in custody, his Twitter account will just keep operating as an evidence factory for the prosecution.

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