Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) premiered a podcast on Thursday during which he spent more than 15 minutes defending himself against allegations that he had a “sexual relationship” with a 17-year-old (it’s called statutory rape, Matty Fivehead). Caked in Trump Orange makeup, the self-anointed “Firebrand” (insert a row of eye roll emojis) incriminated himself in the sex trafficking ring he’s alleged to have run along with partner Joel Greenberg. Captain Venmo attempted to poke holes in news stories, painting a picture of a conspiracy to take him down while at the same time avoiding key details from reports about the investigation.
Gaetz also railed against Fox News, where he’s no longer welcome after making a bizarre, sweaty, rambling appearance where he essentially accused host Tucker Carlson of also enjoying the company of a teenage girl at a dinner they both attended. Claiming the network is “no longer the same Fox News”, Gaetz smarmily attempted to distance himself from Fox but only made himself look even worse, if that’s at all possible.
Every accusation is a confession from anyone in the Trump Crime Syndicate, so expect anything that the Florida Man says to come back to bite him when he’s finally arrested by the FBI. Also, Gaetz seems to have trouble with basic English: “March 31, April Fool’s eve, I stood in the Fort Walton Beach airport as my chief of staff delivered the news: The New York Times would soon be reporting that I was being investigated for child sex trafficking,” Gaetz says on the video.
Keep watching. You’re gonna LOVE next week’s episode.
Subscribe here 👇https://t.co/y7owVT8leP
— Matt Gaetz (@mattgaetz) August 7, 2021
April Fool’s Eve is NOT A THING, Matty, but neither is you being smart, so stay on brand, soon-to-be-distinguished Firebrand. If nothing else, there’s always the Twitter dragging that immediately follows any new Gaetz content. Here’s a roundup of some of the better contributions to the latest round of roasting.
Had been smh at all the carnies in public life, from Greene to Pillow to Gaetz, and then an actual methy carnie supervising skee-ball at a county fair told me I look like my daughter’s sister and I remembered that CARNINESS WORKS
— Virginia Heffernan (@page88) August 7, 2021
Matt Gaetz loves calling himself a firebrand. I love calling him a pedophile.
— Kate 🤍🇺🇸 (@ImSpeaking13) August 7, 2021
A furious MTG severed her campaign rallies with Matt Gaetz after realizing they spent $287K to raise $59K. pic.twitter.com/3otYOGgayb
— Hoodlum 🇺🇸 (@NotHoodlum) August 7, 2021
You and your treasonous allies have now donated a total of $8,664,891 to organizers working to Defeat you! Keep Tweeting!
Join us https://t.co/H8B0mVNdaM.
— #DefeatByTweet (@DefeatByTweet) August 7, 2021
Drunken traitorous rapist Matty ‘Captain Venmo’ Gaetz is big mad at Fox News because they won’t let him back on to implicate Tucker Carlson in any more sex trafficking crimes (PS nice Trump Orange fuckyface, @mattgaetz) #MattGaetzIsGoingToPrison pic.twitter.com/ooVmfxXhu4
— T👻r👻 D🐈⬛bl💀n 🎃🧙🏻♀️ (@taradublinrocks) August 7, 2021
Also, here’s Ari Melber’s segment where he resoundingly drags Gaetz.