It’s a universally accepted fact on Twitter that if Hunter Biden is trending, something Very Bad is happening in TrumpWorld. With all kinds of walls closing in on the Former Guy and his main adult kids thanks to the various investigations going on, you can almost smell the desperate orange-tinted flop sweat wafting from Mar-A-Lago through your computer.
Tuesday’s Terrible Trumpy Things are a myriad of MAGA issues: we found out there’s a nearly 8-hour gap in Trump’s January 6th White House phone logs. While you’re wondering who he might have been talking to for all of that time, we also learned today that the Giant Orange Babyman asked Daddy Vlad to find dirt on Hunter Biden because his own kids are walking large adult bags of cocaine cut with baby laxatives and are of zero use to him, so maybe draw a direct line between those two things Then there’s the Mark Meadows/Ginni Thomas mishegoss plus Peter Navarro and Dan Scavino officially getting hit with Contempt of Congress charges.
So it’s not really hard to figure out why someone needed to take a bullet for Big Dumb Daddy on Tuesday, and of course, that person was the one with the biggest forehead in Congress who can Florida with the best of them while publicly projecting the same kind of familial issues as Donald Trump, Jr.
#BREAKING: At the House Judiciary Committee hearing, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) claimed to be in possession of the Hunter Biden laptop, and sought unanimous consent to enter into the Committee's record its contents.
Chair Jerry Nadler (D-NY) objected. pic.twitter.com/MeJouCkaXu
— Forbes (@Forbes) March 29, 2022
SERIOUSLY. ON THE HOUSE FLOOR.
Florida Man Matt “Captain Venmo” Gaetz all but doused himself in lamb’s blood as he showboated during a House Judiciary hearing (and quick sidebar: HOW IS HE STILL ON HOUSE JUDICIARY when he is UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR SEX TRAFFICKING MINORS? Oh wait, because white Republican man with money from Florida, durrrr) and claimed he has “Hunter Biden’s laptop” and wanted it entered into the record. Because why? Because he knows he’s almost done with his freedoms so he gave away his last Florida f-ck and put on a display that was cleared fueled by some extra controlled substances in his morning Mountain Dew), probably.
Here's a reminder for @HouseJudiciary that Matt Gaetz used his official govt Twitter account to harass me & encourage his followers to do the same, & so I would also like this entered into the record today, @RepJerryNadler @JudiciaryGOP #MattGaetz https://t.co/4DImuDgplb
— Tara Dublin 🇺🇦🌻 (@taradublinrocks) March 29, 2022
Gaetz can’t prove a chain of custody or anything else with that alleged laptop, and this was clearly just more performative crap for the MAGA masses who have never evolved past the public school remedial class bully stage. Also, Matt Gaetz still hasn’t been called out for doing this to me all the way back in September, as if death threats against me are somehow less death threat-y because I’m not a sitting member of Congress, I dunno, HOUSE ETHICS COMMITTEE.
The Asst. Director of FBI Cyber Security comes before Congress to give his report about serious issues, and of course Matt Gaetz wants to talk about Hunter Biden’s laptop. pic.twitter.com/NCFIDKR8QO
— Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦 (@RonFilipkowski) March 29, 2022
Matt Gaetz and Don Coke Drip Jr both have deep Daddy Issues. Guess what, punk asses? Daddy Diaper Don doesn’t love you and he never will. He seems to only love himself and the money that goes to himself. But hey, cocaine makes that all better, right guys?