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[COMMENTARY] Greene Realizes Cell Phones Are Big Brother Way Too Late

[COMMENTARY] Greene Realizes Cell Phones Are Big Brother Way Too Late

Oh, Marjorie Taylor Greene, when are they finally going to expel you from Congress? You have nothing better to do than tweet your QAnon-fueled attention whoring Qidiocy, so you tried and then immediately failed to create a KKK Caucus over the last couple of days. If you’re not tweeting, you’re proposing “bills” that you can’t bring to the floor. You also make space to keep spreading lies and transphobia and all of the other terrible things everyone knows you love, MAGA Mean Girl Marjorie. How many lady boners do you get with every new mass shooting, Marjorie Manson? We know you love your guns more than people, so I bet you’ve been furiously speed-dialing that tantric CrossFit guru guy who now wants nothing to do with you anymore.

But it sounds like you might have had a special come-to-Jesus moment over the weekend, Marj. I guess you’ve been so busy counting the bodies from all of the gun orgies that you missed back in FOREVER AGO when we learned that our cell phones can be tracked by the government. I don’t know why anyone’s worried about being tracked via the COVID19 vaccine when the FBI can see which Starbucks bathroom you choose while texting your many lovers (I’m assuming Starbucks only because I don’t think they have the WT version in DC).

Photo by Erin Scott-Pool/Getty Images

Anyway, this is you. What’s the over/under on you even understanding your own tweet? Because it doesn’t make sense to any of us.

We already know you’re not a smart person because you’ve repeatedly shown us. So it probably should surprise absolutely no one that you’re sharing a New York Times article from early February as if it’s breaking news that your insurrectionist pals were tracked on January 6th via their phones. It’s probable you’ve never read “1984” and only vaguely understand any references to it. But it’s still kinda fun watching you put all of the pieces together like one of those giant puzzles you give a toddler to teach them their alphabet. You know the Effa Bee Eye is coming for you now, don’t you? Pardon me while I take a giant bite of this hunk of schadenfreude I’m having for Sunday brunch.


Okay, so you’ve figured out they know where you were on January 6th. Which means they know where you were on the 5th. Is this why you tweeted about it?

I mean, could you show your hand more? Every accusation is a confession with you obtuse QIdiots.

And yes, I get the irony of me feeding your need for attention, but it’s my job to pay attention to you whether I want to or not (SO NOT). Also, it’s fun to have a track record of being among the first to publicly call you out, to the point where you blocked me. If MeidasTouch hadn’t sued you, I probably would still be blocked, because you hate it when people tell you the truth about yourself.

So enjoy your last grasps at the Twitter straws while you also enjoy your last few weeks of breathing free air, Marjorie Traitor Greene. Absolutely no one will miss you.


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