When you and your insurrectionist pals literally treat the seat of our democracy as your own personal toilet seat, don’t be surprised if Karma figures out a way to get a special kind of retribution thrown your way.
Meet Jon Schaffer, who played in a heavy metal band no one’s ever heard of called Iced Earth (which sounds like something a heavy metal band in a Disney Channel TV show would be called) and pleaded guilty to charges related to the Capitol riot. Schaffer is a self-described founder of the Oath Keepers, one of those peaceful tourist groups who showed up en masse and yelled things like “Hang Mike Pence!” on January 6th. In just-released court transcripts, Schaffer alleged that he’s had feces thrown at him and faced death threats during a hellish stint at an Indiana jail, according to his lawyer.
“Oh really?” drawled Karma while picking some popcorn out of her back teeth. “That so?”
RADIO SILENCE in court docket in Jan 6 case of Jon Schaffer of Indiana. Schaffer is admitted Oath Keeper who pleaded guilty *and* promised cooperation w/ feds
A June deadline for status report has come & gone… no updates; no court date scheduled
Could be that way for awhile pic.twitter.com/jEcOuIe3u0
— Scott MacFarlane (@MacFarlaneNews) July 25, 2021
Schaffer’s comments were made via his lawyer during a March court hearing, prompting Schaffer’s transfer to a Washington, D.C., jail before he was released on bail in April. Brave enough to try to stage a coup but couldn’t last a few more weeks in prison with probably a whole lot of not-white guys who hate white supremacists. His comments were revealed publicly Thursday, and Twitter has been feasting on the schadenfreude ever since.
— T👻r👻 D🐈⬛bl💀n 🎃🧙🏻♀️ (@taradublinrocks) July 25, 2021
Iced Earth guitarist Jon Schaffer was threatened with his life and had feces and urine hurled at him while in jail for his role in the US Capitol riot: https://t.co/LBdwM3xzHb pic.twitter.com/SkOapkmJqd
— Consequence (@consequence) July 23, 2021
“My client, who is presumed innocent, has just gone through two months of hell where other people were throwing feces at him and urine at him and threatening his life in a horrible, horrible situation,” Schaffer’s attorney Marc Victor said at the hearing, according to the Indianapolis Star. Schaffer was segregated due to his public status, but it led to prisoners tormenting him.
“That sounds uncomfortable for him,” Karma said passive-aggressively while reading about Officer Michael Fanone’s cerebral incident that caused permanent brain damage.
BREAKING: Federal prosecutors have flipped a fourth member of the Oath Keepers militia.
Caleb Berry is pleading guilty now to J6 charges in a cooperation agreement w/the government.
He joins other Oath Keepers–Jon Schaffer, Mark Grods & Graydon Young–in working w/prosecutors.
— Alan Feuer (@alanfeuer) July 20, 2021
Seems that even the most hardened criminals still have love in their hearts for their country, which is why Schaffer’s fellow inmates couldn’t help but empty their bowels and bladders just like the Capitol rioters. And then they used it to show Schaffer just how much they loved their country, that’s all. Schaffer was literally decorated like the Capitol was on January 6th. You know, just some patriots hanging out and expressing their feelings about democracy.
“Sounds about right,” Karma agreed, lazily licking an index finger while flipping through the paperback version of Eric Swalwell’s Endgame.
— Jordan Blum (@JordanBlum87) July 23, 2021