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[COMMENTARY] Batten Down, Bedminster: Trump’s Moving to New Jersey

[COMMENTARY] Batten Down, Bedminster: Trump’s Moving to New Jersey

As if the news that former Governor Chris Christie is considering a run for President in 2024 wasn’t a bad enough look for New Jersey earlier this week, now it looks like his former political opponent-turned-leash-holder Donald Trump is moving to the Garden State once his Mar-A-Lago property in Florida shuts down for the summer, as he’ll essentially have nowhere else to go. Usually people from New Jersey go to Florida because weather, but there must be a reason the former guy is leaving the relative comfort of Ron DeSantis and the proximity to Georgia, where he’s going to be prosecuted for interfering in the January Senate runoffs. He’s basically going from the frying pan(handle) to fire, something he’s made a career out of doing.

The move to New Jersey puts him super close to New York City, where he’s also facing an investigation and eventual prosecution by the Manhattan District Attorney’s office as well as the State Attorney General. There are more Republicans with money in Florida, so I’m not buying the whole “moving the whole operation to New Jersey because they’re going to start doing more fundraising,” according to a Trump advisor.

Steve Jurvetson

Why isn’t he moving back into Trump Tower, if he wants to be closer to fundraising sources? Because he knows all of New York City hates him. But since Trump can’t be the Man Without A Country Club, Bedminster will have to do.

Just wait til the locals catch wind of this. Pretty sure they won’t be too happy. Because Jersey, yo.

This Jersey Girl could do a lot of swears while writing about how Trump has done my home state so wrong, but I’ll just sum it up in two words: Atlantic City. I mean, he bankrupted more than one casino. In New Jersey. I hope he never does his own actual laundry, because he’s very bad at laundering when it comes to money.

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I’m sure the locals will “welcome” him back for what’s sure to be a brief stay. PawPaw’s been looking pretty rough lately, what with all of the worrying about going to prison and not having a White House makeup artist around to spackle him orange on the daily. Something tells me his stay in Jersey will be an unhappy one for everybody involved, because his default setting is Making Everyone Miserable.

Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images

Now the Florida vs New Jersey battling can really begin. Jersey MAGAts are pretty awful, if you recall from last summer’s “Boat Parades” where they ended up sinking more boats than counting more votes. There’s a specific way to handle them, though. I’ll leave you with a proper Jersey response to a pro-Trump tweet. Learn from the locals!

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