The stereotype of cheating involves being “physical with another person.” Well, that is wrong. If you are communicating intimately with another person, that is a form of emotional cheating.
Some people justify the reason why they are cheating, it is not for us to judge if it’s valid or not. From these stories from our Redditors, you might just learn a thing or two in navigating the complexities of a relationship. Come take a look at these!
1. Breaking Free
I was involved with "Denise" for 9 years. She would pick fights seemingly any time I was in a good mood, and frequently ruined important things for me by getting angry. Sometimes because “I was ignoring her" and other times because “I wouldn't leave her alone." I loved her and tried to be everything to her even though we fought all the time because that's what I thought relationships were all about.
But after we got married, she became genuinely abusive towards me. Some of my favorite Denise one-liners were: "You're worthless," "You're never there for me," "If we have kids, you probably won't even love them," and "I don't even want to have your kids." Our bedroom was dead. I asked her to go to counseling three different times during our relationship, but she refused because "we don't need it." Great.
It got to the point that I was afraid to interact with her in any way. It was work, workout, dinner, then bed. Eventually, I started to get depressed and ended up talking to a friend of several years, "Jamie.” She was nice to me, not judgmental, and seemed to care about me and how I felt.
We started spending more time together and it eventually started to grow into an emotional affair. Eventually, we fell for each other. Then Denise and I separated and divorced (ironically after she asked me when we were going to start having kids).
Of course, Denise found out. She was very hurt and angry, but she ended up asking me basically, "Why Jamie and not me?" To which I replied, "I can trust her with my emotions. She doesn't hurt me." We stayed up all night, talked a lot, hugged a lot, cried a lot, apologized to each other, and divorced uncontested. Denise and I are still friends and Jamie and I are happily married.
bossoline
2. Complicated Intimacy Talk
I was married for 14 years, and I have cheated 4 times. I have two kids and my wife isn't a bad person, but she is pretty much not interested in doing intimacy. A few months ago, on a business trip, I had an unanticipated romp with an acquaintance I only see about once a year.
It was amazing, and everything that is not what I get at home. The smile and feeling of being needed lasted well after the fling ended. My wife asked straight out if I had an affair, and I admitted it to her. Surprisingly, it had the effect of increasing her intimate drive, but only for a week. Now we are back to the same old place.
I am now at the point where I want to discuss having an open relationship. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but going without any intimate encounter just makes me want to nail every woman I meet. It is like money, when you don't have any, it is all you think about.
All of the women knew I was married and not interested in getting a divorce. I have thought about counselling, but not sure if it would help. It wouldn't reduce my drive, and it probably isn't going to convince my wife to be more intimate.
Deadbedroom99
3. Escape Plan
I'm not gonna use a throwaway. I am ashamed of what I did, but it's part of my history and I learned from it. I cheated on a boyfriend a long time ago because I was miserable in our relationship and didn't know how to get out of it.
Or maybe I was afraid of dealing with the pain of getting out of it. Cheating gave me a reason.
Whenifeellikeit
4. Navigating The Gray Areas
We dated for three years in college, and I never strayed. I hardly even looked at another girl. We lived together for the last two years of college. We both graduated and moved home. Suddenly, we were in a long-distance relationship. Instead of seeing her every night, I'd see her maybe once a month.
At first, it wasn't that bad. But then she stopped texting me back or returning my calls. We talked on the phone maybe once a week and that was it. The girl who had been my life, my companion was becoming a stranger.
When I did get to see her, I didn't even feel like a part of her life. She barely touched me, and I was lucky if we slept together once a month. When we did sleep, it felt like going through the motions. She wasn't present, she didn't initiate. It was passionless, robotic.
She would text me to tell me she was going out with ex-boyfriends for drinks, but not to worry about it. They were just friends now. She'd sleep over at her male friend's houses, but again, they were "just friends."
I don't know if she cheated on me. And I don't want to know.
But then the girl from the apartment next door started coming around. She laughed at my jokes. She told me how much she liked being around me. She would call to check up on me. She made me feel appreciated. One night we had drinks and we both slipped.
I never told my girlfriend. And we never broke up. A year later we're still together in a passionless distance relationship.
That's my story.
Eat_Pray_Fuck
5. Craving For Attention
Let the downvotes begin.
I have cheated on boyfriends and been involved with several married men. I am not going to give you some lame excuse. I cheat because I honestly like the attention. In every relationship, there comes a time when you do not have that attention anymore. Things settle in and then it gets boring.
I could break up with them, but I do not want to. They meet the emotional need to be held and intellectually stimulated, and the new guy meets the excitement and physicality.
Throwaway1269
6. Cheating Consequences
I was on and off with a girl for two years. I loved her more than anyone I'd ever loved before but she was afraid of love and her feelings for me, so it was always mixed signals. One day we finally talked about everything, got my closure, and was able to move on with my love life.
A couple of months later I started dating this amazing girl. She seemed perfect for me. Everything was great, she knew I was still friends with my ex and she was able to accept that for the most part.
However, after a while, she wasn't so okay with it so I began to hang out with my ex behind her back. We never did anything until one day she asked me something that led to talking about "us" and things escalated from there. I ended up kissing her and she rejected me because I had a girlfriend.
I kept trying and we made out a little. I didn't feel guilty afterward because I loved this girl. I had only known my girlfriend for a few months, so my feelings for her weren't nearly as strong. After I realized my ex and I weren't going anywhere, I asked her not to ever let me kiss her again and to slap me if I tried.
After some time I grew to care more about my girlfriend and felt guilty. I imagined her finding out and how much it would hurt her. I developed so many insecurities from cheating. I felt like since I could get away with it, so could she. So every time she would talk about her ex, I'd cry. I know it was a bad thing to do but I learned a lot from it.
Cheater1
7. Confessions Of A Serial Cheater
I've probably written this post three times, and it keeps unintentionally sounding like I'm writing a defense of myself. I'm just gonna lay it out there as bluntly as I can, and hopefully, you can find some insight and ask questions rather than just tell me things I already know about myself.
I've been dating a girl for three years. I cheat on her regularly and feel horrible every time. I cheat because it's easy for me to talk to girls, and I live in Japan where beautiful girls flock to confident foreigners. I cheat because I LOVE the "puppy love" feeling you get when you go on dates with new people.
I couldn't care less about the physicality of intimacy. For me, it's all about the emotional rush of making a connection with someone like holding hands, learning about them, and kissing them. One could probably argue that emotional cheating is the worst kind of cheating.
I haven't broken up with my girlfriend because I'm selfish, and know in my heart I'd never find someone I love more than her. I want to believe that I can change myself be a better person, and leave the past behind me.
I want to stop this behavior probably more than I've wanted anything in the world. I have a HORRIBLE perception of women. It's almost an obsession to see a girl at a bar, and make it my night's goal to get her number.
You might see this as me "victimizing myself", but I honestly believe I've developed an addiction to women. I've tried quitting over and over again, and even when I'm successful at stopping my advances, I have trouble saying "no" when a girl expresses her interest in me.
It's messed up, I'm messed up, and I want to stop and be a good boyfriend. I want to know how to stop pining for that "puppy love" jolt of emotion that never seems to last in long-term relationships.
Throwawaycheater1234
8. Open Relationship
This is easier to answer than I would like.
I love my Wife. I'm very passionate, romantic, and caring, and I consider myself a fantastic father. I routinely surprise her with flowers, massages, kisses, and aromatic situations. I've been married 6 years and have a wonderful 4-year-old child. I have no intention of ever leaving my marriage, and I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife.
The reason why I cheat is because my wife for some reason no longer finds making love important. She would rather watch an important show.She would even love to do the dishes than get overly intimate.
On the other hand, enjoy it immensely. It's vitally important to me in regards to feeling close to her. When we do get intimate it's when it's convenient for her. God forbid if I initiate it, and she's not thinking about it. It's like pulling teeth from a tiger.
The person I'm with is in a similar situation. She has no desire to leave her current relationship. She just has a need that is not being met at home.
Overall, our society has commercialized, and given us this image of marriage and being a couple that's not very realistic. Had I the choice, I would at this point prefer an open marriage or a poly-type situation for both of us.
I know no one will probably read this comment, but I'm sure I'm not alone in this situation.
Anonikkymonster
9. Giving In To Temptation
I was in an abusive and not intimate marriage for 11 years. I put up with a lot of what happened through the years because she had a terrible childhood. I was told many times I wasn't doing things she felt would show I love her. I would do those things more and more and she would add to the reasons and I would add to what I was doing for her. It never improved.
I never once cheated to the degree of having any physical contact or even kissing. I DID, however, 9 years in, have a girl flirting with me at work. 1st day I thought the work girl was just being friendly. 2nd-4th or so it was obvious work girl was flirting and I didn't stop her.
5th, I flirted back. The work girl made it very clear something would happen if I wanted it to. Things got far enough that night that she sat on my lap and commented that she "was doing nothing for me" according to me not having any reaction. I stroked her hair. I then told the work girl it was all wrong of me and nothing was going to happen.
The next day I told my wife. I told my wife I was wrong, it was a mistake, and that I would not talk to her anymore at all. I never did again until after my wife moved out. I was depressed, anxious, and wanted to hurt myself and the work girl was there for me, as a friend, when I needed it most.
It was a total coincidence that we ran into each other when we did or I probably still wouldn't be talking to her. My now ex-wife seems to “forget” parts of my confession and called me a liar, but I told the whole truth and felt horrible. I was never unfaithful in any way ever again and tried my best to make the marriage work.
If in that period I didn't ever go farther than that, I don't see why anyone else can't do the same.
Defrostmode
10. New Found Interest
I wasn't hot. I started dating someone about my level of attractiveness, and we're very emotionally attached. But then I started going to the gym a while back and gradually became more attractive. I tried getting him to do the same but not much success.
So now I'm getting all this attention that I'd never gotten before and there's the urge to explore amongst the more attractive crowd but I'm not ready to sever the emotional ties yet. There's a glimmer of hope that I still make it work. They say you shouldn't go into a relationship wanting to change someone, but does it apply to fitness? I'm in love with him emotionally, but physically... his body could use some work. Hinting and nudging produces little to no progress.
So, while I'm figuring all this out, I'm humping everybody I think is hot. I guess I already know the relationship is doomed. Because at this point, even if he did turn it around and miraculously became hot, I wouldn't be able to go on for long with this history of cheating on him.
Cheatandthrowitaway
11. Nearly Catastrophic Affair
I'm glad someone asked, because I've felt like getting this off my chest for some time now, but there's no one I can tell. I'm not currently cheating; this ended about 2 years ago. I was lucky that it ended before I ruined a lot of lives.
I had been married for close to 15 years and had four kids when I met her. She was a friend's girlfriend, and the four of us (him and her, my wife and I) had all been playing an online game together for about a year when we started hanging out in person. She and I hit it off immediately and we both felt like we were appreciated in a way that didn't exist in our primary relationships.
We started talking online, outside of the game. We talked about what we thought was missing from our relationships, and for about a month or two it was just getting to know each other. Up till this moment in my life, I always believed that cheaters were the worst form of filth.
I had friends in the past who had cheated on their wives and girlfriends and they disgusted me. But at this moment I was convinced that the only way for me to be happy was to be with this girl. So I asked her if she'd meet me for a drink someday.
We met a few days later and had a drink. During that meeting, I felt myself falling for her. I felt like I would do anything she asked me to. I felt like I was in love in a way that I had never felt before.
As we were leaving I kissed her. We texted over that weekend and it became apparent that we both wanted it to become physical. Within a week, it was. I was convinced that I needed to leave my wife and family and be with her.
She was 9 years younger than me, and I thought I loved her. I was lying to myself but I was so close to the situation that I didn't even see it. I couldn't see it.
I was dumb. I almost lost my family because I was blinded and confused. Leaving would have been the worst mistake of my life, and I'm convinced it would have destroyed lives. We saw each other for over a year, though usually only once or twice a month.
The ending was complicated, but the result was that I was lucky to get out with my family intact. I was weak, and I went after what was new and exciting instead of putting all that energy into fixing what was wrong with my marriage. I don't recommend it.
Obvious_Catch_Near
12. Being On The Other Side
I've never cheated but I've been involved with someone who has. In so much as I was the other guy. I never really came to terms with it. As soon as I knew she had a bf I backed off but there was a pretty major connection there.
She started telling me how she was going to break up with him and I went along with that never meaning to do anything but one thing led to another. Strong feelings and strong booze. Then it just carried on.
She did eventually break up with him. There weren't particularly close from what I heard but it still really bothered me. It's a shame really because I came to love her but could never really get over the reality of what we did and I subconsciously sabotaged our relationship such as it was.
I think for her the main reasons were being unhappy with the current guy, seeing me as a new exciting, and fun alternative, and wanting to explore that.
Henghast
13. Revelation Of A Serial Adulterer
Almost missed this, throwaway from a guy addicted to seducing married women.
It was all for the rush of being able to achieve it. I've experimented with most soft stuff and the rush of getting her into bed with you is not only higher but also lasts longer. Her coming back to me every time I call and then sending her reluctantly back to him is a pleasure that grows every time.
Stealing her away from him for those few hours and bending her to my will is the most addictive thing I have ever known. And more than just physical contact, waking up knowing women love you and are thinking of you all the time is such a confidence booster. It is a happy thought to begin and end the day with.
The thrill of coaching a wife how to avoid detection and how to lie her way through and convince him to stay with her is only compounded by the pleasure of her shyly agreeing. Another thrill is the thought of having her take over the schedule of their lovemaking and only allowing him access on her safe days. I can eventually have her whenever I please.
Only 3 things make me happier. She succeeds in convincing the husband to keep her even while she visits me whenever I am in town. The 2nd one is when he agrees to let her see me occasionally until the fling dies out. The last one is a little bundle of joy that makes her mine even more so in mind, body, and soul.
My days are probably numbered as I am reaching the big 40, but I have no regrets and have acknowledged 4 of my kids and plan to acknowledge 7 more. Only 1 marriage ended in divorce and even after she remarried, she is still all mine.
Serial_Adulterer
14. Bitter Betrayal
I was skeptical about going on this thread but now I'm happy I did. I just found out my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me for the majority of our relationship with his ex. The ex-girlfriend sent me pictures and emails.
When I confronted him, he said there was no reason why. I've been cheated on 2 times in our relationship, and it's the most awful thing I've ever experienced. I'm still in bed trying to grieve over the loss. To the people who think it's harmless, it is not. Nor will it ever be. Confess or break up with your partner if you even care about them a little, don't ever let them find out themselves.
1O9
15. Infidelity Perspective
This is going to sound horrible, but I have encouraged friends of mine to cheat. My one friend is in a marriage where his wife no longer sleeps with him. They have a child. They don't make enough apart to survive but do alright together.
After the baby, she simply lost interest. He tried to get her to see a doctor and she exploded on him stating she didn't have a problem. He was venting his frustrations to me one day and I said "Leave her."
He then said that “he can’t” and I simply said, "Cheat.” I think he was looking for someone to justify it in his mind anyway which was why he was venting so I simply told him what he wanted to hear.
I meant it. A marriage without intimacy is a dead marriage. She's content without having it, even admitting “she could go forever without it." Meanwhile, he’s suffering. Sorry, I'm on his side.
IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes
16. Crossroads Between Two Lovers
It scares me to break up and let go of that person. I love both of them so much. I admire and respect them, but I can't choose between them.
I tried breaking up with one of them, but he didn't let me. I was devastated at the idea of leaving this man. But I can't let the other one go either.
I don't know why I don't feel overly guilty, maybe it's because I genuinely do love them both and try to be an amazing girlfriend to them both.
I never make them pay when we eat out and try as far as possible to treat them like they deserve, being the amazing men that they are.
Throwawaythrowawayok
17. Exploring The Boundaries Of Monogamy
I haven't cheated on my wife, but if the opportunity presented itself I would. I love my wife, I adore her, I find her sexy and I love being intimate with her. I don’t think I should limit my attraction and desire to one person.
I've never understood monogamous relationships that way. Don't get me wrong, I would never actively search out other partners, but at the same time. However, I can't deny I am attracted to other people. Anyone who would disagree is lying.
I would never intentionally hurt my wife through having physical contact with someone else. I would never want to divorce her for someone else. But I shouldn’t feel constrained by society that wanting intimacy or simply having a "crush" on someone else makes me a horrible person.
GaetanDugas
18. Guiltless Pleasure
Cheating makes me feel good. Getting with a new woman is exciting. The flirting, the “Will she go for it?” Those kinds of feelings are intoxicating for me. I've done it quite a few times over the years and never felt any ill effects.
I know it's generally considered a bad thing to do, but I'm not going to post-rationalize and give excuses. I just don't care. I never feel like I have a connection to anyone so I never feel bad.
That said I just broke up with a girl instead of cheating on her, so maybe I've turned a corner. Though I had cheated on her previously.
Eikaiwar
19. Unconventional View Of Cheating
The older I get, the more I realize that cheating isn't that big of a deal. Everyone has needs, intimate needs, emotional needs, and many other things. Being with one person for an extended period causes people to bond emotionally in a way that you just can't get from a one-night stand.
You care for each other, you want to see the other person happy and succeed in all things that they do. You need them in your life. You grow to depend on them for support to make it through your day.
Unfortunately, intImacy on the other hand slowly degrades over time and becomes less exciting and adventurous. I know there are exceptions to this, but I'm speaking from personal experience. At that point, it's kind of a natural thing to seek that adventure from another person.
My stance on it is if you want to have a fling or two from time to time, then go for it, as long as you come home to me and we still have the strong loving connection and the intimate attraction is still there. I don't even want to know about it. Now if the cheating causes you to change your behavior towards me, and we grow apart, then it becomes a problem and I'll likely just end the relationship.
I should probably note that I have no intentions of getting married or having children. I imagine I would see things in a different light under either of those circumstances.
Raija2k
20. Thrill-Seeker Cheater
So I had 3 girlfriends in my life. I'm 28 now.
1. The first ex had a lovely relationship on both sides. I used to believe in love with one person only, but sometimes I thought about hooking up with a friend of hers.
2. The second ex, I loved her so much, but after she went on a vacation I was wondering about being with a classmate and was having plans in my head to not be spotted. I never did anything wrong in the end.
3. The third ex was a logical love. She liked the stuff I liked and we talked a lot. I still love her to this day. It wasn't until the end of the 2nd year that I was having dirty thoughts about other girls. The point is that I met another girl and I fell in love with her. We only kissed twice, but it was amazing.
After this, I was still with my third ex. I went to hookup sites with an "It can't be that bad" mentality. Amazingly, it wasn't bad! I met a lot of girls and had physical contact a lot.
My third ex never realized that my sidechicks went from 8 to 36 in 2 years. I learned a lot about having physical contact with the other girls and applied with my girlfriend. "Let's try something new" was pretty usual with her. She thought I knew this already from previous relationships.
The best thing about cheating on your partner is the thrill. The emotion. The danger of losing something that you love for pleasure. It gets hard just to think about the countless times I was almost spotted. Sometimes I have physical contact with 2 girls on the same day and my partner in the evening.
She has no idea what I did. Now she is my fiancé. I continue increasing my sidechicks as we speak.
AmericanCheater
21. Payback Time
A while ago, when I was in an abusive relationship, my ex cheated on me. I got upset and went and cheated on him.
It opened my eyes to what the world could offer, and that there were people out there willing to help me and also sleep with me.
Even though he was terrible to me, I still feel guilty about it.
Justneedtocry
22. Complex Web Of Infidelity
Go on and judge me. I don't feel compelled to defend myself anymore. I am what I am and it is what it is.
He makes me feel special and sexy. It's thrilling, bold, and naughty. It's a stupid, vain, and empty attempt to prove that “I've still got it.”
My role models in terms of romantic relationships were terrible and my perception of marriage is unhealthy and foundationless. I am a fundamentally weak-willed person. He's a very, very good kisser, and after I'd done it once, I wanted to do it again and again and again,
My marriage is satisfactory. Not excellent, not terrible, just fine. I am adventurous in terms of intimacy. My husband is not. I use other men to fulfill that need.
I like to feel wanted. There is an illusion of power in being able to attract a handsome man who has a beautiful wife. I enjoy it.
Meinskeletons
23. Troubles Between Satisfaction And Guilt
I've only cheated on one partner. From what I can tell about my experience and others I know, anyone who cheats and tries to convince themselves it wasn't for selfish reasons is lying to themselves.
I cheated for a simple reason my gf and I were having problems and I was moving soon. There was a girl that I had a huge crush on that I was pretty sure did not like me whatsoever in that way. Well, we hung out a few days before I left and it turns out she did like me.
We got drunk. I went to her place for that whole week. I was happy in lust with her whenever she was around and drowning in guilt whenever she wasn't. In my mind though, the intimate satisfaction and fun and happiness that came with her outweighed the guilt and shame, and I had about a week-long fling with her up until I moved away.
I never told my partner at the time, we have since broken up. Long after I cheated, I never did it again. Honestly, if the situation arose again I can't say that I'd have behaved any differently. With my current partner. I'd probably repeat my actions.
BrainTroubles
24. A Chapter Of Regret
I suffer from type 1 bipolar disorder. Manic episodes can go on for days and usually involve psychosis. I know I've cheated, but I can't remember why, or who with. All I know is that in my twisted manic logic, it made perfect sense at the time.
It ended the one meaningful relationship I've ever had, and I hate myself more than you could imagine for it.
Throwawaynutter
25. Drunken Mistake
No longer with her in a relationship but I friend-zoned instead at least. I got black-out drunk while at a house party with my GF and when I went to the bathroom a huge drunk chick was in there. Only I didn't realize it till I closed the door and started to do number 1.
She reached around and grabbed me and started going at it trying to kiss me and grabbing my hands and putting them all over her. At first, I went with it but caught myself before anything bad happened. But when I walked out I went straight to her and told her what happened and she didn't believe me because the girl from the bathroom walked around saying I did everything.
A month later she finds out the truth but still won't accept me to go back into a relationship. She is by far the best person I could have ever been with. "The one that got away."
I've never cheated before and never want to. it is always going to be an instant regret. If you are already willing to cheat then it is nonsense being in the relationship in the first place. Sorry for the rambling but just had to get that off my chest.
Mau5fan1
26. Tales of Regret and A New Life
I cheated on my ex. We went to his prom together and one of the other girls in our group brought a date from a different school. I kid you not, it was love at first sight. It happened quickly and my then-boyfriend and I had a very difficult and tiring relationship, but that's no excuse.
I cheated and instantly regretted how hurt my then-boyfriend was going to be by what I had done and that I was going to follow through and leave him. But I couldn't be happier with my decision; I wasn't in love with my ex. I've been with the guy I cheated with since and we have a child together.
Just because I was in love, doesn't mean what I did was right. Just because I have everything I could want in my fiance and my son doesn't mean I don't regret hurting my ex.
Emmmgage
27. Seeking Attention In The Shadows
My ex-husband preferred work to me. I wanted the attention and I got it elsewhere.
My ex-husband was a workaholic. He never spent time at home. When he was home he spent time working. He owns his own business so financially we were good.
For years I would tell him to make more time for me as his wife and also for the kids, but he would be present for a few days or weeks, and then the same routine would start again with him working long hours and no time for us. Eventually, someone came along who gave his time to me, and even to my kids. Maybe I'm horrible as someone has called me an attention seeker, whatever.
I'd be a fool if I was going to live my life with someone who barely knew his family existed. Now continue judging all you want.
Cherryberrygirl
28. Cheating High School Saga
I cheated with my first boyfriend back in high school.
I didn't even know that we were considered dating each other, because we were just having a physical relationship, had sweet chats every night, and were with each other all the time. Others thought that we were just best friends. No official "I'm asking you to be my boyfriend" whatsoever.
I was confused, he was suffering from religious guilt. Then, a cute boy I fancied back before woke me up at night and kissed me. I cheated.
He knew from another friend about it. I then tried to "win the game" by having physical contact with the Student President that year and giving intimate treats to almost half the soccer team. We tried to make each other jealous.
On the last night of the school semester, we met, talked, and cried. He felt betrayed because I became intimate with that cute guy. We were each other's first and we were best friends before everything turned ugly. We had intimate contact for the last time.
I left the school the next year and went to another boarding school. We lost contact for a while.
Now I'm at college. I stayed off having physical contact and relationships all these three years because of a romantic friendship I had with this guy I knew back at prep college. We just kissed once 3 years ago. That's it.
We chatted on Skype almost every day up until now. strangely enough, we never talked about love or anything like that. The time zone was crazy but it feels weird not talking to him online at least four times a week. I'm taking my chances here, friends said that I'm foolish, but whatever.
Fantasyreality
29. Trust And Redemption
I'm against cheating, it does not comply with my values. I've been cheated on before by my first love and I don't think I could handle the guilt of ever cheating on someone.
But let's get straight, cheating is human nature. There'll always be cheating in intimate relationships. Some so many people have been cheated on before and it's come to the point where a person can't even confess what he has done anonymously without getting bashed upon.
Being cheated on changed me, before the cheating I didn't feel the same need for trust as I did after, always the suspicion. I grew to hate the person who did it to me. I hated her for being selfish, I hated her for just not giving a care about doing it. It traumatized me pretty good.
But as time has passed, and having been in close contact with people who've cheated, I don't share the same belief anymore. The world is NOT a black-and-white situation where you're either good or bad, black or white. I believe a good person can slip up.
It does not make him a bad person. I prefer to believe that abuse is rather more terrifying than cheating. I could forgive someone for cheating if they were utterly sincere. Given some time to reflect I could learn to love again and trust. But if I were to be abused and cheated on continuously despite the regard of trust. Then to heck with that.
Gorgatron442
30. Unfortunate Consolation
During my most recent long-term relationship, my girlfriend had a few too many drinks and messed around with a guy from our hometown. Nothing too serious happened. She called me the next day in tears and, admittedly, I was pretty pissed, but got over it after a couple of days.
She, however, obsessed over the situation for months. I had to console my cheating girlfriend, regularly. In retrospect, that's messed up.
FuriousGeorge06
31. Handy Solution
My wife and I don't have the best intimacy. It comes and goes in waves. So I spend many nights up after she goes to bed, pent up and lonely.
My "Side Action" if you will is someone I've known for a very long time. Practically my whole life and is a great friend. My wife agrees with me on that at least.
What I found most attractive about it was that they were always ready to go. Be it in the middle of the night because I can't sleep or on a Saturday afternoon while my wife is at work and I am bored. Always ready to do whatever I ask, when I ask it at a moment's notice.
Don't get me wrong, immediately afterward it always feels a little awkward, and the next time I see my wife is always a little hard for me. But it helps relieve my tension and I think makes my wife and I's intimacy better with all the experience I get.
Since I got married I have tried to do it less and less but sometimes it's impossible to stop completely. In a way, it's my first love, the one-handed waltz with my hand.
Kalfira
32. Seeking Solace
I have been married for 4 years now. Intimacy was much non-existent since around the 2-year mark. Most of our fights would stem from my frustration from the lack of intimacy. I tried talking and reasoning with her but had no success. She just didn't have the same intimacy drive as I do. Around Christmas time in 2010, I went to a bar with people from work.
I wasn't even that drunk when one of my coworkers asked me to walk her to her place when we got there we ended up sleeping together. We have been sleeping together ever since. Marriage is okay now. I would end it if it wasn't for my daughter.
Fapaccount1989
33. A Candid Exploration
Now I have never cheated and never will. However, I have worked hard with people who cheated on me to understand where I went wrong before the cheating. Now I am confident people won't want to cheat on me again. If you keep playing the victim you are far more likely to be cheated on again. It isn't that certain people attract cheaters, it is that certain people stall at the same hurdle in a relationship.
And as for cheaters sometimes it is easier to play the bad guy than try and sort out your feelings. So I am talking to everyone now because everyone, even victims of cheating, are potential cheaters. Have the courage not to cheat.
Whenever you have the option to turn around and stop, it is the opportunity to turn to your relationship and take positive action. You can be the hero, not the bad guy. Even if you still end the relationship you can be the good guy. It is a hair's breadth between one and the other.
TehEefan
34. Insecurity and Deception
Wow, a place I can finally put this.
People say "Once a cheater, Always a cheater.” I am that guy. I can't hold a stable relationship for more than 6 months because I know I will cheat. I'm slightly above average looking if I do say so myself, and this opens up opportunities for me to sleep with lots of different women. Married women, girls with boyfriends, single chicks in college bars, you name it.
The only reason I'll have a girlfriend for any amount of time is that I'm insecure, honestly. I like the comfort of knowing there's always someone there. I like knowing if I go out and get rejected by some slag at a party, I still have someone to go home to.
If a girl turns me down I won't care because, in the back of my mind, I'm still better than her. After all, I have a girlfriend. It becomes my sense of security. It makes me more confident when approaching other women. It's selfish but it's the truth.
I've never been caught. I'm an expert at this. I've had extremely suspicious girlfriends, but I always managed to convince them they were just imagining things.
I can make a girl think she's the crazy one for thinking I'm cheating. I can't say I'm proud that I do this but the way I see it I'm too young for a committed relationship. The girls I date are quite honestly bimbos. Usually the young, dumb carefree kind.
We don't get very serious, but we'll be "dating." Put it on social media and the whole deal. I'm not married and I don't think I'll ever be. I don't see why I should have to act like I am.
Foreveracheater
35. Caught Between Compassion And Betrayal
I was in a relationship, where he was emotionally needy, and had no one else. His mother was morbid and spent three weeks in ICU, followed by rehab. His brother was sent to rehab at the same time for substance abuse.
I was his only friend at the time, and he needed my support. I went out with a group of friends and hooked up with a guy from my old school. I felt really bad, and my partner hurt himself, by taking too much medicine so I stayed.
He made some new friends, started drinking, and changed in personality. We fought a lot and he threatened to hurt himself again. This time other people helped him out, so I was free to leave, knowing I was no longer his soul support.
I do regret cheating on him, and I hate that I have hurt him. I would rather take all his pain than have him suffer. I have a hard time forgiving myself.
Lestatic
36. Navigating An Open Relationship
Not a story about current cheating, but I am an ex-cheater here. It started as just an online thing. I'd flirt with girls in chatrooms, and exchange pictures.
At first, it was just for the attention that my partner didn't give me enough of, but eventually, with a few girls, it became a little more. It was a wide world, I convinced myself that none of it was real, after all. I'd never met them, but I fell in love several times.
The emotional closeness, the sense of giving a crap about someone and knowing they do the same for me, was just a drug for a while. I eventually told her. it took a few months but I had to because I felt guilty.
She begrudgingly accepted it and it made me happy and it kept me from actually cheating on her, in her words. Eventually, I couldn't take the guilt or bad feelings and I just left everyone on the internet at least.
At about that point, our relationship went downhill. We had only recently added intimacy to it. Our original plan was to wait for marriage but it didn't work out, but she just wasn't feeling it like I was.
After a while of just "doesn't matter; had physical contact," it just got to me. She didn't enjoy it. At that point, I was ready to break up with her. She didn't satisfy me emotionally and she didn't want to satisfy me intimately either.
She said instead of breaking up, we should try an open relationship. I met another girl within two months. She was a virgin and she got me. I shortly left my old partner and I am now happier than I've ever been (and infidelity-free) with my new one.
Gman92
37. Complexities Of Love And Liberation
I was with him for 6 years. Most of it is good, some of it great, and the last year was awful. His bad mental health led to emotional abuse towards me.
In part of the time I was with him, I had a friend. I adored this man and he thought the world of me. We kept our distance because I was committed to my boyfriend.
In the last year of my relationship, my BF and I went on vacation for my bday. The first night I tried to get him back to the hotel room with me for intimacy, but he didn't want to leave the bar. I went back up to the room, got in lingerie, and took photos. Sent them to my bf, and the response I got back was, "That bra makes your chest look small."
I cried for a while, humiliated and heartbroken. Then I get a text from my guy friend saying "Happy Birthday, miss, thinking of you and hope you are well!" We text for a while, he makes me feel cared for. I sent him the photos. He writes back saying how beautiful I am, but leaves it at that. Part of me felt crappy about it, but the other part felt justified.
This happened 2 other times with the guy friend, and by that point, my boyfriend was worse than ever. My family all but stopped talking to me because of him. He refused to go to therapy and would jump between loving and yelling.
I left. My ex's life fell to pieces, and I never felt better. I spent months in therapy and got myself healthy. I dated around for a while.
Then my guy friend called me one night. He and I talk for hours and we discuss it all. He admits he's liked me for years. We've been dating for two years and are getting married next summer.
I regret emotionally cheating on my ex. I wish I dared to leave sooner, but I can't change any of that. His behavior towards me was not an excuse at all, and the thought of doing something like that to my fiance made me physically ill. I've learned a lot and I feel lucky for how things turned out, but I still have my regrets on how I acted.
Exstorythrowaway1979
38. Unintentional Cheating
When I was in college, way before I met my wife, I was dating this girl from my hometown which was 4 hours away. She would come down on weekends or I would go up there which was nice. I can't say we were in love but we were moving that way.
Well, one night I was in my dorm room and a friend came by to chat. We decided to watch a movie and we sat on my bed, I think it was Blade. I was sitting there in shorts and she kept talking about how she was turned on by biting and rough stuff. I ignored her for the most part.
She was aware I had a girlfriend but apparently, she didn't care. As the movie wound down I laid down on my bed and she sat at my feet watching. I kind of fell asleep around the part where Blade was getting drained of blood and the next thing I knew I felt her doing something to my member.
I woke up and asked her what the heck she was doing. She just kept doing it until I was over. I told her I was dating someone and she said she knew and left.
I didn't talk to her for a few weeks after and we never talked about it and I never told my girlfriend. We broke up a year later for other various reasons. I can't say I feel particularly guilty, I guess I could have forced her off of me.
Kennerly
39. Long Distance Struggles
I am currently cheating with my partner I'm horrible and I know it.
I'm in a long-distance relationship of about two years. It started as one, and for a while, it was going awesome. It started sucking when we kept making promises to go see each other but never do.
It also started getting awful when our day-to-day lives and schedules started changing and we couldn't make time for one another. Don't get me wrong, I love him a lot. I care for him a lot too, but it just gets depressing not having the person you love next to you in bed, or being able to go do stuff with him whenever you want.
I needed that filler person to fill in the gaps where a long-distance relationship lacks. I don't think I could ever tell him because of how much it would hurt him. I would rather just end our relationship than tell him I'm cheating on him but I can't let him go.
I don't know how to emotionally handle any of it.
Ineedathrowawaybad
40. A Flirt’s Perspective
I don't cheat. Never will, never have. I am a very nice guy but some women would describe me as a flirt. If a relationship is not working I go, "Sorry, see you around" and walk away from it. I'm 27, and the longest relationship I have had is 3 months because you can tell when the person isn't the right one within days or weeks.
Most people get trapped in these bad relationships because they are afraid of being alone. I am as well. But if the choice is between someone that annoys me or being alone, I'll take alone 9 times out of ten.
Cheating is no different than hedging your bets on a roulette wheel or playing two seats at a blackjack table. Usually, you wouldn't double down on a hedge bet because you will end up losing the actual bet (your GF).
The smarter thing to do is to play it all straight up logically and bet only on one at a time. If your relationship with your partner isn't working out, leave her and commit to the person you are going to cheat with.
I was going somewhere with this but I lost my train of thought, must be the old age setting in.
Forsa
41. Finding Self-Worth
I was drunk and insecure and my self-esteem depended on men finding me attractive. It happened twice in one relationship and once in my next relationship, all with different people.
I'm not in a relationship right now and, even though I want one, I don't think I should be because I'm not better yet. I'm working on healing, believing in my self-worth, and not depending on other people liking me to feel good about myself.
I'm scared, though, because they always say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" and I don't want to always be a cheater. If I do find the right person, I don't ever want to do that to them, so I'm waiting until I'm better.
Badnewsthrowaway
I slept with my step-sister while dating my girlfriend of 2 years. It was terrific and I have no regrets. I was turned on, my GF was awful, and because I knew I could do it. I was young, and my step-sister was hot.
It's not like she'd go out and tell everybody. We would not ruin our reputation. So I would go out, sleep with my girlfriend, come back, and hook up with the new girl in my house. My ego was hugely inflated, I felt like a king.
My dad had recently married, so it's not like she was raised with me or anything. I have pictures with both of them on my arms, in bikinis, on my social media somewhere. Tell me how that's not a teenager's dream.
Anyhow, that was a few years ago, so it's all in the past. I broke up with my girlfriend. Sometimes I'll still fool around with my step-sister. I know it's terrible, but I don't plan on stopping. There are no emotions involved whatsoever, it's purely physical, and it’s fantastic
iFuckedMyStepSister
43. Real Love Versus Family Commitment
My lover of four years was my best friend, because we connected in a way, emotionally, as friends, and intimately. I had never connected that way with anyone in my entire life, including my wife. I tried for over a decade to make my marriage work with my wife fighting me at every step and didn't want to spend my life that way.
We were both married with kids and couldn't leave. She is the kindest, funniest, most caring, and most intelligent person I've ever met. She has a curiosity, an inner light that makes the world glow.
We talked for hours every day and she became my soul mate. She wanted to share herself, the things she enjoyed, and the things I enjoyed. Making love to her was a sacred honor and gave me feelings of joy and comfort, like being enveloped in love, like being HOME that no one else could ever come close to.
She's simply GOOD. Talking with her and being with her gave me happiness to look forward to. Was this wrong to do to my wife instead of leaving? Yes, I stayed for the kids. But I can't spend my life pretending I love someone when I don't, and I can't pretend I don't love someone with all my heart when I do.
Q12we34r
44. The Other Woman
I am not a cheater, but I am the other woman, I am single. I have been crazy over a guy for 3 years who is married to a woman who is sick with migraines and hasn't touched him for 5 years. Yes, I do wonder first how he can stand it, as well as how she would expect him to live like that, but I am not making judgments.
I do think of myself as being a person whom he needs, and I enjoy our strange relationship. I chat nearly daily with him mostly about daily life, funny things, and sharing music links, but also email pictures of where we are or what we are doing regularly. Pictures of the view, something seen in a store, random stuff.
I appreciate his sometimes lengthy explanations of things. He has a great writing style and should have been a novelist! He lives a couple of hours away, so I don't see him regularly, but I do think of him all the time and know and appreciate that I am also being thought of by him fondly.
I have seen him in person maybe a dozen times, but truly feel as if he has been my soulmate my entire life. I don't know or care where is it going, just enjoying the moment in the sun. Were someone to come into my life and be a real in-the-moment guy, I would have to say goodbye to my friend in my daily thoughts, but he will always have a piece of my heart.
Reuseable1154
45. Caregiving And Coping
My husband and I have been together for eight years; he has been sick for five years. The medications, stress, and pain of his illness cut our physical contact from 2-3 times a week to once a month or less. I have picked up side jobs and more to support him through this difficult time. I am responsible for making his doctor appointments, coordinating his medication, tending to all household duties, and working almost 70 hours a week.
Two years ago, I had not had any sort of intimate contact (not even a kiss or a hug) in almost six months. I was overwhelmed and he had been denied disability coverage yet again so there was no end to my impossible schedule in sight. His best friend since kindergarten, Owen, was trying to help me coordinate some of his care.
Owen asked how I was managing and I confessed that I wasn't coping very well. He thanked me for taking such good care of his friend and asked if there was anything he could do to make things easier for me. You know what this thread is about so you know where this is going.
Owen and I have been seeing each other weekly for two years. We have filthy, fabulous intimacy, and I no longer spend all of my time agonizing over how undesirable and gross I must be. I have no interest in hurting my husband or taking away time from being with him so we schedule our “sessions” during working hours. It is listed on my leave sheets as a “counseling appointment.”
People have noticed the change in me and overall, things have improved on most fronts. My husband doesn’t suspect anything and I don’t feel bad at all. I was never telling my husband. I will continue seeing Owen.
Brittapus