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[BREAKING] You Can All Come Back Now: Elon Musk Officially Drops Twitter Bid

[BREAKING] You Can All Come Back Now: Elon Musk Officially Drops Twitter Bid

Yeah, so about that whole “I hate to say I told you so” thing…

Elon Musk is just too busy keeping up with Herschel Walker by having secret kids while also shushing sexual abuse claims amid his company’s internal issues to pretend he’s buying Twitter anymore. But c’mon, we all know that “I’m going to buy Twitter and change the formula of Coke and I love Trump now” was all attention-seeking diversionary crayap.

[Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue]
Anyway, the official party line from Elon Musk Central (where I’m sure it smells like old 70s drugstore cologne) is that Musk is backing out of the deal because Twitter was in “material breach” of their agreement and had made “false and misleading” statements during negotiations. Riiiight.


“For nearly two months, Mr. Musk has sought the data and information necessary to ‘make an independent assessment of the prevalence of fake or spam accounts on Twitter’s platform,’” Musk’s team writes. “Twitter has failed or refused to provide this information.” Forecast is calling for major Snowflakes in July, y’all.

The deal was a potentially lucrative one for Twitter shareholders, offering $54.20 per share, up from the $36.81 it closed at today. There’s also $1 billion on the line as a breakup fee that will be paid by the party at fault. Musk has to prove that Twitter breached their agreement, because unlike with his various baby mamas, he can’t just pull out because he feels like it. YEAH I DID. Please tip your servers well when you’re cashing out, they’re working extra hard for you right now.

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